Maryann - House Martell's (mhicks) Reviews

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by Maryann - House Martell

404

#3051634

Review of FISH

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From:

Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers

[E]
For Simply Positive Group members. Other reviewers welcome too!
by Simply Positive

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about vampires.

THOUGHTS: Great job in writing this thrilling poem about vampires.

ERRORS: Here, you wrote, "No don't leave me i didn't mean it". It's best not to make the word 'i' a small letter.

FAVORITE PART: You succeeded in expressing darkness in your poem. I liked the idea of meshing the last line with the title.

SUGGESTIONS: You have an 'E' rating for this poem. With lines like: "We want weed...
Lust is needed" and, "She's the perfect body to spread my seed, Quit hittin' me baby kiss me", I'm sure you didn't mean for an eight year old to read this poem. There are lots of kids on our site.

Also, you set your genre as 'other'. You will probably get more views for your poem, if you edit your item and add something like horror, mystery, supernatural, crime, or dark to your genre choices.

-Write on!

}

405

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#3051616

Review of Wrapped in the shadows of Delhi

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem which points out the true picture of the people of Delhi.

THOUGHTS: Wow! That's a deep poem! I guess you said it all...The picture a hippie has of Delhi is far from the reality of how it really is.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your poem.

FAVORITE PART: Your poem is filled with striking words and emotion. You succeeded in expressing the reality of the darkness of Delhi.

SUGGESTIONS: Perhaps...just a thought...You might want to add a note under your poem about the location of Delhi, and a few details about it.

Your poem was truly dark. Maybe you might also add in a line or two which tells about the love in the families of these people. The mother's love for her children...The father's love and struggle for his family...The son's dedication to his mother...A teacher's pride when her student learns...etc. The bottom line being that though these people are living in that dark place, they are still human beings with human minds and human feelings, etc.

-Write on!

}

406

#3044964

Review of When I was Young and Foolish

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem of a man's thoughts about his first time in love.

THOUGHTS: LOL This is a fun to read poem Percy. Short and sweet...and humorous too!

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors here.

FAVORITE PART: I'm curious to know how that relationship turned out. ...Married and it seems like a short time? ...Broken up soon after it started? Any way it turned out, it was fun to read.

I've been here for seven years, and I didn't realize there was a genre called nonsense! LOL That's funny in itself!

-Write on!

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407

#3044775

Review of Momma's Little Girl

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is one mom's account for a day in the life of motherhood.

THOUGHTS: Aw how sweet! I remember those days! My four are grown now, but I remember all of those stages you described well...First words...Potty training...bath time...bedtime...Thanks for sharing this great story poem.

ERRORS:I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I liked reading about the small accomplishments of your daughter. Your readers will really be able to feel the mother's love throughout your item.

SUGGESTIONS: This was almost a whole essay about a day in the life of motherhood. I think if you wanted to, you can turn this into one. Either way, I hope you will print it out and put it into a scrapbook so that your 20 month old can read it when she is 20 years old...The time goes by quickly.

-Write on!

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408

#3044733

Review of Ghost of Me

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

Only reviews from the past
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FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about the past and present relationship of a couple.

THOUGHTS: I loved the way you expressed the way the couple changed by comparing the change to a ghost, as in the ghost of the past. Everyone always grows and changes. Sometimes when we think of oneself as how we used to be, we know that person doesn't exist anymore...just like a ghost. Great job.

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I liked the way you described the paths in the life of a couple. For example, they marry, have kids, grow old together, and experience a whole life together. Yes, they 'grow old' and just grow and change over time. They still have each other through these changes, and they still have all the memories.

SUGGESTIONS: I noticed that some of your lines rhymed, and some of them didn't. I was confused as to if your poem was supposed to be rhyming or not. Other than that, I enjoyed reading it.

-Write on!

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409

#3044732

Review of Waiting

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

Only reviews from the past
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FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem written in a meter style.

THOUGHTS: I liked your cute poem. I imagined the days when I used to watch my kids playing in the snow, while I sipped on hot chocolate. I thought you did a great job with expressing these sort of similar images.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors. Nice work.

