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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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Review of Touch Me  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Beautiful vivid imagery abounds in your free verse poem, and I find myself reading aloud in a near whisper. Very compelling. How a chance encounter or brief encounter can lead to such lasting emotion.

Reading aloud, the imagery is well portrayed, and the rhythm fairly even throughout.

I can see this as a spirit, or a person relating a memory ~ the images do stay with me after having finished reading*Heart*

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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277
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Personalizing doubt and ennui as well, I am seeing; vivid images ~ I like the red cloak image of creativity, talent*Star* preparing for a face-off at the end ~ I can see the protagonist as the winner here*Smile*

Reading aloud, the flow is fairly even throughout; each stnza holds a compelling image.

Two spots hold me up a bit ~ "pained glass" ~ are you intending to create an image of the glass with a warped or painful look, or "paned" glass??

also, is the sky lightening up? or lightning? in the second last stanza.

Thank you for offering this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I was fully engaged by the adventure of Amy and Fred ~ good visual description of the characters; "the little man" delightfully described from a child's eye view*Star* I like his discourse with Fred, calling him "sir" puts his size in good perspective.

I think this is a delightful story, and look forward to reading more of their adventures ~ can see a fun series grow from this trio that kids would anticipate reading*Thumbsup*

I have but a few comments for your consideration,
Fourth paragraph, consider "Fred was not to be distracted" in place of being??? as more authoritative perhaps

also your download added a space to "thickest" in the next paragraph

Remember to separate quoted phrases from the rest of the sentence, i.e., "Please ask your servant to stop throwing me, for a start," the little man sniffed. (Love the visual image there*Star*)

I also enjoyed the vivid detail about how Amy was able to move the log ~ the process true and something a kid could try ~ a taste of science *Smile*

Good ending, offering a promise of more delightful adventures.

Thank you for offering this delightful fantasy!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This would work well to introduce your novel, good opening paragraph, not sure if the novel is about the mother or daughter, but in either instance, it is a good, detailed opening, which introduces the characters well and in goo visual detail*Smile*

I suggest you keep to one tense in the first paragraph, not only for consistency but to pull the reader in. You state her beliefs "are shattered" *Thumbsup*, so suggest saying "you lose your husband," ~ that's keeping it all immediate, pulling me in to the next paragraph where you explain why you can no longer promise your children...

Second paragraph, you describe the process of the kids going to school, so "dressed for school." (already implied); also suggest "...in bed asleep unti the older children have left..."

Next paragraph, suggest start with "Now you wake up every morning..." in place of suddenly; ad later "seeking guidance" (deleted "for").

Paragrah where you describe your father leaving ~ I think your download dropped a word, "disappeared and was never heard from again..." and "How are your youngest children ...all boys going to grow up..." instead of "can grow up"

Next paragraph, "...heart broken into little pieces" suggested in place of "in little pieces" and "grappling" in place of "grappled" and keep the singular "an ordinary woman who has had to respond" (what a beautiful image here*Star*)

The ending sums up the ideas well and stays with me, making me want to read more.*Heart*

Thank you for offering this story of courage and fidelity!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Beautifully told story poem. The tale of the noble Blue Heron as told by the silent witness. A fable for our time*Star*

Reading aloud, the imagery is vivid and compelling and the rhythm fairly even throughout. The images remain with me after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this powerful and thought provoking work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of A Twist of Fate  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Great Mystery~ Well plotted, held my interest throughout (and I'd love to know how someone 42 looks 28*Smile*. Good transitions from the psat tense recollection to the present tense conversations. Scenes are vivid and visual. I like the twisted ending.

A few comments for your consideration. The paragraph beginning "Afer that first night..." "and he had only recently..." ??? I also note in that paragraph transposed quotes and punctuation (i.e., "It wasn't important." (the period outside quotes as you have it)

The game of chess is a good comparison with the game of life and yes, the ending is a "checkmate."

Thank you for offering this delicious mystery!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed my journey in your 'Shop' ~ Creative, innovative design. Great communication with respect to questions to clarify what I wanted; then fast, top quality follow-thru. I highly recommend your services to anyone who may ask, and look forward to working with you again.

