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These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
This is a nice article with some good advice. I completely concur with the first three tips but would add this; get to know your muse and then establish an open-door policy. You want him or her to feel welcome at any time of the day or night.
The sixth tip is great . It is often, I believe, one of the most difficult for the reclusive writers that many of us are. I am very comfortable writing, a little less so when it comes to putting my babies out there and as far as criticism goes...well, does anyone out there enjoy getting criticism?
good article,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
What a fabulous instructional article. I have dabbled in poetry for a couple of years but I have always steered clear of rhyme and meter because I did not fully understand these structures and thought they would be too restrictive.
This article summed things up nicely, in a way that did not make my head hurt (something that often happens when I get bogged down in rules and mathematical formulas)
.
Thanks for the great insight,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
This is a fun and clever play on words. Short and sweet, it makes a point.
which “double-backs” in meaning (It sounds picky, but shouldn't this be doubles back?)
or will you lose the interest? (to me, this would read better as or will you lose interest?)
Good job,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
This is a really interesting short. I really like the way you used the journal to get inside of Greg's head and follow his thought process. I also enjoyed the twist at the end.
This is certainly a new twist on 'love at first site'. Apparently, in this instance, a face to face meeting was not a necessity.
One part of this was somewhat confusing to me. Why did Greg consider Samantha to be his good luck charm? You had described in detail how he had been pretty lucky throughout his employment with this company which was before he came across Samantha's picture.
There are some editing issues, ie. (The Manager handed him and application.)
Great job,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
George,
This is a very interesting Prologue. I liked the parallels to current environmental changes.
Following are just some of my impressions from reading this piece. Feel free to disregard any or all of them.
The first thing that struck me was the scope of catastrophy that have befallen this population. Although this is dramatic and all too plausible, I think, for me anyways, this seemed to work against the story. For me, I would rather see you focus on one or two cataclysmic events rather than offering a scattershot of all these conceivable tragedies.
I did like the way you tied in the religious aspect.
I found the introduction of Harmonius confusing in this regard ; you say that he appeared or was found, and, if I read it correctly, disappeared, 312 years ago. The way it reads, to me anyways, is that Harmony and Rhythm discovered him, joined him, listened to some pearls of wisdom and there was the earthquake. Harmonius disappeard leaving only a pair of sticks behind. He made quite an impression for such a brief encounter.
I am also confused by the fact that the holocaust survivors were miners who were 'Deprived of
many comforts and technologies upon which their ancestors had come to rely'. Maybe it is my own bias, but I do not think of miners as living much of a high tech or luxurious livestyle.
For the most part, I enjoyed this and think it is quite promising.
Great job,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
First, let me say that I love these lines in your bio - mining the dark recesses of her mind for her next story. When the canary comes up dead, she knows she's found literary gold. What a great metaphor.
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
As for this piece of flash fiction. I love explorations of the afterlife and whatever that might entail. I like the concept of this, I just wish there was more to it. I thought the transition from apparition to operation baby was a little abrupt. I suppose that was a result of the flash fiction form. I would have liked to see more of the Dredgery.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as criticisms but rather, as suggestions that I think will improve the story
I enjoyed this story. Samantha and Angela are compelling characters who have an intriguing connection. Your description was good and I did not find any glaring grammatical problems although another edit would not be out of the question for lines such as these; she had no interest in helping them find a child that was perfect for them.(I would get rid of one 'them')
My only other comment is that, as a stand-alone, this story does not pack much of a punch. It is a nice, clean ending, but not very exciting. If it is an intro to a longer story, however, it would work very well.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
What I liked There is a lot of raw emotion in this piece. You make several good points and you do so very passionately.
What I did not care for This really needs a good editing. I found the grammatical, punctuation and typographical errors too numerous to be easily overlooked. It was distracting.
The Money line death is the only certain thing in life, even taxes are avoidable. Thinking about it makes me feel secure. (some day, maybe, we will realize that all of our petty concerns do not amount to a hill of beans)
What I think you could do without at times, you ramble. I would go through and tighten the focus on this. What point are you trying to make? Is is that Americans are spoiled, wasteful, stupid. Are we apathetic or just numbed by our own greed and avarice?
What confused me This confused me but I also like the twist. You spent all this time berating people for their self-indulgent ways and then you end with yet another example of your main character trying to satisfy more lustful intent. And the moral of the story is...
