It was with pleasure (and a bit of pride) that I read this item. It is nice of you to keep a count of how many times I reviewed you. The fact is that I send a review back when I receive one. That is my policy. So, that means that you might have reviewed me 6-7 times!
The biggest strength of this site (WDC) is its review mechanism and the incentives for review. We should both thank the StoryMaster for that.
I am rather intrigued that such an item was written at all. I am not a novelist but I cannot imagine a situation when, as a reader, I would mind a scene where a character examines himself / herself in the mirror. Whether or not to have such a scene in the novel appears to me to be a pointless question. Nobody can answer such a question better than the writer himself.It is his plan, his write and his choice.
This is a wonderfully original theme for a poem--"Poem Written For a Story Character". It shows a high level of creativity. The character speaks thus--
Only in dreams, I am with thee,
My heart with yours so wild and free
My love, I see your name, but not your face
It doesn't matter, I've found my place.
Congrats for a job well done. And thanks for sharing.
This is a nice poem / lyrics that describes beautifully that moment in love when, while a person says goodbye, the other is unable to, in spite of wanting, to say--"Stop, Don't go,I love you."
Those six words, withheld, while expecting that they still reach the other person!
This is the situation described here--
"As you walked away
I asked if you'd stay with me
for a minute---
while I light my cigarette?
But what I really meant. . .
went unsaid---
This small piece is probably intended to convey the fact that actresses have to compromise with their own perceived moral standards as regards dress and dance etc. so as to satisfy the demands of the director of the movie being made.
If that is the intended message, this write is successful.
Additionally, it conveys a message that children land into such difficult times because they don't listen to their parents.
It is a good write, conveying a lot in a few words.
This is a nice poem about thieves, referred here as "varmints", which I first thought to be a typo for vermins. However, I learnt from the dictionary that it is a North American informal term for a troublesome animal / person. Thanks for teaching me a new word.
This is the "tale" of a woman widowed, remembering her husband. The poem has done full justice to her feelings--
This tale I share will break your heart
Now we are many worlds apart.
You left me here all by myself,
As I set your ashes on a shelf.
my eyes fill with bleary tears
I loved you for so many years.
This is a wonderful poem that holds the interest from the word 'go'. It starts with--
What giant birds are these called trees
with feathers in their arms and knees
that flap and flit and flip and flutter
as to the wind they chirp and sputter?
Although they stretch into the sky
they will not, cannot, do not fly.
Only a poet can portray trees and birds. What an unimaginable comparison, one which makes perfect sense as the poem proceeds!
This piece records some ideas that seem to occur to the person here in a haze of memory about someone elder, in an Indian setting. That person is probably the Naukar (servant). That much is clear from the words. However, what exactly is behind those words is not clear. It is the writer's choice to be vague to the extent that she desires.
This is a good sonnet. It meets all the requirements. There are no mistakes of grammar or spelling. As regards--"There are no breaks in its structure because that is how Shakespeare wrote them", I prefer to write my own sonnets with breaks after lines 4, 8 and 12. This is more user friendly and makes for easy readability and comprehension.
The content is rather deep, needing a bit of mental exertion. But that is not a fault. It is just a tribute to your poetic mind and style.
This is a nice little boys' story regarding hide and seek. Yet, I feel the ferocity displayed here is a bit too much--
"His bloodshot eyes illuminated in the darkness. He could just make out a slight movement coming from the far left corner of the basement. One by one his claws extended.
He let out a ferocious roar and hastened towards a large oak cabinet, which he picked up and discarded as though it was made of cardboard."
This is followed by a highly contrasting-- "“Got you!” cried Wolfgang affectionately scratching his cousin."
SUGGESTION--You might bring down the ferocity a bit.
This is quite a witty poem, mainly based on the play of words, but carries a significant message also that we should be rooted in the ground rather than be too lofty and away from reality.
OPENING LINES--
The serpent's point of view?
He preys more than you.
His face is on the ground,
ninety -nine percent of the time.
He's awake, he's preying.
Man is standing upright
the entire course of the day,
yet when does he pray?
It was a pleasure reading this poem. It was written as a pep up message for a young girl by her father. However, I think it has the following beneficial advice for all--
"Remember-
a closed mouth does not get fed.
So tell them what you want-
don't be scared.
Shyness is not a weakness
but it can hold you back."
This is an unusual but very strong and emotional poem that conveys its message very well--the message of two persons who love each other but are unable to communicate.
The poem has a tragic end. The opening and end lines are as follows:
Lost
You stand there
staring at me
torn between love and hate,
torturing yourself on the knife edge
of a sword
wanting, needing, desiring,
speechless.
**
until, trembling
you raise a hand
and plunge the knife
deep into your heart,
And I stand there staring –
lost
**************
It is a good poem.
--M C Gupta
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