Mastiff's (mastiff) Reviews

Mastiff

Review Requests: ON

224 Public Reviews Given

226 Total Reviews Given

26

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4506816

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Rosebud backwards ~"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello,
It's Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: I'm glad you used the title you did. I'm not sure I'd have ever read the name backwards and realized this fact!

Initial Reaction: This is where I would normally decide if I were going to review or not, but since it's part of I Write 2019, it's kind of mandatory. I think I'd have gone ahead anyway, since I'm big on dog stories, but you caught my attention right away. I had a pitbull mix who was about six months old. One his first vet trip I asked about docking his tail. I remember clearly, and this was in 1985, the veterinarian saying, "Well, he knows he's got a flag, and he likes to fly it." So I didn't have it done. Oh yes, he could slap you around with it or clear a coffee table, no problem!

Setting: There was enough for us to get the idea. You could always buff it up here if you do a re-write. But anyone who has had a similar experience will fill in the blanks easily.

Character Development: The dogs are very easy to picture, but you forget to describe yourself to us! I would have loved to have known more about the dog owner, and it would have invested us into the story even more.

Plot: Of course I loved it, but I'm a sucker for dog stories. It's well told, and I enjoyed it from beginning to the end.

Ending: It's sad. I know about losing dogs, too. My roaming rover used to climb the chain link fence paw over paw. Unfortunately, it ended up costing him more than a strange new home, he was hit by a car. I wrote a whole lot about that dog. I even have an oil portrait of him on the wall next to me!

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 3 - Probably need a comma after "and."
Para. 2 Ln. 3 - I'd consider breaking up the sentence into two.
Para. 7 Ln. 2 - A comma after "eat" is probably in order.
Para. 12 Ln. 4 - Comma after "but." It might not hurt to divide this sentence into two as well.
Para. 14 Ln. 1 - You may want to add punctuation to this one.
Para. 18 Ln. 1 - Probably best to break this sentence into two or three. Also, 'til is just fine, but it needs the apostrophe.
Para. 19 Ln. 2 - Comma should be in front of the "but." Also, if it were me, I'd put -- on either side of "having a taste of freedom."
Para. 20 Ln. 1 - Comma after "wide."
Para. 21 Ln. 1 - Comma after "home."

Overall - Be careful beginning too many sentences with a conjunction. You seem to have an affinity for "as" and "after."

It was a very nice story, sorry how it ended.

Mastiff

27

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14 days may be credited.

#4506404

Review of I Just Want to Sleep

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: I really am trying to do more poetry review, I'm doing extra reviews for I Write, and the title caught my eye. I really wasn't sure what to expect, so I was curious.

How it made me feel: Well, I'm glad I read it. It was very relatable on two levels. First, it reminded me of times when I've been so wrung out, all I can think of is bed, and also the times I've been in bed, but sleep eluded me.

Points I thought you made: I think you are speaking about the longing to be in the bed, and sleep will come. The second item I mentioned, not necessarily insomnia, but restless nights. The subtitle suggests the former.

Anything Technical: I'm not sure why you didn't rhyme the second stanza. The first and last are axa, and it would have been easy to create the same scheme in the middle stanza. Perhaps, for example, use "light" singular with "covers tight" instead of "the covers." Just an idea.

Final Thoughts: It's a nice take on "to sleep, perchance to dream." But Hamlet was talking suicide there, and I think you just wanted some rest!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

28

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14 days may be credited.

#4506177

Review of Pretty Ugly Words

for entry "Halloween--Luc Bat"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm not a good poet, am still learning about poetry. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Well, I'm going to be doing some extra reviews (Don't know if I'll get 16 or not...), and your piece looked interesting. I used to love Halloween quite a bit, but now I'm old and want them off my lawn!

Of course, my wife is a witch, so I can't escape.

How it made me feel: It made me remember how much fun I had dressing up as a scarecrow and scaring kids, or putting fluorescent lights in the trees and keying up my ham radio to make them light up with seemingly no power source! Good times.

Points I thought you made: Clearly you were showing how much fun All Hallow's Eve can be, and maybe reminding a few of us to boot. But additionally, the first three lines suggest that just fall in general is a season you enjoy.

Anything Technical: Well, you played a little fast and loose with a couple of the rhymes, but everything else looks fine to me.

Final Thoughts: It was a cute little poem, and another form of poetry I'd never seen. I'm beginning to think it's a barrel that has no bottom!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

29

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14 days may be credited.

