This is a wonderfully original theme for a poem--"Poem Written For a Story Character". It shows a high level of creativity. The character speaks thus--
Only in dreams, I am with thee,
My heart with yours so wild and free
My love, I see your name, but not your face
It doesn't matter, I've found my place.
Congrats for a job well done. And thanks for sharing.
This is a nice poem / lyrics that describes beautifully that moment in love when, while a person says goodbye, the other is unable to, in spite of wanting, to say--"Stop, Don't go,I love you."
Those six words, withheld, while expecting that they still reach the other person!
This is the situation described here--
"As you walked away
I asked if you'd stay with me
for a minute---
while I light my cigarette?
But what I really meant. . .
went unsaid---
This small piece is probably intended to convey the fact that actresses have to compromise with their own perceived moral standards as regards dress and dance etc. so as to satisfy the demands of the director of the movie being made.
If that is the intended message, this write is successful.
Additionally, it conveys a message that children land into such difficult times because they don't listen to their parents.
It is a good write, conveying a lot in a few words.
This is a wonderful poem that holds the interest from the word 'go'. It starts with--
What giant birds are these called trees
with feathers in their arms and knees
that flap and flit and flip and flutter
as to the wind they chirp and sputter?
Although they stretch into the sky
they will not, cannot, do not fly.
Only a poet can portray trees and birds. What an unimaginable comparison, one which makes perfect sense as the poem proceeds!
This piece records some ideas that seem to occur to the person here in a haze of memory about someone elder, in an Indian setting. That person is probably the Naukar (servant). That much is clear from the words. However, what exactly is behind those words is not clear. It is the writer's choice to be vague to the extent that she desires.
This is a good sonnet. It meets all the requirements. There are no mistakes of grammar or spelling. As regards--"There are no breaks in its structure because that is how Shakespeare wrote them", I prefer to write my own sonnets with breaks after lines 4, 8 and 12. This is more user friendly and makes for easy readability and comprehension.
The content is rather deep, needing a bit of mental exertion. But that is not a fault. It is just a tribute to your poetic mind and style.
This is a nice little boys' story regarding hide and seek. Yet, I feel the ferocity displayed here is a bit too much--
"His bloodshot eyes illuminated in the darkness. He could just make out a slight movement coming from the far left corner of the basement. One by one his claws extended.
He let out a ferocious roar and hastened towards a large oak cabinet, which he picked up and discarded as though it was made of cardboard."
This is followed by a highly contrasting-- "“Got you!” cried Wolfgang affectionately scratching his cousin."
SUGGESTION--You might bring down the ferocity a bit.
This is quite a witty poem, mainly based on the play of words, but carries a significant message also that we should be rooted in the ground rather than be too lofty and away from reality.
OPENING LINES--
The serpent's point of view?
He preys more than you.
His face is on the ground,
ninety -nine percent of the time.
He's awake, he's preying.
Man is standing upright
the entire course of the day,
yet when does he pray?
It was a pleasure reading this poem. It was written as a pep up message for a young girl by her father. However, I think it has the following beneficial advice for all--
"Remember-
a closed mouth does not get fed.
So tell them what you want-
don't be scared.
Shyness is not a weakness
but it can hold you back."
This is an unusual but very strong and emotional poem that conveys its message very well--the message of two persons who love each other but are unable to communicate.
The poem has a tragic end. The opening and end lines are as follows:
Lost
You stand there
staring at me
torn between love and hate,
torturing yourself on the knife edge
of a sword
wanting, needing, desiring,
speechless.
**
until, trembling
you raise a hand
and plunge the knife
deep into your heart,
It was a great poetic treat to read your poem. It is just great.
It is 10 years since you joined the WDC and became a moderator pretty soon. You must be one of the few Indian moderators on this site. It is a tribute to your capabilities.
The item under review is flawless, except that, grammatically, shrotaon needs to be changed to shrotao in the first line.
This is an interesting poem about the monster that we have all been afraid of in childhood, who, somehow, seems relevant in this case even during adulthood, forcing the psychologist to render the following advice--
There is no such thing as your monster
Especially not under your bed
It is my opinion that your monster…
Resides only in your head!
This is an unusual and beautiful poem with a novel theme, which is reflected in the end as follows:
You want me to chat with you for long,
Why do you say sorry even when I'm wrong?
You've stolen my heart once before.
Are you making me fall for you once more?
What are you up to girl, what are you up to?
I'm trying to make a guess,
figuring out your next move.
What are you up to girl, what are you up to?
****
>>> Trying to make a guess about what women do or think is a venture frought with risks. Good luck!
It is a pleasure to read this poem. Its structure is immaculate-- abcb rhyme and 8-6-8-6 syllabic rhythm. A good flow is, thereby, inbuilt in the poem.
The description of the poem is short and subtle--"A mom now understood." It serves its purpose well. The description is softly elaborated in the last two stanzas--
The kitchen light, left on at night,
stirred Mom to be aware.
She peered into her daughter's room
to gaze about with care.
The pup perked up, then lay back down
with blanket as a hood;
a child in pink asleep in peace,
a mom now understood.
This poem is about persons afflicted with suicidal tendencies and addiction to substances, who are not able to communicate with others. It ends with the following poignant words--
A woman talking to herself,
a young child points out.
A child who knows no evil,
just wonders what it’s about.
The mother makes something up
and the child thinks it’s true.
How shocking to the mother
when the child grows up to be you.
SUGGESTION-- It would make for an easy reading if you space your poem by presenting it as stanzas rather than a continuous, non-stop presentation.
--M C Gupta
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