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1,693 Public Reviews Given
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I give honest and friendly reviews. I try to be as helpful as I can.
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Sci-fi, fantasy, adventure, comedy
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short stories, poems, activities, images
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76
76
Review of SpaceWitches  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I found your story to be very entertaining and exciting. The names were great, and the dialog was clear. I never had a problem with knowing which character was talking.

You showed your talents with creative 'magic spell' usage and other ideas, such as the lightning-flashing space battle.

I felt that you did a great job with the ending, as it hinted of a sequel!

I did come across just a few small issues, which you could easily polish up. I'll go over some of them here...

It was a perfect idea to write a description before the story began. However, in it you mentioned that, 'most space witches are bad'. This clearly contradicts what you wrote in this item's brief introduction. This is your brief intro: "SpaceWitches are supposed to be good Witches. But are they all good ones."

I think your story could use a really good 'proof-read'. I came across several typos.
Here are just a few of them:
"It looks could kill then that Witch is..."
I'm sure you meant, 'If looks could kill...'.

In this example, you have: "When you first came in her you accused me of..."
This, of course, should read, 'When you first came in here...'.

Here: "You’re lucky the only used a..."
'The' should be changed to 'they'.

In this case: "A battle that had been going on for the that several hours."
I would simply say, ...for several hours.

I noticed a few sentences which would work better if they were combined together.
Here are a few examples: "A spaceship sailed through Space at Super Speed. Using the air in Space like water on an ocean, lake, river etc."
These two would work as: "A spaceship sailed through Space at Super Speed, using the air in Space like water on an ocean, lake, river etc.

In this example: "I don’t think it will do any good. But I will try to speed us up." I would change these two to: "I don’t think it will do any good, but I will try to speed us up."

One more: "He was on his way to Detention. And he was mad."
This could be combined to: "He was on his way to Detention, and he was mad."
Another idea would be to change it to something like: "He sprinted to Detention. His flustered, red color, and his aggravated frown gave away his mood."

There were a few instances where commas were either missing or out of place. I will show just one example here: "The sooner she is off the better I will like it."
Could be: "The sooner she is off, the better I will like it."

Again, these were some examples of minor issues which you could easily fix with proof reading. Aside from any of that, I really enjoyed this fun and entertaining story. Nice work!


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77
77
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I liked how you began this chilling story. Your readers will be able to feel the torment which this poor man experienced after the horrible tragedy which destroyed his entire family.

You did a nice job with your descriptions. I especially liked how you described the fifty year old house, and it's circular driveway. Your descriptions allowed me to imagine such points in your story.

I felt that you did an amazing job with the suspense in the story. I was captivated with each line about how he was hearing voices and he needed to search the house for home invaders. The necklace hanging near the fireplace was an intense moment!

I was glad that the man had a bad dream, and a ghostly, happy ending. Nice work.

I did notice a few little things which you could easily polish up...

A few of your sentences might be broken up into two, or rewritten. Here are some examples:
"Johnathan once had a family, a wife and two beautiful little daughters, they were the pride of his life."
It might read better as: "Johnathan once had a family, a wife and two beautiful little daughters. They were the pride of his life."
"A traffic accident took them from him, a drunk driver heading home after a night out at the bar hit them head on."
It could be: "All of that was taken from him, by a drunk driver hitting them head on in traffic."
Here's one more example: "The door unlocked with a click, as the key turned in the lock, the creaky door swung open..."
I would make it: "The door unlocked with a click. As the key turned in the lock, the creaky door swung open.."

Here and there, I noticed a few little typos. Here are some examples:
"He talked to them as though they were sitting right next to them."
The last,'them', should be changed to 'him'.
"Although his mind told him to question it, he didn’t, and the sale went thought easily."
'Thought' should be changed to 'through'.
"... and the exact one his late wife wanted we they were looking for houses to buy."
'We' should be changed to 'when'.

Also, I would leave a space between your paragraphs. This would give your story a more reader friendly look.