#4505097

Review of Pretty Ugly Words

for entry "Where Did the Dreams Go?--The Bop"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Clearly I posted next on the I Write 2019 contest! I don't know about you, but doing reviews of different types of items, like poetry, has made me a lot more comfortable reviewing them.

How it made me feel: I related to this quite a bit. You really caught the essence of those nights when sleep just will not come. I usually just read, because it's usually some stress item keeping me up. I also felt a little sad for whomever experiences this.

Points I thought you made: I get the overall message is that sleepless nights are awful, but I also came away with that understanding that you simply cannot force natural sleep. The question of where the dreams have gone left me a little curious. Nice take-off on a line from Hamlet, even those his words were a contemplation of suicide. I'm fairly certain that wasn't your intent here.

Anything Technical:

Stanza- 1 Line - 3: Caffeine doesn't really rhyme there, but I'll bet you knew that.

Stanza- 2 Line - 5: Same thing, "now" and "allowed" are quite close, though.
Stanza- 2 Line - 5: I tend never to emphasize with all capitals. I know these days it's considered like a shout, but I'm old school I guess. I'd have used italics instead.

All in all, it's a nice piece of work, hitting a subject most of us have dealt with at some point. I've never seen this form before, so it was nice to see something new!

Final Thoughts: I liked how you ended the three stanzas with the same sentence. I assume that's your refrain. Of course, dreams can be a mixed bag. So, be careful what you wish for!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

30

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4503806

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "September 9, 2019"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.

First impression:
Interesting reading the title and the first line. I had to try and decide if I believe that being mindful is the remedy for all things. It certainly can't hurt, but I'm not sure a real panacea exists!

Things That Might Make It Better:
I think you could have exchanged "everything" to make the piece work better for you. Perhaps mindfulness is really the path to inner peace, which seems to be where you went after the first line.

Mechanics:

Ln. 1 - Panacea coupled with everything is somewhat redundant.

Overall - Syllable counter says... 24! It's handy https://syllablecounter.net , but not always accurate!

Things I Like:
The last line. If I'm correct on what you intended to convey, it would be listening to yourself without preconception or judgement. That's what it said to me.

Final Comments
You conveyed quite a bit in just the 24 syllables, and it made me think. That is always good!

Mastiff

31

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14 days may be credited.

#4502290

Review of Prompted by Poet's Place Cafe

for entry "Form of the Week 7/5 Trochee Daddy's Girl"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello there,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Well, clearly I posted next after you on I Write 2019. As I said, I'm not the greatest poetry reviewer, but I'm getting more comfortable with it, mostly due to the contest. So perhaps I'll do it more often.

How it made me feel: Kind of sad, a little. I have two sons that were born to me, and I've since informally adopted four more. But, aside from having a step-daughter who I saw very little, never had a little girl. It might be for the best, I'm protective of my sons, so I can't even think what I'd be like with a daughter.

Points I thought you made: What it means for a true father, as opposed to a sperm donor, feels about his daughter. I can only imagine it, but even having sons I believe I have a good understanding. I know how I felt when they were apart from me for two years.

Anything Technical: I didn't find any issues, but I didn't think I would.

Final Thoughts: I'm always amazed at how many forms of poetry are out there! At this point, I think I could write a poem a day (poorly), and not run out in a year!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

32

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14 days may be credited.

#4500452

Review of Sidewalk Tarot

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: It's nice. It can easily draw a reader in, but it doesn't give away the story.

Initial Reaction: Usually I stop after a paragraph or two to decide if I'm going to review a piece. Since this is part of I Write 2019, it doesn't matter!

That said, I'd have probably read it through.

Setting: I think you give a well detailed description of the two locations you've set up. It was easy to follow.

Character Development: Again, not bad. But you give a much better look at the mother, and not nearly as much with the narrator. If you look to beef up the story, that could be a good spot!

Plot: It was interesting, and not a normal topic I find, anyway. It flows well, and keeps on track. (You have to work through the formatting, but I'll mention that in a moment.)

Ending: I'm a bit confused about the miracle. You could give more explanation here to really give it some pop at the end. I might have enjoyed if she recognized her daughter, or something more substantial.

Suggestions: I only found a couple minor things. I'm going to assume the paragraphs.

Para. 3 Ln. 20 - The period after "reading" needs to be in the quotes.
Para. 4 Ln. 13 - Might fix the ellipsis.

