I vaguely remember, on a trek with the Girl Scouts, the summer I turned fifteen, going through or near this town. I definately remember being told about it.
Very nice poem. I liked the refernece to the prairie dogs.
I liked that it was written with personality, not just the how to's. Adding your own trials and tribulations is an added bonus to the educational aspects of the article.
A couple of typos-
* in the continental united states or abroad.
(I believe United States should be capitalized)
* I choked and pr[r]actically spit my drink at him.
This sounds so much like a tragic ending to a sorrowfully doomed lover affair.
I think that this is me favorite line- from pecking my heart
into bits too small
to be sewn to your sleeve
It is so descriptive, this heart being torn into bits too small to be worn openly any longer.
Sounds a lot like a Valentine's Day without a lover, but instead with a wonderful friend. Sometimes it's better that way, being able to make fun, instead of crying over the old.
Two small typos-
*we have fun,( )anyway.
*We have fun,( )anyway.
Keep writing!
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"Picking and choosing reality"
I really liked this particular line. Everyone traveling the same road, but each of us seeing our own reality. Such a unique look at life
I didn't see any spelling errors or punctuation typos.
The ingrediants all seem good by themselves, but together? Maybe if you describe how the candy turns out, it would make me want to try it more. Is it fudge like?
Maybe you could even add a photograph of a batch of this made up? You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words!
Your words ring so true, unfortunately not many people believe enough in this institution to hear it. In this "Me" generation, "me" comes first, "you" second, and somewhere down the line is "us".
Blue and Yellow making Green is forever, even after one of the colors is gone, because what was colored is still around.
You will never know how much your words have touched me. Your words here have exactly shown the destroying disease of Alzeheimer's.
Beautifully written. You have captured the delicate despair that is witnessed in this disease. May many more people read this, and gain the knowledge to help stop this horrible disease.
You have a good setup here, but have forced a few things. I have quite a few suggestion for you, but don't want to overwhelm you. If you are truely interested in editing this piece of writing, let me know and I can send you the edits.
As for right now-
*As the name of a newspaper, Morning Post should be capitalized.
*remove reference of the brother, you don't need this right now.
As for giving you a break because you are 13, afraid not. You are a writer, your age has no reference to good technique.
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Pirate of The Broken Mast
Overall Impression: After working years and years in a retail setting, I know all too well the "retailers" end of these lyrics. As a consumer, I refuse to shop on "Black Friday!"
Technical Errors: None that I could see
Areas of Improvement: Without knowing the music end of these lyrics, I cannot comment on flow or if they fit in with the melody. If this is written to existing music, maybe you could mention with at the beginning?
My Likes and Dislikes: Thought the entire poem was insightful and fun.
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Pirate of The Broken Mast
Overall Impression: A very indepth look at submission guidelines for alternative writing websites. Writer beware- read EVERYTHING before you submit your works.
Technical Errors: I am probably NOT a resonable person,(reasonable)
Areas of Improvement: None, you throughly researched every aspect of this article.
My Likes and Dislikes: Liked the color changes between email submissions here. Only problem was that your first link is now invalid.
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Pirate of The Broken Mast
Overall Impression: A very sweet, beautiful poem written to commemorate the road to adulthood.
Technical Errors: fifth line down shines?
Areas of Improvement: hard to tell in the poem if this was written for a son or daughter, we only have that information in the description. Maybe you could incorporate another stanza with this information?
My Likes and Dislikes: Obviously this was written with a lot of love, it shows through.
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Overall Impression: After working years and years in a retail setting, I know all too well the "retailers" end of these lyrics. As a consumer, I refuse to shop on "Black Friday!"