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164 Public Reviews Given
168 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Mystery  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This entertaining and satirical yarn effectively spotlights a couple of issues, social and political. First, the fact that Col. Winchester is a woman is a surprise, and, of course, it shouldn't be at all. As we're reminded here when Col. Winchester makes her first appearance, we still have some territory to traverse before we stop assuming a default male gender when it comes to positions of authority and responsibility. Second, the story sends up the political wrangling that strangles just about anything that our current political structure tries to get done. It reminds me of the bumper sticker that says, "It'll be a great day when education gets all the funding it needs and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber."

It's always a good day when you read a story that makes you simultaneously think and laugh, and the author here has done the trick.
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Review of Peonies  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story is such a beautiful evocation of memory. The language describing the flowers and the vase, the depiction of Lee at her easel - we can see and feel all of this, thanks to a writer who is clearly adept at creating setting and mood with a minimum of well-chosen words.

This is an exquisite story.
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Review of Handbags at Dawn  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lots of fun here, especially for anyone who has ever watched a retail-store feeding frenzy, which is probably all of us. There's nothing inherently funny about two people fighting, but the author here lets us know, through her effective use of language (e.g. "They were now at the hair pulling stage," and "knickers exposed") that this is a satire, it's all in fun, and no person (or animal) is going to be harmed in the making of this story.

We have a skilled storyteller at work here, and so we are expecting this to end in a way that doesn't involve just the shoppers exiting the store. The twist that comes is pure delight.

Well done!
4
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Review of What Goes Around  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The dialogue that makes up most of this story has to carry almost all the weight, and it does here. It has to enable the reader to understand who is talking at all times (check), and it has to convey the subtext, what the story is really about (check, again). This aspect of writing is deceptively difficult to do, and the author does it well here. Ostensibly about who's dating whom, the story is really about sibling relationships and the paths that lives take over time, as dictated by the choices people make.

The story is also a lot of fun, which always helps!
5
5
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a highly inventive and effective story. As a reader, I don't at all understand the details behind what transpires. The reader doesn't really know what's going on, but that doesn't matter. Clearly, Lester is skating toward something very bad, and the inherent tension in the story comes from the reader not knowing exactly what that is. The details of what's going on are incomprehensible to the reader because they aren't anything the reader can relate to based on experience. But what's clearly comprehensible is that, in the end, Lester is toast, and whatever toasted him is sailing on to what is, presumably, future mayhem.

I might read this story a second time to see if I can make any more sense of what is going on, but even if I don't read it again, I'll still have enjoyed this story very much. Nicely done!
6
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Review of Birthday Party  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Coming up with an original idea about a party story can be a challenge, and the author here is up to it. Ostensibly about a party, the story is actually about other things, folding in commentary on several issues: social media, competing family obligations, and setting priorities among them. The ending adds a drop of poignancy to the story, an effective way to wrap things up. In establishing an original framework for this story, the author has evoked a situation that is highly relatable. We've all been there!
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Review of The Party  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The details here are what make this story go. Caruthers' wig, Mary's ankle and her fastidiousness about dressing properly, Jack's cap and hair, and the language ("togs") all show us something about these characters without directly saying anything about them - an effective way to create the images in the reader's mind that put the reader right in the story. And the twist at the end tells us something about the relative time setting. We don't need to know what the two time settings are, only that they differ significantly, underscored by the certainty on the part of the party-goers that the figures at the top of the stairs are ghosts.

A well-told, highly economical story. Nicely done!
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Review of Susan  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Stories told exclusively, or almost exclusively, in dialogue are tricky, but this story brings it off. The author's skill with dialogue makes it easy to track who's saying what, and the double twist is the topping on this particular ice cream cone.

A treat!
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Review of Fish Eyes  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sometimes a really, really succinctly told story best gets the message across and conveys the fun, and this is one of those times. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-bing, and our protagonist is flying through the window, on the way to his destiny, and to the floating garbage, in the East River, or wherever this is.

Reading this was really a good time!
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Review of Parts  
Review by Megabob
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very funny, and very well crafted! A story we can all relate to, on so many levels, including incomprehensibly complex assembly instructions and incomprehensibly inane Dad jokes.

I love it - well done!
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Review by Megabob
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent story, just superb. Very tight, beginning to end. Highly inventive. The straightforward sentence structure fits the story's content perfectly. No missteps here. Well done!
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Review of Generations  
Review by Megabob
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jacky,

I love this story! Telling a tale only in dialogue is a challenge, but you always make it clear who is talking. And your message is such a good one: understanding words doesn't necessarily equate to understanding meaning. So relevant in these times of miscommunication all around us.