Again, I hope these little fixes don't sound like a lot, because they are really only a few little things which need a bit of polish in order to be shined up. All in all, I felt that you wrote an entertaining and very creative story. Thanks for sharing.


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
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78
78
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* Gee wiz, your scary story is going to give me nightmares! LOL
Great work in writing a very scary and suspenseful story.

You had a chilling hook of an opening. I liked that you began your story with action and suspense.

I also liked that you did a great introduction of the characters. Their dialog was believable, and I could imagine the typical rivalry of the adolescents from your descriptions.

Speaking of descriptions...I thought you did a good job with scenes of mystery, such as the one where the CDs fell.

The part which I thought was the scariest, was when the dad and the dog died in the basement one by one, and the son unsuspectingly was going down to look for them. You had me on the edge of my seat!

I felt that you showed clever creativity by making the spirit be a sinister black shadow, rather than a white ghost. These types of details added to the dark, eeriness of your story.

I thought that your story ended just as chilling as it began! It was a great ending, which left your readers in awe as to what the evil in the house was.

Lisa, throughout the story, I found a few sentences which could be redone just a tad bit. I'll go over a few of them here...

In this sentence, you wrote: "The crazed killer broke in through the basement, using a knife and some rope he had found in the basement, he tied the hands of all four members of the house and then cut there throats."
I would break that up into two sentences, to read something like: "The crazed killer broke in through the basement. There, he found a knife and some rope, which he used to tie the hands of all four members of the house and then cut their throats."

In this example, you wrote: "The children were Stacy thirteen and Danny ten, they were not keen on living in the old house on the hill, they had just moved to Virginia from Florida and they were missing their friends and their old life."
You might change that to something like: "The children, Stacy thirteen and Danny ten, were not keen on living in the old house on the hill. They had just moved to Virginia from Florida, and they were missing their friends and their old life."

Here you have: "Pete saw the dog and decided he would accompany the dog down in the basement, because he had never seen it before, it had not been shown to them during the interview to see the house before he purchased it."
I would rewrite that a bit. Perhaps, something like: "Pete saw the dog and decided he would accompany him down into the basement. It had not been shown to them during the interview to see the house before he purchased it, and now he was curious."

In this one, you have: "The oddest thing just happened this knife somehow got from out of this butcher block and on to the floor, where it stuck deep into the wooden floor."
I would make that into two sentences..."The oddest thing just happened. This knife somehow got from out of this butcher block, where it stuck deep into the wooden floor."

Again, I really enjoyed your scary story. The few sentences which I mentioned, will really polish up your story.


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


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Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
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79
79
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* You are indeed a master story teller. Your opening descriptions of the witch and her cauldron scene, allowed me to imagine it well. Everything was described in a stunning way. I especially liked this line: "...Latching onto what looked like a jar of rotted frog floating in it's own juices." LOL The bit of humor was just enough!

I liked the smooth transition from one scene to another. In fact, your entire story flowed smoothly, was reader friendly, and was captivating.

My favorite part was the scene where the tale was told, about how the witch was burnt and that's why she was angry. These small details added up to make the total story great.

I loved the ending! The last line said by the witch was so funny! She almost had a happy ending, but she was up to no good after all. Nice work in putting together a well written story.


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80
80
Review of Ashes to Ashes  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I felt that this wa a very unique story. It was creative to use the subject of spontaneous human combustion, and I found no errors, with the exception of a missing comma here and there.

I found the first part of the story to be a bit long and drawn out. Half of the story time was spent building up the information about the children. With that said, I liked the suspense when the action finally started. It was chilling to read that everywhere on the planet, people were burning.

The end was abrupt in comparison to the lengthy beginning. You could probably continue this story, perhaps writing an, 'end of world' survival story, in which the children are immune some how. You did spend a long time talking about their history after all. They have boats. They could travel to different lands in search of others who might be immune. ...Just a thought. Nice work here with your creative writing.


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81
81
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* This amazing story has the potential to be great, if you polish it up. I really enjoyed reading it, and I felt that it would be a favorite novel of mine, if it were ever turned into a book.

