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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "CLASH! Tournament 3: Audition"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Two brothers with two very different lifestyles. Eldon is the doer who is learning the family business and who can stitch a hem with his eyes shut. Elazar regales the town with stories of great adventures and reaps a reward of easy women and free drinks. But is he up to save the Elven Kings wizard? Yara, the local beauty, has set her heart on writing the story of a true hero. Which brother will rise to the challenge?

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You set up an interesting tension between a man of action and one of mere words. You show how people can easily fall for stories without checking out the facts and foundations of them. Women can be seduced by a skillfully crafted yarn that makes the man they sleep with seem larger than life.

Eldon has no powers, no proper military training and may well be quite naive to take on such a challenge in a brutal world where hacked limbs and death are the most common reward for genuine bravery. But he does this for love and without deceit so the reader's sympathy rests with him rather than his horse's ass of an elder brother.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
177
177
Review of Way Home !  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kalai . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Way Home !"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poet reflects on a broken statue of Mahatma Gandhi through the eyes of his daughter.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Ghandi and his hopes of a peaceful and united India were murdered by a Hindu nationalist, Nathuram Godse, January 30th 1948. Godse suggested that Gandhi was in the way of India's national self-interest defending itself against Muslim atrocities. Numerous wars between Pakistan and India followed over the next years.

This poem describes the shattering of a statue. There was an incident like this in Queens New York last year. It was classified as a hate crime.

If the man and his statue stood for peaceful reconciliation and tolerance then the act of smashing the statue implies a rejection of that stance. Modern India under Modi has definitely moved in a Hindu nationalist direction and away from the founding principles articulated in Gandhi's life. It now persecutes Muslims and Christians.

The poem appears to imply a statue viewed on horseback and disintegrating before one's eyes. One would have to take this metaphorically.

I liked the way you used imagery here and especially the strewn petals spreading the fragrance of non-violence in guise.

Also the play on the question of whether or not we could now find our way home.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was a Freeverse with variable line length, variable tonality, no rhyme. It used a visual image and the daughter's interaction with the statue to make its point.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
178
178
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, JCosmos . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Enjoying Morning SIlence"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In the morning he drinks coffee and listens to the news. But when that starts to wear him down he switches to silence and herbal tea.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Two things jumped out at me here from the content.

1) The shift from unedifying noise to peace and tranquility was also from coffee to herbal tea. I found this incomprehensible being a coffee drinker myself and it broke the shift for me. Coffee and especially instant coffee can be more readily associated with busy workplaces than tea, though we have those also. But it is also about coffee hour in a church after the service. Herbal Tea for me sums up imagery of vegan lesbians chattering deceptions and also Japanese samurai sharing a tea ceremony with someone they are just about to kill. Just saying every reader has a different view of coffee and tea.

2) The assumption that whatever news channel you were watching was lying to you. This is commonplace right now in America with the recent Fox News court cases but also about more globally mainstream stations like the BBC and CNN. We look for news that affirms our values and reinforces what we believe for different reasons. But then why bother to switch it on at all if we do not trust the sources? Reading or listening to the news for me is a task of testing and analyzing sources. It is rare that anyone just outright lies to you, usually there are agendas or reasons they subscribe to which need debunking.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was Freeverse lacking any discernible form or structure. No rhyme or tonal rhythm. You removed punctuation and used line and stanza breaks to separate thoughts and images. But it did work pulling the reader into your thoughtscape. It was the content I had issues with which I found jarring.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
179
179
Review of The Forever Gift  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Forever Gift"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The man is called away overseas just as love is cementing into a pact meant to last forever. She fears losing what she has just found in him. Then she receives a gift at Christmas time and she knows that can endure all things, even distance, in the hope that springs from what they have together.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You combine a religious festival and occasion of joy with the early passionate moments of romantic attachment. The threat of separation is answered with a gift and a poetical message masterfully integrated into the overall structure of your overall poem.

This ring is just a pact,
a symbol in abstract,
of the love that it implies.
With you, I am complete
and distance can’t defeat
a true love that never dies.