Gram wasn't the only one laughing. Me, too.


Bob
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Review of Shark's Teeth  
Review by Megabob
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean,

I love ghost stories and am aware of the challenge of presenting one in a unique way. You met the challenge! I didn't see it coming for quite awhile, and when it did come, I thought about how beautifully you crafted the message. Nice job!

Bob
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Review of Hunting Evil  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The specific images in this story really make it come alive, e.g., the jumping and twisting shadows, Jarrod's blackened and shriveling skin, Kate pulling the bottle's stopper with her teeth (she's a veritable swash-buckler). And the fast establishment of the plot draws us in quickly and powerfully. I can't imagine any reader not wanting to speed through this one, to see what happens, after that electrifying opening paragraph.

I loved the leitmotif of cliche. Presenting it again at the end makes for a wonderfully appealing close.

Even the briefest of text, the things Kate says to herself ("Whatever" and "Yup") illuminate her character nicely.

Nit-picky conventions of language item: In this instance, in the third paragraph, "it's" should be "its," no apostrophe, since you need the possessive form of the pronoun "it," instead of the contraction for "it is."

This was really fun!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Hired Gun  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A great yarn. What I especially liked about it was that I thought I had it pegged, and I was wrong. About halfway through the story, I figured Daisy was the target, but what I wasn't figuring on was that Conrad had known she was the hit and had set her up for the kill. At least I think that's what's going on here. For a moment, I thought I was mistaken because I thought the assassin would get out of there right after the shot and wouldn't expose himself by leaving his cover and approaching his victim, out in the open. But I think the rationale here is that he needed to get close, to confirm the kill.

The other possibility, of course, is that I was right in the first place, that Conrad didn't know Daisy was the target, that the note she was clutching and the hat she was wearing were from someone else, the finger man, or the man who hired Conrad. And the more I think about it, the more I believe that this is what's going on, especially given this sentence in the narrative: "He knew his target today was a woman, but not much else."

All of this ruminating from a (possibly confused) reader points up how important it is to cover all the bases when writing a story like this. A reader, especially one who is tricked, as I thought I was, will go back through the narrative, looking for clues, and they need to line up. They mostly line up in this one, but I think they led me down the wrong path, and not the one the author wanted me on.

In any case, this is a really fun read, and continues to be fun as I think about which of my theories about the plot here is the one the author intended.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Fight  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this a lot. The mystery of who these people are and what's going on is solved at a satisfying pace, not so slowly that we lose interest, but slowly enough to keep us engaged while we await the clarifications.

In the first line, looks like there's a word missing after the word "thin." One suggestion for picking up inadvertent slip-ups like that is to read your stories out loud as part of the proofing process. Your ear will catch some things that your eye misses.

The question of how to end these flash fiction pieces is always a challenging one, and I think you wrap this one up nicely. As a reader, I really felt the futility of the girl's situation. We're left wondering if she's going to be able to cook up some kind of revenge, and it's always a good sign when a reader is still thinking about the story when it's over.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Alluring Sounds  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a highly entertaining story and I really enjoyed reading it. The renowned myth of the Sirens contains compelling themes, with layers of meaning about human nature, and its tendency to be tripped up by its own delusions, self-delusions, and imperfections.

One suggestion here is to be careful with verb tenses. The story starts out in past tense, but within the first paragraph, it shifts into present tense. There's a similar shift in the first two sentences of the third paragraph. Shifts in tense can be effective, but they should be utilized for specific purposes. In this story, they don't appear to serve a purpose and so they distract the reader (at least they did this reader) from the flow of the story.

Another suggestion on the grammatical side of things has to do with proper nouns. The word "Captain" in the context of this story should be capitalized everywhere, because it's a proper noun, the character's title. If you were talking about a captain in general, any old captain (as in, "The captain is always the boss of a ship"), then it would be lower case.

Another suggestion would be to read the story out loud after you've written it. When you do that, lots of unintentional mistakes jump out, because your ear won't be fooled by some of the things your eye doesn't catch when you proofread silently. For example, if you read the second-to-last sentence out loud, the fact that the word "him" is missing between the verb "dragging" and the preposition "into" jumps right out at you.

But all of that stuff is grammatical nit-picking. This was a fun story, although I'm sure The Captain ultimately decided otherwise.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Such an engaging tale, and, as readers, we feel so much, even with just the barest outline of a story to work with. I think that spare framework is what makes this story so compelling. We invest a lot of ourselves in imagining exactly what's going on with Paula. We never do find out the specifics, but it doesn't matter. What counts is the emotional impact on us of two broken hearts.