I really liked the creative language which you made up. I had hoped that you might have translated the phrases which you wrote, or added descriptions which might have allowed your readers to have clear understanding of those phrases.

Much of my captivating experience with the enjoyment of your creative story, was interrupted by slight confusion. I often had to go back to reread things twice. I think this could be easily fixed by adding more involved descriptions. The paragraph, for example, where the 'five directions' were explained, seemed rushed. I didn't find that I understood it, or what it had to do with the story.

Some of the sentences, in general, seemed rushed. I wished more time might have been spent on them. Here is one example: "Obsevious turned back with a fierce look on his face and held the throat of Sementua."
That could have been turned into an entire paragraph. Perhaps, something like: The muscular arm of Obsevious was a blur as his hand plunged into her throat. Her words of doubt hit him with the same intensity as though she had slapped him in the face, and now it was all he could think of while he squeezed at her throat. Sementua's gasping for breath, brought his mind back to the reality of the moment. He needed her for more important matters at this time....

Another scene example in which more 'story' might be added, is during the journey to Cutunia's place. The 'journey' took place in two short sentences: "Obsevious and Sementua reached the place of Cutunia within no time. They got down from Humponious and started walking angrily into her place."
What did they see along the way? What thoughts went through the mind of Obsevious while they traveled? Did he and Sementua talk? What was Cutunia's place like? What was the day like? Did Obsevious drive the Humponious by himself, or were other servants involved. Did they help him down from the chariot? Did they hand him a sword? ...His cape?

So much more could be added here, and elsewhere throughout the story. Adding more descriptions and information will give your awesome story clarity and it will allow your readers to share what you imagined with more ease. So many characters, places, and information was given. Slowing the pace down will help your readers 'know' everything well. Keep your creativity flowing! *Smile*


*Balloon2**Balloon3*-Write on!*Balloon4**Balloon5*


Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  [E]
Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes!
by Writing.Com Support


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82
82
Review of Muses and Writing  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi there! I noticed your item listed in our latest Newbie newsletter, so I thought I'd stop by. Gosh, I guess the newsletter was my muse this time, because it lead me here! *Bigsmile*

What a very interesting article! How we often take the word, muse, for granted...Really, there is a bit of legend as to where this originated from, as you just displayed...

It was fun to read about the nine muses of Greek mythology which you listed in this item.
I was sincerely entertained, and I didn't come across any errors. I guess this was proofread and edited well by this time. Great work there. *Smile*

I liked that you added additional food for thought after you spoke about the Greek mythology. The question which you presented at the end might be a great inspiration and cause for more thought on the subject. This might possibly pave the way for, perhaps, a poll or survey, which would allow your readers to interact a bit more. I'd love to read about what muses were brought to their minds after reading your article!

I wonder if it's possible to get a muse/mythical-looking image to add to this great piece...


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83
83
Review of Group of Haikus  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your poem.

*Exclaim* Hi Michelle! I came across your great haiku collection while reading the latest Newbie newsletter, so I thought I'd stop by.

I loved your haiku grouping. I felt it was a nice subject matter, too. You succeeded in writing about your reviewing feelings in this 'story poem'. I liked that it was actually a true story about what one would see on our very own WDC site.

I carefully went over the form, and I noticed that you, indeed, put them together well. Terrific work. You kept to the form, and all the while told your story. I especially enjoyed the haiku which hinted about our most recent Power raid! (Great work there! *Bigsmile*)

Also, the title and brief introduction was fantastic! The poem had a nice, centered look. ...Great finishing touches! Your item was a pleasure to read, so I was happy that I stopped by.


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84
84
Review of Drives  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Star Trek Poetry CONTEST . THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* Nice work in putting together your sci-faiku for the contest. You did a terrific job in keeping to the haiku form. In fact, I was impressed that you actually found a way to add a bit of nature to the mix.

