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2,292 Public Reviews Given
2,292 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Kings . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* ""Middle East Peace""  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Hate is promoted by radical beliefs and the solution is that we should all respect and love each other.


*Quill*Commentary

There were three occasions when a degree of religious tolerance prevailed in the Middle East.

1) Just after Constantine declared freedom of religion in the Roman Empire and before the aggressive theocratic empires of Byzantine and Sassine Emperors prevailed.
2) Also for a short period after the Muslim conquests and before the Crusades when the bickering between the different groups in the majority Christian populations of Egypt, Syria, Palestine, and North Africa were under Muslim rule and did not have political power.
3) The Third-occasion was when the French and British Empires dominated the region and Islam was weak under their control. So while I pray for the peace of Jerusalem I think that the key to that is probably in the use of military/political force in the case of Muslim-dominated countries as historically freedom of religion has always been imposed there. The call to simply just get along is just naive in the actual context.

Your poem smacked of moral relativism to me and there can be no peace without first wrestling with some of the deeper issues that these people actually prioritize. The biggest pressures today in the Muslim-dominated region come from population growth, massive inequality coupled with high youth unemployment, corruption, fighting between shia and sunni, and the proliferation of Wahhabi jihadist groups.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You wrote a call to action in passive voice:
Stop the hate that's promoted by radical beliefs.

their god's. - why the apostrophe?

In churches, Temples, Mosques, and Synagogues. - you rightly put churches in lowercase and then capitalized all the false religious meeting places.

I would recommend quillbot.com or Grammarly as there were numerous punctuation, word choice, and structural issues in what was in effect a piece of prose.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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202
202
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, szak . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Crusades, Islam, Christian Schism..."  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Three interesting essays about
1) The rise of Muhammad and the assertion of Tawhid as opposed to Trinity regarding God.
2) The relationship between the papacy under Gregory and the Holy Roman Empire
3) Pope Urban's call to the First Crusade at Clermont 1095 and the mismatch between expectations and outcomes regarding the crusades.


*Quill*Commentary

You appear to be writing from a Catholic perspective. Shortly before the time period of your last essay, there was the Great Schism of 1054 separating Latin and Greek-speaking churches. Pope Urban II in part intervened for the Eastern church in order to resolve this division. In 1204 the fall of the Byzantine Empire to Venetian mercenaries/pirates of the fourth crusade broke the Empire completely and led to its fall to Islam in 1453.

In the time period before the first essay, there was another schism already under way threatening the unity of the Byzantine Empire even before the Justinian plague, war with the Persians, and then with the Muslims irrevocably weakened the empire. The nature of that schism was to do with Christology and arguably the Nestorian, Arian, and more subtle Monophysites heresies. The Coptic church was not extinguished by the Muslim invasions and more than 50% of the population were still Christian by the time of the Crusades. Indeed 10% of the population of Eygpt still are. But Roman and catholic control were lost as a result of the Muslim invasions.

I was interested in the overall theme of how politics and religion continually intertwined in the experience of the church during this time period. The Holy Roman Empire struggled to dominate the papacy risking excommunication as did the later French kings during the split papacy of the Black Death period.

There are profound differences between Tawhid(you never used the word but essentially this is the Muslim oneness doctrine) and Trinity. The passage you quoted from the Quran spoke of Father, Son, and Mary as a tritheism, this was a critique of the Trinity as being three gods. But the Quran appears to get the list wrong as Mary is not in the Trinity. The illiterate Muhammad clearly borrowed large sections of the Quran from previous Christian works including heretical ones like the Infancy of Thomas. He was loosely connected to a Nestorian priest before he declared himself God's Messenger, so some of this inspiration may have come from that source.

I was interested in the contrast between the expectations of Urban and what happened. You did not mention the way in which the papacy also saw the crusades as a safety valve releasing Christian princes and kings from fighting each other in favor of fighting a common enemy. I am not the Byzantines had the resources to reoccupy Palestine though they definitely wanted Antioch back. The more warlike Franks, Normans, Germans, and Englishmen that took the Holy land were probably the best military hope of holding it for any length of time. But in the long run the crusades destroyed a considerable degree of goodwill in the Muslim world toward the local churches and accelerated their decline. I suppose had the crusaders been successful then the opposite might have been the case but they were not and many of their actions e.g. the Fourth Crusade did irrevocable harm to the church in the region.

