Hi,
as I'm very enthousiastic about WDC, so I loved to take part in this survey.
I would not have minded a few more questions, to give some more depth to the survey. But at the same time is the limited number of questions a strong point: it doesn't take too much time to take part, so next time I'll not hesitate to take part again. But one or two questions more, wouldn't have done any harm, I guess.
The questions were well formulated and a nice mixture of open end and multiple choice.
One point of criticism: the answer to the question about familymembers being member of WDC is not clear. Why "I'm the only one" and "1" mentioned seperate? I thought the question was : "how many...." and not "how many more.....". (But I can't check it anymore, as the questions and my answers have already disappeared)
Though I like the deeper meaning of this little poem, yet it lacks in poetical feeling.
I like that it's short and understandable. But more beautiful and perhaps more sensitive wording are missing here. It's also not very fluent.
"laying naked in my bed", rather unromantic, in my feeling.
"Sleeping peacefully, serenity like...." - too long line, I feel you should have made two lines here. But this I do find beautifully expressed.
My feeling is, that you have deep thoughts and emotions. If you would take a bit more care of expressing these thoughts and feeling in a more fluent and poetic way, you could create interesting and fine poetry. And more poetic, doesn't mean you should start to use "swollen" words, simple words can also be poetic.
So please keep on writing, but give it just a bit more attention.
I'm sorry, if this sounds rather harsh, but I do absolutely feel you should write more! Simply because you do have something to say that is meaningful.
Hi, welcome to WDC. Your reason to register here seems a bit different from that of the average member. Will we be able to convince you?
I intended to review your item even before reading your bioblock. Hence it's my honest opinion and not a disguised invitation to this site....
OVERALL: I liked to read this original poem. I think it's a beautiful and well written little item.
STORY: The point of view of the leaf is quite convincing.Though it might have been more complete, had the earlier part of it's existence also been included in the poem.
STYLE: I am fond of free verse as it gives a natural feeling to a poem. Your wording is beautiful and you succeeded to find the right words to make it powerful, convincing and yet keep it to the point. it's also a fluent poem.
PLUS: It works very well, that "from my tribe" is put ouy of line. One is forced to pause and give a short thought. Thus the meaning deepens. Stressing that "tribe" is not same as "stem".
TIPS: The title can't be written from the standpoint of the leave: it's life means all, thus can't be futile to it. I understand why you might have named it this way, though I would have preferred a different title.
CONCLUSIVE: This poem tastes like more. Would love to read more of such small, interesting and unusual pieces of poetry. Write on!
You wrote a nice story about a subject that is close to my heart. It reads fluently and the wording is ok, but perhaps the style is a tiny bit simple.
I'm somehow missing a bit more interesting events, that can happen when living in a strange country. Either you would have added one or two more scenes and perhaps write them a bit less detailed. Or maybe you could have chosen a more exciting event.
Your last lines, about living abroad round off the story in a good way.
All in all, Í liked to read it and I would love to read more of such experiences. Write on!
To review poetry is not really easy for me. Yet I wish to review yours...
I find it a fascinating poem. It has largely a very nice rythm, though that's being disrupted once, at the start of the second part.
I have reread it quite a few times (so it was handy that it's so short) and started to understand more and more. It's also a beautiful poem, in the sense of the words you used.
As I'm not a poet myself in any way, I would not dare to give you any advizes, apart from what I wrote on the rythm.
Please keep writing, you are expressing yourself in an original and powerful way. I liked it much!
Very nice that you as a new member organize a contest. Respect! It's also an interesting subject.
Perhaps if you would have added a bit more information, it would have been helpful and the contest would have been more clear. For instance I'm missing a deadline and how to send in your item for the contest (i'm a very new newbie, so I could use such info).
I will surely try to write something, though I'm not really a poet.
I hope that you will organize many interesting contests in future!
My impression is that it is interesting and useful to contemplate over this (and other) personal subject. It feels sympathetic, this small item. As you are not boosting and keep it very understandable and down to earth.
Perhaps the style is a bit simple and a little more length would also be nice, especially as it is interesting, so I'd like to know a little more...
So, all in all I'd surely love to read more from you, in other words: keep it up!
Hi
let me begin to say that I have not much experience in reading poetry and none in reviewing it. So my remarks might be nonsense.
My overall impression is, that this poem is very understandable and I think that what you want to say, goes very well in the form of a poem. I like it.
It reads quite fluent, yet my feeling is that it is lacking in rhytm a bit and where on one hand it is very understandable at the same time it is perhaps a bit simple. This is of course a dilemma: should it remain accessible to a large group of readers or do you want to make impressive artistic poetry? (The ideal would be a simple poem of great artistic beauty, I guess ;) )
Your power I think is, that you could so well express your emotions, so, keep writing!
Very interesting story, with an end that explains a lot. Well done to tell it as it unfolded to you, making the questions and mystery surrounding Real clearly felt.
Though I'm myself not very experienced in writing and even in reading, I think your style is OK, but not much more than that. It's a bit "popular" or "schoolboyish" still. But that might fit your age. So yes, a good start.
Keep it up!
Maria
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/maria-n/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.49 seconds at 4:44pm on Apr 19, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