In this, you manage to separate the voice of the lover and the beloved while integrating them in the difficult formatting of the overall poem - awesome! I loved this poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is a master class of form (Balassi Stanza Poem) that does not compromise on content to achieve it. Many of us here dabble in poetry and try and express what we feel in our poems but this was excellent. Perfect form with a soul!


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
180
180
Review of Crash Course  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Writer_Mike . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Crash Course"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Written for a competition about dangerous driving conditions with guaranteed collisions a driver is raring to go...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This is only 28 lines long. But you managed to situate your reader before some traffic lights in a normal street before wrenching them out into the actual scene. Anyone who has played bumper cars can connect with the sudden surprise of being pitted (P.I.T. = Precision Immobilization Technique) by a 14-year-old with spots and a massive grin. Maybe his dad was a cop and taught him that maneuver on the way to the center.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

With just 28 lines no issues were found beyond a desire for extra pronouns and commas by the grammar tool which were really a matter of the author's choice.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
181
181
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "After Sunset in Pearl Mist"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A village with a wall. At night only guards and ne're do wellers walk the streets. Ingrid is on the prowl...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I read the story and had the impression of an addict. Someone who kills and steals to feed her habit. She has the added advantage of a shapeshifting ability. Black cats summon up imagery of witch's companions in the middle ages for me. Our own cat was white.

There is something senseless, irrational, and purely destructive about this murder. It is an act of evil. She checks her look in the mirror before entering the pub to drink and party. A man lies dead on the street behind her, what about his family what about his friends and the community that he swore to protect?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

wanders - wanderers

As the sunset over the distant mountains the gate wardens changed shifts closing both entrances to the village. - As the sun set over the distant mountains, the gate wardens changed shifts, closing both entrances to the village.

There are various grammar tools that might improve your use of commas e,g, Grammarly and quill.bot.

Opening the locket, she looked into the its tiny mirror.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
182
182
Review of Escape  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, W.P. Gerace . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Escape "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A stressed-out headmistress from a violent and underperforming school is faced with a series of challenges to her job, her marriage, her wayward child, and indeed her personal safety. Feeling a lack of peace and a deep sense of crisis she makes her way to a familiar log cabin in the forest...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I could empathize with how time spent outdoors in the trees could soothe a tormented soul and suck out the stress. Though I guess this is more of a religious experience for me than a communing with Mother Earth.

If somebody carried a switchblade to school and threatened to attack and kill everybody they would be expelled in just about every school system I know of and charges would follow automatically.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was more than Connie could bare [bear].


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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183
183
Review of After the storm  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, JCosmos . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "After the storm"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A place of peace, rest, sunshine, and tranquility is chosen for a retirement venue by a veteran and his wife. But then comes the storm...

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This story made me think about that passage in Matthew about the man who built his house on sand and then was surprised when the storms of life blew it down. It reeked of the self-reliance of a humanist who has seen the world and is confident in himself, having overcome many challenges, but who remains at the mercy of God and his creation. Along comes the wolf in the shape of a storm and blows his house down. He should have built it out of bricks like the third little piggy.

I liked the description of how the wild returned so quickly to the destroyed location. Alligators and primal white militias seemed good symbols of the end of civilization.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A week later [,] they finally got home and surveyed the damage

allegators - alligators


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
184
184
Review of Do I Am I  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Spring in my Sox . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Do I Am I"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A philosophical poem that asserts answers to profound questions of phenomenology, existence, and consciousness.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked this poem because it provoked questions even if it revealed faulty and unargued assumptions.

<<<I see, so I am seen
I speak so I am heard>>>

That assumes that persons who are seen have the same capabilities as oneself. That assumption would need justifying. These others could just be figments of one's imagination. My answer starts with the view that we are made in God's image and therefore that similarity of capability exists in the Third Party of God whose attributes we share.


<<<<I walk to be among you
If I do nothing do I still exist>>>>

I translated this in my head as, I write here on these forums to be with other writers, if I cease to write do I continue to exist? I guess we all leave footprints, we change the landscape so that plants grow at different angles. But again if existence is guaranteed by an all-seeing God then no tree falls in the forest without making a sound. We do not need a worldly audience to receive applause.

