|Hey Jacque Graham!
Review for UPON MY DEATH
Great poem with an interesting, creative notion: writing about your own death. Since it's so close and personal to you, the poem is passionate and filled with an optimism that just brings light to the reader. Excellent job!
Errors & Suggestions for Solutions
There wasn't many glaring errors - no typos at all. However, I notice that your comma usage varies a bit.
For example, in the first stanza:
Upon my death
I hope that all will rejoice.
I would tell you,
Could I with human voice,
That now with my Father
I shall dwell.
All things are well.
There should be commas after "my death" and then after "my Father" but you only chose to employ one in the middle of the stanza. Perhaps you intended for it to be this way, but I just wanted to point this out to you.
What I Liked/Disliked (A.K.A. Just My Little Humble Opinions )
I really enjoyed the scene you depicted and how you firmly expressed your wishes for everyone to rejoice at the end of their lives because much more will be waiting for them after mortality. The piece is imbued with a natural sense of optimism and hope - it really uplifts the reader. Great job!
However, despite the moving idea your piece conveys, there is just one small point I'd like to bring to your attention. Your rhythm tends to vary somewhat and without a steady beat, it distracts the reader and takes away from the focus on what really matters: your message. If you paced the syllables in each line, the flow will be much more natural and the poem will really be perfect then.
Lasting Image: Overall Impression
I highly enjoyed this piece and as I have said before, the idea and scenes you depict (with God waiting for you at the end, ready to welcome you) are really captivating. I liked the fact that you write this piece as an intention to comfort those "who are left behind". An absolutely novel notion.
Although your rhythm wasn't quite steady, your rhymes were natural and sounded perfect. None of them sounded contrived and forced. At times, it's writing rhymes that is hardest test of a poet's ability . . . so congratulations, you've passed!
Great poem! I look forward to reading more from you soon. Thank you for sharing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **