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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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126
126
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS and thank you for entering this engaging story of a family first conceived in hope, descended to despair for the couple and frustrated anticipation for the ‘child.’ The summation, “be careful what you wish for,” very appropriate in this tale that blends the mortal with the otherworldly.

I’m not certain of the age group targeted, perhaps teen or pre-teen based on the theme and the word usage.

I note a bit of telling in place of showing in some places, and some discord in tense. For example in the opening paragraph, for consistency in voice “…reading her very thoughts.” Or “…reading her every thought.” ?? and later “Risa smiled one of many fake smiles she had perfected…” Also, where Risa ‘headed’ for somewhere, consider showing what she was doing – walked, strolled, stomped ???? Like the visual image in the paragraph where she stands in front of the blue door – very vivid, engages all the senses

Thank you for offering this story about ‘wishing’ for things that are perhaps not meant to be; also a metaphor for kids growing up, they do blaze their own path, albeit most not so destructive.

Good luck in the contest!
Keep Writing!
Kate


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127
127
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS. Thank you for offering this engaging story of a boy who falls for a challenge unattainable and, in realizing he was tricked, how it affects him and his trust of adults. I see this as geared to perhaps higher-grade children, who would understand the message while enjoying the story. I found myself hoping that Ravi would earn his reward and shared in his disappointment when he realized there was no way he ever could have

I enjoyed the two voices, each holding true throughout the story, related first person through the father’s eyes, and third person for Ravi. Very little passivity, active and visual throughout. I note but a few places where there is a bit of discord, i.e., “Unrepentant, unaware of misdoing, he looked up at me…” (holding the tense) ??

The story remains engaging and lively through to the end, where Ravi very appropriately intones, “promises, promises.” Thank you for a delightful read! Good luck in the contest.

Keep Writing!
Kate
Keep Writing!
Kate
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128
128
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review of "A wonderful Christmas Present."
Greetings! I am one of the judges for GENREFLECTIONS and thank you for offering this joyous story of a Christmas wish come true; a message of hope, faith, and joy.

The story is well directed to perhaps middle grade children, who can recall writing (and drawing) letters to Santa with their most heartfelt wishes (some might still do it). The caregiver’s name, Grace, very appropriate to the gift

The plot unfolds in an active and visual manner, keeping the senses engaged throughout. The spellchecker kicking off in a few places did not detract from enjoyment of the story itself, recheck apostrophes and proper names).

The ending is simply uplifting, with Grace happy for the girls; caring enough to let them go and give them their dream. Thank you for this story that puts a smile in the heart of adults as well as children. Good luck in the contest^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

Keep Writing!
Kate
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129
129
Rated: E | (4.0)
A review of "Once A Special Place – 237 words
Thank you for sharing this vision of primordial beauty and life, its imprint on the spirit and Mother Earth there for one who cares to see it!

Reading aloud, as a free form poem I do not seek rhyme, but a rhythm of images that flows, painting a picture with words or relating a story. I see Nature's painting unfold with the coming dawn, awakening, then building in intensity. Despite the merciless attempts to destroy the nascent beauty, it remains alive, a promise*Heart*

I see some rhythm in the flow of images, and would suggest perhaps a few pauses (commas, or semicolons) to focus the reader’s eye and ear to hear the vibrant sounds. For example, second line, “Loneliness creeping defeats itself, battling the buoyant…” and the next line, “The forest awakens gently, unfettering the floral delight; inviting all…”

Also, for rhythm to the ear, consider for consistency, holding the same tense in a stanza, i.e., “Vines and ferns seek ever upward, lead me to the summit;…” (in place of ‘leading’ – more passive, dropping the rhythm); and in the final stanza, consider the sound of “eyes resting, sensing busyness of life, harmonious” (dropping ‘and’ for harmony of rhythm).

Thank you for a beautiful journey to a place of ‘promise’ and ‘Spirit’s guarantee’ that even on a chill winter’s day “The day sends upward the sun, filtered by needles and cones.” (I just love that image, so tangible.)*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerful work, and welcome to WDC^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate



Keep Writing!
Kate
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130
130
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this altruistic opportunity to contribute to Rising Stars and other treasured WDC Community Activities! The email invitation to donate friendly and inviting, as is the straightforward title and tag line*Star*

As a forum, the parameters are clear, groups to benefit defined with working links to afford additional visits thereto*Thumbsup* The tone of the posts and responses friendly and conducive to entry. From the opening image, the auction invites further perusal, contributions for some delightful reading, and bidding! I see no discord or nits of any kind.

