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563 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Bumble Boy  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh my,
I definitely did not see that coming. You developed this story very well, taking us through Johathan's issues with his father and brother, then his growing love for the piano. I won't ruin the ending for others, but it was quite a shocker. I really enjoyed this. It was very well written. I did find some small suggestions that I listed below. Of course, these are just my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


Jonathan used to grow nauseous as Bobby would listen eagerly as his father regurgitated the same stories week after week during the season.(maybe change one of the 'as's - the first could just as easily be when)

However, "Why can't you be more like your brother?", (I think However is unnecessary here)


His father looked at his son with a queer look on his face (maybe the second look could be expression instead)

A façade of being the close family they wished they really had. (shouldn't this be wished they were rather than they really had?)

he turned into the kitchen where his mother (turned to the kitchen)

She flipped the switch up with one finger and (this is unnecessary)

and stuffed it in the back pocket of his jeans.('them' not 'it')

"Ok, then. I'll talk to you then. (remove the first then)

Very well done,

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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/

77
77
Review of Pollution Protest  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
LOVED THIS. I agree with you Diesel, I rarely give out fives - they are for perfection only. Although I am going to make two minor suggestions, I could not help myself. This was a wonderful commentary on what we are doing to our planet, our habitat and the air we breathe. What will it take for us to wake up and smell the coffee?
You may want to check out my essay
 Invalid Item 
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#1422949 by Not Available.

It is less polictically correct, but the underlying sentiment is the same.

Now for my suggestions;
As we watch five thousand people die (I felt a little bump here. Maybe 'a' thousand people die might read a little more smoothly)

As another twenty thousand die.....(if it were me, I would stay consistent with the previous two lines and write this out 'as another twenty thousand people die)

Just suggestions based on my opinion "My View on Reviews" 


Great job,

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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
78
78
Review of Song for Becky  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I did not care for this one as much as 'Night Eyes', maybe because my sister's name is Becky and I am jealous, lol.

Feel you close for thousand more years. ( are you missing an 'a' before thousand here?)

For me, I prefer a less rigid rhyme scheme that allows the poem to develop more naturally. Sometimes, with too much rhyme, the verse ends up sounding sing-song and forced to me, diminishing the impact of the sentiment.

I enjoyed this stanza the best;
I could send you a flower
Each and every hour,
But I think that you will agree:
Though heaven-made, flowers just fade,
If only I could just send me.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Feel free to disregard it.
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting

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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/

79
79
Review of Night Eyes  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ahhh, this is pretty creepy. It reminds me of one night when I woke up, sure that my ex-boyfriend was lurking in the shadows. I started sleeping with a fireplace poker near my bed after that (she laughs nervously).
Anyways, good job. The only line I did not care for was this; (he ventures forth to find his secret grail.) I thought this was a bit of a reach for a rhyme.

write on,
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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
80
80
Review of Kitty  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Love this story. Your experience as a naturalist and your love of nature shine through in this piece. Of course I love the animal transition aspect - that is a strong underlying theme as "Invalid Item"  progresses. As a child, if I could have had one power, it would have been to be able to transform into different animals. I am sure I'm not alone in that.

There were two things that confused me.
1. Kitty picked Steve up on his snowmobile, yet Steve was hiking and snoozing on a rock by the river. I don't remember any mention whatsoever of the fact that this was winter. Perhaps I missed it?

2. If Kitty's ability is hereditary, why would her parents be upset that the grandfather had taught her this magic. Why didn't they teach her and of course I don't suppose it was genetic in both parents (unless there's some nasty inbreeding going on here *Bigsmile*). It made me curious as well as wondering where they were in the equation at this time. Does Kitty live with her grandfather? Where are the parents? Are they still alive? etc.

But, all in all, I really enjoyed this story,
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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
81
81
Review of Behind the Rock  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very creative, but I want to know that I've gotten the moral - 'you don't need anything but yourself to be happy?'
I think that's it, but just like the main character, I am expecting there to be more. After all, if that's all it takes to be happy, why does it evade so many of us?
I love these clever little, thought provoking stories, even if I am not the best at putting the morals into practice *Bigsmile*
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This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./



82
82
Review of The Tree House  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Thumbsup* What I liked you captured the feel and the comraderie of this group of young boys

{{e:heart} Favorite line We had always seen our treehouse as a fortress against the outside world and now that it had been destroyed there would always be that fear it would happen again.