Favorite line Of course this meeting was just the meeting to plan the meeting that had to be planned for the planning committee. (are we human beings silly or what?)
Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion
Things to check Lack of punctuation; If you were me on the day before you go insane this is what you would
do.
Awkward punctuation - You have your Blackberry PDA telling you when your next meeting is, what your boss's home number is in case you are going to be sick, your next meeting with the asshole client that laughs like a donkey and has yellow cigar stained teeth. When you should take your next shit and what you should eat. All the money you have spent at McDonald's over the last 3 years. Everything is planned. (This is really one long thought with periods spattered around. I am not suggesting one long sentence but a reworking of this paragraph)
Conclusion I think this is a noteworthy piece that, with a little bit of polish, could be quite good.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./
This was an amazing read. It was the most clever thing I have had the pleasure to read on this site and it was beautifully executed. Your creativity has me in awe - the moral, as you drove it home, left me with chills. The story itself is very clean, kudos on a wonderful editing job. And a really big WELL DONE.
You will see stones piled up around a little room underneath, (I think you could help the reader with a little more description here. I thought we were talking about a clearing of some sort, surrounded by rocks. Now I am wondering if this is a house or cabin in the woods)
but somehow the most treeish tree of all. (I love this line - treeish
My vision descended through atmosphere and clouds, past a sea of sand, and then to a magnificent white cliff jutting over the sea of sand like a glacier. (I would not repeat sea of sand in such close proximity)
at the breakrock rate of nearly a quarter of an inch a year. (lol - breakrock)
She made friends just like any other young stone, enjoyed the latest rock music, and for a short while even had a crush on a stone named “Flint”. (VERY clever)
She stayed far away from the edge of the Great Gorge and rolled back to Rockabee (I am curious as to how a V shaped stone would roll)
Your middle section is rounded and thin, your “V” spires are thinned and smooth, with five little tentacles at the end of each. The bump between the spires is full of disgusting ledges and grooves, even holes. (I don't know if it is just me, but this imagery is not bringing anything to mind for me)
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
What I did not care for to me, the message was a little ambiguous. I am still not sure if this is a person who has actually been held captive, a person who is trapped by their own phobia or just a person who feels they have been victimized by life.
What confused meThe room encloses,
Gets smaller everyday.
I have not left it, ( I was a little confused as to what it was - the room or life. This seems to not be in line with the words that follow; I gave up long ago. which, it seems, should have a line of its own)
Favorite lineLike a teasing salvation I can never reach, A reminder of a happiness I once had. Although, I will say that it is a pet peeve of mine when people force capitalization on their lines even when the punctuation does not call for it. The only exception for me is in an Acrostic poem.
Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/ My website http://furrytails.mysite.com./
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as a criticism but as suggestions that I think will improve the story
Certain parts of this are really good. I love the surprise ending and the way you forshadowed it, ie. the way Betty slammed the door when she left the house, as if she was not worried about waking her stepmother. Almost to the end, I thought this was just going to be a huge act of rebellion - painting the stairs red.
Good job.
Having said that, I think the writing could use some polish. Betty's thoughts, when she is sitting on the stairs, are all over the place. As a reader, I found it very offputting and would not have continued if I wasn't intent on reviewing this.
Betty considered white to be a relative color (I'm not sure what you mean by this)
second para has a lot of shes.
Her face was that of the small portrait (her face was really that of the portrait, rather it was on the portrait)
I am not a real stickler for following a timeline, but this seems to be jumping all over the place. You go from present to when the mother died, to when the father died, to the present, then back to when her stepmother wanted her to wash the stairs. I am not getting any sense of time and place.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This was a very cute story. I've never owned a cockatiel, but it is worth considering because of their longevity. However, I just might want to move some day, so I should give that some more thought.
The thing that confused me is why they cut a hole in the truck, or was this just a fictional addition to an otherwise real account? If they had the driver and the keys, why would they go to the time and effort to cut a hole in the roof? Just curious.
These are only my opinions. These are only the comments of one reader. They are not meant as a criticism but as suggestions that I think will improve the story
This is a very powerful poem. Your anger and frustration comes through loud and clear. I am sure this will be relatable to many who are frustrated by the lpoor political decisions that are made on a daily basis. The greed and waste, the disregard for the lives of our youth. It is a powerful treaty but I was a little put off by the swastika flag. It is true that there is much room for improvement but I am not quite ready to clump American government with Hitler's regime.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This is pretty good. I like your main character, although I was pretty well into it before I realized that she was a woman. Of course, I don't expect this would be a problem if I had read the previous chapters. I do think that this could use a bit of fine tuning. I think this gets a bit wordy at times and could use some tightening. I have pasted some examples below.
