Liking the story so far; My friend and I both read it together and we agreed it rang true to a lot of experiences we had been through. I especially liked the way the tin's weight was described it was a short line but really pulled me into the story just a bit more.
One thing I noticed (just a grammar thing)
"When I was in the janitor turned and looked at me, surprised, his face contorting into confusion."
Possibly a comma here: "When I was in, the janitor turned ... " I read; "when I was in the janitor" initially. Also maybe 'when I entered' ?
All in all, interested to see where the story goes. Is it the usual cautionary tale, or a coming of age story or something else entirely. I like the identity of the pills are kept ambiguous. Which tells me there's perhaps more to this story than meets the eye.
A nervous person broaching the subject; "are you okay?", when reading one's writing. I can relate : I recently had a meeting with a supervisor at work after the system pinged me for the term 'quantam-suicide.' I shouldn't have used my work laptop for writing, even if it was outside of work hours, but just wanted to say; yeah, that kind of thing happens even in your 30's. I'm also curious as to where the story is going from here especially with the chekov's "2 pills, only" so to speak.
I like the premise. I know good horror leaves things unexplained but I can't help but wonder what world lays on the other side of the window at the end of the hall. Who are those on the other side, who built the partition and why?
I appreciate the honesty but have always wondered about a topic you touched on; The no unselfish act. I learned about it from Mark Twain. I've wondered though, doesn't that rely on the assumption we are all rational actors at all times, to work? I See many evil acts undertaken without thought driven purely by instinct. (A child squashing a bug without thinking, Walking past someone on the street subconsciously etc.) if an evil act can be done with little to no self serving interest what of love or good deeds? Something to consider?
Just a thought.
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initially. Also maybe 'when I entered' ? 