This is a nice poem about a Cherokee woman was rejected / banished from the tribe for having refused to marry the Chief's son because she loved another man. Ultimately, the two met and married.
The following describes what happened afterwards--
They lived among friendly white men and were accepted.
They married and had children and each other.
They never forgot their roots but their people had rejected them.
Cherokee in their hearts but they loved living in the white man's world.
In order to understand it well, I had to look up the Wikepedia, which says--
"The Bicorn is a creature (often described as a part-panther, part-cow creature with a human-like face[1]) that has the reputation of devouring kind-hearted and devoted husbands, and is thus plump and well fed, whereas the Chichevache devours obedient wives and is therefore thin and starving."
SUGGESTION--
he was killed by a Bicorne, a plump panther wife a human face
>>> he was killed by a Bicorne, a plump panther with a human face
The title of this piece (Five Ugly Things in Nature) is intriguing enough to attract the reader. The piece itself does not testify to the truthfulness of the title.
You have commented upon spiders, mosquitoes, warthogs, hyenas and monkeys. You have not said a word about their alleged ugliness. You have rather praised their unmatchable qualities!
Your writing style is good in general, except for a small hint:
Ref:
Their work ethics model dedication and perseverance.
>>> Their work ethics model--"dedication and perseverance".
Well, it is a funny write and funny it was supposed to be. The fact that it is set in the year 2200 AD and talks of a galactic event shows your futuristic vision about planetary travel.
You taught me a new word --Traffic cone. I have certainly seen these cones but never knew they are called traffic cone. Thanks.
This is a beautiful poem. It is so personalised, as if spring is a human being. The opening lines attract the reader immediately--
Where did you get your beautiful dress?
Who made over your pretty face?
You have made air fragrant and new.
Oh, My beautiful spring, I always love you.
Also, I learnt a new word today--warren. Just imagine, I spent 75 years without knowing what a warren is!
This is a wonderful poem. I don't remember having read earlier a poem on this theme. It is well written and has flow.
I particularly liked the following lines:
"I miss how we girls used to link arms on the playground and sing:
“Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider;
Girls go to college to get more knowledge”
I miss being little and cute
And feeling like a princess in ruffly, lacy dresses
Now I feel ugly and unloved,
Feeling pretty only when I wear tons of make-up and fashionable clothes
Now we girls fight over boys and boyfriends
Instead of uniting against them"
This story is just hilarious. And, since it is apparently true, is so wonderful! Just to imagine that, since "Boo likes to be the center of attention and since she wasn't in that position for a few minutes", "she went trotting off to who knows where" and returned and showed her blue treasure!
I never kept a dog. However, I guess every dog owner would have some surprising anecdote about the dog.
This is a poem about life becoming too automatic, depriving a person of the freedom to do as he wants.
[This is what characterises creative persons--poets, writers, painters, singers, musicians, sculptors etc.--this freedom from automatism. Every time they do something, it is new to some extent.]
This is a nice horror / mystery story, the like of which I have never read before. A lady notices a tall building with stone statues. She tries to find about it. An old man warns her not to do so. She does not heed his warning. She goes inside, never to come out, except by way of turning into a statue at the roof top!
Nice idea, well woven into a story.
There a re 4-5 mistakes. An example--"clouds which were half-covered and out of site".
>>> sight.
This is a good poem. It starts with the description of nature, in all its vibrant splendour in different seasons, and, then, culminates in the last six lines:
And I
fall
into
the
choppy
depths.
***
There ends so familiar a story--the end of love; the end of life!
This is a nice article about personal experiences of child abuse. A child is defenceless and believes everything done by elders is right. We need to live up to the child's faith and confidence in us.
The following is worth quoting--
"I know that my parents tried to raise me the best way they knew how. The unfortunate part is that the only way they knew how to raise me was the same way they were raised. I remember my mom telling me stories of her father dragging her home by her hair and kicking her along the way. I remember her saying that he was drunk a lot of the time."
It was sad to read this account. Also,it was a learning experience. I learnt how different certain cultures can be. I am an India, 75, and live in India. The type of life you lived in your childhood would be pretty rare here. I think the difference is attributable to basic societal values. Things would change here, too, say in next 50-75 years. When affluence comes, coupled with a sense of individual freedom and rights, one tends to lose a sense of responsibility towards the family.
Thanks for giving a realistic insight into your childhood. One sentence particularly struck me--"I remember having to step over passed out bodies in the morning to make my way to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal."
This is a very well written story. It is the first chapter of a novel and I am sure the novel will turn out to be a very good one. The whole idea behind the novel is magnificent--AHP--Artificial Human Project. Dying, as a volunteer, every four months!That is certainly a novelty.
SUGGESTIONS:
answer the questions as truthful as you can
>>> answer the questions as truthfullly as you can
**
It always did so why would this time be any better?
>>> It always did so. Why would this time be any better?
[NOTE--Preferably: Why would this time be any different?
It was with pleasure (and a bit of pride) that I read this item. It is nice of you to keep a count of how many times I reviewed you. The fact is that I send a review back when I receive one. That is my policy. So, that means that you might have reviewed me 6-7 times!
The biggest strength of this site (WDC) is its review mechanism and the incentives for review. We should both thank the StoryMaster for that.
All the best.
--M C Gupta
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