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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luriepark
Review Requests: ON
323 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I majorly review poems or short stories. Poems can be of any type. Short stories should be less than 600 words or approx. Novel and books are not in my reviewing list. I am not an expert reviewer but I'll try to tell your weak and strong points. In a polite but honest tone, I will tell your errors, if present. I will comment on the title, flow, main writing and will also provide you with an overall review. My ratings will not be biased. You can tell me at which points you want the deeper analysis. If you want me to review, you can give it a try. You can check some of my request reviews - Review of "Attack of the blobwoman " Review of "Not Past Redemption" Review of "Wanting to give up" Review of "Wrong timing in Manchester" and there are many more...
Favorite Genres
Comedy, tragedy, emotional, devotional, nature, romance and dark.
Favorite Item Types
Usually I review anything except for novels/novella, blogs and lengthy stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Images, poll, word search, crossword etc.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of A life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your essay A life Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original essay.

It is a good idea to write an essay about yourself. The flow is interesting. I like knowing people and the tone is one of happiness and Cheerfulness.

I did not found any error or something inappropriate. Maybe just that you can add space between lines. Your choice. May cheerfulness always guide you in your path. Thanks for sharing this! Write on! Yayy!

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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2
2
Review of 88 Keys  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jillian Montgomery

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

I am reviewing your poem 88 Keys.

It is a beautiful poem. You have good flow even without a rhyme scheme. It is a short and sweet poem. I wanted to welcome you as a newbie here. *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* If you want any help regarding the site or anything else, you can always ask me. If you love writing poems or have written any poem, you can submit it in the contest "Test Your Poetry Here, you may even win the contest. There are exciting prizes for top three.

In this poem, I did not found any major issue but here are some suggestions for you. Take them if you find them useful or you may even discard them because it's your poem.

1.Depending on my mood I make it sing
Depending upon my mood I make it sing

2.Different genres come out of it
Here 'genre' word isn't suitable. You can replace it with style/form/tune.

I also want to ask you the specific reason behind choosing 88 *Laugh*
Thank you for sharing this!

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Keep Writing!
Regards,
Lurie Park
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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Bubblegum Jones

I am reviewing your spooky article on facts about Halloween. It's an interesting one. Halloween is the second most celebrated festival in America, after Christmas. In Asia, people too celebrate the occasion but we usually do not get candies but our main motive is to scare the people we know and then have fun together.

You started with giving a brief and concise introduction about Halloween and then followed some facts.

I didn't knew that bats can actually see. I thought that they are blind. They are nocturnal animals. They features are all amazing.

I ealier thought that witches must be good too and now I really know.

Other facts are also very interesting and fascinating. My only suggestion to you is to write the facts in points so that they are easily readable.

Thank you for sharing this!
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Regards,
Lurie Park
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4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Trickful Sonali Hey Halloween!

I saw your item highlighted in the newsfeed and thus I reached here. Listening to audios is far more interesting as we get to connect more. As I have told you earlier, your father's voice is mature and cheerful with a happy tone. From the conversations, I can tell that you two father-daughter duo share a very close bond. It feels so good to know this.

I am unable to understand this song but I am loving the fusion of languages. A Gujrati folk song in Bengali folk tune. That's the integrated India!!

Words like 'Shyamal', 'maara', 'megh mrudunga', etc. are known to me from which I can infer that this is a song dedicated to Shree Krishna and he has stolen our hearts.

Would you like to add the meaning or the translation of the song here? The tune is amazing which makes me to think of dandiya raas. With meaning or explanation, it will be easy to imagine the plot.

My mother was born in Gujrat and thus a Gujarati. I will play this to her cause I know she will surely like it. *Bigsmile* Thanks for sharing.

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Regards,
Lurie Park
How's this one?
5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SJ Longtaile

I am reviewing your story Don't Drink the Water . I gave you the prompt and thought it would be difficult to write and something confusing. But you outdid the job! Superb!

