| Hello, my name is Maci and I'm reviewing your story
Guardians of the Earth
What drew me here? The Title stirred my interest. Right away I thought
of "Star Wars" But when I started reading it. Your words kept me there.
My Favorite Part: Hands down the imagery of this story is well done !
Overall Impression: I am new here, and for me to write a short
story I write down three words on a piece of paper and space them on the page.
On the top I write Beginning (this is where the writer sets the stage leading into the heart of the story. The build up! This story has done that quite well.
In the middle of the page, I put Meat or heart- this is where I put what
makes the story. If I take this part and reread it, I usually name my story from my first and lasting impression of this section of the story. Then I ask myself. Does the title match my story and does my description tell others what the story is all about.? Does yours?
Toward the bottom of the page, I write Sum it up. This part brings the
story "full circle." Sometimes it states the reason for the story. Here I bring
closure.(example; Picture blowing up a balloon if you tie a knot in it the air stays. If
you let go of the balloon (story) before tying it... Then what happens?)
These things for me have to have consistency. So I read It out loud and look for
inconsistencies. In your story is the Mother -"Mum" or " Mom?" Choose one. Little things like that. I look at imagery details.. are they consistence? In your story toward the beginning you said " live in an apartment six stories up," later in the
story you write... "started towards the elevator. We're almost 20 stories up," Do you see what I a mean?
I struggle with grammar so. I do not review on grammar. But, you need to always
capitalize the word "I"!
Disclaimer: I am just one. There are many out there more polished than me.
Therefore, feel free to use what you feel helpful and please disregard the rest.
Departing words I think this story has all kinds of potential! I
believe you stopped too soon.
For example. Go on... tell what happened to the couple in the park? What happened to the boy in the store? What happened to you?
Read it out loud to yourself as if you are a school teacher grading a paper. LOL, I would enjoy seeing you continue with this story. Take this beautiful start and dream big. The directions you can take this story are limited only by YOU! Please don't give up on it. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
Keep writing! Maci
P.S, Please do not let the 2 1/2 stars get you down. I look forward to revisiting and increasing them!