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283 Public Reviews Given
366 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Behind Bars Again  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this very honest poem with us!
It may not have been easy to tell us about being behind bars, I can imagine many 'inmates' would rather have kept it secret.
Your almost brutal honesty about feeling bad about yourself, the difficulty to avoid doing 'bad things', the hardship of life behind bars... I do hope others may find some support in this poem, in trying to stay away from a wrong path.

Well, most striking about this poem is of course its exceptional content but apart from that I think this is also a good poem: it flows, good word choice, well written and a good read!
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Review of RoadWork  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this poem! What an unusual but interesting subject for poetry.

Turning (the labour of) concrete road surfacing into a poetic and original poem is no small achievement in my opinion.

The middle stanza with it's appearance of movement is a good invention, well suited to this poem, and yet full of meaning. I loved the other two stanzas equally though.

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in some way helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review of A Whispered Call  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi...,

I'm reviewing your item for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Star*Your poem made had quite some impact on me and led me to reread several times and think and wonder. Are you speaking for yourself or have you placed yourself in the 'shoes' of someone else? Not that it matters much for the experience of the poem, but I do strongly hope you will find answers and a way back, if it is about you!

*Star*As a religious poem, I like this one more than I usually do. I love that it lacks sentimentalism, preachiness or being stereotype. You have powerfully and 'originally' worded deeply painful feelings and questions, related to belief.

*Star*I noticed this is technically a good poem, with consistent ten syllable count and natural feeling abab rhyme scheme. I'm no expert, but I think this is a Shakespearean sonnet (after a brief consult of Wikipedia), which appears quite difficult to write to me. So that makes it only more deserving, in my eyes, of five stars.

In case it's a sonnet indeed, I think it wouldn't have been amiss to mention that somewhere in the description or below the poem, Just to inform the reader. Though I guess many readers will recognise sonnets without trouble, not me, however. *Smile*


*Flower1* Thank you for taking part this month!


Regards,
Maria

Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!



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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like this interesting poem very much! It is well written, clear and emotional and about a feeling, as I interpret it, that 'speaks to me'.

The funny thing is that the question you pose above it - about what the reader think it's about - makes me doubt very much if what I read in it, is whom you wrote it about. But, as I see a number of possibilities - from an unanswered love for someone in a bad situation (which was my first feeling when reading) , to a child in need to a pet in need - I am curious whom you wrote it about, so I hope you'd like to tell me? *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flower1* Hi,

This is my review of your short story: Dahlia Deep

*Note1* What a chilling woman and what a chilling story. Yet, she is such a believable character. We all know of such self-centered, manipulative people, don't we? Though of course, by far the most of them will never resort to what 'your' Dahlia did...but still, what she did is simply fitting with her character - living it to the ultimate, so to say.

*Note2* I like your economy with words: a lot told in a very short story. It adds to the haunting feeling that it was just a minor step for her.

*Note3* Concluding, I think this is a well written story and a very good read! *Smile*

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
Kindness Dove signature
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Review of Husk  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

This is my review of your poem Husk.

Impression: I really like this poem! It is sharp and to the point and yet it is clearly poetic. It is also beautiful and the combination of a slightly dark subject, poetic feel and meaningful contents, lifts your poem well above the average in my opinion. Great item!

Rhythm, flow, style: You call it 'Non structured poetry'. I googled that term and found 'unstructured poetry' to be an existing term. Yet I would prefer to use 'free verse' because I believe that poetry will never benefit from being completely unstructured. Unstructured poetry, free verse, still needs a minimum of rhythm and flow to help it appeal to a reader *Smile* Happily, although rhythm is not the strongest point of your poem, but still it is all right in this respect, I believe. The rhythm varies a bit much, here and there. It looks like that you have broken up the lines in their 'natural' position. Perhaps you could play a bit with that, like you have done in the penultimate line of the first stanza. With a slightly enhanced rhythm and flow, I'd have given this poem 5 stars.

Contents: I must say I recognize what you are saying and agree with it. The hyped - media, peer pressure - wish to buy and have more and more and then also the use of all those things takes our attention away, in a (sometimes) devastating way, of what is really important in life, of simple things, friendship, family, nature, our inner selves even. So yes, I believe many of us in the 'West' are depleted of our original fantasies. And actually, to me that is not so much a pessimistic, dark view, but rather an optimistic view: as it is in other words to see the beauty in simple things, in life itself.

Remarks:

*Leaf* My favourite part, very poetical and of a nice rhythm:
The soul long since vanished,
Never to take angelic flight,
With scarce contribution to,
The magnificence of life.

*LeafO* I love the first stanza very much, the second a tad less. I think perhaps also that the last line Till it grinds us beneath the ground is a bit too 'heavy in meaning' in relation to the rest of the poem, a bit overdone, so to say.