I liked how you talked about warp speed...Star Trek lingo...And then added in the part about Terran blizzards and snowflake stars. The imagery here, made us think of how bright those snowflake stars might have seemed. Very poetic, indeed. *Smile*


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Star Trek Poetry CONTEST   [13+]
Poetry Contest Based on Star Trek! Happy Birthday WDC! {BACK for the WDC 16th Bday !)
by Maryann




A 'Space' Sig for WDC Power Reviewers to use


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85
85
Review of Carly's Guestbook  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Fire* This review is part of your *Nuclear* Nuclear Package *Nuclear* from "Invalid Item! *Fire*

*Leaf2o* Hi Carly! I always love to visit guestbooks. I don't know why I never made one for myself! *Bigsmile*

I loved how your guestbook looked so warm and friendly. I think it might be because of that really cute Winnie the Pooh image! It's so adorable!

I noticed right away that you haven't updated your guestbook in a very long time...

*Jackolantern* You mentioned that you are, "...new to Writing.Com."
~~We know that you have been a member for over a year, so you might want to change that.

*Jackolantern* You listed only one group. Don't you belong to a couple? Or, perhaps you've visited other favorite places in your time on WDC...Like, image shops, review shops, etc.

Other things which I wanted to mention:

*Witch* I would add some color/size to your words.

*Witch* At the bottom, you requested that your visitors tag you so you'll know that they visited. Do you have this item added to your favorites? It's a great idea to add this to your favorites...Especially if you sign on everyday. You'll be able to check on it whenever you see it pop up. *Smile*


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by Maryann


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86
86
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Fire* This review is your *Sun* Big Bang Package *Sun* from "Invalid Item! *Fire*

*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a chapter from a fantasy story.

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Though I didn't read chapter one of this story, I didn't have any trouble in chapter two's review. I enjoyed your creativity, and I found this chapter really captivating. Nice work. *Smile*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I liked the way this chapter began with suspense and excitement.

As it moved on, I really felt that you gave a good glimpse of Torin's personality. Your readers could 'see' the children playing, and the area of the market. I liked all of the small details which you added. These enhanced the way that the story unfolded, without the feeling of being rushed. Nice work!

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Torin had real powers! I liked the way you had him fly to the market! It wasn't until the middle of your story that I realized he was a Mage.

I liked the conversation between Torin and Kenton. I thought it was a great way to end the chapter.

You chose good names for your fantasy story, by the way.

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: You requested for this review to focus on what corrections could be done for improvement. With that in mind, the following is what I found might help....

In your first sentence, you wrote: Torin screamed as he walked through the halls of the Archium "Screb bla fla bin craw".
I would at least add an exclamation point at the end. I didn't feel that Torin had been screaming. You might also consider making the Riall words in caps.

In the second sentence, you wrote: A few people who spoke Riall turned and looked at him with shock, one girl even looked like she might throw up.
I would break that up into two sentences, or reword it to something like: A few people who spoke Riall gasped in shock, and one girl even looked like she might throw up.

I think this part could be changed a bit: It's not like he was a total lay about, he ran the school's vast library and that was a lot of work. But the truth was he delegated much of that work to the students who work there.
You used the word, 'work', three times. Also, I really don't like beginning sentences with the word, 'but'. It might read better as something like: It's not like he was a total lay about. He ran the school's vast library, which was a lot of work, but the truth was he delegated much of that work to the student staff.

I would add a comma after, 'but', in this part: The masters were always shown respect as they walked the halls of the Archium but this was different.

In this sentence, you wrote: Torin had something much different than respect, it was a mix between fear and wonder.
I think I would change that to something like: They gave Torin something much different than respect. It was a mix between fear and wonder.

Here you wrote: He knew what they said about him, he knew the stories and the rumors because he started most of them.
I would change that to something like: He was familiar with the stories and the rumors which they said about him because he started most of them.

Here you wrote: With the new term starting soon the halls were packed with students both new and old.
I would put in a comma between the two different ideas. ...Something like: With the new term starting soon, the halls were packed with new and old students.

The same goes for this: Off near a small grouping of trees he saw a young boy and girl playing.
Off near a small grouping of trees, he saw a young boy and girl playing.

