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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/memike
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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Her Hell  
Review by Michael
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Jen I felt it only fair that I visit your writing and saw that you too wrote poetry and found this one first. I don't like the subject matter but I do like how you handled it. the rhymed couplets are incongruous to the subject but I think adds to "her" pain.
I like your use of the word wakes in the first verse. I know it is for her awakening but it also denotes the grief after someone's or some thing's passing. I would probably change the first stanza a bit by dropping the word instantly. Its sound conflicts with the sound of the other words together. Say the line aloud both with and without "instantly". The second verse I would change to "And wonders how much more she'll take" which denotes two things, how much more pain her body can take and/or how long before she walks away from it.
This is such a difficult subject to put to rhyming but your poem works it well.
Take care.

Michael
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Review by Michael
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nice piece. good conflict and resolution.
3
3
Review by Michael
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good piece to read. There is some good alliteration that flow gently across the tongue. The only thing in it that might need changing is in the third verse of the first stanza. If they walk at midnight then it is already done nightly so omitting the word nightly is ok.
As a reader I could feel the changing of the season. Thanks.

Michael
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Review of The Ancient Hills  
Review by Michael
Rated: E | (1.0)
Please print these in black. The colors are hard to read.
5
5
Review of Forgettable Man  
Review by Michael
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
That was an interesting piece. Not unlike a good "Twilight Zone."
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6
Review by Michael
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting piece. This is a piece that won't allow just one reading.
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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/memike