It was a pleasure reading this poem. It was written as a pep up message for a young girl by her father. However, I think it has the following beneficial advice for all--
"Remember-
a closed mouth does not get fed.
So tell them what you want-
don't be scared.
Shyness is not a weakness
but it can hold you back."
This is an unusual but very strong and emotional poem that conveys its message very well--the message of two persons who love each other but are unable to communicate.
The poem has a tragic end. The opening and end lines are as follows:
Lost
You stand there
staring at me
torn between love and hate,
torturing yourself on the knife edge
of a sword
wanting, needing, desiring,
speechless.
**
until, trembling
you raise a hand
and plunge the knife
deep into your heart,
It was a great poetic treat to read your poem. It is just great.
It is 10 years since you joined the WDC and became a moderator pretty soon. You must be one of the few Indian moderators on this site. It is a tribute to your capabilities.
The item under review is flawless, except that, grammatically, shrotaon needs to be changed to shrotao in the first line.
This is an interesting poem about the monster that we have all been afraid of in childhood, who, somehow, seems relevant in this case even during adulthood, forcing the psychologist to render the following advice--
There is no such thing as your monster
Especially not under your bed
It is my opinion that your monster…
Resides only in your head!
This is an unusual and beautiful poem with a novel theme, which is reflected in the end as follows:
You want me to chat with you for long,
Why do you say sorry even when I'm wrong?
You've stolen my heart once before.
Are you making me fall for you once more?
What are you up to girl, what are you up to?
I'm trying to make a guess,
figuring out your next move.
What are you up to girl, what are you up to?
****
>>> Trying to make a guess about what women do or think is a venture frought with risks. Good luck!
It is a pleasure to read this poem. Its structure is immaculate-- abcb rhyme and 8-6-8-6 syllabic rhythm. A good flow is, thereby, inbuilt in the poem.
The description of the poem is short and subtle--"A mom now understood." It serves its purpose well. The description is softly elaborated in the last two stanzas--
The kitchen light, left on at night,
stirred Mom to be aware.
She peered into her daughter's room
to gaze about with care.
The pup perked up, then lay back down
with blanket as a hood;
a child in pink asleep in peace,
a mom now understood.
This poem is about persons afflicted with suicidal tendencies and addiction to substances, who are not able to communicate with others. It ends with the following poignant words--
A woman talking to herself,
a young child points out.
A child who knows no evil,
just wonders what it’s about.
The mother makes something up
and the child thinks it’s true.
How shocking to the mother
when the child grows up to be you.
SUGGESTION-- It would make for an easy reading if you space your poem by presenting it as stanzas rather than a continuous, non-stop presentation.
Admittedly, English is not your first language. Nor is it mine. Everybody need not have excellent proficiency in every language.But, basic rules have to be adhered to.
This piece is labelled as an essay. An essay consists of sentences and paragraphs. A look at this piece gives an impression that it is a free verse poem, which, of course, it is not.
It is a cardinal rule that every sentence must have a verb. Please look into this aspect. I am quoting just two sentences which do not have a proper verb:
1--One day without tomorrow, weighing the years, hardened as the lead and full of both grief and bitterness.
2--Without proprieties, without family, isolated and neglected, even though your yesterday love and tenderness as radiance let hearts vibrant.
This is a nice article telling about the importance of world peace and the reasons for the lack of the same. One of the reasons mentioned is pride (about our possessions). In this connection, the author writes--
"We are living in an age of gross wealth and gross poverty. In the equation lies gross neglect. We are neglecting our fellow man. We are neglecting our duty to humankind and to our immortal souls."
The above is very correct and true. There are two opposite thoughts:
A--Happiness lies in possession of materialistic goods and pleasures. [This is the capitalistic approach based on cosumerism.]
B--Happiness lies in renunciation of materialistic goods and pleasures. [This is the Hindu spiritual philosophic approach based on the belief that the assets of the nature are to be enjoyed by all the humanity and not cornered and enjoyed by a selected few as their personal possessions.]
NOTE--Jesus also preached renunciation--""Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same."
Approach A leads to what the author says--"We are neglecting our fellow man. We are neglecting our duty to humankind."
I read this peace because of its wonderful title. However, the content appeared to me to be rather disjointed, consisting of several statements, all correct in themselves, but written in a manner that one has to look for meaning behind them. Maybe it is your style and you can't help it. Maybe it is I who have difficulty understanding what you wrote and others maybe OK with it.
This poem is beautifully built around the concept of the sound of something that is supposed to be silent. The idea of the poem is nicely summarised in the last stanza--
So many are the sounds
Of lonesome
One knows not where
To start
But to me you see
T’will e’er be
The sound of
…A broken heart…
>>> I think it would be better to use the word lonesomeness in place of lonesome.
This is a poem / statement about cats by a your mother who wrote it past 80 years of age and is having Alzheimer's disease now. It would be prudent not to analyze / dissect it, except suggesting that --
A cat does not ask for much, only a little love,
to be fed and for house cats, a liter box.
It is a nice poem. The last line comes a bit unexpectedly and suddenly affects the reader's thoughts.
The beauty we saw when walking together
Thought we could do it always and forever
The time has come..I did my best
The time has come..I laid you to rest
This is basically a poem of longing--the longing a boy has for the girl. There is nothing unusual about it. But the poem itself is nice. Every poem is unique. The uniqueness of this poem lies in its simple words that flow reasonably well.
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