Overall - I'm not sure why, but on my computer, your lines are broken up all over the place. Just a format issue, and I have no idea why it happened.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

33

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14 days may be credited.

#4500300

Review of WhataLand

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Enjoy!

34

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14 days may be credited.

#4495455

Review of The Soundtrackers Group

Review by Mastiff

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

The two contests I've finished here have been a challenge and had me writing my best, because they are not easy. Keep up the great work, it motivates me!

35

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14 days may be credited.

#4490296

Review of Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond

for entry "Eat Your Vegetables: A Cywydd llosgyrnog"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Snow,

It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Clearly it's because I posted after you in I Write 2019. I'm not a big poetry reviewer, because I'm not much of a poet. But this contest is like a box of chocolates!

How it made me feel: A little hungry as I read it right before lunch! Of course, I like my veggies with a little meat and dairy, so it was only a partial drool.

Points I thought you made: Perhaps that people should eat healthier. That's what I really took away from it. It's hard to tell exactly what a poet is trying to say, but if you meant to make that particular point, it was a success.

Anything Technical:

Stanza- 1 Line - 1: Line has 7 syllables instead of 8.
Stanza- 1 Line - 6: Line has 7 syllables instead of 6.
Stanza- 1 Line - 3 & 6: Lovers and discover don't really rhyme. I'd suggest "lover!" at the end of line 3, which would fix it.
Stanza- 1 Line - 6: I might have punctuated with a comma or semicolon, but that's just me.

By the way, if you're ever unsure about the count, use this handy tool: syllablecounter.net It has saved me a time or two.

Final Thoughts: The rhyme pattern is good, and it was a cute little read. But no cheese?! It must be a vegan poem.

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

36

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14 days may be credited.

#4485615

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "May 20, 2019"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it. This is a review for I Write 2019, as I posted above you!

First impression:
This was actually an odd first read for me, because what I think now isn't the way I thought on my first quick read. I've well into a book series about medieval armor and fighting, that has a great deal of the old religions in it as well. That's where my head first went, but I think I was wrong. At least in part.

Things That Might Make It Better:
I thought I knew what buckram was, but I looked it up to make sure. It isn't something you come across every day. I think, if you could have spared a syllable elsewhere, a modifier to the cloth would help. Any good old time remedy would work. Just an idea.

Mechanics:

Syllable counter says... 24!

I love that counter. It's syllablecounter.net and handy.

Things I Like:
Well, now I have to say, the second read made me think. This, I believe is a response to the local state laws in places I'm glad I'm not. Time is going to tell.

Final Comments
Well, don't aim at me, I'll be on your side. I don't much like bullies.

Mastiff

37

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14 days may be credited.

#4484958

Review of I Write In 2019

for entry "Shadorma"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Well, you posted before me in I write 2019, so it was kind of required.

I'm not a huge poetry reviewer, because I don't think I'm all that good at it.

How it made me feel: It made me chuckle and smile. I believe some poetry is meant to do just that, and your did. It started amusingly, then summed things up well, not an easy task in so few lines.

Points I thought you made: You kind of defined the structure to some extent, then explained what you thought you should do with it. I wouldn't have known completely without the full explanation, but I read that first anyway!

Anything Technical: Nothing I could find. In fact, that's a handy reference, the syllable counter, so thank you for that!

Final Thoughts: I'm not sure I've ever seen a poem that, well, describes the type of poetry being written. It's unusual, but I thought it was very cool!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

38

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14 days may be credited.

#4483618

Review of I Write In 2019

for entry "A Blaze Of Glory"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it. Of course, this is part of the I Write 2019 contest, too.

First impression:
Of course the first thing to do here is check the syllable count! I haven't slept but six hours in three days, but by my math, it's spot on!

Things That Might Make It Better:
I see what you went for, and I like the way you did it. It's by the nature of it quite short, but it came with a nice little punch, that whomever this is about has put in the time and effort and made a go. I hope the title is apropos!

Mechanics:
I didn't find any problems here.

Things I Like:
The scheme was interesting. The syllables 7/8/9, but then the poem went 3/5/5. I thought it an interesting choice.

Final Comments:
Hard to write a whole lot on such a short piece, but we get what we get in this contest! I enjoyed it even in its brevity.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

39

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14 days may be credited.