Hope this is a resounding success! and I look forward to some delightful reading, and bidding! A token contribution here for the pool.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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131
131
Review of Incubus  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A writer who creates such vivid phantoms that they come to life and claim him as their own. This vivid exchange leaves me wondering if it's all real or creative visualization*Star*

Well related in first person, the opening prepares me to hear a story. I would recommend either splitting the first sentence, however, to maintain the impact of the opening line, or something like "...I found myself unable to achieve restful repose, as unflagging nightmares occupied ..." The end also sounds passive when I read aloud, is he releasing emotions or a 'miasma of images' (the nightmares)? The passive or telling with use of 'that' ~ consider eliminating some of the understood helper words for more active imagery?

The letter is a splendid transition to relate the story itself! The reason for the nightmares is described in vivid detail. I would consider making the opening more active once again, perhaps flipping the thought, "We met briefly in the village, where I was procuring provisions, during a brief respite..." The next paragraph, "...the mists along the path to my cottage..." (image of the mists wafting along the path??? and the third paragraph, for visual, were the waifs "dancing in circles around it" or "dancing around it in a circle" ?

"Malefica" ~ cool name for the writer! now I'm thinking he's not all innocent*Thumbsup*

The second narrative again good transition, seeing the letter itself as a nightmare. The generic 'window' used several times in one sentence. Consider defining it, something like "Thinking I must have left the bedroom window open, I turned on the light and went to close it, but the window wasn't open." ???

The following transitions of letters and narrative are facile and move the plot well. I am seeing a supernatural exchange building on the surface, with a hint of something ominous to come.

The ending is a descent to madness either literal or figurative ~ spiced with intriguing use of alliteration "...terrible torments..." and I see him as no longer in the world of the living at the end.

Thank you for offering this provocative, intense work^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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132
132
Rated: E | (4.0)
The chapter opens with Skylie waking her sister, Mabel, and intent on getting her dressed and ready for school in record time, so Skylie will not be late to her classes. The conversation and description of Mabel's action dressing and Skylie combing her hair is natural and vivid.

The opening full descriptive paragraph a bit passive. Consider combining some of the descriptions, not using "They lived in" but showing the three rooms by their use.

The introduction of Skylie's father's death is timely and answers the question as to why she has had to become such a responsible caregiver for her sister and helper for her mother; and their relative poverty as compared to others in her class*Star* One note, "the pipes rattled, or hissed, or whistled.""" perhaps?

The scene in the cafeteria gives a vivid image of the social class structure as perpetuated over generations, and we learn that Cordelia and her peers look down on those who died in accidents, although her friends seem a bit embarassed in Skylie's presence. But they still titter or laugh. Cole not participating, showing his embarassment at the actions and comments of Cordelia and her entourage, highlights his difference from his social peers, perhaps pushing him farther from them and more akin to Skylie*Star*.

Consider in place of 'normal entourage' "ever-present entourage" (to show that they are always there???)
Also, use of gasp twice in a sesntence ("Vanessa gasped, and Cole felt..."

Later, the description of the greenhouse "she loved" used twice in quick succession, consider the second instead something like "The warm flow of lights soothed her skin." ???

Cole's scene walking out of the library reflecting on what he knew, consider tightening a bit and if radiation is important, how does it link to the greenhouse or maybe the everpresent 'music.' ???

I can feel the teen angst of a boy who abhors the idea of his mother fixing him up with a date*Star* Very natural and believable. Note the name change to "Lander" (an 'oops' I believe)*Blush*

Good ending with Cole now having to find a way out of being forced ot go with Cordelia; perhaps he'll get Tyler fixed up with her next chapter???

I can't wait to see how the two get together, will they uncover the reason for the music? find the truth of Diana, why the miners died? There's so much life in this world waiting to be explored.