*LeafBr* All in all a very promising poem and I truly enjoyed reading it!

Write on,
Maria


General Disclaimer:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though I ask you to consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!



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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Eerie and fascinating story. fitting with this time of year. I think it is rather well written, but I remain somehow with a feeling of a few unanswered questions, though that may very well be the effect you're after. *Bigsmile*

As soon as I read the name the creature used for the child, I understood it was to be read backwards and that meant the story was taking a very different turn and meaning from there...it took me by surprise and that was nice!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you. Only you know what is right for your writing!


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Review of LOVE SONG  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like your beautiful and powerful poem about a far-away love. Very clear expression of strong emotions, which are both painful and with hope shimmering. Honest too - about hiding and thus not giving a chance to possible other lovers and the need to trust in each others love and person to take the plunge and vanish that barrier of distance. The repetition of words and parts of sentences works very well to strengthen the emotionality, I think.
The poem has a good rhythm and flow to it as well. It really gripped me!

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!


Afterthought:
I hope that my review is in someway helpful, though please consider that what I say is only my personal opinion and respectfully given to you.


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Review of The Circus  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower1* Hi,

I'm reviewing your 'Word Search': The Circus

*Note1* Thank you! This was a very nice game to play! I love circuses and I often feel they don't get the attention and admiration due to them. So I was happy to see a word search on this very topic.

*Note2* You had a nice variety of words to look for and they were quite well spread out over the grid, so it was a nice challenge!

*Note3* You are newly registered...so welcome to Writing.com (WDC) and I wish you a great and inspiring time in this wonderful community!

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review of SHINE  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A beautiful small and mysterious poem, that captivates and almost made me wish it were longer. Especially because your wording is highly poetic and near magical.

Could you elaborate on it, whilst keeping it poetical and mysterious, I would absolutely love to read more of it. Though I very well understand that it was not without reason that you kept the poem as short as it is: it's pointedness adds to its mystery and is a quality in itself *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What an awesome poem! You call it a dark poem and dark it is indeed, but written with a nice touch of irony and with such great poetic skill that I absolutely loved reading it!

Your poetic skill shows, I think, in the rhythm, fast, well established and easy to read, but above all in the rhyme which is supple and beautiful and nowhere a line suffers in meaning or flow because it needed to rhyme. The rhyme seems to come naturally.

But it is not only the poetic qualities which make this a great poem: it tells a well developed, interesting and amusing story of two exploitative characters - even the story alone made it well worth the read!

Great job!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice small poem about the feelings poetry may evoke. I like the form, monometer, though perhaps it would be nice to include a footnote with a small explanation of the used form.
I especially like the first and third stanza. However the second seemed less fluent, because I wonder if it is grammatically totally correct (not being a native, I find this hard to judge though).
The fourth stanza, in all it's brevity, contains the word "soul" three times. I think it would be enhanced by using synonyms.

All in all a lovely little poem!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of Climax  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! What a great poem! Meaning, clarity, wonderful rhyme, flow, rhythm, great choice of words (nothing wasted, everything in place)...I can think of a whole list of qualities which I found in this poem. And the speed in which I could read it - not that that is a sign of quality always, but here it is - breathtaking.
I really love this remarkable poem, with it's unusual subject of a woman at the top. I think it is an exceptional piece.
Perhaps one may point out that it is not a very lyrical poem, but that is also not a requirement for great poetry I believe. The sharp observation, the critical analysis with yet a touch of compassion, so apprehensible (nothing woolly or wrapped up) and yet not commonplace...now I'm getting lyrical *Smile*

Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of Be my everything  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A passionate message about deep love in the form of an acrostic poem and with a feel of prose...you've written a captivating and emotional piece and I love the strong feelings you are showing us.
Only mistake I noticed was "your" in the second line where it should be "you're".
I think you've made what you wanted to say all important, which had the consequence that the rhythm of your poem is not too smooth. But I can imagine that you wanted it like this: straight from the heart.
Well done!


Thank you for taking part in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest!

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Review of MY PURPOSE  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your item: MY PURPOSE for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Note1* You wrote a very personal item and I think it is courageous that you made it public and even entered it for a contest. As if you are making your resolve even stronger this way (though I may be very wrong with my interpretation: you will have your very own reasons)

*Note2* Powerful and well formulated and no errors or typo's, so I can't find any fault with it. I think you are able to create high quality prose or poetry.

*Note3* Even though I see no fault and in spite of the powerful expressiveness, yet as a reader I can't do much with it: I feel your words as a statement - the outcome of a process in which I had no part (because that process in you, which made you wish to re-focus, is not present in this prose-poem). And that's why somehow I don't feel like giving more than four stars. But I must say that the quality of your writing makes me wish to read more by you....