*Idea* Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


*Check5* A couple of technical nitpicky things here;
As a bunch of eleven, going on twelve, year old boys (I think going on twelve is stating the obvious here)

"You could tell by the look on his face that it was him (shouldn't this be present tense? You 'can' tell by the look on his face)

The next couple of days was dedicated (were not was)

Our innocent naivety was gone (innocence is redundant here, it is a synonym for naivety)

*Flower4* Conclusion
I enjoyed this short piece and would like to read more.



This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./

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83
83
Rated: E | (4.5)
Michael,

I will start by saying that I have no familiarity with the technicalities of script writing. Please consider this as only one lay person's humble opinion.
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


This is short but interesting. You have made me curious about the circumstances of Danny's death and the source of Archie's hallucinations.

This is well written. There was only one section that confused me. (He told me he was going to be two hours down the road. Or...or a phone call away. What does he call this?) I am not sure what 'this' is. If this is an expression of remorse by Archie, I think you should clarify this.

I hope you will carry on with this.
Your bio says that you enjoy reading and reviewing. I hope you will check out my other novel intros. I am always eager for feedback on these.
"YA Novels" 
"Adult Novels" 

keep writing,
lizzie
84
84
Review of Ursa Major  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Jinks,

This is a very nice piece that captures the frustration of people working in the foster care system. As a one time foster mother, I am well aware of the imperfections of the system. I got to see, first hand, how inadequate this system is. It was very nice how the act and manner of this volunteer managed to renew some of the main character's faith in what she is doing.

I see these kids all year long while were working to get them adopted. (while we're)

She wanted to let him know that he'd somehow restored a little tint to her rose-colored glasses. (great line)

As always, these are just my opinions
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


nice job,
lizzie
85
85
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Thumbsup* What I liked You did a good job of recounting this exchange between your main character and William, the vulcanologist. You have clearly portrayed the passion of these two people for volcanoes. For the most part, the dialogue was cohesive with the story.

*Thumbsdown* What I did not care for The details of our earlier conversation before the Benadryl drugged me quickly follow my wakefulness.(this sentence seems awkward to me)
sending down the mountainside a glowing avalanche of ash, rock and gas heading our way." (this is another awkward sentence)
Because of what you did, you decided it was time to urge the immediate evacuation of everyone in the vicinity." (I would be more direct here. Everyone in the vicinity was evacuated as a result of what you did.)


*Heart* Favorite line I wince at the recollection of the obnoxious little devil a few seats to our left that inspired me to pop the pill in my mouth.

*Idea* Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


*Check5* Things to check
Here I am somewhere in la-la land (Here I am, somewhere in la-la land)
flipping crisp pages from a magazine, (I would use 'in' rather than 'from' here)
He was disrupting the passengers continuously by playing cowboy (I don't think you need continuously here)
I think I recognize him now from the constant coverage of the eruptions on CNN. (,of the eruptions,)
My colleague and I rode the animal on its back for four grueling hours. (I think you mean rode on the animal's back)
remember that majority of the people who died ('the' majority)
this much fun on the plane (on a plane)
I feel infatuated like a schoolgirl. (I feel infatuated, like a schoolgirl.)

*Flower4* Conclusion
This stays in line with the previous chapter. There are a few more technical issues in this chapter than the other. Overall, I think this is good story development, although I do not think I know enough about the main character, except that she has a passion for volcanoes and is struggling in a less than ideal marriage. I would like to know more about here life - does she work, why is she travelling, where does she live, etc.



This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./

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86
86
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup* What I likedI really liked the description of Mount Pinatubo. You brought the scene to life for me.

*Thumbsdown* What I did not care for What really happened during her last visit to the Philippines that strangely affected her? What’s all this forgiveness about? And does any one really care much anymore? (too many unanswered questions for me. I would prefer to see you stop with 'What really happened during her last visit to the Philippines?)


*Dollar* The Money lineyou should never let anyone bully you into doing something that is harmful to yourself."
Words to live by

*Heart* Favorite linethere were times when I was so gullible and naïve in my self-conscious days. Boy, did I get even with those pretty girls who made me believe that I could lift my nose with the clothespin technique.

*Idea* Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


*Check5* Things to check
after so many years after Papa’s death,(I would get rid of an 'after' here)

*Flower4* Conclusion
I enjoyed this very much. It was well-written and quite visual. However, I would have liked to see you answer the question of who the mystery woman on the plane was. This was an enjoyable read.