It was interesting to read all three essays, but I felt you were mouthing a collation of the opinions of others rather than really engaging with the issues and materials you referenced.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Since you wrote this grammar checking tools have improved quite markedly. Grammarly and Quillbot.com both provide good tools. You might be shocked at how many issues they identify. I got 159 errors when I ran your text for example.

But there is some stuff which is just common sense:
Pope Stev(sp?)en - Pope Stev(sph)en


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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203
203
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, shalom . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Separation of Church and state"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author argues for the separation of church and state suggesting that religion is responsible for much bloodshed.


*Quill*Commentary

This appallingly shallow culture bound and uninformed piece got me quite angry. But maybe that is in part because I am British. As the recent reflections on the life of our dear Queen demonstrated it is possible to combine the most profound of witnesses to the King-Priest-Prophet Christ with a life of self sacrificial service as head of church state and royal family.

The notion that religion is responsible for the lions share of the world's conflicts is also difficult to justify when the greatest mass murderers of the twentieth century were all in effect godless men who persecuted the church. Mao, Stalin and Hitler alone show what societies unhinged from religion are capable of.

The Founding Fathers were all in effect Christians albeit many were Deists in many of their impulses. But the preamble to the constitution illustrates that none of them desired that religion be excluded from public life indeed the whole impulse of their public service was founded on the religious conviction that:

Our Creator has endowed us with certain inalienable rights and that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I could acknowledge various examples of the abuse of the link between power and God, the recent war in Ukraine being a classic example by Putin and Kirill but why give you any extra amunition?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I would recommend you try out Grammarly or quillbot.com both of which could help with your spelling, punctuation, word choices and sentence structures.

For example:

Religion and politics have always been intertwined with each other.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
204
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Review of A Wake up Call  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, christina hogan . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "A Wake up Call"  was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A painful testimony of love lost and religion left. The cost of lies and the price of true love. It is a story of love from a distance.


*Quill*Commentary

The JWs came round today and got their usual conversion talk from me before leaving. So I picked this piece because of the Jehovah Witness angle though it was not really about that. It seems the Grandmother coerced the woman here into the movement and lacking meaningful positive input from the father and mother the involvement stuck. But this was a woman who wanted to love and who was prepared to lie and even create a false online persona in order to get it.

I guess the story could be a morality fable of how not to behave romantically. If you want it to last then be authentic and honest is the simple lesson here. Some connections can be fabricated but they cannot endure in the face of the truth.

You articulated the hopes of the woman very well and how she wanted and pleaded for a different outcome that she got but that outcome did not really ever seem realistic here. You suggested that the witty, funny dialog was real enough and came from the same person that he rejected but he had a different picture in his head about this relationship. I was going to say the Pandemic had much to answer for with people preferring online dating to real life dating but this was dated in 2006 at the beginning of the en masse internet age before face to face video contact became a requirement of these interactions. I wonder what your perspective on all this is now?

This felt heartfelt and was intellligble even though your spelling was often awful, I knew what you meant.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I would recommend installing Grammarly or a visit to quillbot.com to improve your spelling, grammar and word choices but don't let the tools scrub out the personal authenticity in your style. After all this is the big lesson of the piece *Smile*


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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205
205
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Elengarmon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "God's love for man"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Nature and revelation testify to the love of God. For those who have eyes to see there is beauty and hope in the creation and in what Jesus has done for us.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I was sick recently and to pass the time in bed was listening to a few atheist versus Christian debates. One thing I noticed was that the atheist only saw the negative stuff in nature saying things like evolution has too many dead ends and that the universe tends towards nothingness (entropy and heat death). They could see the beauty but for them, it was accidental not miraculous, and not evidence of the wisdom and power of God. The Christian pointed out that evolution had too many gaps and it was mathematically inconceivable that such a process could lead to the development of intelligent life, that it required a host of improbable variables for life to be possible on our planet, so it must have been guided but the atheist seemed blind to these conclusions. I came away with an impression of deep dishonesty in the atheist debaters and a blindness to the things you describe so well.

Your text was quite refreshing now that I am in recovery as you see the beauty and goodness in God's design and you see the hope that overrides the pain that is a symptom of sin and fallenness.

As you say nature and revelation testify to God's love. The incarnation of Christ as man dwelling among us is the most profound revelation of God. He came as a healer, as an exorcist, as a teacher and to die for our sins. Though he is the King of Kings the poor, the weak, and the little children could all approach him and see God's love revealed in human form.