Looking forward to Chapter 4.*Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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133
133
Rated: E | (4.0)
Chapter 2 continues Skylie's story, further defining her character and her interaction with her peers. I see a proud, self-reliant girl who has a lot of internal fortitude and courage. She can stand up to her peers while accepting and embracing her responsibilities to help her mother raise her little sister.

Cole's story also continues as one of a teenage boy, resisting his parents' attempts to mold him, instead pursuing his curiosity and vision, seeking truth over rote belief.

The points of view of both continue and are easy to follow. Each carries his/her own voice naturally and build on the first chapter's introduction.

The narratives I find at times passive, i.e., the opening, show why Skylie is hurrying ~ suggest something like "Skylie had to hurry to drop off the latest receipts and confirm several orders for her mother." also something similar with the last sentence, eliminating 'should' and showing why she needs to get home. ??? Also consider a bit of tightening in the second paragraph, where she muses over Cole's appearance and qualities. It's an intriguing segment, where their similarity in temperament and qualities can be noted for any future interaction to come naturally.

Where Skylie talks to herself "Don't say anything..." should probablly be italicized as it's a self-talk, then when she blurts out her comment the next line, it's easy to see that Skylie's the one talking.

The next line, something like "Cordelia's eyes narrowed even more, becoming merely slits." ???

Later, Cole's invitation "Oh, my father told me he invited your family over to dinner. I really hope you will come." (holding the same tense)

In the conversations that follow, consider working the descriptions into the comments, following after them, i.e., "...this must be Ethan," Mrs. Jones exclaimed, peering up at him with small, inset brown eyes. (then go on the describe the difference in height and her pudgy size)*Smile*.

The conversation between Cole and his friend Tyler is natural and believable, and shows how little he sees in common with Cordelia. Building well for me the similarities between Skylie and Cole's personalities, and how they are each different than their peers, with vision and dreams*Star*

I'm looking forward to Chapter 3 ^_^
Keep Writing!
Kate
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134
Rated: E | (4.5)
The reader is taken to a world that is a city of layers, structured in classes,the top layer being the most prestigious, paying lip service to a constitution based on pseudo-religious tenets. Mythological references to Diana (naming the asteroid/home/city) and paraphrasing the Pledge of Allegiance intriguing jumps from the reader's world to this alternate society*Thumbsup*

The story opens in the corridors of Diana as our protagonist (Skylie) rushes to school, running afoul of a peacekeeper and her teacher. A second voice (Cole Brent) is effectively used in the schoolroom, easy to see as an additional protagonist, perhaps, who the reader gets a sense will be as important to the story and its resolution.

Effective use of two points of view (Skylie's and Cole's); natural conversation, and believable characters. The peacekeeper and teacher are also effective helpers to put the teenage protagonists in perspective as to their daily routines and develop their personalities.

I note but a few areas in narration where the descriptions become passive or repetitive. In the opening, consider ending the opening sentence with "...down the corridors of Diana." In the next paragraph, perhaps describe, something like, "...not wanting to collide with the skinny fifteen year old running along the corridors of the City." ??

Also, same paragraph, "A bell sounded, and everyone stopped_" (deleting somewhere). and more accurate at the end of the paragraph, "...never stopped playing that music,..."

In describing the peacekeeper, "...a scrunched up look around her eyes" (Skylie not seeing it in her eyes).

Next paragraph, the ending "...minute of peace Skylie did." (eliminating 'that')

The conversation with the peacekeeper ~ "Citizens have the right...," Skylie blurted, instantly clapping her hand over her mouth. The words just slipped out." (a bit more visual perhaps)

Later, use of "mark" twice in a sentence, consider "labeled" for the second use.

The segment in the school, Cordelia's description and segment a bit passive or telling. Consider showing how Cordelia's voice sounds. "..her high-pitched, or tight-lipped, or ...reading through tight, pursed lips" ?? (show how it's prissy) also this I believe is in Cord's view, so end the sentence iwth "...level four like Cord."

The next quote, ..."Skylie stood up and began to read in a clear, ..." (in place of it)

Again, Cordelia and Angelina "...sneer at Skylie" (or show how they look at Skylie)

Cole's admiration ~ suggest tightening the long sentence to state what he admired about her, perhaps just deleting "of" where it occurs??