And...The boy chased the girl with a stick poking her and laughing.
The boy chased the girl with a stick, poking her and laughing.

*Starb* I noticed several sentences throughout your story, where you might add a comma to separate two ideas. I will show you one more, but I'm sure you get the idea.
The main issue with your story is the lack of commas.

Here you have: The boy was bigger than her and she could do nothing but run from him.
...Might be: The boy was bigger than her, and she could do nothing but run from him. Or, you might change it to something like: She could do nothing but run from the very large boy.

Here you wrote: The sun was shining bright today and there were people everywhere. I would change the word, 'bright', to 'brightly'. It's an adverb which described how the sun was shining.

I would break this up into two sentences... His power did not reside in his legs, his arms or in anything so mundane, his power lay in his mind and in his words.

I felt that a few of your sentences seemed just a bit too long. Here is one example:
Once he came to rest, he just laid there and took an inventory of his body and found that nothing was broken and the only thing hurt was his pride.
There are many ways which you might improve this sentence. Perhaps one way might be: He took inventory of his body while he laid there, and found that the only thing broken was his pride.

*Starb*In addition to the missing commas in your story, I also noticed several run-on type sentences.
Here is one: The other fact that made them a little weary of him was his age, only Torin knew how old he really was, but most people suspected he was well over seventy despite his young appearance.
That could be broken up into two sentences, or you might reword it...Such as: The other fact that made them a little weary of him was his age. Only Torin knew how old he really was, but most people suspected he was well over seventy, despite his young appearance.
Or...
The weary people suspected he was well over seventy, despite his young appearance.

The period is missing at the end of this sentence: "Giving books a second chance at life is something I highly approve of"

This sentence seems too long, and it doesn't read quite well. She blushed even more and Torin laughed, there something so entertaining about making this young girl blush, if she was anything but an innocent and kind hearted girl it would not be as much fun.
I would add a 'was' after the word, 'there', and before the word, 'something'.

The period is missing at the end of this one as well: Sarah returned with three books, two small and one rather large "Here we are Master Tarsis, three very special finds for you"

I have a suggestion for this sentence: He had a few hours to kill before he had to go teach that introductory class... You wrote a similar line before he went to the market. I would change this to: He still had a few hours to kill...

Here is another sentence which is missing a period at the end: "I wanted to talk to you"
I won't point out anymore of those, but I would suggest that you reread your story, and take notice of other similar incidents. Remember that the period comes after the quotation marks.



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by Maryann


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87
87
Review of Prince Rescued Us  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your word search.

*Exclaim* So sorry to hear about your cat, Prince. I'm sure he was very loved. *Smile*

I think this is one of the first word searches which I ever solved...Or, at least it's been a very long time since I've done one. I'm very proud of myself for actually finishing the whole thing! I kept thinking that either of my daughters would have finished it in half the time, and I was glad there wasn't a timer attached! LOL *Laugh*

This one was enjoyable. I found the words easily, and I felt the love for your pet all around. You did a great job with this tribute. I'm sure it was my computer acting up at the end. After I found the very last word, the puzzle turned green. When I clicked on 'solve puzzle', nothing happened. It was really fun to play, though. The small words gave me the hardest time. There were several places where the word, 'us', could go, but it only fit in one. Nice work!


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88
88
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your Acrostic Poem.

*Exclaim* Hello again! This is the poem which I stopped by your port to review, before I began to get distracted with other things there. I could enjoy your portfolio all day! Acrostic poems are probably my all time favorites, and you seem to really have lots of them! I'm like a kid in a candy store! ...Well, you didn't see me last week in the 'Sugar' store in Las Vegas. *Laugh*

Thanks, once again for writing a tribute poem for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group. Your poem is stunning, and I was very impressed that you found such great things to write for each of the lines in the entire name of the group. Each of the seventeen lines were clearly very well thought out with tender loving care!

The look of the poem is impressive as well. I loved the way you began, with shorter lines for WDC, and then you ended with a very flattering conclusion about the group in general. I truly enjoyed reading this item. Great work! *Smile*


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WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
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by Maryann


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89
89
Review of Moderators Rock!  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your poem.