We can sit in our little bubbles and the world may not notice us. But by faith, I believe in a God who sees everything that we do and has an infinite concern for us. So nothing we do in private or in public goes unnoticed. Questions of self-esteem and existential validity all fade away in that blinding light.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You repeat the line If I do nothing do I still exist which undermines the impact of the last two lines that break the flow and present the last profound thought.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
185
185
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Dorianne . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "National Burrito Day"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Chirpy poem about Burritos.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I read this over coffee but before having eaten breakfast. It summoned up images of Tacos and Burritos for me but I think I will settle for some of last night's leftovers instead.

There was a sing-song, positive, albeit superficial spirit to this poem. It made me smile even though it felt a little like a sales pitch.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The variable line length spoils the rhythm here. You get the lines to rhyme but the music is wrong. Maybe by removing some words from the long lines and adding others to the shorter ones it would sound better. It helps to read the poem rather than just have the words assembled on a written page.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
186
186
Review of Green Boots  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, VeeJay . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Green Boots"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Why do people climb mountains and especially Everest on which a great many have died?


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Interesting subject. The things that struck me in what you wrote were to do with the deaths going down, while waiting in line in the death zone.

Everest is still meant to be growing, you kind of hope that is to do with continental drift rather than a pile up of bodies and garbage on its summit.

The desire to climb Everest is of course marketed and people make money out of selling the package. What they offer is that ultimate selfie on the highest mountain in the world. If you live to tell the tale you become the superman that conquered Everest returned to live among the little people. There is a kind of narcissism in that I suppose.

Paljor (Green Boots) sounded like he had a legitimate reason to be up the mountain being an Indo-Tibetan patrolman and it is tragedy that he died. I felt you could have made clearer the contrast between his legitimacy and the social media high seekers.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
187
187
Review of In a crowded room  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, jaya . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "In a crowded room"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In a crowded room, the author searches for harmony. The search appears inwards through space and time, memory and dreams, scenes and people remembered and feelings of home

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You write as if in a crowded airport lounge waiting for a flight. The only description of your surroundings comes in those first two lines. Then there is a trek inwards searching for peace away from the chaos of images, smells, impressions, and conversation all around you. These are all ignored as you search for a happy place somewhere in memory, perhaps at home with friends and family.

I have been in many airports and I find them fertile places to write down observations from the variety of people passing by. They are not places of peace and I guess there is no way to reconcile the myriad of cultures, religions, and lifestyles that pass through them in anything beyond the routines of the staff there and the business processes of the airlines. They are hectic, stressful, and chaotic places. So you searched within for peace.

Maybe you found it here:

Home again
To love, to live
To breathe in the sea,
The mountains, sage-like.
Innocent, ignorant, enlightened

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I liked the word choices and imagery. It was a freeverse lacking rhyme, rhythm, tone and structure. The remembered imagery drove the poem.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
188
188
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SeanFear . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Long Long Time Ago"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Close your eyes and reach across time and space to a bird on a branch singing a song about an exotic new day. Dream a dream of the Never-Way.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A cool poem that really does describe the creative process. So I went through the whole Star Wars initiation ritual in the first two lines and closed my eyes. What would I find? There are times when you close your eyes and only see darkness and other times when whole universes of possibility, teeming with life, action, and creativity burst into your brain.

This poem made me think of the birds outside. We have several bird feeders. I drifted off a bit listening to bird sounds ( I guess they are songs now and given that it is spring maybe courting songs.) It is grey outside and cold but I can imagine it sunny and warm and trees not just budding but full of leaves and flowers with birds of every color and size filling their branches.

I liked this.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Long, Long time ago - Long, long time ago

in a mind far far away - in a mind far, far away

Dreamt or dreamed?


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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189
189
Review of reading list  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, R.E. Pete . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "reading list"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Apparently, this is a list of fantasy titles, to read, mainly written by Steven Erikson, anthropologist, archaeologist, and author of more than twenty titles which I guess you list here.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

When I first saw this I thought it was a poem because of the way you laid it out. I was about to criticize the desolation and love of dark, shadow, and desolation implicit in all these titles.