This story is full of suspense, mystery and amazement. I was carried by the story till the end. The story captured the prompt very well and did an unexpected marvelous job!

The eerie background that you created was well done. I like the idea that the book is already written by several different people. Earlier I thought that you would write something in it while being in the room alone. Your idea is an exciting one.

The descriptions were well done, for a child's writing and an adult's writing.

I want to suggest you to write the diary entries in italics or in quotes.

The presentation seems good with a bigger font given. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing!

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Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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6
6
Review of Fishing with Dad  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello blackcatsem

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Fishing with Dad Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

It is difficult to write comedy. You have written a short poem about a kid who loves fishing with dad.

The rhythm is good and flow is constantly moving and easy to follow. I found no technical issues. I saw that you have put all the three genres in it and that's something really good. It helps people to find your poem easily.

The font looks good and big. You can centralize this poem too and to make it more attractive, maybe give this a shape of a fish.

Overall a well written comic poem. Thanks for sharing!

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Winnie Kay

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem How to tell the one you love Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

A very happy anniversary to you and your account on WDC. You poem has a catchy title which grabbed me here.

The flow of the poem is smooth and the rhythm is not broken. As a poem, it excels in style.

This is a direct poem for a girl or a female who now, doesn't feel love anymore. She thinks that in love her freedom is banned.

Love shouldn't act like a bondage to any party involved. The freedom and the thoughts must be respected. The advice is unique but true.

I did not find any flaw in it. That's great. Thanks for sharing!


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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Rachwrites82

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Words left Unspoken Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

The title is good and catchy. It acted as a clickbait to me.

The presentation of your work is what I liked. You centralised them and made the font bigger. The rhythm was good and easy to follow. The last line was a refrain which laid emphasis on it and I enjoyed this.

Everything went wrong with her with words left Unspoken until God entered her life. This is pure gem to read. I am amazed by the last stanza as it gives us a ray of hope and enlightenment.

You changed the last line to no words left Unspoken was such a pleasure. A perfect well written poem. Thanks for sharing. Just a suggestion that one of the genre should be religious.

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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9
9
Review of Snow Trek  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mitch

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Snow Trek Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*


Congratulations for the anniversary.
I really like your presentation with large font and bold letters. These are easy to read.

You have used good imagery. The rhyme of aa makes this better.

"The Chevy stuck. it was no sleigh,
a huge hike and hours away."


After chevy stuck, there will be a comma or else start the new sentence by capitalising I of it.

"I crept to crest another hill
and at the top my heart stood still."

Place a comma before 'my heart'. It will be more clear.

Overall a well written poem. Kudos

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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10
10
Review of Lost  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello McKeder

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Lost Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


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Congratulations on this day!
The title is sad and attractive. Thus I chose this poem to review.

The flow was good with rhyme scheme abcb. The lines are short but crispy.

It is in first person narration who misses a person he lost. I am so sorry for the lost of your nephew.

The poem is written purely with love and sorrow. There is pain of losing someone which makes it a depressed poem.

I found no technical issues in this. It is a well written poem. Looking forward to read more from you. :)

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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11
11
Review of Lost Kisses  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Mitch

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Lost Kisses Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*


The title seems sutiable and defining. I like the word flow and the rhyme scheme of abab. It's about a child who thinks that he has lost kisses but then his father gives him one.

Then it has a humour component with the dog and fireplace. I didn't feel any connection in the last two stanzas but it is okay to be a humour.
No spelling mistakes! Write on as much as you can.

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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12
12
Review of The End  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Blue Jay K

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I am reviewing your story The End Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original story.


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The story amazed me. When I saw the genre horror/scary I felt that is would be a usual story about a man returning back after death but it wasn't so. This story deeply felt. I had chills reading it.
The flow was engaging from the very start. I am not an animal lover but not a hater too. But I felt bad for Pluto. Alcohol can turn a man so cruel that he didn't see the pain of his own pets.

He thrust the knife into my eye and cut it from it’s socket! The pain I felt was indescribable.