#4481440

Review of Gas Kitten

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: Even though I'm more of a dog person, animal stories attract me! It was the subjects that let me know it was actually an animal story, though. Gas Kitten could be all about a fueling station following the Hooters model or any number of things, which isn't bad, just something to keep in mind.

Initial Reaction: It was a fairly short piece, so I was into it easily. When I got to "crying nearby" I had a fair idea where we were headed, and I wanted to go.

Setting: We had to make kind of a generic gas company parking lot, because there isn't much detail, because it's short. If you ever rewrite, consider beefing it up.

Character Development: We get a good idea what the kitten looks and smells like, but what about you and your mother? It's easy to picture a Ford Probe, but the looks of the occupants are a mystery!

Plot: Cute, but it sounds like a true story. In that case, you have to decide if the plot, which basically amounts to your life, has what you want to share. I write what I can "friction." There's much drawn from personal experience, but I add in fiction to make for a better tale.

Ending: Very nice wrap up. It's heartwarming, and meant to be, and the little bit about the breath brought it home.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 3 - No comma is needed after "door."
Para. 1 Ln. 4 - I think you missed a "were" in there.
Para. 1 Ln. 12 - No comma is needed after "kitten." But, you can add one after "predators" and also remove the one after "us."
Para. 1 Ln. 13 - The second "kitten" doesn't read quite right. Replace the word with "it" and it flows. (Same in the next sentence.)
Para. 1 Ln. 17 - Comma after "him." Also, consider using -- instead of parenthesis.

Overall - Not too bad. Mostly things you'd catch on an edit. One caution, though, as you use "mother" several times at the beginning of the story. Consider using a pronoun to mix it up. For example, "Our car was the only one in the lot." The same with "kitten" later on.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

40

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14 days may be credited.

#4481348

Review of More Than a Feeling

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: Well, either you're close to my age, or you were raised right! That Boston album was the first I ever bought! Anyone that knows it will place it. Good start.

Initial Reaction: As far as pulling me in, it was okay, you used nice visual images of the location. In the future, I'd suggest centering the title, adding a byline, and then setting it off with some kind of break.

Setting: You set New England well, but then never showed me anything else. I was kind of interested in what the dorm was like, even if it was as spartan as mine. Remember to use as many senses as possible, too. There wasn't much room for taste, but smell would have been easy!

Character Development: Who was the girl, and what did she look like? In fact, we're not sure what your musician reflects in the mirror. I'm sure you were on a word count, but if you add to the tale, this would be nice to see.

Plot: Clear and concise. Held my attention for 300 words or so. It'd be fun to see it fleshed out.

Ending: Nice play on words. Any Boston fan knows Long Time is a song, and I'm not sure if you meant to suggest this, but it is preceded by Foreplay. Interesting!

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 2 - Consider a comma after "September." In fact, that sentence could easily be worked into two for a bit better flow.
Para. 2 Ln. 1 - Comma after "anyone."
Para. 3 Ln. 1 - Comma needs to be inside the parenthesis. (Same next paragraph)
Para. 5 Ln. 1 - Consider replacing "on" with in, or even "hall" to floor.
Para. 5 Ln. 1 - Comma after "drinking."
Para. 7 Ln. 1 - No need for a comma, but you could set of the song title with italics. Same with the band name.
Para. 7 Ln. 2 - Comma after "guitar."

Overall - Not too bad, it's mostly just punctuation editing.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

41

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#4479693

Review of Happy Birthday Rich and Mastiff!

Review by Mastiff

Rated: E

| (5.0)

As long as you remember I'm crazier than a sack of weasels in a burning meth lab!

42

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14 days may be credited.

#4479206

Review of 24 Syllables Poetry

for entry "🏆Knick-Knacks and Heirlooms"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! This is, of course, part of the "I Write" contest. I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.

First impression:

I assumed "relics" was the prompt, as it's in bold, so it certainly fits the theme nicely. Of course I counted the syllables and you were spot on!

Things That Might Make It Better:

If anything, I would probably not have used the title in the piece. Or conversely, use a different title for the piece.

Mechanics:

The only very minor item I saw was the use of punctuation after the last line. Question marks and exclamation points stand on their own easier in free verse, but the period is probably superfluous.

Things I Like:

It seemed a little sad to me, but it's actually kind of nice. It left me wondering if the person looking at the relics would dust them off and display them!