Of course, this is just my opinion as one reader
he stepped into the elevator with the large man closely behind. (close)
I didn’t know how to deal with such an ordeal as I was going through. (this is kind of wordy. you could suffice with; i didn't know how to deal with anything like this)
The scream let out all the rage I had inside me that I could not say in words. (again, wordy.that I could not say in words. is not really necessary)
he looked me up and down, “what happen to you? (happened)
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This is a very nice poem, with a lot of emotion. There were a couple of areas where I thought the rhyme scheme could have been smoother, but your message came through loud and clear.
This is my favorite stanza;
So until the day they stop making paper,
I'll continue to write these imperfect letters.
With hope that somehow, I'll find what to say,
write just the right words, just the right way.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
As an author who is always looking for an honest and detailed critique of my writing, (my favorite saying is 'be brutal') I was delighted to find this site. My rating may be premature, but if this forum is even close to being 'As Advertised', I can't wait to get feedback on my novel intro chapters
Adult Novels (E) Novels for Adults, not erotica, but possibly some rough language & situations. #1439986 by 4theLoveofWriting
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
Welcome to WDC. I hope your experience here is as great as mine has been. This is a wonderful site. You might find something interesting here. This folder holds some essays of my experience here at WDC.
As for this poem - amen. I can definitely relate to that moment when you look in the mirror and say 'is that really me?' The allure of all those things that are lethal to us, clothes shopping, the torture of exercise, you cover it all in a small package.
Good job,
keep writing,
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The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This was interesting, but you are right, it does require some editing. I feel like I need to know more about the characters though. Even by the end, I was unsure what the connection was between Bill and Shannon. Are they married or not, and if so, who is James and how does Jace fit into all of this.
I just feel as though you could develop the story with more detail.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This story was interesting and easy to read. I enjoyed the characters and the situation, with the addition of the backstory concerning Robert and his childhood injury. For the most part, I thought this was well written. I did see some instances of fluctuating between present and past tense in one sentence. Below are some other small issues.
Teklani was having a hard time holding on to her, her skin, streaked in sweat and waste matter; was like gripping a melting candle. (this sentence seems a little convoluted to me)
Fear shone out of them as she looked from both Teklani to Robert (both is unnecessary here)
Let’s try and get her washed and dressed into something.(into something is extraneaous - it doesn't really add anything.)
began working on a thick lather between his hands. (maybe working 'up' a thick lather)
I’m going home.” Robert said with a sigh in his voice.(in his voice is not necessary)
The civil war between Moslems and Christians was over bar the shouting. (?)
he had developed a stutter from the small accident (being badly burned seems like more than a small accident)
Both dogs lunged forward and began eating as if tomorrow were a rumour. good line
alphabetised record rack and placed on it on his highly revered Bush Hi-Fi system (remove the first on)
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
I thought I would pay a visit to your port.
I really enjoyed this poem. This certainly is a question for the ages. When you find it, let me know where it's hiding. Below are some suggestions. Just my opinion, feel free to disregard them
Or do you sweat in Egypt, where the graceful falcon flies? (I love this part of the line - where the graceful falcon flies? but, in contrast, I think that the word 'sweat' sounds crass to me. Maybe something like 'do you suffer in Egyptian heat, - just a suggestion)
Do you sing in Tennessee, along with the country's best,
Or stroll with your darling, the sandy beaches of Key West? (this stanza sounds a little choppy to me)
Do you like to take long walks, on the rolling hills of Wales,
Or sit in Irish pubs, listening to the old folk-tales? (again, love the first line but the second sounds a little clipped - might I suggest 'listening to old men tell folk-tales?)
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
I am neither poet nor scholar, just a reader of poetry.
This did not have any real meaning for me. It was too vague for me to get a proper interpretation of this poem. But, I don't believe you always have to understand poetry to enjoy it. Although this did not resonate with me, I liked the word flow and your word usage was strong. I am curious to know what this poem is about though. Feel free to share, if you are so inclined.
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I am a sucker for any story that begins with a girl and her horse, but this confused me. Is this a story about Madison's imaginary world?
