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4 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
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Review by mandyt
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very sweet. I feel that it's crying out to be extended as it needs to 'go somewhere' in my opinion. Also, even though it is short, there are still opportunities to tighten the language
"I'm breathing the whole big sky" is a little 'clunk' and could use a metaphor instead.
Try playing with imagery to convey the emotion.

Good effort and keep writing :)
2
2
Review by mandyt
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your idea - that journey must have been fascinating. The whole time period is interesting.

How much research have you done? There is a lot of modern style language used and I'm not sure if it would have been used at that time. I could be wrong - I haven't done any research myself.

Some of your grammar was awkward and again, I'm not sure whether it was intended or not.

One thing jarred - it seems unlikely that, during 150 days, only one person would have told her whether they were heading. Perhaps her family wouldn't tell her before they set off, but during the trip?

Otherwise, well done!
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