Cole learning about The Planets and "other stellar bodies" perhaps to define what he is interested in???

Later, in her conversation with Ms. Reynolds, perhaps have the active statement first, "The nursery opened late...." Skylie replied with a slight shrug. ???

Thank you for creating this vivid world of mystery, intrigue, and imagination peopled with believable characters (both likeable and not so*Smile*) I look forward to reading more of their story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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135
Review of Breaking News  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this story*Star* ~ as I listen to the sometimes near illiterate voices reading news and sports and such on tv, I can envision them attaining their position in a similar manner*Rolleyes*

I note but a couple places where I am slowed ~ the third paragraph opens with a long sentence. Consider splitting and perhaps tightening from "...as the on-site reporter..." Also the end of that paragraph, avoid absolutes "always" and using "they" twice in a sentence ~ perhaps something like "...but in the privacy of living rooms, ratings prove they tune in to see..."

The paragraph beginning "It wasn't long before..." I question ending with "again" maybe something like "I again put Randy's old files into play." ???

WOW ~ What an Ending ~ So matter of fact, like Walter Cronkite ending the newsday*Star* I can envision a sequel or a longer story as a media mogul is born and, hmmm, perhaps somehow gets his comeuppance*Star*

Thank you for offering this delicious story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Write Stuff  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem speaks to the heart and spirit of the writer ~ be it prose or poetry, the need to write 'extolled' so deftly*Star*

Reading aloud, the rhyming is not forced and works to add emphasis to the images presented; each of which portrays the innate passion of spirit that compels the writer to write*Star* The images sublime yet vivid ^_^

There is a beat, a rhythm, that resonates with said passion through much of the poem. Consider perhaps opening with a more even rhythm to show the passion, i.e., something like "Though I do so love to read, I have this obsessive need, ..." (active voice to propel the reader into the vision?)

Thank you for offering this powerful glimpse into the heart and spirit of the Writer!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Of WDC and Drama  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this provocative tribute!

Bolding the genres and types of writing answers the statement made at the introduction that the goal is to explain the reason why we are here at WDC, while paying tribute to WDC for affording writers the ability to partake of and participate in the various modes.*Star*

Reading aloud, as a free form poem I do not seek rhyme but rather cohesive theme or a 'plot' ot move the images forward, which I find here. The acrostic form is well met - a rally cry/cheer of sorts as well as tribute "WDC"; the pacing and the alternate indentation-spacing of the stanzas adds a bit of pause to reflect on each mode before leading to the next, the words/images not forced, to the next*Smile*

I would consider adding a few pauses for emphasis (commas or a semicolon perhaps or period), where definitive statements are made, i.e., "When you voice your opinion, I listen." ??? also, i.e., perhaps "...please be an Adult." ???

Thank you once again for offering this Splendid Tribute*Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Orchid Bride  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this story of hope!

This story speaks to me on two levels; a young girl dreaming of a life where she will 'taste' and savor beauty and love, and be able to bring that beauty to her home village, to her people.

Accepting the orchid from one who declared his love for her, she finds that the new life has hardships of its own, different than those in her home, but she holds fast to the fading orchid, a token of her vision of a better life for her family and village. Though the token is fading, and floats away, her dream is realized as water is ordered pumped to her village. Her dream is realized as her orchid/dream floats toward her village, realized through unrelenting hope and effort.

The message for me, hold fast to your dream and keep working to attain it ~ it may not be today or tomorrow, but it will happen*Heart*

As a story, the flow and plotting is detailed and smooth, the transitions even and easy to follow. There are no loose ends or unresolved issues.

I note but a few places where the image was a bit passive. Consider the opening, simply a 'screech' perhaps and it would pierce "through the fog that clouded the daydreaming young girl's mind..." (a bit more active?) and keeping it simple, "how she wished they were bigger" relating to her body In thinking of the neighboring girls, perhaps combine the sentences to show their disdain for her appearance and proximity to her home?

Later, re the piped water, "...she wishes she could have but one taste." (of that we understand?) Also 'that' appears next paragraph, and perhaps "Satisfied she had collected..." And when she is climbing, "Stepping with care along the uneven path, or rock-strewn path???" a visual image of why she is stepping with care?

