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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/medievalgirl
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158 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even if you aren't doing NaNo, this is a great way to dive into your story! I love doing this when I'm not sure where my story is going and I need to dig deep into my characters and their motivations.
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Review of this isn't home.  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is so heartbreaking. You have capturing the feeling of home, while admitting you haven't yet found yours. And yet you still hold out hope that the reader has found their own home, their own happiness. This lends a piece of happiness to your sad poem. Good job.
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Review of My Inner Mare  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is interesting. I would never have considered having an inner anything other than a child or characters. But equating your feelings of fight or flight to a horse is really fascinating. Nice job.

I did feel like you just kind of touched on the surface of everything though and could have explored this more.

You seem to have either an extra period here or are missing part of your ellipses: plausible. today.
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Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was so cute! I had a smile on my face by the end! It's so good that you have a humorous outlook about walking like a turtle. It's not fun to have people walk faster than you and not wait for you. I really liked this and the imagry.

Just one small grammar comment:
on turtle let’s --there should be a comma after on and another one after turtle.
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5
Review of Mister President.  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a really interesting idea and could be a powerful statement. I think you lessen the power with the repition of Mister president. If you repeated it a few times, it would be more powerful, but by repeating it every line, the words blended together and I had a hard time reading it. Possibly rewriting it with all the sentences and not as many uses of Mister president would work. Also put some line spacing in to make it not flow together so much. The ideas were very good and very instructive.

I have the following grammar suggestions:
president should be capitalized
to gods wisdom--should be God's wisdom
dishonest--should be dishonesty

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6
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I reviewed "The Enemy ... Within? [ASR]

Overall:
Ken submitted to a contest but discovers that his answer is not correct. Was his answer wrong? Or were there mysterious forces at work? A cute and humorous look at something we’ve all had trouble with.

What I especially Liked: *Bigsmile*
I loved the humor here. And the different reasonings for the story being changed. The Sock Monster and Dust Bunny at the end made me laugh out loud.

What Needs Improvement:*Frown*
I feel like there could have been more to this story. It seemed almost unfinished and too short.

Spelling and Grammar:
Didn’t notice any.

Other Comments:
I’d love a sequel or a continuation for StoryMaster and the minions or lengthen this story!
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7
Review of The Promise  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I reviewed "The Promise [ASR]

Overall:
This brings to mind the old epic poems—like Gilgamesh.

What I especially Liked: *Bigsmile*
The soaring, haunting feeling the lines evoke. I especially like the first stanza and the lines: “The rule of dragons is no more;
a faded memory,
a legend from the days of yore -
not even history.”

What Needs Improvement:*Frown*
I didn’t see anything I feel needs improvement.

Spelling and Grammar:
No spelling or grammar issues noted.

Other Comments:
I’m not as confident reviewing poetry as I am with stories, but I did enjoy this poem.
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8
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I reviewed "The Trouble with Resurrection [18+]

Overall:
Aaron “awakes” in his coffin to discover he has 8 hours to tip his “balance” to either the good or the bad and decide whether he goes to heaven or hell. Which way will he end up? I love this idea. And the characters of Aaron and L were hysterical.

What I especially Liked: *Bigsmile*
L. I loved L. Totally hysterical and what a great “conscience”.

What Needs Improvement:*Frown*
You seem to have a habit of saying a name and then putting punctuation (Aaron. Focus! Or Aaron? Is that you?) instead of (Aaron, focus! Or Aaron, is that you?) You might want to revisit those types of sentences.

Spelling and Grammar:
score.?—no period

Other Comments:
I really enjoyed this. And it was nice to read a story without any real grammar or spelling errors.
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9
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This is a really condensed but informative look at the horror genre. You appear to have done a lot of research and I like the way you formatted everything so it follows along with the decades and follows the path of how horror has changed. Very informative. And very interesting.

Some editing comments for you:

I’d suggest making your links embedded because it takes away from the reading to have them as https. The WML code is {x-link:} {/x-link} with just a single bracket.

a spoof with Leslie Neilsen (1995)—take off the italics for this

50's—50s or if possessive 50s’

films, /movie monster crossovers—remove italics

Also movie titles are always italicized and not quoted.

You seem to sometimes randomly italicize things; I would go back and check that.


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Review of Leaves  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was so very pretty. I love the images you invoke with your words. Especially the lines “Patterns splay out; mimicking trails” and “masked pigments across many scales”. Such beautiful ideas. I’m not sure what an interlocking rubyait is, but since you won second place, I’m sure you did it well. Congrats on your win!
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Review of More Fool You  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a fantastic plan! I'm sorry that publisher treated you so rough, but it sounds like you have the plans to see it through and make it even better. Stick to your goals, make sure you keep track of where you should be and where you want to be, but don't let yourself be overwhelmed.

Good luck!
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Review of Music Magic  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is really sweet. It brings to mind the sweet summer days and dancing in the sunshine. I really like the images you invoke with your "dance like dandelions" and the "mosaic fields". I would love a second verse that's your girlfriend's answer (or your version of it. Thanks for sharing.
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Review of The Magical Day  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a really cute story that would be great as an anti-bullying story. I would suggest instead of writing it as journal entry, you write it as a short story or a children's book. Most kids (which I think should probably be your audience) would not read a journal entry. In addition, you'll need to go back and check your spelling and grammar. Definitely a good idea for an anti-bullying piece though.
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14
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really like the range of emotions you have in this. You go from very excited to the depths of despair to excitement again. I also like the idea of the journal entries.

