I came here by a random read and review exercise. I read your poem and it is brilliant. I tried hard bt can't find any flaw in this. The words used are helping the structure of the poem to be built. It looks like you have put lots of efforts in writing this.
I came here by a random read and review exercise.
I read your poem kaleidoscope. I can't understand the connection between the poem and the title. It's quite confusing. The poem's meaning is also not very clear till the end expect revealing some random thoughtful emotions.
"And don't have to be skeptical"
Skeptical = sceptical
The story in all is well structured with good visual and auditory imagery. The description goes pretty well and the site is well chosen. But you should change paragraphs while writing for better approach.
"A butterfly fluttered its wings to get to my daffodil, providing an array of colour."
A butterfly fluttered its wings among the daffodils and then rested upon the daffodil which I was aiming, providing it an array of colours.
If you understand the difference, you can make a change. Overall rating is 3.5
It is a fable in verse. I like the poem and its simplicity. It has 6 stanzas with 4 lines eacg. It has rhyme scheme abcb which is followed smoothly throughout.
"Could meet again on Main."
The M of Main should be small.
"Till an icy wind blew up and pushed
Them into a bank of snow;
Then together they laughed at how the cold
Had made their faces glow."
I guess I am reviewing your work again. This poem makes me emotional and sorry for Kim. Your message of talking to the friends here alive with us to very true.
The only blemish in your work is the title. At first I thought it is something related to speech or like that and it's not catchy at all in my point of view. May be you like it.
You're a newbie so I would like to welcome you. Your idea is more or less inspired by superheroes movie or a novel. But considering it as your first entry I will rate it 4. If you have ideas for a story to be started but you don't feel like to continue then 'interactive stories' is a place for you in WDC. You can start a story with your ideas and others will continue writing it on your given guidelines. If you need more information on it feel free to ask.
I cam here by a random read and review exercise. Your poem has many difficult and quite uneasy words. Maybe excellent writers can reach it but for me and the common reach, this is not suited. Keep your words simple.
It beautifully narrates your experience. But it would be unkind to call a lady who sells flowers (do something for her living) a "beggar".
Okay. Let me not consider this. But overall review is your good.
The lines: 'May you be loved by people as you are loved by God.'
are really deep and great!
A way too fast moving story with simple words. This made it really well. I am impressed with your writing. The title is so apt. Never read a story which has this less characters and conversations yet able to express the meaning.
Firstly, it not a short story. It is sort of an article. Considering it as an article or a blog I will just say that it is real.
You have beautifully portrayed these feelings through your words which one can't express. He feels alone and doesn't want to share. Maybe he wants ears to listen him and not to leave in middle. Someone who can understand the same.
A way too fast moving story which simple words. This made it really well. I am impressed with your writing. The title is so apt. Never read a story which has this less characters and conversations yet able to express the meaning.
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| (3.5)
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Hi RedtoWrite.