Thank you,
Kate

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Review of My world view  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your words paint a stark and vivid description of the depressive person's interaction with others who keep trying to forcefully change her; and she knows that she brings discord to those around her.

Reading aloud, eah stanza is complete in its description and conclusion, before propelling me on to the next. The rhyming of alternating lines in each stanza adds continuity and flow ad the rhythm is fairly even. I would suggest just a bit of tightening of adjectives ad adveres, which would make the flow a bit smoother, and the images portrayed a bit more vivid.,

The final stanza, the conclusion is very active and visual; leaves me reflecting on it after I have finished reading.


Thank you for offering this poignant and provocative work. I admire your courage in posting and wish you luck in this contest, and with the trials of daily life.!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Dear Michael  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


A story told in a series of letters/emails; creative*Thumbsup* As a story, there is a plot, a beginning, middle and end. Very realistic, engaged me from the beginning, innocuous introduction, then accepting and perhaps even encouraging revelation of increasingly 'unique' behavior, then realization that it was getting a bit too unusual (nude skydiving, nice touch*Smile*), never lost interest. The final kissoff after fear and anger. Then to start all over again.

Thank you for offering this vivid journey into the world of online dating!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of "playground city"  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your comparison of the haves and have nots of the city is visual with vivid imagery that engages my senses. The description of the homeless and other street people is very detailed and creatively worded; where I recall them after I have finished reading *Thumbsup*

Reading aloud, each stanza runs fast, with passion, through the vivid imagery and detailed descriptions. I read this as a story poem.

I have a few comments or questions regarding word usage, i.e., second stanza, "losing" instead of "loosing" the month's welfare check;

third stanza, the last two lines confuse me? "...look down at them..." suggest "look down on them from inside luxury..." as originally written it reads to me that the poor are the ones inside the luxury high rises???

Spell ~ fifth stanza, "decrepit" and "soothe"

Am held by the image of the wealthy returning to their "little lives as the unfortunate born go on..."

Thank you for offering this powerfully written, honest portrayal of life in the side of the city many wish to forget exists!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of mismatched  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Two lonely or lost soul seeking friendship, perhaps a deeper relationship, realize they found each other too late. Duty before personal happiness or fulfillment.

As a story, it reads more like a letter, personal and reflective*Star*

The visual description, the interchange with Claire and the paragraph about her for me speaks to being perceptive and other-centered, not selfish. I can see myself sit with her in the coffee shop and feel her anticipation and trepidation as she waits.

A personal nit, using the first person is bold, and can be very visual and riveting when held, so dropping it in the second paragraph (i.e., You sit in your very own corner table..." suggest keep it first person or use "One sits at his...")

Also suggest opening the paragraphs with the conversational quotes, i.e.,
"How would I know if it was you?" you asked.

and a few grammar or redundancies ~ i.e., "Just as how I have imagined," suggest "Just as I imagined"; and i.e., "As I gently sipped" would probably be more accurate to say "As I gingerly sipped..." ???

A poignant and sad conclusion, but one that appears very realistic; you kept me in the story with some great visual imagery and the tensio stayed throughout the story, the anticipation, then realization that they were 'mismatched' ~ great conclusio*Star*

Thank you for offering this provocative and poignant work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Bearing Up  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed all the practical jokes (whether actually done or relayed later) ~ I wonder how many weddings have such behind the scenes goings on.*Smile*

The comic items could possibly be introduced earlier by way of hints, so that at the end they become mysteries solved rather than stories told to one another. It almost seems like a comedic conspiracy played on June's mother, which would possibly be a fun theme?

I note also some descriptions early on that are telling and some omniscient. Suggest keeping in one voice for themost part, third person would work, I think. Some more detailed descriptions also suggested; to put me there with the bridal party*Smile*

i.e., "The rest of the large wedding party" ~ how many?, and instead of "remained," consider "waited" for their cue outside the church door? June would know who the "large man" was, but she wouldn't know that the ring bearer's mother assumed he would get into mischief (omniscient).