In all it was a nice little bit of prose. It's hard to judge and to do a real in-depth review on twenty-four syllables, but I hope you like it anyway.

Mastiff

43

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14 days may be credited.

#4471866

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "February 19. 2019"

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I'm just an amateur, so take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different for this kind of piece. In fact, I'm not sure I ever reviewed a blog entry. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Obviously I posted above you in the I write contest, so I get to see your work!

How it made me feel: It made me quite curious, actually. I went to your whole blog to look at some other items, because it's the first time I've ever seen someone use the Tarot as a writing tool. I must say it was impressive.

Points I thought you made: At times, you have to be quiet to hear what's really going on, and to see real beauty.

Anything Technical: All I saw was your use of punctuation. I think I figured it out, though. Where I might have used a comma, you really didn't want a pause. The periods are the only place you wanted us to stop. At least, that's how I interpreted it.

Final Thoughts: I really enjoyed it. An interesting page in an interesting blog!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

44

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14 days may be credited.

#4465940

Review of Soulmates

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: As the poster directly above you, I am shamed? No... Proud! Proud to have to write reviews when I post.

Actually, it's a great exercise, and though I have reviewed poems before, it's not my wheelhouse. So, take it for what it's worth!

How it made me feel: Oddly, it made me feel different the first and second time I read it. The first time, it was that, "Oh yeah, true sure, right." If you read an item in my port, there's a good reason why I'd react in that manner. Then, upon the second read, I thought about a story I wrote last month for Twisted Tales. It was all about romance, and it made me wonder about a few things. So, that's a compliment. Any poem that makes you "feel" is a good one. I felt it twice!

Points I thought you made: Sappy love is alive and well?

Wasn't much known about our lovers, but we certainly understand how they feel.

Anything Technical:

Stanza- 2 Line 2 & 3 - It's the only punctuation in the poem. I think it would have worked in a story, but it makes readers stop too long. (Told you I was technical) It makes a reader stop a beat and a half, and it's not needed in my opinion. It flows just fine.

Final Thoughts: Best of luck completing the contest!

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

45

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14 days may be credited.

#4462977

Review of Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond

for entry "Year End Regrets"

Review by Mastiff

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing!

Why I chose it: Clearly, it's a requirement of the contest. Mostly I just don't do poetry because I don't know it.

How it made me feel: It was quite relate able to me. I really don't make resolutions, but you had something to say about past attempts, and that was interesting. I have made them occasionally myself.

Points I thought you made: The first two lines sound quite upbeat, but it ill prepares you for the next three... In fact, it almost mirrors my resolve not to make resolution. Want to change? Who cares about the season? It's something for people to babble about and forget.

Anything Technical: I rarely have much to say here with poetry, unless you aim for something specific. It looks fine to me.

Final Thoughts: In five lines, you said quite a bit. That's quite a feat.

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff

46

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4448226

Review of Book reviews for Nov2014

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello,

I'm Mastiff, and I'm going to review your work! I'm just an amateur, so take it all with a grain of salt, as it's just my opinions. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I appreciate being able to read it.

First impression:
I must admit, I've never reviewed a review. I was a bit surprised I came across it, and I enjoy trying something different. Having never read any of those on your list, I was interested.

Things That Might Make It Better:
You note one book is science fiction, but don't give the genre of the others. How you read it is interesting, but the former is probably more important to potential readers.

Mechanics:

Sec. 1 Para. 1 Ln. 1- Not sure why this one line is indented.
Sec. 1 Para. 3 Ln. 1- Double space after "firms."
Sec. 2 Para. 1 Ln. 1- I think "writes" works better than "wrote."
Sec. 2 Para. 2 Ln. 3- Comma after "divorced." (You should check through for commas. You've missed quite a few.)
Sec. 4 Para. 1 Ln. 3- I think you hit the "enter" key.
Sec. 4 Para. 2 Ln. 3- Not sure why you dropped down a a line here. (Also a couple places)
Sec. 4 Para. 5 Ln. 3- I would never use more than one question mark.

Overall - Mostly it's reviewing for commas and some polish. I know these are often written quickly, but a quick review is a good idea,

Things I Like:
You give enough of the book to let the reader know if they might enjoy it, but not too much. Often, reviewers give critical information the author means for the reader alone.

Final Comments
I enjoyed reading your reviews, and there are a couple I might give a read. So, no better praise than that!

Mastiff

47

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4427966

Review of Missing Paint

Review by Mastiff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful! We're raiding our own ports this month, so here I am!