*Exclaim* I'm heartbroken that my name wasn't mentioned! Just kidding! *Bigsmile* I love the fun and upbeat lines of your acrostic poem, and I'm flattered that you think so highly of the mods here.

We all love Sherri, and Jen, too. It's sweet that you boldly highlighted them in your poem.

I like the small note that you wrote before the poem began, and you really found great lines to the acrostic letters. Nice work, as usual. *Smile*


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WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
by Maryann


My animated bird sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
90
90
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Hi QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns ! I really enjoyed your funny story! LOL *Laugh*

What a funny memory that is for you! Now, you can look back on that experience and laugh! *Smile*

You didn't mention what country you were from, where you wouldn't know that Scotch on the Rocks was a strong drink.

That reminded me of a time I was at a big party for my husband's side of the family many years ago. My parents never drank alcoholic beverages. No one on my side ever did. So, that time when I was at the party event on my husband's side, everyone was ordering alcoholic drinks as the waitress was going around. When it was my turn, I ordered an iced tea. The waitress asked me if I wanted a Long Island Iced Tea. I thought that sounded nice, so I said yes. My husband was laughing because that one has alcohol in it! What did I know! LOL

Thanks for sharing this great story. It was fun to read, and well written! I was glad it all worked out well, too!


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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
by Maryann


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91
91
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Star*This review contains some of my brief thoughts about your item.

*Exclaim* Wow, Gervic! Your cNote shop is awesome! I just added it to my favorites! *Delight*

With this all occasion shop, I can send a person a cNote and a gift all at the same time!

By the way..There's only one 's' in occasion...You have two in your brief introduction.

I like having the ability to send a cNote, and then the person will get a gift certificate right inside to an image shop! That's great! I have a feeling I'll be back here often.

The colors of your cNotes are pretty, and the choices are nice, too. You thought up a great variety. I feel that you really have most of the main ones here. ...Happy Birthday...Happy Anniversary...Get Well...A few just to pop in...Just to name some of them. I think I like the cat one the best. *Delight*

Nice work in putting this amazing and unique shop together. *Smile*


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by Maryann


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92
92
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Thumbsup*Reviewed by Maryann *Thumbsup*


*Note4* FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a funny animal story about a party gone wrong!

*Exclaim* THOUGHTS: Hi Captain Nixie! LOL Well, that was a 40th birthday to remember! I loved this really funny story. I guess if it had truly happened in real life, the party disaster wouldn't have been funny...Until many years later when people were talking about 'old times', but it was a fun 'party raid themed' item for me to review. *Delight*

*Star*FAVORITE PART: I loved the cat's thoughts..."What's the problem? The place looks great, and the cheesecake was awesome." That summed up the whole experience well! *Laugh*

You did a great job with the ending. The whole story built up to the party. I knew something wild would happen, but you didn't hold anything back! The punch bowl even spilled over onto the white sofa! ...And someone twisted their ankle, needing to go to the emergency room! We'll have to hide your story from people who are thinking about getting a kitten!

I liked the characters which you thought up. The family seemed typical. I thought the adolescent boy entranced with his iPad was hilarious!

Also, I absolutely loved your cover image. I would put that inside under the story as well. It's really awesome, and it's probably what drew me to the story in the first place.

*Idea*SUGGESTIONS: I would quickly change that, 'Dr. Spock' reference before a Trekker sees it! *Shock*
It should simply be, 'Spock'.

You wrote, "Nora and me..." at one point. Would it be more correct to say, Nora and I? ...Or, maybe since the narrator is only a teen, she might talk that way. The rest of her words made her seem like a pretty intelligent teen.

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*Partyhatp**Giftt*REVIEW RAID PARTY*Partyhatp**Giftt*


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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
by Maryann


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93
93
Review of Unconditional  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim*You succeeded in writing an intense beginning. I couldn't guess what was the matter with Jen until it was told toward the end of the scene, but I could feel the urgency when Rodney left the car idling and ran into the emergency room. I thought you did a good job of casually giving your readers the names of the characters.

