I think your advice is excellent. Sometimes when I read a five-star article I'm inclined to rate it at the top but I'm reluctant to make any comments because I could find no flaws in the writing. But, your suggestions made me think that even if my five-star rating tells the author I liked it, I should still make a comment about how the article made me feel, and what I especially liked about it. Great advice! Ed.
Whoa! Yeah, much better. Great ending. Sorry if you thought I was flattering you. It isn't flattery if you deserve it. I love good writing and appreciate it when a writer takes the time to do the best job he can and that means taking care to spell check, and take the time to study the craft and to create the imagary necessary to bring the reader into his story. Writing is hard work, not just throwing a bunch of words at the screen and calling it writing.
I thoroughly enjoyed the Butterfly. It was a touching retelling and reliving of emotions and how they evolved from childhood into adulthood. Excellent in all respects. Thanks for contributing to the richness of our experience here on Writing.com.
Keep writing.
I enjoy reading stories from childhood memories. I liked your little tag line sonnett: "If they were bad, may the be forgotten in time." That must have been some family you had there. You brought up visions of another two nation marriage; Lucy and Ricky Arnez. I got some chuckles out of your story.
Oh, I'm sending along 200 GP's for your wonderful review of my item--An Exercise in Setting. As to the dangling participle, I changed that to "...in from play." Dangling participles? Now there's something to which I want no part of. Keep writing! Ed.
A fine vignette which should be entered into this month's contest having to do with the subject of pain. I could almost feel the effect of this handsome man's smile on your grandmother, "His smile flashed like a bolt of lightning in her heart." Excelent description. Keep writing and good luck. Ed.
An outstanding job! Not one misspelled word, excellent metaphors, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your story. Actually, I felt as if I were falling down a rabbit hole like Alice, once I started reading. It rushed me right along to the ending. The fact that your wordsmithing seems so effortless shows me that you put a lot of work into this story. Nobody just sits down and writes like this without a lot of effort. I applaud your skill and dedication to writing. WRITE ON! Ed
I like stories that have to do with the supernatural. I liked the way you introduced Noll's sister. The sentence, "He hadn't seen his sister for three years since last Christmas Day." seemed a little awkward and confusing to me. It's your story and I'm only making a suggestion, but how does this sound? "Since last Christmas Day, he hadn't seen his sister for three years." If I am reading the story correctly I figure that Noll and Noell are twins and his sister only appears on Christmas Days which is also their birthday. Your opening sentence confused me also. You state it as a fact that Noll was alone because it was his birthday, as if it were natural for people to be alone on that day. You may have intended that as a hook but it came across as a wrong-headed statement to me. "As was usual for him, Noll was alone on his birthday." seems to be more factual. Please excuse me if I seem too presumptious. I really have no qualifications for making all these suggestions, but I do read a lot and know what "sounds" right to me. It may not sound right to you at all and I understand that. Keep writing and good luck. Ed
As fantasy writing goes, this is prety good. I'm not a big fan of this particular genre but when the writing is good enough to keep me reading, I will indulge myself. I would change the word "fait" to "fate". If this was to explore the character, you might want to get more detail on his description. Did he have some flaws? Did he do or say things that would make him unique? Would a little backstory on how he got where he is with a dragon for a companion help to develop him? What is his purpose in life? Does he have anything to do but roam the countryside looking to help people? What does he want more than anything else in life, and what is keeping him from getting what he wants? Have you done a character sketch on Lance yet? Doing a sketch on your main character will help you to maintain your focus throughout the story. You need to know him just as much as a close family member, even better. Your sketch would contain way more detail than you ever use. It's a good practice.
Another rib-cracker! You have hit the nail on the head once again. And you are absolutely right about men being just as bad as women when it comes to hanging on to things. I didn't think about it until reading your article, but my garage? Well, come to think of it, that puts my wife's closets to shame. I've got door knobs and other odds and ends from the Depression Era for crying out loud! I've printed this one for my wife to read.
An excellent story. I'd change one sentence. "Next to her stood Pricilla." Instead of "was standing"
I liked the way you pulled me into your Victorian world. Very good.
Aside from some minor house-cleaning as far as grammer, the story succeeds in setting a mood and keeping it throughout. The ending was good because as a reader, I'm left thinking that maybe something will happen soon between this coffee drinker and the waitress and maybe tomorrow she WILL just say "Take this job and shove it!" (At least one hopes she would)
I love it! It should be mandatory reading for all school kids as soon as they can read. In fact the whole class should be made to stand up and recite it en masse each and every morning. Good life lesson and one of the few poems I've read that make any sense. This should sell on the children's market easily.
I liked the pace of the story. She truley is an "invisible" girl in that you never give a description but in my mind's eye, I could picture this girl from my own school days. I can think of an alternative ending where the girl turns out to be a famous author, someone who ends up a household name, and what her classmates think about that. But, the story was good as it stands. You kept the story moving forwardd at all times and that makes for a good read.
A good story. You're keeping it moving along at a good pace. I had a little trouble with the fantastic numbers like, seven thousand years and three hundred plus planets, even though I know it's Sci-Fi, there is a point where those huge numbers aren't believable and it kind of took me out of the world you have created and I had to struggle to get back into it. I really liked the alliteration you used to describe one of the Colonists "..stork on steroids." I hope you have more about this character in later chapters. In the paragraph starting; "Stealing the Millennium Potion.." in the next to last sentence, you need to insert the word "be" between the words "would" and "a". Good story, can't wait to read Chapter 2.
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