The One who made us redeems to spare us from the Judgment that He alone must give. His love is invigorating and it restores the souls of those who have been afflicted.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I think you could improve the readability of your text by separating paragraphs with a line of white space and placing bible quotes in italics to distinguish them from your own commentary.

Also, you write a lot in passive voice. It improves the readability of the text and engages the reader more to use more active phrasings. So 'subject verb this', rather than 'this verb subject". In active voice the subject performs the action in passive it is done to him.

https://datayze.com/passive-voice-detector
Gives 17 examples in your text

Your word choices and use of commas also seem problematic. Maybe this tool would help you identify these issues. I got 99 issues flagged when I used the tool on your text. But never do a 'fix all' as the AI is just blindly following grammar rules and may not always grasp your actual meaning.

quillbot.com


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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206
206
Review of A Starhawk Tale  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Author Joseph J. Madden . This is a review of "A Starhawk Tale"  by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Lord Boruus Noth of the Volkov seems secure in his castle atop a giant precipe in the middle of the ocean. He has enough worries supplying Kryllian stim-vapor cubes to his customers and is under pressure from his investors to keep his schedules. But then the intruders start arriving and Jesse Forster, Bounty Hunter, is the name that keeps coming up across the various species of imposter...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Noth is the target, a businessman, cartel leader, or gangster type. He does not seem to have loyal henchmen just a constantly changing group of security guards. It seems this is his vulnerability.

Jesse Forster has infiltrated the castle as one of the guards and uses the distraction of the intruders to overpower Noth's defenses. Noth should have suspected a trap after just the second intruder but his curiosity was his undoing. Forster's henchmen do not seem to have the same discipline and are overly familiar with their boss while being loyal to him. Are they really all called Jesse or are those just their working names for this mission? It was funny to see the multiracial cast with exotic species names all called by a simple abbreviated human name.

The romantic interest is with the beautiful female and Forster here who inflict a long lingering human kiss on a watching crowd of various alien species. Of course, the Bounty Hunter has a ship and Hawk is as good a name as any for it.

I thought you built the initial scene very well with the feeling of an impenetrable fortress in a harsh locale. You introduced the characters one by one into the meeting with Noth and then finally the star Jesse Forster. You left the scene with a question mark as to how the relationship between Forster and Noth would unfold. For now, he was bounty but could he be an ally moving forward?

Personally, I do not believe in the existence of aliens (there is zero evidence), so the long list of hairy Chewbacca-type figures and forgettable species names tends to put me off stories like this. But the plot itself worked quite well.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Commas and pronouns are often an issue but it is really an author's choice as to how dialog sounds. I would recommend using the tool quillbot.com to identify these issues.

reflection for [of] my mood

until he was able to form his own small, but quickly growing cartel of his own

After all, the guards did[]have

her identity kept hidden beneath a [the] battered helmet of a Harkonian ground-force trooper of pre-war vintage - are you a Dune fan - Harkonnens?

The helmet in itself intrigued him.

He looked to [at] the girl

who visibly shuddered under his gaze,[.] Without looking,

You write a lot in passive voice which is less compelling and engaging to a reader.

I ran you through this tool and found 16 examples in this text.
https://datayze.com/passive-voice-detector


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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207
207
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, JCosmos . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Sam Adams Robot Army "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sam Adams receives five wishes from a genie he liberates from an urn posted to him in the mail. He decides to control computers across the world, world domination, a perfect twenty-year-old body, and immortality. He liked the idea so much that he said it twice.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was not really poetry so much as a plot sketch of a sci-fi/fantasy story. Sam's choices were entirely selfish, he gives no reason why he wants all the power he gains and what good he would put it to. His motives seem to be more about revenge. I was interested that he went for technological mastery when clearly the genie had more power than any technology on earth.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You repeated the text twice.

Since this was more prose than poetry it was riddled with grammatical errors e.g. missing punctuation




Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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208
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Review of Love is Kind  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Barbara Swihart Miller . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Love is Kind"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Christian devotional for preschoolers with advice about how to interact with your children attentively and with kindness. The importance of quality time with the kids is discussed and especially putting away your phone so as to give them your full attention.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

My children are now teenagers/young adults so it has been a while since they were preschoolers. But the basic principles of kindness, discipline, and integrity seem to apply at every stage of childhood/parenting. Children follow what you do more than what you say and if they feel ignored then they ignore you, or if they feel you are not living what you are preaching they also ignore you.