I could feel Jen's emotional sadness in the second scene, though I thought the use of words like 'cockroaches' and 'maggots' was a bit much. I think I would have preferred references like, 'lifeless sea', or 'empty well', a bit better.

By the next scene, I really hated Rodney myself. You wrote your story in a believable way, so I wondered why Rodney let his wife get so far gone that she had to go on drugs. Not only that, but he didn't even notice until it was too late. When he did find out, he didn't try to get her help. I was glad that the character got herself help at the end of your well-written story.

When the nurse handed him some paper towels, you wrote: “Here, try wipe some of it off.” I thought you meant to write: ...try to wipe...

Great story! Very captivating! *Smile*


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
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94
94
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I could feel the tender emotion in your tragic story.

I felt that you succeeded in giving your story a realistic and believable feel, with lines like: "Rosa's arms were so bruised from all the blood that had to be taken every day." What an awful thing for a person to go through!

I thought it was a nice touch to also express what Rosa's family was going through. Your character, Bill, was a dear and loving husband and father, who took care of the cooking, cleaning, and washing. He and Rosa's children and grandchildren all gave her emotional support.

Two of my favorite lines were: "The intense moments following the explanation of what is to be expect required a lot of tissues." ...And "When they got to the hospital that Friday morning it was as though a national news flash went out all over town about her having cancer because when they approached the lobby there was a sea of family and friends that were standing there before them to pray and be there for support." I enjoyed your creative ideas!

"Miracle from God", was a great theme for your story. Your readers would know right from the time that the lights flickered in the church, that it was hinted that God had something to do with Rosa's recovery.

The recovery, by the way, was such a wonderful ending to your touching story. Nice work in thinking this one up!

I noticed just a few small things that I might point out for your consideration...

You seemed to switch back and forth between tenses. Here is just one example: "It was a beautiful spring day when the phone call came in. Rosa answers the call." That would read better as: It was a beautiful spring day when the phone call came in. Rosa answered the call. I would suggest that you choose one tense and stick to it.

In the first paragraph, 'cancer', does not need to be capitalized.

Also, the first paragraph is your 'hook' to keep your readers interested, yet, I felt that the sentences there were the weakest. I would suggest combining a few of them, as in this example: " It was the doctors office calling about the test results she had taken last week. The news was not good." I would suggest changing that to something like: It was the doctors office calling about the test results she had taken last week, and the news was not good.

There are quotations missing in your third paragraph.

Toward the end, you mentioned that Rosa had been out with her younger daughter shopping for fabrics, 'of course'. I didn't get that. It would have made more sense if it were something like: ...shopping for fabrics, of course, because that was the hobby which they both enjoyed.


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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95
95
Review of Going Home  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim*Great work in writing a very entertaining and well written piece. I was surprised to find out that 'Going Home' in your story, meant going home to die.

I thought it was done well, and not done in a sad or morbid way. I particularly enjoyed the good humor of your main character. Ralf was in good 'spirits' from the very beginning. I liked how he was cracking jokes at the doctor's office. His conversation with the doctor seemed realistic, and it made sense as to why he started his trek back to his childhood home.

I thought you used the prompt well. I liked how you took advantage of a metal paper towel dispenser to describe Ralf from his reflection. I imagined the character to look just like the picture prompt. I also thought you were creative in coming back to the prompt at the end, when Erica was introduced.

I felt that you had many creative moments. The name of the car navigation system, for example, was very clever.

I enjoyed the quotes that you used in the story. I've always liked anything 'Dr. Seuss', and I never heard that good one from Abe Lincoln.

One of my favorite parts of your story was when Ralf drove along Main Street when he returned back home. I liked the way you wrote in things which a person might remember...Root Beer floats at Rexall's...The City Grill...It gave a quaint feel to your great story.

The surprising ending was pretty well done. Nice work.