*Flower1* Thank you for entering your item!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I'm reviewing your item: Giggles from the visitation room for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter Contest.

*Note1* I like this poem about the visitation room. The compassion for the mom makes it very special (with that I'm not saying that you have no compassion for the child). You make us aware of an aspect of foster care and adoption, which we not often get confronted with.

*Note2* I don't see mistakes in spelling or grammar. A well written piece, with good flow.

*Flower1* Thank you for sharing!
*Flower1* And please: Write on!

Regards,
Maria
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Review of The Almost Catch  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a very promising try, could be a potential 4,5 or 5 star item: well written, a suitable small anecdote for a 55-word-story, but....it's not very well balanced. Not balanced in the sense that the end gets too little attention, in my opinion. "then quickly plopped out" is sort of an anti-climax to me as a reader, Of course, to be all geared up for a crucial moment in ones sports-career and then drop the ball IS an anti-climax, but that doesn't come across very well.
My suggestion would be to delete one or two words from " He glanced at the praised and exalted Quarterback as he lined up." and one or two elsewhere (such as "had" in the second line) and change these last words into something like "only to slip through his hands..." or "only to bounce on the grass..."
Just my idea and it's your story, so in the end you know best what you want to convey *Smile*

But please keep on writing, you obviously have it in you!
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*Flower1**Flower2**Flower1*

An absolutely beautiful item, Kiya! Asking for participation, even if just in the form of a small poem or a few lines, should make us think about and realize the importance and vulnerability of our planet. Beautiful, meaningful, inspiring quotes and other contributions, layout....truly a tribute to our Earth and a strong appeal to care.

Thank you Kiya, you inspire as always *Smile*

*Flower1**Flower2**Flower1*
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Review of Follow the Leader  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OOOHHH! Why did I miss this when you announced it! This looks wonderful: how I'd loved to take part and rejuvenate my blog (even though I did the same two days ago, all by myself *Smile*). What an inspiring and exceptional contest!
I hope you'll soon organize it again and I hope this time I won't be sleeping when you do!

Greetings,
Maria
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Review of Outsider  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hi Vee,

*Star* I like this simple but expressive poem. You tell very clearly how you feel among certain people. And it's easy to recognize what you mean.

*Star* Your word-choice is simple but good. Not pretentious and no mistakes.

*Star* This poem lacks a bit in poetic feeling, it's almost prose in a nice format, but it doesn't really matter: its clear and powerful expression give it a value of it's own!

*Star* Thanks for sharing. I'm fan of such personal and emotional poetry!

Greetings,
Maria

My personal signature, when reviewing for the Angel Army
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* Another great auction, Sherri! You work very hard for our WDC-community *Heart*

*Star* Nice charities, all GP's from the winning bidders will be well spent for the benefit of many members. *Smile*

*Star* I like the lay-out of the auction-item.

*Star* Keep it up!

Greetings,
Maria

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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* This has to be the best tax-advise ever! Chapeau for combining so many attributes in one small piece of text: it's humouristic, personal, advising, very well written, philosophical...in other words: truly entertaining! I also sense some poetic feel in it.
*Star* The first thing I've read from you and it's an invitation yo come back and read more.
*Star* This item is not very recent though, so I hope you are still writing regularly and give us readers a chance to share in your power of pen and observation!

Regards,
Maria

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Review of Widow's Web  Open in new Window.
Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem really touched me. You described this desperate loneliness, or perhaps rather emptiness, so well. The structure, with these repeated single lines "-she is spinning-" enhanced the impact it had on me.
The raw emotions, pain, despair made clearly felt.
And that makes me all the more happy that you've found a wonderful new partner now.
The last stanza is my favourite, though the other three are also impressive.
(Small note: do I see a typo in "loneliness"? Or is lonliness also possible? I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm not sure)
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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star*Oh, this is so close to my heart! On my search for food-related ailments I also came across the relation between autism and wheat/dairy products and that a diet can cure even severe autism (the coconut-oil was not mentioned). I think this is such an important issue and I love that you've put it on WDC!
*Star*Though, since it's a report, with its characteristic names of people, clinics, programs and a formal writing-style, the contents is not very accessible. I'm afraid that people might be put off to try and read it. And that's so sad, for this absolutely deserves all the attention it can get.
I see no mistakes, but a much more loose style, with the formalities added in the end if necessary, would enhance this item greatly.
But this is of course just my opinion, so please I hope you won't feel offended.
*Star*What matters is that you've brought it to our attention.

*Star*Thanks for sharing!

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Review by mars Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flower1*Your cNote shops are outstanding! The changing notes, I had never seen before, but they are awesome. And your butterfly - and flower notes are really beautuful.
*Flower1* You offer cNotes for a lot of occasions and moods, I'll put them in my favourites, so that in future I won't have to search so much for a suitable note
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