FAVORITE PART: I had the feeling of the different seasons throughout your poem. You did a great job in expressing the 'waiting' in each stanza. As I also mentioned, I liked the way you painted the picture with your words.

SUGGESTIONS: Some of your readers might not be familiar with meter poetry. A notation under your poem to explain the style a little might help them to enjoy your poem to it's fullest. This is one example that I copied from wikipedia:

"The most common meter in English poetry, the so-called iambic pentameter, is a sequence of five iambic feet or iambs, each consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one ("da-DUM")"

One more suggestion would be to include a genre in the set up. Right now, you only have 'other' as the genre. I would check off a couple more which would give an idea of what to expect from your poem...Crime? Family? Drama? Your reader would get a better idea as to what the poem is about. The narrator is sitting outside, waiting for someone to return, and hopes this person is Okay. Why?

-Write on!

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410

#3040259

Review of THIRST

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a very inspirational poem about reading and writing.

THOUGHTS: I really loved your poem. It expresses the warmth we all feel about good, all time novels, as well as the great writings of today. It reminds me of a fantastic Twilight Zone episode, where it's the end of the world and this guy who never had time for his reading passion can finally read all alone in the world...And then his glasses become broken! Well...I don't know what made me think of that during your truly beautiful poem! I hope you have a sense of humor.

ERRORS: No errors at all. Well done.

FAVORITE PART: I felt the strong inspiration in your poem. It makes me appreciate the thought that we are blessed with an abundance of great things to read. I like how you name-dropped some of the classics, delicately, to add an additional punch to your words. I remember reading Grapes of Wrath, so it was good to see it there in one of your lines.

-Write on!

411

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#3019396

Review of Two Coins

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a sad poem about a beloved pet.

THOUGHTS: Ah, we all feel a hugh loss when one of our pet's die. I've watched my family pets die over the years...Dogs, cats, hamsters, sugar gliders, bunny's, etc. It's always so sad. I can understand the same sadness that you went through with your dog. So sorry for your loss.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your touching poem.

FAVORITE PART: I think you succeeded in expressing the emotions of the experience in such a short space. The tender addition of the two coins was really very touching.

SUGGESTIONS: What was the dog's name? I think a mention of the dog's name might make your reader's feel more involved.

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by Maryann - House Martell

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412

#3019363

Review of In Memory, Yet Green

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a St. Patrick's Day story.

THOUGHTS: I'm sorry to say that I found your story very confusing at times, where I had to go back and read some sections over. It was really nice of you to write a festive story for St. Patrick's Day.

ERRORS: I didn't see any spelling errors.

FAVORITE PART: I love the green! That's one of the reason's why I gave your story a high rating! It's great for a St. Patrick's story! Nice creativity!

The idea of the story is creative too! Could you imagine waking up with green hair! That's some prank to pull on a person! LOL

SUGGESTIONS: There were lots of things that I couldn't figure out, and a few that you might have explained.

What's a 'rave ring'? I would add one short sentence that casually mentions what that is.

Just how long was Issac's hair before the cut, and why was he so tired that he would fall asleep while getting his hair cut in the shop. Was he on cold medication?

Why didn't Issac notice the green hair when he looked in the mirror at the salon? It led me to believe that maybe someone switched his hair shampoo in his own shower at home.

Why wasn't this mystery cleared up at the end of the story? Was Issac's girlfriend involved with this? Maybe a simple ****************"The next day" paragraph would clear up some of the loose ends.

This humorous story has lots of potential, so I hope you polish it up...Make that green shine!

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by Maryann - House Martell

-Write on!

413

#3019345

Review of My World

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a cute poem about a day in the life of the author...Actually a morning in the life!

THOUGHTS: I loved your poem because I always wake to the sound of my dogs tags too...And their squeak toys...And their shaking of my bed...etc. LOL

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors in your sweet poem.

FAVORITE PART: I like how you included sights and sounds, like the scent of freshly mowed grass.

SUGGESTIONS: I was trying to figure out if some of these sights and sounds were from inside the house or outside.

I don't have many ideas about the title as you asked. I sort of like the 'My World' title. If I were going to change it, I might call it, 'My Early Morning World', or something along those lines.