I would possibly suggest spelling out words like Christmas and numbers. Also adding a bit more description. I know you were probably intending for this to be written by a teenager, but adding more description will only make this strong.

Thanks for sharing.
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Review of The new world.  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was creepy and really interesting. The dialogue is really strong and you draw the reader in. I'd love to know what happened before to lead to this. And why they're waiting for this new world. I love the idea that one person locked them in.

Check for missing commas. I noticed at least one... out there Cynthia. After "there".
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Review of Pathway to Eden  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Very interesting. I like the idea that you took the song and rewrote it with your own ideas. What a fabulous idea. And really caught the idea of moving towards Eden. I like the descriptions and the connections. Especially the phrase "shapeshifting my future".

Thanks for sharing.
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Review of Depression  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow very powerful. I really like the way you go from describing depression to the depths (and suicidal thoughts) to asking for help. You've really captured the way a lot of people feel so helpless in the face of something many people don't understand.

One line seems to have an extra number or something:
Depression 1-love you've beat me I confess.--Might want to check that.

That was the only one that jumped out at me, the script made it a little difficult to read.

Also check your links, some are invalid.
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Review of The Bequest  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was interesting. I like the image of the grandfather and grandson. The images and descriptions are very nice.

I was very confused with how it switched between first and third person though. It made it difficult to follow what was going on.

Having the broken image at the top kind of threw me off also, makes me wonder what was there.
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Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a beautiful description of an earth goddess (at least that's the idea I got). And the effects people are having on our world. You've really done a great job describing and laying this out.

I would suggest making this a little bit longer and giving your reader an idea of what comes from the trees she has hidden in her bedroom. I was left wishing I knew more about that.

Overall, great job though!
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Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a touching tribute to someone that will be missed here on WDC. Beautiful work and sentiment. Lovely imagery and word painting. You did a gorgeous job with this work. You've really captured the essence of both the feelings and the idea of a tribute. Thank you.
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Review of Greed  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Spectacular! What a twist! You did a great job with this! I did find myself intrigued by the characters, although I did have to keep reminding myself who was who. You might want to add some description to make it easier to tell them apart or make their names less common or a little more distinctive. Overall I did enjoy the story.

Here are some grammar/editing comments to use or discard:

everything is yours between you and your brother and your Mom—Everything is yours except what goes to your brother and your mom.

with them I will—them comma

Your Dad—possessive followed by dad means dad should be lower case (same with mom, grandpa, aunt, etc)

a large scope—telescope

ma'am, If—if

You are not doing—You’re

mean leave something—mean to

David Rivers last will—Rivers’s

David Rivers attorney—Rivers’s

Mr. Rivers next step—Rivers’s

Follow me please—me comma

Then, the sky—no comma

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22
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great idea. A Family Feud type game for WDC! Looks like you’re well organized and you’ve got a good start. Good luck with gaining the gift points and teams that you need. And remember to have fun with it! I hope you have some good, pointless questions planned!
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Review of Title Below  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is an interesting topic and I’m glad I went ahead and read it, despite it not actually being titled. I happen to love zombie movies and one of the things I love about them is some of the things you were picking on. I love making fun of all the people who can’t seem to figure out the right way to kill the zombies. This was a wonderful laugh today!

The following are my suggestions after reading your essay and it’s your choice if you use them or not:

I would move your title up into the title space, more people will be drawn into the essay by the actual title.

Make your script a little larger and darker, I had a bit of trouble reading the small, lighter color print.

The rest are grammar issues that I discovered as I was reading.

how ever have—however

of they once—the

But, gay vampires—generally speaking a sentence should not begin with But. Begin with However, etc.

but oh God your turning—but, oh, God, you’re

and udder shock—utter

“Johnson, come on quit playing. Johnson come on man. –come on, quit playing. Johnson, come on, man.” Also Johnson, come on, man. is a fragment.

**when you are making a list 1) 2) 3) make sure you either put commas in or don’t put commas in at all. You are not consistent. It’s your choice which you do, but you need to have a comma after 1), 2), and 3) or no commas whatsoever.

and udder shock—utter

security/ police—no space

3armed mindless—this makes no sense

Hot wet or humid places—Hot, wet, or humid

Hot wet or humid places would be far worse speeding up the rate of decay—Hot, wet, or humid places would be far worse for a dead human body and would speed up the rate of decay. Or something to that effect. There is nothing in your sentence that states what is decaying.

preferably hot humid states—hot, humid

will have cleaned its self up with all the zombies having been decaying to the point in—will clean itself up as all the zombies decay as the tendons and…

had it going right too—had it right, too
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Review of The Sirens.  
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.0)
One of the best known and (in my opinion) most awesome and underused people in mythology are the Sirens. You’ve captured the grace and terror of them in this poem, short as it is. Very nice job. I got chills reading it and they weren’t from the air conditioner. *Smile*

I would go back and look at your third stanza and see if you can add one more line. The rest of the stanzas are four lines, but for some reason that one is only three and it makes the reader stumble just a little.

Other than that, just two left out punctuation marks:

Thats—That’s

Sirens—Sirens’
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25
Review by Medie PUBLISHED
Rated: E | (4.5)
As a cat owner, I couldn’t resist checking this poem out. And I did have to laugh because perfectly describes just about every cat I’ve ever owned—hates everyone but the owner. You’ve captured the essence here and cat lovers and haters alike can appreciate it. Not to mention capturing what it means to be owned by a cat. Nicely done with no seen grammatical or spelling errors. Thanks for sharing!
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