Then I realized it was a list of actual titles. They appear to be all fantasy genre which is not really my thing except this author is actually careful about historical detail coming from an archaeologist background. That said his titles sound like a list straight out of the Dungeons and Dragons game. I have not read a single book on this list. I read Steven Erikson's profile online. He is an atheist/agnostic and appears intent on dissolving gender hierarchies, and complicated plots that extend multidimensional human beings in all directions in a compassionate manner. My first impression, he looks like a prescription for madness as he dissolves all the reference points for sanity. His books look like something to be survived by someone who already has a grip on reality not a list of books to be read by someone who is searching for one.

Counter recommendation: Read the bible.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I am sure that such a successful author uses capital letters in his book titles.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
190
190
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, bn skinner . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Glenwood is a remote sanctuary for sex offenders seeking a fresh start. It is a community that has one shared bank account where everyone is supposed to contribute to the communal lifestyle. Most facilities and amenities are shared public properties. Many residents work part-time in a nearby city which they commute to in a shared van. Their shopping is done for them and brought to them from the city on a regular basis.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

What a strange place! I guess a great many sex offenders were socially dysfunctional before they became sex offenders and so a community that shares everything and brings people together like this may well be an answer of sorts. But could you have young women or for that matter young men in such a community without significant risk of provoking bad behavior patterns?

If they were all one gender and not gay I suppose it could work. A sort of monastery or convent for reforming perverts. But they would need some kind of third force to set standards and provide motivation and God appears to be missing in this equation. Putting sex offenders all together in one place might also succeed only in painting a target on the town's back.

I guess the concept comes down to the power of community against psychological dysfunction and brokenness. But can broken people build a functioning community? I am not sure this has ever been tried. Interesting concept but...


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A reasonably clean text.

Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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191
191
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, 🐺Wolfkingdom🏰 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "🌹Falling Rose Petals🌹"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Life ends, dreams fall apart and the petals of a rose must fall. They swirl in the wind in one final dance. Life is rare but at least I knew those who care.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This does not actually make any sense. For example this stanza:

Inside one's soul;
lay one's dreams;
as they lose sight of their goal;
their dreams fall apart at the seams.

Dreams could be lying inside a person's soul - fine. But the way you have phrased "they" and "their dreams" implies that dreams have dreams which is nonsense. Also, lay is past tense, as they is present tense which does not really work.

This line also makes no sense:

so I may have a chance;
to know it will defend.

Defend what?

Life is rare... those who care rhymes but there is no linkage. Life could be common and I could know those who care, why does being rare or common have any link to caring?

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The rhyme is not for own its own sake and cannot wreck the meaning.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
192
192
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, A.R. Clifton . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Endraga Anthology: Book One, Chap. 1"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Henry has come into the possession of an ancient manuscript from Afghanistan written in a strange unique language. While trying to decipher this late at night a mysterious stranger knocks on his door and asks to be allowed to help him with this task...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There is indeed an ancient settlement in Kandahar dating back to the Persian empire and to Alexander the Great and long before that also. Kandahar in 1992 was however a lawless place governed by the mujahideen and it was unlikely that an archaeological expedition would have been possible then or later when the Taliban took over. The Taliban would be more likely to destroy ancient relics that did not directly endorse Islam than preserve them.

The stranger Quince is interesting and his respect for Henry in not simply barging in indicates good character. That he knows the true story of the Tome of Demistrique is intriguing as his fear as to who is coming in the next two minutes.

So we have a mysterious manuscript, a mysterious stranger, and a mysterious threat situated on a dark night in an old manor in the mountains. Definitely interesting and it has provoked all sorts of questions. How did Quince know the manuscript was there, how does he know an enemy is coming, why is the language so distinct, how did the manuscript get lost in the first place, if from an ancient site was its present relevance to Mr. Quince, why did he time his visit at such an unsociable hour?...

I am guessing Henry will trust Quince otherwise there would not be a Chapter 2 would there?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to check out quillbot.com which raised numerous issues with commas, extra words, missing words, poor word choices, and wrong capitalization of Grandfather, Dialog should begin with capitals...