When she encounters Usman, "...or dirty like those of..." relating to appearance compared with his counterparts.

How does Usman stop her later to present her with the Orchid? Something like?? "He held it to the sunlight and stepped in front her her, making her stop to tuck it behind her ear."

The next full paragraph, "she could see" used twice. Consider keeping the first with an added "She could see the outskirts..." and the second occurrence making more active describing what she was seeing, i.e., something like ~ "Her mother was bouncing Little Musa on her hip, in a vain effort to stop the incessant cacophany of his cries."

The next paragraph, either "she would get ot wear" or "she could wear" and the word 'back' appears twice, consider perhaps the second one as this is her dream, her vision for her people 'needed here' or 'needed at home' ???

The ending, so Beautiful, the Orchid a symbol that her dream, though perhaps not as easy as she thought it to attain, was realized in the flowing water*Heart*

Thank you for this powerful story of hope and beauty and love*Heart*
Keep Writing!
Kate
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139
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this delectable journey down 'memory lane' ~ a 'bite' of youth, a past remembered not in journals recalled smiles and hope of the simple pleasures of life!

The narrative style works well, evokes the image of recalling events among friends over coffee or other libation, perhaps, on the porch on a summer evening*Smile*

I note but a little 'telling' or passive voice, i.e., the second paragraph, where for me the shift goes a bit off balance ~ consider "...They were an instant crowd pleaser! I was consistently implored to whip up a hefty amount of the hot delights for both small parties and huge events." The final sentence there might also benefit from being split into two more definite statements to make the reader see the bit tough guys chowing on the petite hot wings*Smile* Holding the voice the same within a paragraph or scene perhaps more active, visual to the senses.

The ending comes full circle, musing whether one recalls the taste (and sounds and smells and wonderment) of the past (again the storyteller among friends), when everything was an adventure and the future was all possibilities, not with sadness or pathos, but a smile*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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140
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for offering this challenge once again!

As a forum, the title and tag line clearly define the challenge and the purpose. The opening image piques the interest and invites the casual visitor to continue reading through to the list of challengers. Instruction is also specified for questions ~ something often missed in forums*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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141
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this place to share stories of feline companions, real and imagined! I'm only sad that I didn't see it earlier and hope that it will continue.

As a forum, the header and opening tag invites cat lovers or simply the 'curious' to stop in and look. The opening banner is friendly and the rules and prizes clear and easy to follow.

Offering a merit badge to all entrants extremely generous and encouraging*Star*

I have but two suggestions, one to provide a bitem link or description for newer members and/or specify any rating restrictions; and the other to cite whether gp contributions are permitted by entrants. Since I missed the first deadline (and I hope there will be more), I include a token gp contribution herewith.

I look forward to some delightful reading and hope to see the challenge continue in future rounds*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Bound By Love  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Thank you for offering this vision of enduring love that transcends pain, even infidelity, to focus on the joy (son grown) and the spark of love that refused to be put out!

As a free form poem, reading aloud I found cohesive images, first relating to the shared joy of a child raised to love and success; and the second of overcoming obstacles and stray paths to find once again the love that started it all*Heart*

There is some rhythm evident in the flow of images and words; I'd suggest one place, in the opening stanza, consider removing a helper word for impact ~ "instead we spoke of our son" (removing 'only') ???

Thank you for sharing this beautiful vision ~ would that one day we can all find such a true unwavering love*Heart*
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of My last breath  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Wow! I can feel the rush of desire ~ pushing away all rational thought*Heart*

Reading aloud, the poetic form appears well met ~ see what you think of the sound of a stop (comma) after "slowly, then like..." this line then flows to the next for me???

Thank you for offering this powerful vision!
Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of As Yet  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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The title implies a sense of waiting. Emotions, hope, emanates in ripples, as yet unreturned, the poet alone*Heart* Pensive and dreamlike quality.

Reading aloud, the senryu form is well met, two statements both evident with the third line able to answer both the first and second*Heart*

Thank you for offering this poignant image!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Review of Such a tease  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Visual and poignant - I can feel the anguish of she who is spurned by the 'tease'

Reading aloud, the senryu pattern is well plotted, with both statements natural, unforced; visual and deep; little use of helper words.