These lines were so painful and the ending line too. I haven't read the original story but your 'cat's point of view' story is so good. It made me have to desire to read the original.

I liked the dialogues, the imagery and the way you presented them. Thanks for sharing this.

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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13
13
Review of Deli Gals  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Lightspeed555

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your story Deli Gals Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original story.

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How I came here?
I saw this piece on my voyage and found that it's your anniversary.

What kept me here?
It was a short story and easy to be read. With simple words, it is a good humorous story.

My personal opinion
I found the starting good and moving. Till the last when I finished reading it, I was held by the story. The ending is epical funny. But my suggestions is to make the readership to 13+. Let the children be children.

I like the way you wrote the dialogues. You can maybe give names to the characters. Overall I enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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14
14
Review of Long Shadows  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Lightspeed555

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your story Long Shadow Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original story.

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Why I came here?
I found your title interesting and you had an anniversary.

What kept me reading?
Your dialogue and the flow of the story. It didn't make the readers bore.

My Personal Opinion
The story is moving. In suggestion you can add more dialogues instead of narrating paragraphs. Make the readers show the story from the characters point of view.
Every dialogue needs to be written from a new line.

One of my co-worker's wife

would cast 'long shadows'

No other spelling or technical issues found. Great story!

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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15
15
Review of Family Trip  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello naveera

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon *LeafO*


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I would like to welcome you to this amazing writing site. I am reviewing your piece 'Family Trip' as an assignment for Rising Stars Summer Camp. These are just my thoughts and opinions. You are free to either use them or discard them.

Title:
Your title suits the poem. My suggestion is to add 'the' or 'a' in it.

Rhythm and Flow:
I found the flow engaging with rhyme scheme aa. Try to keep the length of sentences approximately equal as they help in the flow when you read. For eg:
We played in the water, had so much fun
But after some time, mums called everyone for lunch

We played in the water, had so much fun
But after some time, mums called us for lunch


Opinion and Thoughts:
The poem has a joyful theme describing a fun family trip.

The waves felt lovely, as they crashed against the shore

Voices full of excitement, high and out
I like the imagery used at these parts.
I found no spelling mistakes. Good job!

Soon it was time to go back home
I'll never forget this trip, for I've written this poem

This stanza is not well balanced and according to me the second line is grammatically incorrect.
My suggestion would be-
Soon it was the time to return back home
I'll never forget this trip so I wrote this poem

I like the celebration and joyful tone in your poetry which in a way turns the reader enthusiastic.

Overall Opinion:
Nowadays people are so busy on laptop or mobile that they hardly get any time for such family trips. The poem is well written. Though, more imagery can be used. I will look forward reading more of your poems.

Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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16
16
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello TraTra

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon *LeafO*


*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*


First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful site. I am reviewing your story 'Jake Rose the Werewolf' as an assignment for the Rising Stars Task. These are just my thoughts and opinions. You are free to either use them or discard them.

Title:
The title is apt,suitable and catchy. It gives hint about the main plot.

Opinion and Thoughts:

Your story seems like a chapter or a prologue to a story where Jake's character is being introduced. The story is quite fast moving. You need to work in some points here and there. You should show the readers what's happening instead of telling them in a chronological order. This makes your story less interesting. No physical, emotional qualities are given. Try to add more imagery in the story so that the audience feels connected. We see the in a family named Rose, Jake and Jacobe are born twins. Jake gains some supernatural powers and this creates a rift in between their parents. They divorce for the same reason.

Maybe you can tell about the family, how they were used to be earlier and how the conditions are now. I did not see any spelling or grammatical mistakes but the flow is not smooth.

Changing paragraphs will also help. Try to write more, if this is the first chapter. It has to be interesting and readers trapping.

Overall Opinion:

Seems like the plot is good and going to be full of mystery but consider adding descriptions and details.

Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
How's this one?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello just came across this through the newsfeed! I was excited to hear this.

