*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luriepark/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
81 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I majorly review poems or short stories. Poems can be of any type. Short stories should be less than 600 words or approx. Novel and books are not in my reviewing list. I am not an expert reviewer but I'll try to tell your weak and strong points. In a polite but honest tone, I will tell your errors, if present. I will comment on the title, flow, main writing and will also provide you with an overall review. My ratings will not be biased. If you want me to review, you can give it a try.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 ... Next
26
26
Review of The Flame  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kimala. I am doing this review for march review raid.

Your poem is one of the finest poem describing bipolar disorder. It explains the emotions of the suffering person.
It is short, with second and fourth line rhyme scheme.(ABCB)
The contrast used all together glorifies it.


Keep writing.
Lurie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
Review of Jealous?  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Serena Blade. I am reviewing this as an entry to the SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid Review.

Your poem is a free verse. It has deep thoughts. In this poem, the narrator's gender is not specified. It's for the readers to guess.

"I just wish you realized this."
It should be "realize" .

"Instead of pretending feelings don't exist." The structure of this sentence seems a bit wrong. I think it need a comma after "pretending".

Could you please explain what's this "green little monster" or is it jealousy personified ?

Keep writing.
Lurie

{item: power}


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review of Style Master  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi. I am doing this review for march review raid.

You story and simple and sweet but it's just a "telling" without feelings. You should have added decent adjectives. You could more vividly write about Klye. His age, his body structure, his background and al.

You should change paragraphs after certain details. Punctuations are also not correctly placed. You can add the meaning of terms at the last but in the story it isn't necessary.

Keep writing
Lurie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
Review of Dance Me A Song  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello turtlemoon. I am doing this review for March raid.

Your poem is about a sweet loving couple.
The structure is fine but I think you should work more upon Punctuations.

Your poem follows a rhyme scheme of aabb but I see that the second line is a bit long which ends in disturbing the rhyme scheme.

Keep writing
Lurie.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
Review of CHEAP - O - AIR  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Crow. I am doing this review for march review raid.

You really made me laugh throught the poem The rhyme scheme of aabb is nicely followed.

"And that, as reasonable as can be."
And that, as reasonable as it can be.

"But one thing they do have is plenty of Spam."
But one thing they do have, is plenty of Spam.

Keep writing
Lurie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review of Dance Me A Song  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello turtlemoon. I am doing this review for March raid.

Your poem is about a sweet loving couple.
The structure is fine but I think you should work more upon Punctuations.

Your poem follows a rhyme scheme of aabb but I see that the second line is a bit long which ends in disturbing the rhyme scheme.

Keep writing
Lurie.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
Review of Dance Me A Song  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello turtlemoon. I am doing this review for March raid.

Your poem is about a sweet loving couple.
The structure is fine but I think you should work more upon Punctuations.

Your poem follows a rhyme scheme of aabb but I see that the second line is a bit long which ends in disturbing the rhyme scheme.

Keep writing
Lurie.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review of Style Master  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi. I am doing this review for march review raid.

You story and simple and sweet but it's just a "telling" without feelings. You should have added decent adjectives. You could more vividly write about Klye. His age, his body structure, his background and al.

You should change paragraphs after certain details. Punctuations are also not correctly placed. You can add the meaning of terms at the last but in the story it isn't necessary.

Keep writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
34
34
Review of Jealous?  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Serena Blade. I am reviewing this as an entry to the SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid Review.

Your poem is a free verse. It has deep thoughts. In this poem, the narrator's gender is not specified. It's for the readers to guess.

"I just wish you realized this."
It should be "realize" .

"Instead of pretending feelings don't exist." The structure of this sentence seems a bit wrong. I think it need a comma after "pretending".

Could you please explain what's this "green little monster" or is it jealousy personified ?

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
35
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JadeJaspers.

I came here by a random read and review exercise. I read your poem and it is brilliant. I tried hard bt can't find any flaw in this. The words used are helping the structure of the poem to be built. It looks like you have put lots of efforts in writing this.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
Review of Kaleidoscope  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi igotthebluez

I came here by a random read and review exercise.
I read your poem kaleidoscope. I can't understand the connection between the poem and the title. It's quite confusing. The poem's meaning is also not very clear till the end expect revealing some random thoughtful emotions.

"And don't have to be skeptical"
Skeptical = sceptical

Adding punctuations to your poem will help it.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*SnailB* Hi RedtoWrite.

Your poem is appreciable and flow is nice. The rhyme scheme followed is aabb. No corrections needed as per me.

Keep writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
38
Review of HYMN for HIM  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Perry Ride.

I came here by random read and review exercise.

Your poem title is a bit religious which enhances your poem quality and makes it pious.
It is about the person who you love. The rhyme scheme is well followed throughout the poem. The style is free verse. You should change lines after stanza to make it more comprehensible.