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
193
193
Review of Blind Faith  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Damon Nomad . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received {item:} via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Professor Karen Albright is having a crisis of faith. After years of unbelief and skepticism about religious views of God, she is confronted with evidence too powerful to ignore which threatens to overthrow her atheism. So she goes for counseling to the arch-atheist of them all Doctor Leonard Moss brilliant research neurologist and head of medical research. The evidence leads them both to a transforming conclusion...


*Quill*Commentary

Well as a Christian I loved the story and its direction was positive and uplifting. It reminded me of a documentary I watched when I was having doubts about my own faith relating to near-death experiences. The researcher described how clinically dead people had out-of-body experiences and after being restored to life were able to describe the processes by which nurses and doctors tried to resuscitate them. But if they were biologically dead then how could they do that?

Your story really should confound an honest atheist and lead to a revision of point of view. The story was compelling with a blind girl drawing pictures of people whom she could not possibly remember or visualize but whom she saw and conversed with in heaven.

Somehow I do not believe that even this level of evidence would persuade some atheists that I know. Their real reasons having nothing to do with facts or compelling arguments.

I thought you had a good title here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

POV jumps from paragraph to paragraph from Moss to Karen, generating a bit of confusion.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
194
194
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, debmiller1 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Preparing For Comprehension"  via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A hardware change to the human brain, done by surgery can elevate the mental capability of troubled student Jill. Or it might kill her. Karen is her teacher and the one who leads her to science camp...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

A review is a personal reaction to a piece of work. I understand that you may well completely disagree with how I viewed your piece but I hope it will help to see how another person viewed and read your work.

This was a provocative piece that prompted a lot of reflection. Congratulations on placing second in this month's competition.

The basic concept here appears to be that Karen has the role of preparing Jill's brain for a coming-of-age surgery when she will be elevated. Her teaching appears to include the rudimentary training of the mind to speak and read in certain ways but the seven surgeries are what make or break the actual change. The surgery will either kill or transform Jill. Karen drives Jill to the center using trickery and deception and she is then rendered unconscious against her will for surgery she did not want.

My major objections to this piece are ethical, philosophical, and scientific.

1) Ethical: Jill is coerced against her will into a surgery she does not want. Is this for a higher good like for society as a whole or just a matter of medical experimentation on humans and the profit of some corporation? The story assumes a value and purpose to "elevation" that is not obvious. The piece reminded me of the stories of medical experiments on Chinese convicts or indeed those carried out in Auschwitz. By itself, an ethically flawed story is not a problem and can be entertaining, but it is clear this is no morality fable.

2) Philosophical: The discussion and preamble between teacher and student seem to follow utilitarian and secular lines but there is no real examination of the assumptions made here. If extra utility can be obtained by coercing a change then it is deemed worthwhile and the cost of insanity or death an acceptable risk. There is no real comprehension here of the unique worth and dignity of a human being made in God's image. Jill is just like the "other" animals and the criteria for attempting elevation appear to be brain size and functional intelligence. There are various ways in which this could have been articulated philosophically. Peter Singer has a similar secular, utilitarian philosophy. He would object to this story as inflicting suffering and indeed death. Descartes might suggest that Jill is already a self-conscious being and not a mere animalistic automaton and so the imposition of surgery violates her personal being. Kant may add she is already a rational being and should be given the freedom to consent or refuse this. What is done to Jill could be done to anyone and in the absence of any universal criteria could sabotage societal cohesion and the credibility of law and authority, indeed the rationality of society was it to become known.

3) Scientific: The human brain has a certain design. You are suggesting that telepathy could be the fruit of surgery. There are no material grounds for that speculation. Telepathy, psychic and telekinetics abilities appear to be spiritual in nature and rare in human history.

Errors in text:
Until telescopes came along, Earth was flat and the center of the universe. - The greeks worked this out with trigonometry before the existence of telescopes.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

"Jill, what do you think it means if I said to you, 'the eyes only see what the mind is prepared to comprehend.'" - correct capitalization - "The eyes"

the traffic light turned to red?

Testings students rarely remained accommodating.

"We have already eaten, but a supper is waiting for you both in the dining room."

