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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/meg3450
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377 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
An unusual but very interesting story. I have a grown son with a mental illness and I saw him throughout the whole thing. It was as if you were describing him. The story was a little difficult to follow in the beginning, but after it go started, it was fine. I never understood if he was the prison guard as he said or not. But, after going back to the first sentence, I read he had no job, so I guess not. Didn't know how he managed to have a knife. Would have been good to explain that. But, overall, good.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A perfect short story, and a unique way to give the moral. I love the way you used the analogy to teach a concept. I kept trying to understand how the young boy figured into the story, but finally decided it was just given as entertainment and stopped trying to read something more into the story. I really enjoyed it. You handled having a beginning, middle, and end in a good way. That is the hardest for me in a short story.
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Review of Eternally Tired  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story, but brief. I would have liked to find out who was in his chair. One discrepancy I noted was in the first sentence, where you stated the chair glistened dully. Can an item be dull and glisten? I feel the ghosts fatigue. It almost made me want to go rest.
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Review of The talk part 1  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I was confused during most of this piece. I never knew who (or what) was speaking. I think it may have been less confusing if you had named the second being by name and insert speech tags periodically. It was an interesting concept, just somewhat confusing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very good, graphic scene accounting what I assume is an accident. You described the scene very well, and characterized the different types of drivers well. I get a sense that you have experienced such a day, and a resulting accident. I can read between the lines and get a sense of the pain you suffered.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Memorial Day  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A little slow at the start, but soon grabbed my attention and kept me going. It has a surprising end, but those words, "What's that on your leg?" got me to feeling a crawling feeling on my leg and looking to see if anything was here.

Your grammar is impeccable. Though I don't usually read horror stories, this one really caught my attention. Well-written.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ideas Chapter 2  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is intriguing. The story line is attention-getting. You handled the dialogue excellently. I think you mentioned the exercise was for that.

A correction I would make is to open with some dialogue, at least near the beginning. Even if it is comments Henry makes to himself. Large, solid blocks of text can be a turnoff.

You grammar was excellent. I did not not any errors.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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8
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the idea, and the daily exercises look excellent. They look both fun and challenging. I am sure they will keep me on track in preparation for Nano. I have done Nano eight years, but have never been able to keep up with the October challenges, usually due to no internet. I look forward to doing so this time. Thanks for the efforts.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this idea. I was a part of a very early, maybe the first one, and loved it. I got lots of challenges. Also, I need to develop the habit of writing daily, so hope through this I can.

Keep up the good work of encouraging us writers who sometimes (maybe always) tend to procrastinate.

BTW, it's fun, too.
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10
Review of FOREVER  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A strange and intriguing story. I never really understood who this speaker was (or what it was). But, that was part of the intrigue.
I found no errors in grammar or spelling. it was well written. I did note the one line that was longer than the rest. It is no big deal, but did cause me to pause in my reading. I was used to a rhythm of a certain line length, though this isn't a poem. I think, if I were you, I would fix it to match. Again, not a big deal, but did cause a pause.

I really like this piece. I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is. I first thought the soul, then some other spirit, even maybe a part of the Godhead. I never really figured it out.

Good piece overall.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
11
11
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story is fascinating. I did not not any errors or corrections needed. I did not expect it to end the way it did, and though sad, it is exactly as it needed to be.

You have developed your characters very well. The piece reads very well. I was engrossed from beginning to end.

I have to suggestions for improvement. It is excellent as written.

Evelyn
12
12
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is excellent. I wouldn't change a thing. I can so vividly see the anguish, and then the joy, that you experienced with your boys. You have told the story well. There is no grammatical errors that I noted.

I would have liked to have known more about your boys growing up, their milestones, etc. But, I realize the story is not about their life, but their birth and near death.

You have a very good way with story telling. I was "in" the story the whole time I was reading it.

Evelyn
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13
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love this idea, and want to join . I didn't see the email address, but will look further.

I also love the logo. I think it's quote is so apt, and the graphics is sophisticated looking, so as not to seem frivolous.

I tried to join this group when it was going to be the Christian Writers Laboratory, and found the old email. Now, after being off almost a year due to health, I am ready to get in the swing.

Evelyn
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14
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is very cute, humorous, and has a surprise ending. What more could one ask?

I did not note any grammatical or other errors. It is an excellent piece, showing a slice of what shopping might be for a man.

I just love the character of the aunt as revealed in only the one line, but revealed so very well. Keep up the good work.
Evelyn - Writing on Fire
15
15
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You answered what in my opinion was a scathing accusation with a kind and accurate response. I don't know if I would have felt so inclined.

I, for one, totally appreciate what writing.com does. I struggle as a single parent and don't often have the money for upgrades, contests, etc., but have found that each time I can't afford a renewal of my upgrade, someone donates one to me. I have never gone lacking for something to do and have never gone but a month or so without an upgrade. And, that month was during a time I had shoulder surgery and didn't get to log on, so didn't know I expired. I renewed for only one month, as that was all I could afford. Lo and behold, a wonderful benefactor immediately donated an additional 3 months.