Thank you for offering this all too realistic image!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Review of Going Nowhere  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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So perceptive a vision of a couple accumulating tangible things instead of growing closer together ~ reaching ultimately a state of dislike and enmity toward each other ~ pushing away even their children, still unable to admit they are "Going Nowhere" A creative and poignant response to the prompt ~ all too true of most, I believe, couples today*Cry*

Reading aloud, this free form poem flows with natural imagry, opening with an element of the past, as the couple who "...never realized [they] were going nowhere" to years later (today) when they "never will say [they] are going nowhere."*Star*

For rhythm and flow, I would suggest eliminating but a few of the helper words, i.e., first stanza, "We never realized..." (eliminating "still," as it is the opening image, so not yet ongoing, and more realistically for me appears in the next stanza as a progression from the first image)??

The second line of the last stanza ~ for rhythm, something like "My mind is only filled with ways to cause you grief and doubt." (if I've got the meaning right??) ??

Thank you for offering this powerful image of the lives of so many!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review Raffle Winner!

Thank you for offering this place of hope, promise, and joy! Through troubles and strife, a story of one who finds a way to not only cope, but excel and embrace the joy of others, and of simple honest pleasures*Heart*

As a blog, the opening and tag line invite the reader ot peek in and seek the unexpected. The images are provocative, pensive, and fun (one Simpsonized) and each entry offers a deeper glimpse into a life that is complex and hopeful, with an underlying strength of spirit and heart*Heart*.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Review of Fleeting  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Zuri's story begins as a familiar family dinner where a spouse feels out of place in the extended family setting of the other; then expands to explore social, cultural, and interracial issues with sensitivity and depth*Star*. Although Zuri defends her lifestyle, I can feel her yearning for something. The ending leaves me wondering if it was a dream, or if Zuri just left with Butch and just dreamed of staying behind for awhile, perhaps protected like one of Grandma's figurines*Heart*

The transitions are natural, the conversation real and believable; opening from Butch's viewpoint, then moving to Zuri's. There is little telling, just a bit of tightening perhaps in the scenic description of Grandma's house and the figurines, which I sense as important somehow to Zuri - as being 'far away from the rest of the world'

Thank you for offering this provocative and heartrending story!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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149
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Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I was intrigued by this routine walk to answer Roscoe's call of nature, as Shimmy was more in tune with the essence of the night, sensing a portent of something approaching where the normally perceptive dog did not until it hits, at which point they both hightail it home*Star*

The details put me in the picture ~ Roscoe playing with a but, sniffing about, while Shimmy hears and reacts to the growing ominous sounds and relates the physical and emotional effects of this 'weird' evening.

There's a bit of telling (passive) off and on, i.e., something like "Roscoe's ears normally perked up more than usual on such a dark, blustery night, scanning the airwaves for the best reception..." (an attempt to make more active and avoid cliche).

Also something like, "The sky grew dark and heavy, and Shimmy feared that rain would soon ruin what was left of her wind blown ponytail." (a bit more active.

Thank you for sharing this vivid image of how a simple walk became an adventure*Star*
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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150
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Review of Love Scars  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Love Scars is so intense and real ~ the yearning for a love to share life's most fervent dreams and hopes; and the scars etched upon the spirit by the struggle to find it.

As a free form poem, I seek not rhyme nor meter but a flow of cohesive images to engage the senses, which I find here*Heart* The reader can empathize with two people yearning for love, the ensuing battle of wills as each strives to attain his/her own vision of that love, and the scars giving testament to the dreams once embraced with such hope.*Heart* Hope, then passion, then resignation*Cry*

Reading aloud, each stanza holds an image before releasing the mind to the next. I would suggest but a couple of shifts to maintain the rhythm and flow ~ where using 'to' three times in quick succession first stanza, consider maybe starting the last line "And fulfill my need to feel whole." The second stanza, consider ending with "...as did I."

Consider the sound of "words revealing deepest fears" (the helper words understood - stress falls on words, deep and fears); and later "The years bear testament to frenzied courtship" ('our' understood and stress falls on frenzied)???

"Love scars the one it owns."*Cry* ~ Such a powerful ending*Star*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerful work that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
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