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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mastercole
Review Requests: ON
71 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Together again  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (3.5)
Maybe try changing the last line to 'And try to put me together again'? Seems to flow better to me. Also think this poem could use more concrete detail.
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Review of I Remember  
Review by BXC
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like the writing but this is really dark and I'm sorry for your loss... but good writing. Only advice is that the paragraph breaks are a little mis-formatted, but if you're like me that's probably just cause you copy pasted into writing.com
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Review of Not Alone?  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm a little bit confused at the story this poem is trying to tell. Like is this person a kid scared because they're alone and hearing sounds? Is this someone feeling lonely. At least for me as a reader that wasn't very clear.
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Review of That Night  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really dark- I like it. I found the end a bit confusing though until I read through it again. But that's probably just a me thing.
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Review of Peace  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem has an interesting juxtaposition in the idea that death of others and the envy that others cause causes peace... I like it. I don't think there needs to be any more stanza breaks... only advice I can give is my standard "try adding more and see what happens". Great job!
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Review of Pleasing People  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.0)
The title is a little bit too straightforward in my opinion- there's also some capitals that shouldn't be there, like the People in the last line and the NO was a little distracting. I really like the idea though, I fully agree that pleasing people brings no joy.
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Review of Age  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
The last line was a little clunky-a really good idea for a last line, but it could use some rewording.
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Review of The Rainbow Weeps  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good tribute, the only advice to you is one I give a lot of poems- try making it longer, see what happens.You can always revert back if you need to.
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Review of The Traffic Stop  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lol I really liked that last line. A fun story about traffic.
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Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is so happy for middle school...an interesting take on it, if I had to write about middle school it would not be a happy poem :P. Anyways, I like your take on it.
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Review of Pond Life  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
A decent haiku, though I personally really don't like short poems. It's up to you if you want to, but you could always try lengthening it and seeing what it becomes.
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Review of Prairie Waltz  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I will say I really like the ending, and most of the poem itself. I generally prefer deeper poems, but I assume that's not what you were going for with this, and I think it accomplished what you wanted it to do.
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Review of The Little Girl  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is powerful. It really speaks to growing up. Normally I tell poems about this length to try lengthening it, and you could, but it is definitely good the way it is.
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Review of Fall has Fallen  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the formatting here, really brings out the acrostic. Nice poem!
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Review of Reality's Penalty  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.0)
This needs more concrete detail. Right now it's too general, I think if you described less the walls and more the Titanic itself the poem would be a lot better. The base idea is good though.
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Review of Jaded Portrait  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like this poem. There's some great, less concrete lines, mixed in with some very concrete lines that really bring out the poem. I don't even know what to say to improve it, as I'm really no poet. Enjoy your well earned five star review!
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Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ok I get that this is just the beginning of a story, and it's a good beginning, but what are the question marks for? Things you need to add? I get the feeling you want help in the areas they're in but I have no idea how exactly to help.
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Review of Visiting Grandma  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
A flash fiction that doesn't end in death... impressive. This isn't super emotional, just because I haven't met the characters, and also because comtemporary isn't my favorite genre, but considering your word count, it's really good. Maybe change up the last line, though? I'm kind of confused, there's a cafe now?
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Review of Maysie  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ok... this is entertaining, but it feels a little empty. What is the theme? I get that it's a contest entry, probably with a word limit, but I'm guessing by the date that said contest is over, and if you want to turn it into something, I would continue the story after this and have Maysie learn not to eat crap. But take that with a grain of salt, don't let me force my style on you.
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Review of Dragon's Wish  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
First thought: I really like the base idea of this, a dragon catching a leprechaun is really entertaining. I also really like the ending of 'when you least expect it a leprechaun you too shall find'. Unlike a lot of the poems here, I think the length is on point. Overall a great story!
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Review of Autumn Leaves  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Last line should be 'autumn is the best season to me'. I like the repeated structure with the exception at the end (though I think that's a good thing). Maybe one thing to try is to try stanza breaks? not certain what it would do but can't hurt to try! A great poem though.
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Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall a decent poem. Could definitely use some being longer and having a bit more of a unique style to it (right now it feels like a weird in between of serious and funny, and it's screwing with me a bit). Also, the last line feels a little bit clunky? Not sure how'd you fix that but thought I'd let you know.
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Review of Warrior Angels  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a Christian, I like it, great job!
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Review by BXC
Rated: E | (5.0)
Know this is from 2008, but I really liked it. Great job!
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Review of Memories  
Review by BXC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Not bad for a contest entry, the word gallimaufry does feel a bit forced, though I'm assuming it's part of the contest. Once the contest is over, I think it would be interesting to lengthen the poem too. But still good at 24 syllables.
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