My children have grown up with strong minds of their own and many of their opinions contradict my own but we have been able to continue the conversation throughout the years and I am proud of the way they have both turned out. It is important, as you say, to set aside distractions and give them your full attention.

One useful verse I found was this one from Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to check out quillbot.com which is very good at raising questions about how you use commas, missing pronouns, word choices, etc. It lit up when I examined your piece there.

t.v. - TV


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
209
209
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "In your topaz dream"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A celebration of the stone Topaz set inside a Travel log


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You have an interesting use of color in this poem. The houses that cling to the cliffs of the island of Capri are mainly white and they look over a sea that is very blue in the right kind of sunshine. There is some marble in these houses but I guess you might also there be referring to the sparkle of these houses. I guess the color of light in the hour just before dawn is still yellow. The Dog Star in Canis Major is indeed blue. So you have a collection of colors all of which Topaz stones sometimes appear - except white.

Topaz was on the Highpriest of Israel's breastplate mounted in gold filigree, it represented the tribe of Simeon and some suggest an apostle also. It is also the ninth foundation of the City of God and a stone that decorated the devil when he was a guardian cherub on the holy mount of God.

People often skip over these kinds of passages but it seems all the different stones have meanings.

You associate a positive meaning with the stone which is personal to you in an interesting poem dedicated to Michelle.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammar editors light up because they do not understand what you are trying to say.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
210
210
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, R.C. McClure . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Is Artificial Intelligence dangerous?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author investigates the dangers of AI:
1) Will it make us all unemployed?
2) New automated weapons without human oversight.
3) The generation of fake news
4) Getting rid of many bureaucratic positions
5) Making all the lawyers redundant

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I was really pleased to see this article as this is a pet topic of mine right now. Reviewing the five main areas you identified I suppose points 1), 4) and 5) are really the same theme. To what extent will some jobs be made redundant, because automated? I would suggest the Western world and especially the USA has a surplus of lawyers and bureaucrats at the moment and that many of these jobs are indeed soul-destroying or indeed amoral and so it seems a good thing to me to eliminate them. As you also suggested certain high-end IT jobs will be increasingly in demand. There are also ways in which existing employment, for example, marketing and the creative industries, will be transformed by IT.

The real dangers are in 2) and 3) I think with disinformation and new lethal forms of warfare.

There are ways in which the military can and does control the possibility of the emergence of Skynet not least with remote-off switches. Also, you can use AI to fight rogue AI.

The fake news is the one that disturbs me the most. You can fabricate a person's voice, or picture, place him on video in places where he was never present or edit him out of scenes where he was, show him committing crimes, abusing children or women, or hurling racist slurs. The possibilities are well nigh endless and may well end up invalidating photo, video, audio recording, or online testimony entirely in fact from courts of law.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You never really defined artificial intelligence jumping straight to certain applications of it assuming your reader already knew what you were talking about. We have had sentinel guns based on movement sensors for a while for example. They automatically kill people who move into the field of fire. You could mount the same technology on a drone and kill over a wider area without actually adding AI. So the extra lethality added by AI in terms of precision and logic for example needs some explaining.

In the first paragraph, unemployment and automated weapons were the key dangers but then you listed others including fake news and the focus shifted around a bit. A smoother argument would have listed all the top three mentioned in your article together rather than randomly shifting the focus around.

Check out quillbot.com by the way if you want to use AI to improve your human application of grammatical rules and syntax.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
211
211
Review of Lady Bugs  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Lou-Here By His Grace . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Lady Bugs"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There may be trillions of insects in this world but each particular bug might hold a special fascination for a child.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I liked the reminder about a child's sense of wonder. The second stanza spoilt it for me and needs more work

*Quill*Mechanical issues

whirrr . whirring

"Daddy he has freckles too!" - "Daddy, he has freckles too!"

spatterened - As patterned or spattering

The first stanza had a rhyme pattern and the second did not.

