M's (melodydickens) Reviews

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5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
2
2

Review of The Third Stall Part 2  

Review by melodydickensMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Liking the story so far; My friend and I both read it together and we agreed it rang true to a lot of experiences we had been through. I especially liked the way the tin's weight was described it was a short line but really pulled me into the story just a bit more.


One thing I noticed (just a grammar thing)
"When I was in the janitor turned and looked at me, surprised, his face contorting into confusion."

Possibly a comma here: "When I was in, the janitor turned ... " I read; "when I was in the janitor" *Pthb* initially. Also maybe 'when I entered' ?

All in all, interested to see where the story goes. Is it the usual cautionary tale, or a coming of age story or something else entirely. I like the identity of the pills are kept ambiguous. Which tells me there's perhaps more to this story than meets the eye.

Looking forward to the next chapter.
3
3

Review of The Third Stall Part 1  

Review by melodydickensMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A nervous person broaching the subject; "are you okay?", when reading one's writing. I can relate : I recently had a meeting with a supervisor at work after the system pinged me for the term 'quantam-suicide.' I shouldn't have used my work laptop for writing, even if it was outside of work hours, but just wanted to say; yeah, that kind of thing happens even in your 30's. I'm also curious as to where the story is going from here especially with the chekov's "2 pills, only" so to speak.