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by Maryann - House Martell

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414

#3019224

Review of A Smooth Band Of Gold

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From: "Simply Positive Review Forum "

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a touching story about the sentiments behind a wedding ring.

THOUGHTS: You know you're a good writer when you can write something that brings tears to a person's eyes. I'm not usually one who sobs at chick flicks and such, but I can't resist a touching story like this.

ERRORS: No errors in this well-done story poem.

FAVORITE PART: I liked how you tied the dings of the band to the hard times that the couple endured. Love got them through it all. Really sweet!

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by Maryann - House Martell

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415

#2997826

Review of Heart poem

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From:

Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers

[E]
For Simply Positive Group members. Other reviewers welcome too!
by Simply Positive

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a heart-shaped Valentine's Day poem.

THOUGHTS: Gosh, you really presented this poem well, with it's double heart shape appearance. That's certainly very impressive.

FAVORITE PART: I like the playful type of truth in your poem...The girl had so much hair that it got all over the place and it was difficult to be kept clean. In contrast, the upside down shaped heart told of the sadness of a lost love. Great creativity.

SUGGESTIONS: Now that the shape is done, and the main 'story' is there, maybe you might try to see if it's possible to add capitals and punctuation without killing the great shape. Nice job! I hope you make more of these fun to read poems. ...A shamrock for St. Patrick's Day maybe?

-Write on!

416

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#2996036

Review of My vacation, to HELL

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is an amusing story about a road trip with a dog.

THOUGHTS:

LOL Your story is so funny! It probably didn't seem so funny at the time...rather a comedy of errors...but now you can laugh at it. I'm sure it will be one for the memories.

FAVORITE PART: You really have a talent for expressing things that happened in a humorous way. I especially liked the 'doggie recovery dash' game! We've all done something like that before!

SUGGESTIONS: I really enjoyed your story. I think it just needs a little 'polishing' to shine it up.

I noticed a few letters which needed to be changed to capitals, such as here: "of course the trip started out..." The beginning of a sentence always starts with a capital. I would go back and check the beginning of each sentence to fix the ones which need changing. Your title sentence should also be looked at.

Also, I would go back and check the punctuation throughout the story. Here, for example, a coma should go after 'Seth', rather than a period: ". Today he decided to lick Seth. and then sit on his face.

I would start a new paragraph with this sentence: "It took banana (wiener dog) about 2 hours to wake up and realize..." -- You have a really nice introduction paragraph, and I think that sentence starts to tell the details of the story.

Also, when you edit your story, you might want to enter some genres. Right now, you have 'other' entered. I would enter something like 'comedy' or 'family', to name a few...

Thanks for sharing this fun story!

-Write on!

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by Maryann - House Martell

417

#2995995

Review of It Never Rains ~Thoughts and Feelings~

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From:"Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers"

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem filled with love.

THOUGHTS: I can feel the strength of the loving emotions in your poem. Any girl would would probably feel really flattered happy to be so loved.

ERRORS: I didn't see any errors.

FAVORITE PART: Nice work with this terrific love poem. You succeeded in expressing a strong testimony of love.

SUGGESTIONS: I would have had the 4th and 5th stanza begin with 'It never...' to keep a smooth consistency in your poem.

-Write on!

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by Maryann - House Martell

418

#2978739

Review of Ignite

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

From:

Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers

[E]
For Simply Positive Group members. Other reviewers welcome too!
by Simply Positive

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about the fire of a soul.

THOUGHTS: I would say that your poem is deep and thought provoking.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART: I like the exciting tone that is kept thoughtout the poem. Awareness begins with the lighting of a match and then continues on to the feelings of a soul.

I really loved the inspirational ending! You have great creative talent.

SUGGESTIONS: I thought that the flow of your poem didn't seem so smooth. I would compare it to a big run-on sentence, that might look better if broken up a bit. Other than that, the poem itself is very BEAUTIFUL and 'striking' too!

-Write on!

419

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#2971731

Review of The Cat's Meow

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: A story, a photo, links, and cat history...all in one place.

THOUGHTS: OMG Is that cat going to eat that ice cream?

LOL

What a beautiful cat! I really enjoyed reading your story about Princess. Now, I am going to be hearing purring in my sleep as I dream about cats...until my dog wakes me up!