Children with sense of awe grand - Since there is no rhyme here maybe: Children who are full of wonder


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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212
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Review of The News  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jacky . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The News"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sandy has news but Ted had to be difficult and refused to hear it if it was bad news. Sandy walked away for seven years and he lost his chance. At Graduation standing next to her, he finally takes his chance to ask her again what the news was...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Loved this charming story. It is the kind of authenticity about it that makes me hope it was true. The dialog was good and did not need a physical context because it really was all about Ted and Sandy and it did not matter where they were. Who has not felt awkward around someone they really like and completely blown it in the ways they interact with them? So glad this story had a happy ending.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Check out quillbot.com. It revealed a few errors with missing commas.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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213
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Review of Petroglyphs  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Petroglyphs"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

George's secret is something he only shares with trusted friends like Jenny and Mark. He knows that they will not betray him even though they take pictures and even frame them on their wall...


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

As you said in your notes there are pictographs near you but not the petroglyphs that are the heart of your story. It would be so cool to have knowledge of such a place. I wondered at George's reluctance. Was he afraid it would be commercialized into a tourist attraction flooding the area with cheap tatty plastic toys for tourists or was he just of the opinion that the content was never meant to be shared? His friends are trustworthy and keep his secret while enjoying the pictures they took of this special place.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

sand rock - or sandstone? Is that a viable synonym? Maybe clastic rock or limestone to avoid the repetition


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Summer loop  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ava . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Summer loop"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Scorching heat, burning desire, and insatiable thirst drag someone out of a modest world and soothing dream and they are embraced by a sun with wobbly hands.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This made me feel like I had just woken up into the latest Mad Max sequel. Lots of half-naked women sweating precious fluids into a barren landscape. From peace to restlessness, from inner tranquility into a harsh reality where the sun is brutal, the thirst cannot be quenched and desires burn as hot as solar flames.

I also became about twenty years younger using u and ur instead of you to address my poor tormented soul, woken into a sort of living hell from his previously comfortable environs.

It is the middle of Winter here and frosty at night and the contrast with your poem could not be more clear.

Not sure what you meant by this line:

Sweep you out of the modest world
Does modest mean mundane for instance or limited in scope?

Sun peeps through the shutters and embraces u with her wobbly hands

The sun was quite brutal, I thought, with words like scorching being used and then later references to endless heat, but here the sun seems gentile. It peeps rather than stares harshly, and it embraces rather than grabs with wobbly hands. Are these hands wobbly in appearance like a mirage in the desert or are just uncertain like those of a drunk reaching for his drink and seeing double? Either way a sun with wobbly hands is an odd image.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

u & ur?

You might want to check out quillbot.com for your use of commas.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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215
215
Review of Sin  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Sin"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The seven deadly sins are described in rhyming form. This poem is the dark side Sith piece balancing the Jedi piece on Virtue.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

A good overview and reminder of all my sins, thank you very much for that. Now feeling utterly miserable about my depraved state I could stab out and give you stars for this or I can rise above it and aspire to the virtues in your other poem.

Anyway thanks for your poem which inclines me to pray in praise and thankfulness for God's mercy and grace.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Remarkably you kept the rhyme all the way through. It almost tempts the reader to convert it into a song so that they can sing about their sins.

No major grammatical issues were found.

You claimed there were 35 lines to the poem but your 7 stanzas are only 4 lines each which makes 28. You seem to have included the italicized titles in your count.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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216
216
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SeanFear . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Me, Myself, and I (2022)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A year's worth of proverbs from a mainly secular Solomon. A sort of SunTzu for young people concerned with relational type issues.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

I read through these and found a lot of wisdom here and insight tinged with a little darkness and despair about the way the world looks. There are glimpses of glory in a world of pain but I struggled to find them in this list. You gave profound insight like with, "Great people are to be known by the size of their unspoken pains." without sharing much hope that things could be made better. Isn't the focus of wisdom finding solutions for the worst of problems in the Divine who made all things initially good and can redeem them to be so also now that we have buggered them up?

You ended the year with a really funny line, well I laughed anyway, maybe because Mars is a thing I want to see happen:

Those I care for don't care about me, and those I don't care about do care about me; and yet, traveling to Mars sounds more important than solving such a mystery.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I ran your words through quillbot.com and found that some sentences could be improved on, punctuation errors exist, and the AI disputed your word choices but the language models cannot get too 'angry' with you as they depend on people like you to create their content.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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217
217
Review of Newbie!!!!  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Alexandria Bawell . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Newbie!!!!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Alexandria Bawell explains why she is here and what kind of genre of writing she is interested in. In a world of pain, fantasy and paranormal stories are where she wants to focus her writing efforts as they transport her to a world of her own choosing.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Welcome to Writing.com and I hope you find the experience of being here as fulfilling and therapeutic as I and many others have.