The 'bear' idea is novel and fun ~ I can see it happening, and would suggest a bit more visual description when he first starts into the church, state that he runs down the aisle or marches, or struts, something to show that's hs direction.

The fake ring idea I think is what you were alluding to as June watched Jake and his best man converse behind the cupped hand, so that would be a clue solved.

I enjoyed the comic take on a normally challenging day, to say the least. The "HELP" on the shoes I think was well portrayed, with the immediate laughter alluding to something weird, then the explanation solving it.

Thank you for offering this delightful story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Flower  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Who among us cannot relate, but you describe it so well; yearning for beauty and life, dancing through life, taking the best, hoping for eternal youth; it's all there in your life of a flower, so well personified. The ending is beautiful, the sun who gently caresses her awake each morning, there to soothe her final moments.*Heart*

One disconcerting image "she sprung from" ~ consider "she sprang from" or "from which she sprang" ???

Thank you for offering this beautiful, uplifting look at life through the eyes of a flower!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed Tori and her mother's story. Tori's obvious selfless love of her sister shows in her acts; she never resented taking care of her, playing with her, and was pleased she was a hit with her friends. From Tori's point of view she would not know the relationship between her parents, but apparently her mother knew when to step in and fight a battle for her daughter that was important, and knew she would not be opposed.

I see a love story, although the father is very much a cad, and apparently has no redeeming qualities.

The opening is immediate and pulls me into your story right away. There is some telling in place of showing and some adjectives that could be tightened out, to keep that intensity, i.e., "Once the door to our house closed behind us..." would be more forceful and put me in the room, if something like "My dad started yelling the moment we entered the house. ..." ????

There are few grammatical inconsistencies, and the story itself reads well, with a good strong opening, cohesive plot, and satisfying coclusion*Smile*

Thank you for offering this story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Last Job  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story brought has the flavor of a noir pi story, but from the point of view of the perpetrator*Smile* I like noir mysteries, and enjoyed your story as such. The form of speech, conversation rang of the tough style talk, but it is obviously set in modern times, (celphones, kokopelli shirt, i.e.) and it fits.

Good visual introduction, I could see the "wolf pack' shopping*Thumbsup* as they perused their surroundings.

A few segments ask me to suspend disbelief. An anonymous contractor for the job, without being further defined; and the fact that Frank didn't know Joe personally, and was disturbed by his actions, but moved things forward ~ what insurance policy? and plans for him afterward? a bit ambiguous in light of the fact he didn't know him.

A bit of omniscient description, i.e., where Jody is looking about for escape ~ Frank's point of observation would be more that she was obviously looking for, not hoping for???

At the end, where Dim Joe turns out to have a solid 'memory' there is no mention made of his lack of memory? so not a clue for me to be solved ~ although good part about his conscience in light of his past moral terpitude.

Good resolution re being in 'hell' and the 'ear.'*Star*

Thank you for offering this enjoyable read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for sharing this stark and real image. The terror and sense of impending doom is palpable throughout. Then the matter-of-fact statement that it would occur again the next night. You describe too well the fear that drives the everyday life of the enablers and victims of this abuse.

Told as a story, the elements of plot, description, and conclusion are present and told with enough detail that the reader can not only follow the story, but vivid visual descriptions put the reader in the house with the boy.

The second paragraph, "the darkness did not allow him to see where he was going..." has a bit of omniscience in it; as opposed to the vivid first person imagery throughout the rest of the work. i.e., how does the boy know it's a man, and if he lives there, why does he need to see the familiar furniture? Also, instead of "we will relive this..." again omniscient knowing the future, perhaps tie it also to the past as a 'recurring nightmare." ??

Thank you for sharing this poignant story ~ perhaps one will read it who is in a life sitution held by fear, and know that he/she is not alone.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story is well told as an example of the macho marriage of man and tool, obviously in tune with your use of 'Craftsman' tools (or you know that Sears will replace without question the broken ones*Smile*

The plot is easy to follow, has a beginning, middle, and resolution. You also stress two things early on, whether intentional or not, the protgonist is a procrastinator exemplar, and his wife is a long sufferig saint.