I like much of the language here. "...the words rolled around in my head and I couldn't catch them and make them speak" is very nice!

I found the switch from past to present tense near the end to be a little jarring and am not sure what purpose it served in the narrative.

Nice job with this!

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Review of Living the Dream  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the dialogue in this story, managed with a clearly practiced hand. Sarah's stammering statement, "I don't...it's not how I thought it would be," is completely natural, sounding just like someone would actually say it and helping to plant us right there in the scene, beside Sarah and Miguel.

Small details convey character well here. The fact that Sarah packed so lightly for a year's stay suggests an adventurous spirit and, in a way, foreshadows her decision at the end, although I was left guessing about what she would decide until she finally verbalized it.

An original idea for this prompt -- bravo!

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Review of The Audition  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It's always a delight when a story carries you along like the wind and you find yourself racing toward the conclusion, wondering what's going to happen. That's certainly the case here. The characters and scene are set quickly and we're off and running, rooting for our hero.

For me, the especially entertaining elements include the reference to the antagonist not by his real name, whatever it is, but by the fantasy name cooked up in Riley's mind. I also liked how quickly James Cagney was set up as the antagonist. We're in the middle of the conflict immediately.

Speaking of conflict, there's so much of it expertly packed into this brief tale. Riley vs. Cagney, of course, but but also urban vs. rural life (I was born and raised ten miles from Wisconsin and have lived for years in a sprawling urban area, so maybe that's why I felt this story element so keenly), and dreams vs. reality. A very rich mixture!

As I raced through this story, I was hoping against hope that Riley would somehow be cast for the play, in a nice story twist. But I think the fact he clearly isn't going to make the cut gives the story even more power, especially with the clever insertion of the key line, once again but with a new meaning this time, at the end.

Well done!

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Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think this is well written, a smooth narration all the way through, starting with the effective and concise placement of setting, character, and plot. Without thinking about it, we know what's going on, the mark of a skilled and experienced writer at work.

I'm left wondering about Munna Seth's motivation. As a reader, I've missed any clues about why she's changed her mind about Jamal, unless she'd always intended to freeze him out after getting him to haul all ten sacks of potatoes to the kitchen. That's the explanation that makes the most sense to me, suggesting a theme here of a hierarchy among slaves, which is, to me anyway, an inherently interesting idea.

For me, the narrative is more a portion of a longer, as-yet unwritten piece, as compared to a complete story in and of itself. The skill with which this is written makes me eager to see whatever the longer story might be.

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Review of Team Play  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love how much is suggested here by implication, how much we know about what's going on based not on direct explication but by such elements as names (people and places), clothing, and weaponry. We know we're not in Kansas anymore, if we ever were.

I also really like the layers of conflict so expertly woven into the necessarily brief story, the tension between the two men and between such time-honored concepts as honor and greed.

Conveying motivation is so tricky, so challenging, in flash fiction, and this story makes Luc's motivation really clear.

Nice job!

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Review of Kelli  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You do a masterful job here of moving the story along without getting bogged down in a lot of explication, conveying the critical elements of characters and character, setting, plot, tone, etc. from within the flow of the narrative. Your effective use of the "show, don't tell" idea is especially effective; the pictures you plant in the reader's mind via the characters' actions land with particular force and are likely to remain because of the way you engage the reader's imagination in your storytelling.

None of this is news to you, obviously, but I thought you might enjoy the affirmation of what you clearly know you're doing.

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Review of Kelli  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You do a wonderful job here of moving the narrative along, clearly and cleanly, without getting bogged down with a lot of explication. You convey characters, character, setting, plot,and tone from within the story, making for a memorable read. You make particularly effective use of the "show, don't tell" strategy. Planting pictures in the reader's mind, of course, means those images will stay.

A memorable story, thank you!

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Review of Water Games  
Review by Megabob
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this very much. Your story structure suggests an experienced writing hand at work here. You set your reader up quickly with the expectation of drama to come with the slingshot image in the first sentence, and with Denny's nervous reaction to the situation in the second. Then you immediately gave us enough backstory to get the reader oriented, returning immediately thereafter to the action, which, of course, is where the reader wants to go at that point.

I loved your sentence structure in the fourth graph. The rat-a-tat description of the intended target, the compound sentence with the ultra-short independent clauses, perfectly reflects the pace of the story and the mindset of the kids who are so eager to get the deed done.

I especially liked how you identified the victim using what is clearly the kids' name for her, without actually coming out and saying it's the nickname they use, more evidence of an experienced writing hand.

Then, of course, the twist at the end reveals that there's life in those Old Bones, and there's nothing snoozing in her spirit, either.

A fun read -- thank you!

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