In this short piece, you say hello with a lot of positive energy, and humility and you clarify your goals. You may well find that as you enter contests and review other people's works your focus will become more refined or even shift entirely.

In an age where AI is increasingly competent, it is worth considering how to use the various AIs out there to complement your writing activities. As guides, not gurus, as you should always be the one in charge.

For example, quillbot.com is good for grammar checking as is Grammarly which can be loaded into your browser for free.

For cover pictures, there is DALL E and Dream Studio from Instability AI for example.

ChatGPT-3 (soon 4) is also a good way to research subjects in a conversational style (that is the new google) though I would never trust it to write my stories for me.

The best thing to do though is to get involved to write and to read other people's stuff continually.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I love writing and creating a whole new world that only existed [exists] in my thoughts.

Reading and writing makes me happy in a world where there is so much pain. - Reading and writing form a group in this case and so are singular- so should be 'make' not 'makes' in this sentence.

I have finally taken the dive - maybe plunge is better


Thanks for sharing.

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218
218
Review of Ella's Story  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jruns890 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Ella's Story"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Ella has autism and a stutter and it is difficult for her to make friends. She is isolated and mocked in school and beginning work also does not improve her situation. Then one day she meets Rosie in the park...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

This was an ahh that's sweet kind of story and genuinely heartwarming. A person who has suffered or been isolated may struggle to relate to someone like Ella. But Rosie has her own pains and with that comes the depths to understand and empathize with Ellas' situation.

It used to be a rule of thumb for me to avoid the "cool" people as they were too superficial to build anything lasting. I preferred geeks, jocks, foreigners, and people with some kind of pain as they were more interesting to me and had deeper stories. OK maybe not the jocks or indeed many of the geeks on the list, but sport and understanding things is not really about the touchy-feely stuff.

I liked the content of this.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I found a really great tool quillbot.com which helps identify many of the grammar, sentence structure, and word choice issues in this piece. You might want to check it out. Never let the AI just take over the checking process however as it often misses your meaning. Treat it as a guide, not a guru.

You might want to separate your paragraphs and increase the size of the font also to improve the look and feel of the piece and make it more accessible to readers.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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219
219
Review of A Slower Return  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, He’s Brian K Compton . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Slower Return"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An Autumn leaf seems to many to simply fall and die but this poet sees a little more in that fallen leaf and its slow gentle colorful return to the soil where the cycle begins again.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Powerful descriptive language that left me feeling both sorry and exulted for a leaf. Or were we looking at something deeper here, you did use the relationship genre tag after all. If this is about a relationship then it is about one that is over. Its love and its essence may bleed back into the soil of life where new possibilities may grow but that leaf is gone and eyes that may have wept over that are now dry.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Maybe drenched not damped by cold rain.

From green to orange [,] then black, you died.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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220
220
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, JCosmos . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "the day of the triffids arrives "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The doom of the masters of the universe is at hand and ferocious Triffids roam the streets.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

It has been a while since I read John Wyndham's Day of the Triffids and maybe my perception has been confused by a few TV adaptations. I remember the blindness of mankind, due to the light show in the sky that they all watched, being the main reason for their vulnerability to these slow-moving plants.
Mankind in his greed was cultivating the Triffids for a long time before their day arrived for the oil that could be extracted from them. Also, the book was not all doom and gloom as we still have the Isle of Wight to begin the fight back on.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

sunflowers plants mobilize - double plural and wrong tense given One Day - sunflower plants mobilized (did Triffids look like sunflowers?)

This did read a little more like chopped-up prose to me than a poem.

But you did say it in eight lines.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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221
221
Review of blog #8  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, britbvby . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "blog #8"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A rant to "everyone" about "him." He left her in the past, yet says he loves her still. She walked out on him, hurting him then but now she wants a new start. She admits she made mistakes and was careless with his heart but does not understand his current coldness. Is this a hypocritical revenge thing, with him blind to the mistakes he also made, or is this, as he says, right woman wrong time? She suspects that he enjoyed playing around and never really loved her in the first place.

*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

If you base romantic commitment on feelings then things get messy and are completely dynamic. True love is an act of will as much as an act of feeling. This is a man who cannot decide which woman he wants to commit to and whose words and actions tell different stories. This is a woman who has done the same but has now settled on a man who is not ready to settle down himself. The rant lacks reference to commitment and promise because maybe there were none. Words can be easy and combined with sexual encounters suggesting promise and commitment, without any real sacrifices made, can be deceptive.