This is my new website, tell me what you think. http://www.marchbooks.com/

The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./

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87
87
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent article on reviewing. I try to review at least two pieces a day, that is my base line. It has only been two months for me at WDC, but I can already tell that my reviews are making me more aware of my own faux pas. I don't know why it is so much easier to see the missteps in someone else's writing, but it is. Reviewing has allowed me to look at my own work with more critical eyes.

It is also great when you can learn something new from a piece of writing. I had wondered where people got those nifty reviewing templates that they use, but was unable to get an answer. Now I know that I have to check the Review tools.

Thank you again WDC for thinking of everything,
lizzie
88
88
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a funny little reminiscence. It hits a little close to home for me, living much too close to the Indian casinos as I do. I am familiar with the addiction of which you speak. All I can say is - at least your mother was winning.

How sick is it for a person to feed those (magical monsters begging to be fed coinage.) without ever getting anything back ?*Sad*
Alas, the one-armed bandits are not as kind to me. You are lucky that your mother escaped with her wallet intact.
89
89
Review of Drops  
Rated: E | (4.5)
this was a very nice piece. It reads like a poem in certain spots, ie. (A drop of blood and a drop of milk. A drop of ink and a drop of patience. My life is like the rain. Little by little, one by one. )

I am curious, is this meant to reflect an experience in this country or another?
Regardless, it is a good portrayal of life's travails and the attempt by one person to deal with the weight of dealing with constant disappointment.
Well done,
lizzie
90
90
Review of In This Box  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Jubilee,

First, let me say, welcome to WDC. It is a wonderful site. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

As for your poem, I liked it. It speaks to all of those things we have left unsaid. Sometimes we let them fester and grow until they are out of control. Sometimes we release them in anger, when they can only do harm. And sometimes, as you point out here, they just stay trapped in our little box.

Nice job,
lizzie
91
91
Review of The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow,

this looks great. I got this link from another writer. I had not heard of this before. Just more evidence of what a broad and comprehensive site WDC is. I am constantly amazed.

I am totally enthused about diving in and seeing how the water is in the Talent Pond. I still have not totally gotten the hang of communicating through the forums, but I think this will be well worth the effort.

Thanks to the organizers.
lizzie march
92
92
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was great fun. I wish I had not seen myself in more than one of your no-nos.

I, myself, am a semicolon junkie; I can't get enough of them. I have also been accused of being verbose a time or two. Ouch.*Bigsmile*

By the time I got to number 7, I was laughing out loud.

My favorite line - Not that we don’t appreciate that your Princess has golden flowing beautiful curly shining hair, but sometimes it gets to the point when there are so many modifiers that we forget them all

This is a great piece and should be required reading, in my opinion of course.
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting

lizzie
93
93
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Paul,

this is very clever. The last stanza really caught me by surprise. I love that, lol. I love to be surprised.

I know not why,
nor know from where,
they come to be
in my nightmare.
(this is the only stanza that I thought was weaker than the rest.)

All in all, I really enjoyed this,
lizzie
94
94
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This contest was quite a lot of fun. The themes were varied and most of them did not take much time to complete. Anyone with 15 minutes could compete.

I did not personally take advantage of the option, but I think it was nice that you did not have to answer the theme every single day. After all, stuff happens and it would be too bad to invest several days in this contest only to be disqualified for missing a day or two.

Although the themes were creative and varied, the down side is that, due to the nature of the prompts, the writing that resulted will probably not be of use in any other capacity.
95
95
Review of Full Circle  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star* You are being reviewed for Round Twelve of "UPGRADE AIDE CONTEST"  *Star*
This is sad and heartfelt. I like the way it flows and I loved the sentiment. It speaks clearly of longing for that one special person. To be held and told that you matter - I would expect that most people could relate to that desire.
One line that I thought was a little hackneyed (over time there wont be any storm we cant weather.)
Of course, that is just my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting

nice job,
lizzie
96
96
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Maretta,
What a fun story. I really love this line I smiled this time, certain she was a bit dim witted.*Bigsmile*
Just a couple of suggestions below. Of course, these are only my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


