*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/manga_kate/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12
Review Requests: OFF
1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
276
276
Review of "playground city"  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your comparison of the haves and have nots of the city is visual with vivid imagery that engages my senses. The description of the homeless and other street people is very detailed and creatively worded; where I recall them after I have finished reading *Thumbsup*

Reading aloud, each stanza runs fast, with passion, through the vivid imagery and detailed descriptions. I read this as a story poem.

I have a few comments or questions regarding word usage, i.e., second stanza, "losing" instead of "loosing" the month's welfare check;

third stanza, the last two lines confuse me? "...look down at them..." suggest "look down on them from inside luxury..." as originally written it reads to me that the poor are the ones inside the luxury high rises???

Spell ~ fifth stanza, "decrepit" and "soothe"

Am held by the image of the wealthy returning to their "little lives as the unfortunate born go on..."

Thank you for offering this powerfully written, honest portrayal of life in the side of the city many wish to forget exists!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
277
277
Review of mismatched  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Two lonely or lost soul seeking friendship, perhaps a deeper relationship, realize they found each other too late. Duty before personal happiness or fulfillment.

As a story, it reads more like a letter, personal and reflective*Star*

The visual description, the interchange with Claire and the paragraph about her for me speaks to being perceptive and other-centered, not selfish. I can see myself sit with her in the coffee shop and feel her anticipation and trepidation as she waits.

A personal nit, using the first person is bold, and can be very visual and riveting when held, so dropping it in the second paragraph (i.e., You sit in your very own corner table..." suggest keep it first person or use "One sits at his...")

Also suggest opening the paragraphs with the conversational quotes, i.e.,
"How would I know if it was you?" you asked.

and a few grammar or redundancies ~ i.e., "Just as how I have imagined," suggest "Just as I imagined"; and i.e., "As I gently sipped" would probably be more accurate to say "As I gingerly sipped..." ???

A poignant and sad conclusion, but one that appears very realistic; you kept me in the story with some great visual imagery and the tensio stayed throughout the story, the anticipation, then realization that they were 'mismatched' ~ great conclusio*Star*

Thank you for offering this provocative and poignant work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
278
278
Review of Bearing Up  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed all the practical jokes (whether actually done or relayed later) ~ I wonder how many weddings have such behind the scenes goings on.*Smile*

The comic items could possibly be introduced earlier by way of hints, so that at the end they become mysteries solved rather than stories told to one another. It almost seems like a comedic conspiracy played on June's mother, which would possibly be a fun theme?

I note also some descriptions early on that are telling and some omniscient. Suggest keeping in one voice for themost part, third person would work, I think. Some more detailed descriptions also suggested; to put me there with the bridal party*Smile*

i.e., "The rest of the large wedding party" ~ how many?, and instead of "remained," consider "waited" for their cue outside the church door? June would know who the "large man" was, but she wouldn't know that the ring bearer's mother assumed he would get into mischief (omniscient).

The 'bear' idea is novel and fun ~ I can see it happening, and would suggest a bit more visual description when he first starts into the church, state that he runs down the aisle or marches, or struts, something to show that's hs direction.

The fake ring idea I think is what you were alluding to as June watched Jake and his best man converse behind the cupped hand, so that would be a clue solved.

I enjoyed the comic take on a normally challenging day, to say the least. The "HELP" on the shoes I think was well portrayed, with the immediate laughter alluding to something weird, then the explanation solving it.

Thank you for offering this delightful story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
279
279
Review of Flower  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Who among us cannot relate, but you describe it so well; yearning for beauty and life, dancing through life, taking the best, hoping for eternal youth; it's all there in your life of a flower, so well personified. The ending is beautiful, the sun who gently caresses her awake each morning, there to soothe her final moments.*Heart*

One disconcerting image "she sprung from" ~ consider "she sprang from" or "from which she sprang" ???

Thank you for offering this beautiful, uplifting look at life through the eyes of a flower!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
280
280
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed Tori and her mother's story. Tori's obvious selfless love of her sister shows in her acts; she never resented taking care of her, playing with her, and was pleased she was a hit with her friends. From Tori's point of view she would not know the relationship between her parents, but apparently her mother knew when to step in and fight a battle for her daughter that was important, and knew she would not be opposed.