I can't praise writing.com enough for what it has done for helping me grow as a writer. I have recommended it highly many times. keep up the good work. I LOVE IT!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful portrayal of a child. I can just feel the love between the lines (and in them). You define the innocence of childhood so well.

You handle the rhymes so well in this poem. I did note one that may be the wrong tense of a word -- in line 4 of the second stanza, you say descent, when it appears it might be supposed to be descended. I may be wrong, though, of what you meant to say.

A good poem.
Evelyn
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Review of DEPRESSION  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It expresses depression so well. I have struggled in the past with depression, some even currently, and my son has major depression. So, I can really identify. I even wrote a poem on it as well, called Melancholy.

You reallly make me see the down deep feelings.

i did note one place that appears to be a misspelling. The word "dreed" should be, I think, dread.

Evelyn
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Review of Shopper's Remorse  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is fantastic! I can so identify, though I have never smoked and never will. However, I fight the same fight with food. How I can rationalize why I need to wait one more day before I start that perpetual diet. And, a big bag of Corn Nuts or a soft serve ice cream cone can make everything better. And, what better way to unwind at the end of the day than wih a whole bag of popcorn and a diet coke.
After all, the coke is diet. Never mind that the bag of popcorn contains 3.5 servings and I eat the whole thing myself.

I truly was amused and inspired by this piece.

I did have one, and only one, grammatical suggestion. See the line below.

single light I (should this maybe be red light? Of course, she would pass every light).
19
19
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Excellent setup. I can't wait to see who cut off the finger, and who is Shannon's secret admirer. Are they related, or maybe the same person? And, what is going o here? I want to know. I can't wait to read more. You do plan to write more?

I did not find any errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation. The sentence structure flows nicely.

I did, just for a moment, pause at the time frames, as you had one at 8:10 and the next at 7:56. However, I soon realized it was from a different POV.

I think you handle the POV changes very well. That is often hard to pull off, but you do it nicely, plus keep us on track with the timed entries. Good job.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a great idea! I want to be part of the challenge. I clicked and it said restricted, but I will try again. I like the idea of progressively building the number of words as the days progress. It is like a daily workout where you try to beat what you did the day before. Just as a workout builds muscles, this could build the writing "muscles." Thanks for providing it.
Evelyn
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Review of The Moment  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a wonderful commentary on dysfunctional relationships in a family. I really sort of enjoyed reading it, and sort of felt unnerved by it. I have had an abusive childhood, so guess it hits home to much.

There were a few areas where grammar needed to be checked, as well as formatting (paragraph indentations, etc.).

Overall, this was really good. Just needs some cleaning up with typing, spelling and grammar in a few places.

Evelyn
22
22
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is so vivid. It is excellent. I vacillated all over the universe in trying to decide what was going on. At first, I thought of real demons. Then, I thought of child abuse. Next, I thought of an abused spouse.

I think that is what makes it so enticing. It really speaks to a person wherever they are. I have been abused as a child and as a spouse, and I could identify with parts of it for that reason. I can't say as I have ever seen a confirmed demon, but I can imagine that the poem could be addressing that as well.

A good job. I wouldn't change anything. Grammar, rhyme, rhythm, meter, all were excellent.

Evelyn
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Review of Moments of Gold  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a wonderful glimpse at a family you so obviously love. I love these "slices of life" you are sharing with us. I love your fiction writing, but I think I love these memoirs more.

You have a wonderfully inspiring family, from the youngest to the oldest. Keep enjoying them, for as you know, the time is so short to enjoy.

Keep writing these, and I'll keep reading.

Thanks.

Evelyn
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Review of One Last Poem  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is so good. I love the repetition of the "refrain" and love how it changes at each repetition.

You so capture the way a relationship can drift and suffer, even when people love each other.

I just lost my brother in October and can so identify. I had drifted from him. Not through a rift in our relationship, but due to physical distance and an abusive husband who attempted (and succeeded) in separating us. Later, after the divorce, I could have repaired that distance, but didn't, through inertia, I guess. I will always regret the relationship we could have had, and that I wanted, but neglected, thinking, like you, there was plenty of time for that.

Thanks for helping me through this by realizing others have it, too.

Evelyn
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You have written an excellent piece, one that is hard to make interesting. You have used a lot to technical terms, and higher reasoning, but done so in a way that is interesting. I found myself "speaking" to you along the way, either in agreement or argument.

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I found only one small error - "will be sown" should be shown. Otherwise, this is a perfect piece, though deep. I had to read it several times, and probably need to read it many more to get the complete thought.

Keep writing. You are doing a great job.
Evelyn
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