I assigned to the stationery. (I was assigned to the stationery department or I was assigned to stationery)
who demanded definate (I'm not sure what word you wanted here, definite does not sound right to me)
When Gert returned I told her about the strange woman and after she made a few enquiries and listened to my answers, her face turned slightly red, then a brighter fiery red and finally even a mauve tinge crossed her brow. (this is a long sentence)
definate (definite)
lizzie
97
97
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a sweet and inspirational story. The first person perspective works well, until the end. I realize that this is fiction, but this flies in the face of convention when Charlie tells the main character about Evelynn being his patient. I would suggest that you explore other methods of conveying that information to the reader.
I also thought that many of the sentences were weakened by the fact that they were so long. I think if you tightened some of them up and broke them into two or three sentences, they would have greater impact.
Of course this is only my opinion.
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


She had long, choppy dark hair that always looked unwashed, dull eyes, and sat in the back where she would stare blankly at the chalkboard. (you might consider breaking this sentence up)
tell the story of what happened several times, over and over. ( would use one or the other, several times or over and over, not both)
Instead if the top saying, (of)
"Evelynn," Charlie the said to the distraught woman, who had chosen before to remain anonymous. (remove the)

well done,
lizzie
98
98
Review of The Weekender  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wonderful. This was a very easy read, one of the best I've come across. I suspected the payoff at the end, but was still happy with the execution. The only part I found confusing was this; Clem looked at him for a second, then rolled him out of the boat and held him under water for a few minutes just to be sure.
It creates an odd visual for me if Clem was in the boat, and of course suspecting what they would do with him next, why would they throw him out of the boat?
Below are just a few small suggestions. As always, just my opinion
 My View on Reviews  (13+)
If you received a review from me or are reviewing something that I wrote, please read this
#1419592 by 4theLoveofWriting


leave any for you guys." The guys laughed.(I wouldn't use guys so close together)
He was dressed like the cover of an Eddie Bauer catalog. (I think you mean for the cover of an...lol)
Clem stood up. (I think straightened up would be more to the point. He was already standing, wasn't he?)
99
99
Review of The Caretaker  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! This story was a simple one, but it had me in tears here - (They looked at each other helplessly and suddenly beside them stood a young man smiling. He was a Latino man with a gentle face.
“I will fix the tire,” he said simply.)
again, when I read it to copy and paste it, I had tears in my eyes. What power the written word can have. This was definitely the highlight of the piece for me. When you find that unexpected gift - well, it's magical.
Obviously, this character has other things to be grateful for, but you just allude to those. This act of kindness by a stranger was so touching and well portrayed.

Very nice,
lizzie
100
100
Rated: E | (4.5)
Although I do not agree with your position on this essay, it was well articulated and thought provoking - everything a good opinion piece should be.

I do believe there is a being greater than ourselves, I do not, however, believe that he, she or it was directly responsible for our creation, has any interest in our on-going survival or cares if one small human lives or dies.

For right or wrong, I just do not believe that we occupy such a grand place in the overall scheme of things.
 Invalid Item 
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#1422949 by Not Available.


There are so many wonderful things in this universe. I just do not hold to the belief that we are all that important. Perhaps, the ultimate creator made the universe and the planets, just to have something nice to look at. Maybe that is as far as his, hers or its interest goes. Then we evolved. After all, I love the animals in my care, that does not mean that I have any interest in the tick that lands on their back.

I might be more inclined to believe your suppositions, if there was more evidence of our importance. When you put time into a creation, a gourmet meal, a written piece or the perfect flower arrangement (whatever it might be), you want it to be as good as it can be. Why then did this omnipotent being come up with such inferior creations? Our life spans are short - a heartbeat in the grand scheme, our teeth fall out, our bodies get weak and we die. Don't you think that God, if he were so inclined, could do better than us?

So, if we accept the fact that 'God' wanted this infinitely flawed evidence of his work, are we then to assume that he is going to maintain an ongoing, hands on interest in our fate?

Obviously, there are those, like yourself, who believe just that. Even if I accepted all of the above precepts. I could then not get past the next thought. If 'God' is responsible for all the good things that happen to us, then he, she, it is also responsible for all the bad. Bad things happen to good people every day, through no fault of their own. I do not believe that there is a vindictive being who is orchestrating this, any more than I believe that this same omniscient being is overly concerned with whether good things happen to us.

Boy, I do love a good rant. In the end, no matter how many people gravitate behind a particular philosophy, it is still nothing more than conjecture. But it does get the blood pumping, doesn't it.
lizzie
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