I see a love story, although the father is very much a cad, and apparently has no redeeming qualities.

The opening is immediate and pulls me into your story right away. There is some telling in place of showing and some adjectives that could be tightened out, to keep that intensity, i.e., "Once the door to our house closed behind us..." would be more forceful and put me in the room, if something like "My dad started yelling the moment we entered the house. ..." ????

There are few grammatical inconsistencies, and the story itself reads well, with a good strong opening, cohesive plot, and satisfying coclusion*Smile*

Thank you for offering this story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
281
281
Review of The Last Job  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story brought has the flavor of a noir pi story, but from the point of view of the perpetrator*Smile* I like noir mysteries, and enjoyed your story as such. The form of speech, conversation rang of the tough style talk, but it is obviously set in modern times, (celphones, kokopelli shirt, i.e.) and it fits.

Good visual introduction, I could see the "wolf pack' shopping*Thumbsup* as they perused their surroundings.

A few segments ask me to suspend disbelief. An anonymous contractor for the job, without being further defined; and the fact that Frank didn't know Joe personally, and was disturbed by his actions, but moved things forward ~ what insurance policy? and plans for him afterward? a bit ambiguous in light of the fact he didn't know him.

A bit of omniscient description, i.e., where Jody is looking about for escape ~ Frank's point of observation would be more that she was obviously looking for, not hoping for???

At the end, where Dim Joe turns out to have a solid 'memory' there is no mention made of his lack of memory? so not a clue for me to be solved ~ although good part about his conscience in light of his past moral terpitude.

Good resolution re being in 'hell' and the 'ear.'*Star*

Thank you for offering this enjoyable read!
Keep Writing!
Kate
{image:1071274]
wistful rune ~ …
{image:1067047}

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
282
282
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for sharing this stark and real image. The terror and sense of impending doom is palpable throughout. Then the matter-of-fact statement that it would occur again the next night. You describe too well the fear that drives the everyday life of the enablers and victims of this abuse.

Told as a story, the elements of plot, description, and conclusion are present and told with enough detail that the reader can not only follow the story, but vivid visual descriptions put the reader in the house with the boy.

The second paragraph, "the darkness did not allow him to see where he was going..." has a bit of omniscience in it; as opposed to the vivid first person imagery throughout the rest of the work. i.e., how does the boy know it's a man, and if he lives there, why does he need to see the familiar furniture? Also, instead of "we will relive this..." again omniscient knowing the future, perhaps tie it also to the past as a 'recurring nightmare." ??

Thank you for sharing this poignant story ~ perhaps one will read it who is in a life sitution held by fear, and know that he/she is not alone.

Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
283
283
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your story is well told as an example of the macho marriage of man and tool, obviously in tune with your use of 'Craftsman' tools (or you know that Sears will replace without question the broken ones*Smile*

The plot is easy to follow, has a beginning, middle, and resolution. You also stress two things early on, whether intentional or not, the protgonist is a procrastinator exemplar, and his wife is a long sufferig saint.

I note only a little telling in place of showing, i.e., "i had finished the dishes..." suggest something a bit more visual, like "Dishes done, I walked slowly to the computer, Coke in hand, to do the bills." (I'm putting myself in step with you and imagining the image.) You do have some good visual examples, i.e., "I wedged thscrewdriver into the crack..." I can picture myself doing just that *Thumbsup*

A bit of redundancy ~ "The strength of this belief...'in a positive manner'..." suggest eliminating 'in a positive manner' as unnecessary, unless you were seeking a specific word count?

Also, an example, near the finish, "Though, I must admit..." Suggest eliminating the first "though" (two in same sentence, and stronger start with "I must admit,..."

The ending is a gem.

I would, with but a few tightening changes, enjoy reading this piece in a magazine or as an article in a Sunday Edition, perhaps.*Smile*

Thank you for offering this delightful work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
284
284
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your testament to wdc. Your story has been rocky, so true to life, and you portray well how wdc mirrors the outside world, but with an unflagging spirit of encouragement and stability which is not found elsewhere, on line or 'outside.'

Thank you for sharing your journey, and I wish you continued growth and success with your writing^_^
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
285
285
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading the story of your journey back to writing.