I do not know if this is about a genuine man but if it is forget him he is not worth it. Find a guy you can trust instead. Maybe it will be a transformed version of this man at a future date, but it is not him right now. It may also be the case that you are basing your rant on feelings that may not last the year.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The yous and the I's get confused in this rant at times.

You might want to check out https://quillbot.com/grammar-check. It completely lights up with your piece. This reduces the number of stars that you can get for what you write. You can ignore it when you are quoting or speaking dialog as you would normally but you need a lot of missing commas, some sentences are confusing and you are missing apostrophes on possessives and homophone contractions.


Thanks for sharing.

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222
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Review of New shoots  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "New shoots"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Mary is tending her husband Ben's grave when she sees Tom racking the last of Autumn's leaves. He commentates on the new buds of life on the oak tree that will come with the Spring. They walk together and new feelings emerge also...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Mary is the widow getting over her husband Ben. Tom is the Gardner in the graveyard. The conversation is as natural and timely as the seasons. Maybe as green buds appear so also true affection between the two will also come. Though in practice precisely matching seasonal cycles to human emotions is a little more complex than that.

I loved your use of descriptive language and the gentle, warm yet respectful flow of the conversation between Tom and Mary. Janet in her brief appearance comes across as the nosey slightly irritating gossip in the cafe. The lie about the longevity of their friendship feels authentic because you have already established the connection between the characters.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Autumn is a common noun and is therefore not capitalized in mid-sentence.

You might want to check out quillbot.com. It identifies a lot of errors with commas.

You got all the key phrases in.


Thanks for sharing.

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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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223
223
Review of ME ON THE MENU  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, SandraLynn Team Florent! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "ME ON THE MENU"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This funny poem is about mosquitoes. The poet seems to hate them as much as I do.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You are preaching to the choir here, I hate these creatures and have never been clear on their value in creation. I remember a night in a hotel with three blood gorged mosquitoes high on the ceiling where I could not reach them. I kept the lights on so I could see them coming. Finally, they came to feast and I killed them with my curled-up magazine. But your poem takes us into what sounds like jungle conditions, unprotected, and makes the reader into a feast for these insectile terrorists.
Swarms of these creatures biting, sucking whirling, buzzing...

A true nightmare!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

My grammar checker lit up, but when I read the poem I thought your choices were creative and reasonable ones. So the AI does not always know best.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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224
224
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, WriterAngel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Ships Passing in the Night"  on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The winner of the Sci-Fi contest discusses the experience of humanity from that of a life form so alien that we would not recognize it even staring directly in its face.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on winning the Sci_Fi contest with this story.

The big idea here is that the aliens are so strange that we would not recognize them even if we were looking directly at them

The alien's discussions of humanity seemed to revolve around their chemical composition and I found that a little repetitive at times. They were interesting because they were not made of energy but rather of carbon and water, yet they still managed to make waves worth checking out by the aliens.

If you are pure energy then I guess the chemical reactions used to propel rocket engines would seem wasteful and the results very slow. But maybe also such creatures would not be vulnerable to the chemical and biological processes of decay that humans suffer from and could live for eons.

With a being made of energy in the manner described, I would wonder how the borders of me, not me and the other would be defined. Would it vary by medium so that in a fog both Quilda and Quarl would blur into each other?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

it’s composition && It’s quite smooth - its

Inside of the shell


Thanks for sharing.

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225
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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Owls at the hour of moonset"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A still active user wrote a poem about death 17 years ago. Or has the owl just not hooted and the moon just not set yet?


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

To me, an owl is a hunter in the twilight and dusk of small rodents. He is hated by the local birds and they gang up on him when he sits in the tree outside my home office. He is impressive, much larger than the tits, robins, and blackbirds that he scares so much.

According to some native American tribes, the owl is a harbinger of death and I believe this is your meaning in this poem.

As always your descriptions are seductive. I liked the phrasing relating to lacelike dreams. You communicated the barrier between this world and the next by dwelling on the insubstantial drapes like dreams through which perhaps you saw owls announcing your death. You seemed to welcome this as a liberation from pain and your experience of the moment is alone. The moonset is the moment of death.

I guess since you are still an active member here, news of your death was somewhat exaggerated and you lived to fight another day. Did the moon somehow also miss the horizon or did sleep rescue you from the dark and the owl's final visit?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

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