Local Indian Railways never fail to fascinate people. Being famous for overcrowding, delay in timings, tea vendors and daily wonderful incidents they take us on an exciting journey. If I talk specially about tea vendors, I guess they are masters in that. Without getting any management schooling or business ideas, they sell their tea at max. level. Once I saw a tea vendor who used to read newspaper in the morning and then during his whole daily selling routine, he would narrate the news to the local people. The most amazing thing was that he used to tell only those sections, which his customers demanded to listen. This is really good!

Often we have seen that in other countries people are alone on subways or busy on their phone etc. But only here, we get all sorts of live entertainments.

I like the accent of your father. It's so calm and verbal.

Thanks for sharing!
18
18
Review of Weekly Goals  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello The StoryMistress

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your forum Weekly Goals Remember these are my views and thoughts.

This is a lovely forum intended for people to complete their goals and do the task they assign for themselves. Awarding them gives them courage and brings on cheerfulness. Thanks for the creative idea.



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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?
19
19
Review of Visual Poetry  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello The StoryMistress

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Visual Poetry Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

This looks so cool. You have amazing given this a heart shape which has words in it. They give the essence of writing.com
You really did this so good and you always inspire us! Thank you for sharing

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?
20
20
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Winnie Kay

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem A father's love Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

I agree with you that father's love her child unconditionally. They should try to understand what's going with thelir child. This poem is good and has an awesome flow. There are no issues to be seen me in this poem. Well done

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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21
21
Review of The Beach  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Winnie Kay

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poemThe Beach Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original story.

Congratulations for your win.
Your poem is well written. Yes peace is always there in natural places including beaches especially if you are with a loved ones. We can not imagine there amount of pleasure and peace we get it. You have dealt with imagery, brilliantly.

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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22
22
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Rhymer of the Rotted Rainbow

This is so funny. Although you had a message in it about self discovery. I like the dialogues and how a single person is accussing, defending and speaking himself. They looked like so many persons with different emotions. One is discouraging and one is encouraging. You had a deep thought in humanity and how to gain self confidence and self satisfaction.

The story is super funny to see that Mr. Rhymer is be all and end all. The dialogue delivery is so smooth. Just a thing found: we do not use a comma just after 'and' as two conjunctions can't be used together.

The ending is again funny with the court asking for tequila. Well written and the flow was so smooth. Good luck for the contest and congratulations for completing July Bonus Incentives.

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Keep Writing!
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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23
23
Review of Prussian Blue  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Grimm Reaper

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon *LeafO*


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First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful site. I am reviewing your piece 'Prussian Blue'. These are just my thoughts and opinions. You are free to either use them or discard them.

You have well described the colour with emotions attached. This isn't nonsense as the genre you mentioned.
Looks like you have written an essay to it. You can make it a bit more interesting though. Tell us what role it has played in your life or example setting.
By the way, I like your handle name πŸ˜‚

Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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24
24
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello essayist

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First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful site. I am reviewing your essay ' Writing About Writing'. These are just my thoughts and opinions. You are free to either use them or discard them.

A very deep and thoughtful essay. Why do writers write? Some write for pleasure, some for time pass, some for money, some to release stress, some to rejoice emotions, some to talk to themselves, some to discover, some to convey, some to publicize, some to boast off and some write from heart *Heart*

The essay is very good. Do increase the font as many people here have eyesight problems so it will be difficult for them to read. I like the spaces between the lines. It made it look neat.
Thanks for sharing!


Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
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25
25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shawn C. Bailey

*LeafO*  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon *LeafO*


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First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful site. I am reviewing your piece 'Spurring This Moment'. These are just my thoughts and opinions. You are free to either use them or discard them.

You made me laugh so much. *Rolling*That's a great poem. I do not know how you people bring this lots of humour *Laugh* The poem is simple and easy to read. It's engaging. It's conveying. The rhythm is so nice. When I first started writing poems, I had similar kind of thoughts and still agree with you. This will be one of my favourites. An alternative title to this poem for me is - "Every Newbie's First Poem" Thanks for sharing.

Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Lurie Park
How's this one?


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