FAVORITE PART: Thanks for sharing your story about your cat. Wow, fourteen pounds! What a big cat! My friends dog doesn't even weigh fourteen pounds.

She seems really sweet, and I enjoyed reading the experiences that you shared. You added some interesting facts about 'cat history' as a bonus second part of your story. I didn't know most of that.

SUGGESTIONS: Maybe a space should go between improved and goes: "She seems to have improved,goes in her litter..."

-Write on!

420

#2971721

Review of How I Know A Character Will Work

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is one author's talk about characters.

THOUGHTS: That's some good insight about characters. Little did some all time great authors know, that someday the character who they thought up of one day over coffee, would become a well known icon. Tom Sawyer and Oliver Twist are names that everyone knows. I wonder how much thought went into those names...Your essay gives us a lot to think about.

ERRORS: I didn't find any errors.

FAVORITE PART: You mentioned a couple of dramatic characters, and you gave examples of how characters can enhance a novel.

I like the way you spoke about what your characters mean to you. It makes sense that a character should be strong and worthy to write about. Thanks for sharing. It's good to get into the mind of an author.

-Write on!

421

#2971696

Review of A Note To Pray

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a Thanksgiving type poem which was written for a contest.

THOUGHTS: You did it again! You wrote another really pretty poem! Congratulations on winning first place in that contest! You are a very talented writer, and I find your poems very pleasant to read.

ERRORS: There are no errors in this first place poem.

FAVORITE PART: At first glance, your poem looks really pretty because you made it be orange...A great color for the Thanksgiving season.

I thought your poem had an unusual rhyme pattern, or at least one that is not too common. The end of the first line rhymed with only the center line being different. I liked the uniqueness of it.

You mentioned the turkeys and the land. The best part, I thought, was the pretty ending.

-Write on!

422

#2971681

Review of How Writing.Com Changed My Life

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

Only reviews from the past
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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: One member's account of joining WDC.

THOUGHTS: I love to read stories with happy endings. I also love to read stories about WDC. Yours has the best of both worlds.

It seems that you and I joined Writing.Com one month apart from each other. It shows just how vast this site is, since our paths really haven't crossed until now. I see that you found this site from your new computer back in 2002. That sounds like my experience, though it was my aunt here who taught me how to use a computer as well as how to find this fantastic site.

ERRORS: There are no errors in this great story. Nice work.

FAVORITE PART: Your story will be an inspiration to us all. You have been through a roller coaster ride with your writing, but in the end you never gave up...And look at you now! You must really feel a sense of accomplishment for getting your work published. I'm so glad that WDC was a part of that. It's one more happy story about our site. I know how much I love this site. It just goes to show that people are truly happy to be members here.

I thought it was a nice touch to add the handles of a couple of your long time friends here. I certainly know of them. They've been here as long as the two of us also!

-Write on!

423

#2970974

Review of May Angels Watch

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

Only reviews from the past
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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: Inspirational poem about angels watching over us.

THOUGHTS: Ah what a sweet poem! It's certainly a wish for 'good things' indeed. Your poem brought a smile to my face, and I can clearly see why it already has an awardicon on it.

ERRORS: There are no errors in this beautiful poem. Nice work!

FAVORITE PART: I like the way each line began in a consistent way. ...Very unique style. As I think I mentioned in another review to you, I enjoy poems that rhyme. This one rhymed in a pretty way. The image that you added was a really nice touch too.

-Write on!

424

#2970964

Review of Roses Are The Color

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell

Only reviews from the past
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[ASR]
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by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a pretty acrostic poem written for a contest.

THOUGHTS: Oh I love this intriguing style of poetry! I'm always amazed to see a phrase written from the first letters of each line. You really are talented!

ERRORS: No errors were found here. Nice work!

FAVORITE PART: At first glance, this poem really looks pretty. Highlighting the first letter of each line in light blue is a nice touch. I enjoyed the rhyme throughout your poem, which seemed to flow effortlessly -- you were even able to rhyme arrow with harrow!

-Write on!

425

#2970958

Review of Who Do You Admire In Music?

Review by Maryann - House...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewed by Maryann - House Martell