This is a reciprocal review.
A tanka poem is describd as:
"Tanka poetry refers to a Japanese 31-syllable poem, traditionally written as a single, unbroken line. The word "tanka" translates to "short song." Similar to haiku poetry, tanka poems have specific syllable requirements.
Traditional Japanese tanka poems consist of 31 syllables written in a single, unbroken line. In English translations, the tanka tends to take on a five-line form.
This example from Shadow Poetry was written by Dendrobia.
A cool wind blows in
With a blanket of silence.
Straining to listen
For those first few drops of rain,
The storm begins in earnest.
This write up is about "Telling". To tell about telling is not an easy task.
I must admit that it was a bit difficult to read this item. To me, it sems to have that quality called verbosity. I am a doctor turned lawyer and write mainly poetry. That being so, I take care to be very careful about each and every word I use.
This is my fourth reciprocal review of your work. Since a review must be honest, I have rated all the four at 2.5, which means average. Increased rating can be possible if the followig suggestions appeal to you:
i)--Avoid writing acrostics except when necessary.
ii)--Try to introduce flow in your poetry.
iii)--Pay attention to syllable counts. That can do wonders to a poem.
This is my third review of your work for reason of reciprocation.
It so happens that this, again, is an acrostic. I have certainly written acrostics, but I did so only to take part in a contest. Otherwise, I avoid writing acrostics because they are a challenge from the point of view of maintaining rhythm / flow, which, in my opinion, is an essential characteristic of poetry in any language.
Hello. This is my second review of your work as my duty to repay the favour to me in reviewing my poetry.
Frankly, I could not discern flow in your poem. I believe that poetry, of whatever nature and style, must flow.Without poetic flow, poetry assumes the contours of prose.
i)--It is easier to maintain flow when lines are shorter.
ii)--You have strived to keep 13 words in each line. That is not the usual style of poets. You would, for a change, find that 13 syllables per line (though this, too, is on the higher side) would bring some flow.
This is a good piece, and a needed one. Standards of language and grammar are declining, aided by SMS-texting styles.
I liked the way you give examples, such as:
New Horizons Academy offers courses in writing techniques, and it hires only the best instructors.
In this sentence, we have two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction. New Horizons Academy offers courses in writing techniques can stand alone as a separate sentence. It hires only the best instructors is also an independent clause because it, too, can stand alone as a separate sentence. These clauses are joined by a Coordinating Conjunction, so a comma is needed before and.
There are two aspects of a poem--Poetic idea and poetic form. The former is evident here. The latter is not evident. Poetic form is expressed through rhyme and meter. They ad beauty and charm to a poem. They are also a bit difficult to achieve because much practice is needed.
When line length is highly variable in a poem, it is often indicative of lack of poetic structure.
I have tried to tweak your words a bit to appear something like a HexSonnetta.
Here is the result:
"My friend is black darkness
to sort the files in mind
Which once I left behind
In total wilderness.
But this I always guess
I will true solace find.
It’s a place of escape
For dark clouds do bring rain
which washes away pain
And alters every shape
And fixes it with tape.
There’s some loss and some gain.
Darkness does bring some grace.
Let us darkness embrace."
Please note that the above does not carry much sense, but still has sense. [Vagueness in poetry is not bad!].Furthermore, I have not bothered about the iambic cadence. [I am not very good at it. After all, English is not my first language.]
Hope you don't mind dissecting and altering your piece.
An old man with a head set
What could he be listening to?
Another day of imponderables
For the intrepid mall walker.
Nice presentation of imponderables! At this rate, anything that a man or animal does would be imponderable. And, pray, why should others' acts be ponderable? Doesn't everybody have right to privacy of thought?
This is a poem that does not look like a poem. The lines have no semblance of some sort of discernible pattern. The line length varies from 7 to 23 words. 23 words might mean around 50 syllables. It would be almost impossible to expect some rhythm in such a piece, and there is none. I think rhythm is the single most important characteristic of poetry.
The above, dear Doctor, is not meant to down-rate this piece or your writing. All writers are to be encouraged. However, it is necessary to give a helpful and honest critique. I have simply done that.
This is a very moving and sad account of what happened to a country that was once called “The Breadbasket of Africa”. All because of the weird policies of the Head of the State. Therein lies the importance of democracy. In a democracy, what rules is law and the people's will (reflected through law) and not the will of man.
It was tragic to read about the decimation of animals in Zimbabwe because forests were destroyed and land was usurped.
This is a nice poem about a Cherokee woman was rejected / banished from the tribe for having refused to marry the Chief's son because she loved another man. Ultimately, the two met and married.
The following describes what happened afterwards--
They lived among friendly white men and were accepted.
They married and had children and each other.
They never forgot their roots but their people had rejected them.
Cherokee in their hearts but they loved living in the white man's world.
In order to understand it well, I had to look up the Wikepedia, which says--
"The Bicorn is a creature (often described as a part-panther, part-cow creature with a human-like face) that has the reputation of devouring kind-hearted and devoted husbands, and is thus plump and well fed, whereas the Chichevache devours obedient wives and is therefore thin and starving."
he was killed by a Bicorne, a plump panther wife a human face
>>> he was killed by a Bicorne, a plump panther with a human face
This is a wonderful poem. Wonderful, because I do not understand it and, yet, the blame for that goes to me, not the writer. It is so abstract in nature, contains so subtle and lofty themes that my mind is unable to conjure them as a whole into a connected theme. To use an old cliche, "there is method in madness". That method eludes me.
This is a wonderful poem. I don't remember having read earlier a poem on this theme. It is well written and has flow.
I particularly liked the following lines:
"I miss how we girls used to link arms on the playground and sing:
“Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider;
Girls go to college to get more knowledge”
I miss being little and cute
And feeling like a princess in ruffly, lacy dresses
Now I feel ugly and unloved,
Feeling pretty only when I wear tons of make-up and fashionable clothes
Now we girls fight over boys and boyfriends
Instead of uniting against them"
--M C Gupta
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