I note only a little telling in place of showing, i.e., "i had finished the dishes..." suggest something a bit more visual, like "Dishes done, I walked slowly to the computer, Coke in hand, to do the bills." (I'm putting myself in step with you and imagining the image.) You do have some good visual examples, i.e., "I wedged thscrewdriver into the crack..." I can picture myself doing just that *Thumbsup*

A bit of redundancy ~ "The strength of this belief...'in a positive manner'..." suggest eliminating 'in a positive manner' as unnecessary, unless you were seeking a specific word count?

Also, an example, near the finish, "Though, I must admit..." Suggest eliminating the first "though" (two in same sentence, and stronger start with "I must admit,..."

The ending is a gem.

I would, with but a few tightening changes, enjoy reading this piece in a magazine or as an article in a Sunday Edition, perhaps.*Smile*

Thank you for offering this delightful work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your testament to wdc. Your story has been rocky, so true to life, and you portray well how wdc mirrors the outside world, but with an unflagging spirit of encouragement and stability which is not found elsewhere, on line or 'outside.'

Thank you for sharing your journey, and I wish you continued growth and success with your writing^_^
Kate
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading the story of your journey back to writing.

As a story, it is well written, with little telling, and I can see myself walking alongside you on your journey of personal and writing growth.*Thumbsup* I like the mention of your friends and mentors as well.

I wish you continued success with your writing, and look forward to reading you 'in print.'
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The WDC Trip  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading the story of your journey in writing and how it correlates with your time on wdc. Your story itself is well plotted and a pleasure to read, yes, with a discerning eye as you do.

I find no errors in plotting or grammar.

Thank you for sharing and good luck ^_^
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your entry! Your tribute in verse is delightful, the rhyming adding an almost song-like quality, with the rhythm fairly even throughout.

Your examples are well written and follow logically from one to the other, then summed up in the concluding stanza.

Thank you and good luck ^_^

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Review of Confession  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your entry for the contest!

I like the twist you used, all while describing writing by hand... very creative and visual imagery of the process of writing and your description of the process, so esoteric.

Thank you for your entry, and good luck^_^

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298
298
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your entry!

The style, writing as a letter and formatting into individual posts, like an email chain, perhaps, is unique and easy to read. The style is friendly and personable as if actually writing to a family member or friend.

one tiny techie glitch, "I have met wonderful friends "who" take..." in place of depersonalized "that" take...

I smiled throughout the reading, and wish you luck in the contest and with your writing!


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299
299
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your tribute to WDC! You catch my interest with the title and starting with that email we all know so well; and describe well how it affected you viscerally. Then return to the start of your relationship with WDC and relate your journey through the present and even future.

Your entry followed the prompt well and was a pleasure to read^_^

tiny techie detail ~ suggest "my addiction started simply enough" in place of "simple"

FYI ~ another time to check WDC posts at work is while printing something work related at work, instead of chatting/gossiping with co-workers, for example, and it makes you look like you're hard at work multitasking ^_^

Thank you for your delightful entry, and good luck ^_^


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Review of ....nOTHING....  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very intense, and I found myself readingit aloud like poetry, to better grasp the flow and tension which intensifies throughout the piece.

Each paragraph/segment is cohesive and detailed, and follow in logical succession: starting with the smallest element, seconds; then the cycle of time; then history as the repetition of the cycle, back to the elemental seconds. Well plotted and thought-provoking.

I note but a few technical glitches, i.e. in the first paragraph, double clutched on "are are" in the last sentence, and a couple spelling nits, "doesn't" and pieces. I also note that you run ideas together for impact, separating with commas, though, so suggest perhaps more definite separation of second sentence in the third paragraph (beginning with Although), where you have several fully formed ideas and sentences connected.

Thank you for offering this thought-provoking work.
Keep Writing!
Kate
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