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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luriepark
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48 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JadeJaspers.

I came here by a random read and review exercise. I read your poem and it is brilliant. I tried hard bt can't find any flaw in this. The words used are helping the structure of the poem to be built. It looks like you have put lots of efforts in writing this.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Kaleidoscope  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi igotthebluez

I came here by a random read and review exercise.
I read your poem kaleidoscope. I can't understand the connection between the poem and the title. It's quite confusing. The poem's meaning is also not very clear till the end expect revealing some random thoughtful emotions.

"And don't have to be skeptical"
Skeptical = sceptical

Adding punctuations to your poem will help it.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*SnailB* Hi RedtoWrite.

Your poem is appreciable and flow is nice. The rhyme scheme followed is aabb. No corrections needed as per me.

Keep writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Lost  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi StellarStories

I think I am reviewing you once again.

"I lost a mountain and three hills, one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist that turned the skyline gray."



"I lost a mountain and three hills,
On one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist,
That turned out the skyline gray."

In the second form, it is easier to follow the rhyme scheme.

"The other half of sky remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminder that I had the world, but still was lost to you."


"The other half of the broad sky,
Remained a perfect arch of blue.
Reminding that I have the world,
But still it is lost to you."

I also made some grammatical corrections. It is a suggestion, if you feel it better, then use it.

Keep writing,
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Lost  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi StellarStories

I think I am reviewing you once again.

The poem is really a short one.

"I lost a mountain and three hills, one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist that turned the skyline gray."


I lost a mountain and three hills,
On one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist,
that turned out the skyline gray.

In the second form, it is easier to follow the rhyme.

"The other half of sky remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminder that I had the world, but still was lost to you."

The other half of the sky,
remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminding that I had the world, but still it was lost to you.

I also changed your rhyme scheme.My suggestion if for you, if you feel it better, then use it.

Keep writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of The Photographer  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi LOTR98

I have read your story and want to give a review.

The story in all is well structured with good visual and auditory imagery. The description goes pretty well and the site is well chosen. But you should change paragraphs while writing for better approach.

"A butterfly fluttered its wings to get to my daffodil, providing an array of colour."

A butterfly fluttered its wings among the daffodils and then rested upon the daffodil which I was aiming, providing it an array of colours.

If you understand the difference, you can make a change. Overall rating is 3.5

Keep Writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Their First Walk  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi StellarStories.

It is a fable in verse. I like the poem and its simplicity. It has 6 stanzas with 4 lines eacg. It has rhyme scheme abcb which is followed smoothly throughout.

"Could meet again on Main."
The M of Main should be small.

"Till an icy wind blew up and pushed
Them into a bank of snow;
Then together they laughed at how the cold
Had made their faces glow."


Use commas at appropriate places.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Our Last Walk  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi N.Mulhare.

I am here by a random read and review exercise. You're a newbie here so you're very welcome.You have a nice sense of narration.Details are focused.


Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Speech  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello.

I guess I am reviewing your work again. This poem makes me emotional and sorry for Kim. Your message of talking to the friends here alive with us to very true.

The only blemish in your work is the title. At first I thought it is something related to speech or like that and it's not catchy at all in my point of view. May be you like it.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Story Idea  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi WarriorOfTheSky.

You're a newbie so I would like to welcome you. Your idea is more or less inspired by superheroes movie or a novel. But considering it as your first entry I will rate it 4. If you have ideas for a story to be started but you don't feel like to continue then 'interactive stories' is a place for you in WDC. You can start a story with your ideas and others will continue writing it on your given guidelines. If you need more information on it feel free to ask.

Keep writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Courage  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi StellarStories.

I came here by a range read and review exercise. I read your poem. Itis beautifully portrayed. According to me no corrections are needed in this.

Keep writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Blackout Curtains  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Teargen!

I came here by a random read and recite exercise. I read your poem.

The title is quite captivating.
It is a sonnet with fourteen lines. The structure is well built.

My fav line---

"I guess you’ll go down hating to the end;
once more, it’s Hello darkness, my old friend."

Keep Writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Santa Claws  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It is a horrifying poem. Don't know why but I feel something dark behind it.

Keep Writing!

Lurie
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14
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Noah! I am here as a random read and review exercise.

I have read your story "The Lost Intellectual"

The title is apt and well suited.

The overall structure is well built which increase reader's curiosity.

A story with a deep message with beautiful words, depicted.

Overall rating is 4 only because I can't I've you 4.25 star.

Keep Writing!
Lurie Park.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
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Review of Sonnet VI  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mkhululi!

I came here by a random read and review exercise. I read your sonnet.

It is wonderfully written expressing the theme.

According to me

"To wait any longer surely a sin,
Though pushing forward is the better end."


This line is most catchy and needed.

Overall rating: 4 stars

Keep Writing. Have a nice day!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
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Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Ilya!

I cam here by a random read and review exercise. Your poem has many difficult and quite uneasy words. Maybe excellent writers can reach it but for me and the common reach, this is not suited. Keep your words simple.

It beautifully narrates your experience. But it would be unkind to call a lady who sells flowers (do something for her living) a "beggar".

Okay. Let me not consider this. But overall review is your good.

The lines:
'May you be loved by people as you are loved by God.'
are really deep and great!

Have a nice day. L


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Boys  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I came across this story as I checked your portfolio today. It is amazing and how well have you arranged the workpieces. Appreciable.

My review for "Boys":

A sweet short story. Relatable to many boys. That's the starting of a real friendship.

Your words are simple and bright. Lovely. The descriptions were great. More imagery would make it nicer but long. So that's totally fine.

Haha I could imagine them in all purple looking cute.


Overall Rating: 4.5


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Again  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A way too fast moving story with simple words. This made it really well. I am impressed with your writing. The title is so apt. Never read a story which has this less characters and conversations yet able to express the meaning.

I would just say splendid to your work, again.

Lurie Park


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
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Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ahhhhhh! Nice. Was looking forward to kinda stuff like this.

Good things happen.

This line is adding colours to your story. It was a bit comic too .

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Firstly, it not a short story. It is sort of an article. Considering it as an article or a blog I will just say that it is real.

You have beautifully portrayed these feelings through your words which one can't express. He feels alone and doesn't want to share. Maybe he wants ears to listen him and not to leave in middle. Someone who can understand the same.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Life  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (3.0)
A reflection on life. The variations and twists and turns of life , its uncertainty and behaviour is brilliantly portrayed.

Keep writing.

Lurie
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22
Review of Beauty  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (1.0)
It is not a poem. Starting is doubtful. Not well narrated. More descriptions can be given.
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Review of Again  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A way too fast moving story which simple words. This made it really well. I am impressed with your writing. The title is so apt. Never read a story which has this less characters and conversations yet able to express the meaning.

I would just say splendid to your work, again.

Lurie Park


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (3.5)
A small nice and Jolly poem
25
25
Review of Poem  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (3.0)
A free verse moody poem. Nothing much to say but if you add a cute cat cover to this , it will really look nice.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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