As a story, it is well written, with little telling, and I can see myself walking alongside you on your journey of personal and writing growth.*Thumbsup* I like the mention of your friends and mentors as well.

I wish you continued success with your writing, and look forward to reading you 'in print.'
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
286
286
Review of The WDC Trip  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading the story of your journey in writing and how it correlates with your time on wdc. Your story itself is well plotted and a pleasure to read, yes, with a discerning eye as you do.

I find no errors in plotting or grammar.

Thank you for sharing and good luck ^_^
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
287
287
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your entry! Your tribute in verse is delightful, the rhyming adding an almost song-like quality, with the rhythm fairly even throughout.

Your examples are well written and follow logically from one to the other, then summed up in the concluding stanza.

Thank you and good luck ^_^

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
288
288
Review of Confession  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your entry for the contest!

I like the twist you used, all while describing writing by hand... very creative and visual imagery of the process of writing and your description of the process, so esoteric.

Thank you for your entry, and good luck^_^

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
289
289
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading your entry!

The style, writing as a letter and formatting into individual posts, like an email chain, perhaps, is unique and easy to read. The style is friendly and personable as if actually writing to a family member or friend.

one tiny techie glitch, "I have met wonderful friends "who" take..." in place of depersonalized "that" take...

I smiled throughout the reading, and wish you luck in the contest and with your writing!


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Exquisite Angel Wings*Heart*

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
290
290
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading your tribute to WDC! You catch my interest with the title and starting with that email we all know so well; and describe well how it affected you viscerally. Then return to the start of your relationship with WDC and relate your journey through the present and even future.

Your entry followed the prompt well and was a pleasure to read^_^

tiny techie detail ~ suggest "my addiction started simply enough" in place of "simple"

FYI ~ another time to check WDC posts at work is while printing something work related at work, instead of chatting/gossiping with co-workers, for example, and it makes you look like you're hard at work multitasking ^_^

Thank you for your delightful entry, and good luck ^_^


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
291
291
Review of ....nOTHING....  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is very intense, and I found myself readingit aloud like poetry, to better grasp the flow and tension which intensifies throughout the piece.

Each paragraph/segment is cohesive and detailed, and follow in logical succession: starting with the smallest element, seconds; then the cycle of time; then history as the repetition of the cycle, back to the elemental seconds. Well plotted and thought-provoking.

I note but a few technical glitches, i.e. in the first paragraph, double clutched on "are are" in the last sentence, and a couple spelling nits, "doesn't" and pieces. I also note that you run ideas together for impact, separating with commas, though, so suggest perhaps more definite separation of second sentence in the third paragraph (beginning with Although), where you have several fully formed ideas and sentences connected.

Thank you for offering this thought-provoking work.
Keep Writing!
Kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Smile*Thank you chucksmith for my Signature Muse*Heart*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

manga_kate
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Merit Badge #112280 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Invalid Merit Badge #113511

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
292
292
Review of Another World  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed this taking this enlightening journey into a time passed with you.*Smile* You provide vivid descriptions of Edna's surroundings and how they seem to fit her as she calmly and matter-of-factly regales with stories of time passed. Meeting the aunts turns into a revelation of another world, an you portray that well.

I note but a little telling in place of showing and some disunity in usage, i.e., "The sisters shared with me..." then the next paragraph again starts with "The sister's..." (the apostrophe should be after the 's' ~~ but I'd suggest not starting two consecutive paragraphs with the same words??? Some 'cliche' i.e., "While we shared and laughed..." specify what was shared to provide detail, or "while we talked and laughed..." ???

I am left to feel heartened by the conclusion and agree that these are treasures of family and continuity of the thread of life.

Thank you for offering this enjoyable an enightening journey, and I would enjoy reading more about the aunts and their lives!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
293
293
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed reading your poem and found myself sympathetic with Viranda, and sad to see her demise. You draw some very vivid images that engage all my senses of first her waking and then showing me how she is different by introducing her 'all seeing eyes' and her knowledge of the hunt.

The rhythm is fairly even throughout the poem, although some repetition might be reworded, i.e., "...she feels invisible..."Feeling the heat..." suggest changing one of the 'feel's to avoid the same word; it's also a telling word, suggest more active here to show me how it is she feels this???