Title: I first thought it could be an auto racing story, but then the subtitle dissuaded me from that. It was good enough to catch my eye, so it worked.

Initial Reaction: It took a bit, but I kind of stop after a short read to see if it's something I think is a good fit with how I review, and if I relate to the piece. Since I dabbled with oils and did very poorly, I decided to read on.

Setting: It seems to flash around some, without any explanation. Not sure if you had a word limit, but I'd add in some transitions.

Character Development: I think we understood the main character just fine. Well developed... but if you bring others in, a little more description.

Plot: Not sure why you waited so long to let use know it was a cruise. But it was also other places, it seemed. More location background would make this work sing.

Ending: I think I get it. A new model. I think you could have taken me further in this story.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 6 Ln. 1 - Why the ' around off. If you wanted to set it off, italics could be considered.

Overall - I think it's technically well written. You tend to use an abundance of two word exclamatory statement. It's fine here, but probably not long term.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

48

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4427866

Review of Mele Kalikimaka-whaaa?

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful! We're raiding our own this month.

Title: Well, I've had this window open a couple days, not quite ready to write. The song stuck in my head. So thanks for that!

Stuck on Maui sounded good as well.

Initial Reaction: I stop after after a bit and see if the piece is for me. Looked like it could be fun, and besides, how else was I going to get rid of the title song earworm!

Setting: Easier for those of us who have been there, of course, but easily identifiable to any one. I liked Big Beach, myself.

Character Development: You could have told us more about you. Even just briefly would have given us insight.

Plot: Well, I'd have to say any plot that reminds me of a time when I went somewhere is good. On a longer story, you can give more detail to those who have not been there.

Ending: Bummer! It's all a dream! Ouch...

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 2 Ln. 3 - Most people would contract there in normal speech.
Para. 9 Ln. 2 - Consider a comma after "account."
Para. 12 Ln. 6&7 - You use snow twice. You might consider a synonym.
Para. 23 Ln. 4 - Consider italics instead of caps.
Para. 24 Ln. 3 - I think it's a fragment.
Para. 24 Ln. 5 - Comma after the ).
Para. 39 Ln. 1-4 - Rework the quotes.
Para. 58 - It could use a little work on the punctuation.

Overall - Not bad at all for that many words.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

49

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4427437

Review of The Idea

Review by Mastiff

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: Nothing too unusual. The subtitle doesn't give anything away, either. Sometimes there's a reason, though.

Initial Reaction: I always stop a little way into a piece to see if it's for me. My thought was what manual labor had to do with ideas and possibilities. So I read on and went for it.

Setting: Well, we don't really get it until the end, do we? And those who've been (And I sat on Washington's head) are at an advantage over those who have not visited.

Character Development: For this story we have enough. Most times I wished people would give better descriptions, but I think you were short on words, It worked well enough.

Plot: Nice setup. I doubt anyone saw that coming. Working hard doesn't let you know the ultimate product!

Ending: Well, it's kind of the whole point. I enjoyed how you did it.

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 1 - In that quote, consider removing the comma. I think it's technically right, but if you read it as the spoken word, I doubt there is a pause there.
Para. 2 Ln. 2 - Again, consider the comma. I use too many myself.
Para. 3 Ln. 1 - You could drop ", some" after ground, and the sentence might roll smoother.

Overall - Well written. None of my suggestions are errors, just how it might read a tad better.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff

50

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4426329

Review of Today

Review by Mastiff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello there,

I'm Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing! I am also doing this as a Newsfeed Challenge bringing attention to RAOK.

GROUP

RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group

(E)
RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.
#398524 by Writing.Com Support

Why I chose it: Usually, I only do a review of this nature when I need to review someone who only does poetry. But, for some reason, and probably more the subtitle, I read your work.

How it made me feel: It made me smile. And honestly, it gave me a little inspiration to do a few things today I've been meaning to get done. That and perhaps finish some writing of my own.

Points I thought you made: To me, you reinforced a belief that everyone has, but don't acknowledge. It's good to hear it, or read it, now and again as a reminder. We never know what were going to leave half written.

Anything Technical: I might have considered mixing in semicolons, but what you did works just fine.

Final Thoughts: It's like the sunshine version of Dylan Thomas. Well, the one poem everyone knows he wrote.

Thanks again, and happy writing!

Mastiff