Jill gave a quick negative shake of her head. - comma after quick


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
195
195
Review of Swirling Smoke  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lou-Here By His Grace . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Swirling Smoke"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dramatic and emotional poem that talks of broken love in cold and heat, night and dark, fog and snow fall.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was all fire and ice and evoked an image of a Californian forest fire in a Wintry landscape to me. There are a lot of phrases said for effect which evoke emotion without making sense.

For example,

Day's sun turns night dark, - how can the brightness of the sun turn the night dark. The clash of the imagery of contrasts works but without meaning.

Somewhere between cliche
and reality is life and love. - This is a cool line, provoking thought but I disagree, love and life are reality , burning with energy, passion and light, cliches are fossilised attempts at description that worked the first few times they were used. Brokenness is a kind of unreality that needs fixing or healing.

There is a sort of underlying fiery violence here and then the gentle image of fog or smoke wafting away across a landscape like slow moving fingers.

I did not like this verse which I took to reference Gods Spirit but then misrepresent him as somehow boring and even staid.

If it were up to the cooing dove,
who we stand in rapture of,
life would consist of seeds to eat,
and feathers combed neat
and not really much more.
Then life would be smoother.

The above is paired with the suggestion that this broken relationship was an affair of some sort or a tryst outside the boundaries of normal decency. The image of the frozen tears clinging to eyelashes is repeated. This relationship cost something for both parties.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was well written and engaging. But as a result it made me think about it, hence the above comments.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
196
196
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Sol . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Eliza's Troubled Afternoon"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set in Athens, an exchange between an angry deity called Gregory Solace and a regretful and rather fragile Eliza Noris, who is drinking tea while staring through a window pane on a day with hail.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

As someone who actually lived in the city of Athens for a few months in the Summertime, I am not convinced you have ever been there. You give no context description and you said coliseums plural. There is an Acropolis in Athens sometimes called the Colosseum or Parthenon.

Eliza is described as a monster by her friends! Is that then for a singular action? Maybe for the way, she treated the god Gregory. His name seems a little out of place in the pantheon on Mount Olympus by the way and he is a god who can be hurt, has lacerated hands, and who feels pain which contrasts with most of that lot also. Gregory seems a little human.

Eliza is housebound, an amnesiac, and fragile, watching the world walk by through her window and drinking tea. Yet there is a horrible forgotten event in the background of something she did THAT night.

This piece leaves a lot of unanswered questions and is at first sight quite implausible but I guess it all depends on how you answer the questions and expand the piece.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Gregory was a quiet deity with downcasted eyes


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
197
197
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, R Pal . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Joseph Stalin - The Man of Steel"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Joseph Stalin Man of Steel or just another godless thief and mass murderer peddling a false atheistic ideology. The author likes him more than I do.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Recent estimates place the number of excess deaths attributable to his regime at around 10 million by famine, execution, and Gulag. But the real number is far higher due to his mismanagement of the preamble to the war and its prosecution also. He destroyed much of the leadership of the Soviet army just before the German invasion and so millions more Soviet men died in a war that lasted longer than if he had been a more effective leader.

Not sure childhood abuse is really a justification for becoming a psychopath nor even a proper explanation. It is hard to find any moral virtue in Stalin at all. He read a lot and had a brain but it seems that just made him a clever killer and a more effective dictator. He was brutal and oppressive and despite every opportunity to learn about the Christian faith, the man was devoid of all positive spirituality.

Stalin ranks with Hitler and Mao as one of the worst human beings of all time, peddling a pack of lies that allowed him to steal the wealth of the middle classes to create a form of industrial society that Russia, even today, has yet to recover from.

You did not really talk about the war, his anti-semitism, his affairs, and the stupidity of the Great Purge.

Thanks for writing about the subject which was an interesting one and quite topical given Putin's modern-day pretensions.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

his father struck him respectively

Joseph Stalin was born under the name of Ioseb Jughashvili in the town of Gor

Generally, numbers under twenty should be written out.

Check out Grammarly or quillbot.com for various missing commas, missing words, unnecessary wording


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
198
198
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, St. Patrickraken . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "J. Edgar Hoover and McCarthyism"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Did Hoover illegally support the anti-communist diatribes of Senator Joseph McCarthy during the 1950-54 period of McCarthyism?