"Though hearing Him is very impressive"
You have used the capital H in Him, so do you mean the almighty ? If not, then change it to 'him' everywhere afterwards.

Use of punctuations is omitted here which makes your flow rough. Is 'dud' really a word or not? I guess it's not. Overall rating is 3.5 for now. Looking forward for more of your works.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
39
39
Review of Lost  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi StellarStories

I think I am reviewing you once again.

"I lost a mountain and three hills, one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist that turned the skyline gray."



"I lost a mountain and three hills,
On one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist,
That turned out the skyline gray."

In the second form, it is easier to follow the rhyme scheme.

"The other half of sky remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminder that I had the world, but still was lost to you."


"The other half of the broad sky,
Remained a perfect arch of blue.
Reminding that I have the world,
But still it is lost to you."

I also made some grammatical corrections. It is a suggestion, if you feel it better, then use it.

Keep writing,
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
40
40
Review of Lost  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi StellarStories

I think I am reviewing you once again.

The poem is really a short one.

"I lost a mountain and three hills, one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist that turned the skyline gray."


I lost a mountain and three hills,
On one rainy Saturday.
They vanished in a rolling mist,
that turned out the skyline gray.

In the second form, it is easier to follow the rhyme.

"The other half of sky remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminder that I had the world, but still was lost to you."

The other half of the sky,
remained a perfect arch of blue:
Reminding that I had the world, but still it was lost to you.

I also changed your rhyme scheme.My suggestion if for you, if you feel it better, then use it.

Keep writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
41
41
Review of The Photographer  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi LOTR98

I have read your story and want to give a review.

The story in all is well structured with good visual and auditory imagery. The description goes pretty well and the site is well chosen. But you should change paragraphs while writing for better approach.

"A butterfly fluttered its wings to get to my daffodil, providing an array of colour."

A butterfly fluttered its wings among the daffodils and then rested upon the daffodil which I was aiming, providing it an array of colours.

If you understand the difference, you can make a change. Overall rating is 3.5

Keep Writing
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
42
42
Review of Their First Walk  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi StellarStories.

It is a fable in verse. I like the poem and its simplicity. It has 6 stanzas with 4 lines eacg. It has rhyme scheme abcb which is followed smoothly throughout.

"Could meet again on Main."
The M of Main should be small.

"Till an icy wind blew up and pushed
Them into a bank of snow;
Then together they laughed at how the cold
Had made their faces glow."


Use commas at appropriate places.

Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
43
43
Review of Our Last Walk  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi N.Mulhare.

I am here by a random read and review exercise. You're a newbie here so you're very welcome.You have a nice sense of narration.Details are focused.


Keep writing.
Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
44
44
Review of Speech  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello.

I guess I am reviewing your work again. This poem makes me emotional and sorry for Kim. Your message of talking to the friends here alive with us to very true.

The only blemish in your work is the title. At first I thought it is something related to speech or like that and it's not catchy at all in my point of view. May be you like it.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
45
45
Review of Story Idea  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi WarriorOfTheSky.

You're a newbie so I would like to welcome you. Your idea is more or less inspired by superheroes movie or a novel. But considering it as your first entry I will rate it 4. If you have ideas for a story to be started but you don't feel like to continue then 'interactive stories' is a place for you in WDC. You can start a story with your ideas and others will continue writing it on your given guidelines. If you need more information on it feel free to ask.

Keep writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
46
46
Review of Courage  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi StellarStories.

I came here by a range read and review exercise. I read your poem. Itis beautifully portrayed. According to me no corrections are needed in this.

Keep writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
47
47
Review of Blackout Curtains  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Teargen!

I came here by a random read and recite exercise. I read your poem.

The title is quite captivating.
It is a sonnet with fourteen lines. The structure is well built.

My fav line---

"I guess you’ll go down hating to the end;
once more, it’s Hello darkness, my old friend."

Keep Writing.

Lurie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
48
48
Review of Santa Claws  
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It is a horrifying poem. Don't know why but I feel something dark behind it.

Keep Writing!

Lurie
49
49
Review by Lurie Park
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Noah! I am here as a random read and review exercise.

I have read your story "The Lost Intellectual"

The title is apt and well suited.

The overall structure is well built which increase reader's curiosity.

A story with a deep message with beautiful words, depicted.

Overall rating is 4 only because I can't I've you 4.25 star.

Keep Writing!
Lurie Park.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
50
50
Review of Sonnet VI  
Review by Lurie Park
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mkhululi!

I came here by a random read and review exercise. I read your sonnet.

It is wonderfully written expressing the theme.

According to me

"To wait any longer surely a sin,
Though pushing forward is the better end."


This line is most catchy and needed.

Overall rating: 4 stars

Keep Writing. Have a nice day!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
65 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 3 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luriepark/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2