The hunt concludes with vivid imagery again, and I can see from your words the "...ash of centuries..."*Star*

Thank you for offering this really imaginative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
294
294
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautiful, uplifting message, a treatise to the joy of finding freedom. The rhyming is nearly song-like, has a beat to it that's rhythmic and flowing, puts me in mind of singing for joy*Smile*

I note a bit of forcing to fit the rhyme scheme and a few techie nits of mine, i.e, using "hope" and "hopeful" in the same line (3rd line 1st stanza); a couple of dropped apostrophes in the download.

Some great messages are stated, i.e., "I am the soul, and spirit too, of life's great question..."*Star*

Thank you for offering this uplifting and beautiful image!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
295
295
Review of Bhadraksh  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautifully written story, with a good message told in a deceptively simple yet elegant manner. Bhadraksh museing on the strength of his feet, yet why he was still there, in the harmony of the landscape when his soul was in disharmony. The revelation from observing how life flows with symmetry leading him to an understanding of his purpose very well depicted. I am left feeling calm and not sad as I finish this part of his tale.

Some good action to separate the descriptve scenes*Smile* and very little telling in place of showing.

One note is jarring at the end, jumping months ahead in that manner is a bit telling, and makes it appear that he waited several months at the same place in th same condition. I would recommend rewording the stat of the opeing paragraph for a bit more clarity as is evident in the rest of the story*Heart*

Thank you for offering this revealing and well written story.!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
296
296
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Thank you for offering this great piece writtn with irony and great dry wit*Thumbsup* Would that some of the kids whose belly rolls hang out would read it; we might start to see 'normal' jeans once again.

Technically, the opening catches my ear, and the description of 'mom jeans' s so vivid, i can see them as I prepare to try them on*Smile* Your piece progresses well through the quest for a pair of jeans, and I again like the ending, the cycle to repeat again, or just jump on line.

Technically, I notice only a bit of telling in place of showing, as you put me in the story next to the shopper ad kept me there throughout.

Thank you for offering this realistic yet deliciously fun work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
297
297
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This piece is replete with imagery both gentle and joyous. Daydreaming leads to prancing prissy ~ there's a sense of fun as well as reflective joy in the daydreaming and looking at clouds. I can easily see your words raising the spirit of one who is suffering.

Thank you for offering this beautiful and uplifting work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
298
298
Review of Trees in Summer  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I really enjoyed this vivid journey into summer. Personifying nature (the wind) gave the trees a distinct personality, as if actively protecting the chicks.*Smile*

Technically, the images are natural and picturesque, hold the vision for a moment, before releasing to the net image. Well conveyed.


Thank you for offering this beautiful, reflective work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
299
299
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


The opening line prepares me well for the informative and vivid portrayal to follow*Thumbsup*

The insights and scenarios flow logically and in ever more depth, to the beautifully worded conclusion, thought provoking and reflective, that final image remains with me after I have finished reading.

Technically, I note a few places where I was slowed a bit in reading ~ "prejudiced against by" the way prejudiced is used in the phrase, also use of passive voice there while the remainder of the phrase is active.

"shrewd in mist" I am unclear as to the intent or meaning; if it's a colloquialism, it's one not commonly used here?

also, you use factual statements in most of the images, but "can only resemble..." becomes omniscient, suggest keeping factual "...a highjacked min resembles being t war..." ???

Again, a wonderfully vivid ending, with the two contrasted visions*Thumbsup*
Thank you for offering this informative and insightful work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Special Thanks to kelly1202 for my Adorable Sig*Heart*

{image:976770]

{image:748948}
300
300
Review of Wounded  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Smile*Greetings! I'm one of the Reviewers for the *Down*
 Weekly NEWBIE Challenge  (E)
LEARN - Bitem Format, Emoticons, etc., and receive Reviews
#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~


*Smile*I was really moved by your entry - hope to see you in the next challenge*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Such powerfully written and vivid images conveyed by your words maintain a deep intensity of feeling throughout your poem.

Technically, each stanza follows the previous one logically, and the rhythm is fairly even throughout, compelling me forward. I note one suggestion for consistency, where you are speaking in the present, but for the fourth stanza first line, where you say "fell" ~ suggest you consider "fall" to keep the consistency.

Thank you for your courageous effort, which resulted in this powerfully written work.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
466 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 19 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/manga_kate/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12