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

It seems there is some evidence of a dialog between the two which one would expect given Mccarthy's intelligence background and his strong views on Communism. The two appeared to use each other to keep the culture on its toes about the communist threat.

Communism was evil and there were legitimate reasons at this time to worry about Soviet spy activities. The German Klaus Fuchs had managed to leak the Manhatten Project secrets to the USSR for example enabling Stalin to build his bomb.

The Mitrovin Archives do not list many major spies in the USA in the early fifties, the KGB was only formed in 1954 as the era of Mccarthyism wound down. So despite all the hot air he generated, I wonder if he had any real impact on the actual realities of spy penetration of the USA. Many presidents and public figures regarded him as having more harm for the cause of the West than good with his witchhunts.

The suggestion of some FBI substance to his hot air casts doubt on the effectiveness of Hoover and the FBI in my view, again because of the lack of actual achievements relating to this cooperation between the two. Hoover's personal judgment seems questionable here let alone his moral compass.

Anyway, that was an interesting and provocative read, thank you.
Mitrokhin Archive

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to check out quillbot.com/Grammarly which raises questions about some of your overly complex and long sentences, use of commas, word choices, etc.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
199
199
Review of Billy Smiled  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jacky . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Billy Smiled"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Charming father-son interaction story with a cub scout theme.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Dad goes out to order lunch a little irritated by the tune of Happy Clown Town and perhaps not as adapted to a day of child care as his wife, who normally does it. He re-enters the playroom to find a complete mess. As he interacts with Billy he discovers the patterns of memory and design that have engineered a fort out of books, with a brief cub scout memory as the inspiration. What angers him as a mess at first becomes a reason to love his son and wife even more than before. He sits down to watch "Cubby Scouts" on TV with his son.

This is a positive story with a great outcome and quite heartwarming also, thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You use "Suddenly" twice in the last paragraph but one.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
200
200
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, WordTeacher . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "The Early Church and Synagogue Worship"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Excellent appraisal of the ways in which the meeting places of the early church had a structural resemblance to the synagogues that preceded them.

*Quill*Commentary

It took a while for the Jewish church to realize that gentiles were being saved in greater numbers than Jews across and even outside the Roman Empire. Paul's training as a Pharisee under Gamielel is clear in the way that he conducts himself even as the apostle to the Gentiles. But he was not the only one bringing Jewish structures and ways of worship into the new church. Peter helped establish the church in Antioch from which later sprang the Didache and Paul also formed and tutored the congregation in Rome. It is clear in 1 Clement from the end of the first century that the Roman church was led by a Jewish tutored leadership saturated in the understanding of Old Testament scriptures yet also excited and passionate about their newfound perspectives on them. Then so also there was John who did not die until the end of the First Century and was a massive influence on the development of Christianity in the Greek-speaking heartlands of the church for the next thousand years from his base in Ephesus.

Is Pentecost the ex nihilo creation of the church or the moment in history when the Holy Spirit turned his people outwards having spent much of the time since Babel trying to encourage them to live apart from the pagan rabbles around them?

Some of your datings seemed quite liberal and too accepting of the Wikipedia-style consensus of Muslim and atheist scholars on late datings for scripture. Psalm 78 for example seems to allude to the sacking of the First Temple and could well have been written in that context by an Asaphite before the exile rather as a response to Antiochus Epiphanies in the second century.

The word you chose for the translation of meeting places is important. I like the NASB which uses meeting places not synagogue in Ps 74:8. It is more accurate because it uses a greater variety of source texts more expertly to seek out the actual words used. Using meeting place brings the contextual references back centuries and the dating also. This is important as we are in an era when Christianity is under enough pressure without sabotaging its core texts with false interpretations born of false dating schemes and shoddy attempts at comparative religion analogies based on those false dates.

Aside from this, I appreciated the work and insight your article brought to the subject of early church practices and structures.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I am recommending grammar tools and AIs to everybody these days. Most often they are free and they make a massive difference to the quality of the text. I saw 101 errors when I loaded this in quillbot.com for example.

There are a few that especially stood out for me:
ex nehilo - the Latin is actually ex nihilo

To answer this question, an examination must be made into the background of the Church. - To answer this question, an examination of the Church's history is required.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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