That was the conclusion I came to based on this short snippet. First of all, if it is reality, it is a little farfetched. Having been thrown from my gelding,a time or two , I know that you rarely hop right back up and go running across the countryside with a mountain lion in pursuit.
Then there is her mother's blase attitude about her daughter's story and her very casual way of informing Madison that she and her father are getting a divorce (which may or may not be the reason that the girl is retreating into a fantasy land).
The other thing I found confusing was Madison's extremely unemotional and polite response to this news.
In answer to your question - I think there could be a story worth continuing with here, but you would have to clear a lot of things up for the reader first.
Of course, this is only my opinion. Take it for what it's worth
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
Diesel, you are a stitch. So now I have a namesake poem, as does my sister Becky. Thank you for not leaving me out in the cold.
I stand in awe of your use of the old English style. You stay in character throughout, with just the occasional bump;
Whilst I remain, looking quite aghast. (I don't know if it is out of character or that it jars the rhyme a bit, but I stumbled over 'quite' here. Maybe simply 'looking on, aghast')
But, methinks, He must yet be busy,(here 'busy' seems to be a bump for me. It does not seem to fit with the style as well as the rest)
This is my favorite stanza:
Perchance, a kind thought here and there
Wouldst surely not go too much amiss,
If in thy thoughts, I wouldst sometimes fare,
Upon my soul, ‘twould be like a kiss.
and, of course, my favorite line;
For truth be told, thou still maketh me dizzy,
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
it is intended as constructive critique, not criticism.
I like this poem, although I am not fond of the subject matter. War is a terrible thing that should not be allowed to destroy innocent lives. In this case, the battle is narrated by the war horse. As with most rhyming poetry, it can at time seem forced. I have noted a couple of instances where it seemed that way to me. I have also noted my favorite stanza
I patiently stand with him sitting in the tack, (without punctuation, this seems to say that the rider is in tack)
Some lines that sound forced to me;
Like me they know that this is the deal:
For a safe return home without any crucial injuries.
We wait in the silence and he trembles in the knees.
This is my favorite stanza;
The enemy cowers on his own two feet
No stallion or mare beneath his seat.
I come thundering down with a deafening beat.
The enemy, he lies wounded and weak.
Never to rise and never to seek
Another clash with such an ending so bleak.
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
This was a good story. You developed Sarah's personality pretty well. You also foreshadowed this event well, when you alluded to the fact that this was a Christmas that would never happen. What I felt was missing was the sense of panic you would feel at being caught in a situation like this. For me, I would like to see you tap into that emotion more effectively.
Below are some suggestions based on my opinion only
It was the first time she wasn't enveloped with the TV screen while a cartoon was on (I'm not really sure what you are trying to say here)
This was the memory that surfaced on Sarah (that surfaced in Sarah's mind)
She stood along a row (alongside or near)
if you stared in them too long(at them)
In the morning, before the students arrived, it took its deep cleansing breath to get it through another day as its halls echoed with rumors, jealousy, and the angst of teenage popularity, either because you were popular or because you wished so much to be so. (this is a great sentence, but a little long. Maybe you could break it into two sentences or get rid of the unrelated tag 'either because you were popular or because you wished so much to be so.')
paper enclosed with gold ribbon.(maybe encircled rather than enclosed)
where Mrs. Johnson was began marking papers on her desk. (was beginning or had begun)
The beauty of the written word is in the emotions they evoke. Hate my characters or love them; as long as your feelings are genuine and run deep.
If I have succeeded in making you feel something, I have succeeded as an author.
My blog http://www.itsasadworld.blogspot.com/
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What I liked There is a lot of raw emotion in this piece. You make several good points and you do so very passionately.
What I did not care for This really needs a good editing. I found the grammatical, punctuation and typographical errors too numerous to be easily overlooked. It was distracting.
What I think you could do without at times, you ramble. I would go through and tighten the focus on this. What point are you trying to make? Is is that Americans are spoiled, wasteful, stupid. Are we apathetic or just numbed by our own greed and avarice?
What confused me This confused me but I also like the twist. You spent all this time berating people for their self-indulgent ways and then you end with yet another example of your main character trying to satisfy more lustful intent. And the moral of the story is...
Favorite line Of course this meeting was just the meeting to plan the meeting that had to be planned for the planning committee. (are we human beings silly or what?)
Suggestions - keep in mind, these are only suggestions, based on my opinion 
Things to check Lack of punctuation; If you were me on the day before you go insane this is what you would
Conclusion 
good line