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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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96
96
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* Excellent story, Nic! I truly loved this charming tale! *Delight*

I was very impressed with the really nice way that you used the prompt. All of the beginning paragraphs described the almost magical corner of Poddington and Revell. I especially enjoyed the chance meeting of Lucius and William. I felt that you did a wonderful job with the 1900s type language of the two boys. Their little story was a sweet one. I could picture the boys bumping into each other while one was playing with the wooden airplane.

All of that, was a great build up to the story about Jessica and Gordon. Those childhood sweethearts came together after so very many years, by also bumping into each other on Poddington and Revell!

I really enjoyed everything about your story...The great opening...The perfect ending...And everything in between! Nice work!

Just one little typo that I noticed...

"They would pass notes to one another....and often seeing holding hands." ...Seeing, should be 'seen'.


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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97
97
Review of Amazing Grace  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I really enjoyed your suspenseful story! It was such a creative idea to write a story about the quest to save a 'cure-all'.

While reading your story, I took a more thorough look at that picture prompt. I had to chuckle! You took care of every detail! The man did appear to be concealing something under his shirt...Perhaps that thick folder full of documents! LOL

You're story truly held my attention, and it was a pleasure to read. It could have easily been an episode from 'Chuck', or some really great spy movie!

There's just a couple of suggestions which I'd like to make. I would redo your very first paragraph. Ironically, it was the worst paragraph of your entire story. The rest of the story was beautiful! The first paragraph should be the hook, yet, I needed to read it a couple of times, and it still didn't make too much sense. He hurried toward the sidewalk flanked by organized brick columns? I'm still not too sure what you were trying to express. ...Crowds of people? You should just write, 'crowds of people'.

The other thing is the use of, 'too'. In a couple of places you wrote something like: "Too, she couldn't have arrived..." Maybe that's your dialect, but I would say, 'also'. ...Or, 'true'.

Again, those suggestions are just minor things in the general picture. Nice work. *Smile*


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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98
98
Review of Crash Landing  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* I was pleased to read your different take on the picture prompt! I felt that you used the prompt well, and you figured out how to make a chilling story out of it! Nice work! *Smile*

I realized right from the start that this was going to be a sci-fi type story. What I didn't realize, was that it was going to turn out to be so scary! It was almost like a pod-people type piece.

I liked how you based the story around Linda's typical life. I thought it was sweet to have her feel guilty that she didn't take a walk with her dad, so she went out to meet him. Your readers will get the feel that Linda is a caring person, who would stop to help a distraught woman. I chuckled at the funny joke of how the 'nut-job' lady should stay away from the Syfy Channel! *Laugh*

You succeeded in expressing lots of thrilling ideas, as your story progressed. The aliens had taken over! I thought it was a nice touch to have it all start out with the unsuspecting three who had been arrested.

There are a couple of suggestions which I have.

In your first paragraph, you have Linda, 'sitting comfortably on her comfy couch..." I would change that to: ...sitting contently on her comfy couch.

In your second paragraph, you had the newscasters, waiting on the military to arrive... I would make that, waiting for the military to arrive...


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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99
99
Review of Final Goodbye  
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Rainbowl**Rainbowr**Gold*

*Note4*I AM REVIEWING YOUR STORY AS A JUDGE FOR "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. THANKS FOR ENTERING!

*Star*This review is an acknowledgment of your contest entry, as well as some of my brief thoughts.

*Exclaim* What a beautiful story! It was terrific that you wrote one about childhood sweethearts who established a lifetime of love together! Good luck in the contest!

I liked how you took your readers through your character's life long journey, from their first date, to the death of Helena. You offered the many trials of their marriage, including their inability to produce children.

I liked this line the best: "Sam drank-in every second of her arms around him like a sponge dropped into its first bucket of water." I felt that it was almost poetic. *Delight*

I was a bit confused toward the middle, starting from here: "Those surgeons cure many problems with surgery, however, there is one thing they cannot heal as of yet." I thought it would sound better if the paragraph where her illness was mentioned had been attached.

After that, the story seemed to jump around, though I was certainly able to piece it all together...And, I enjoyed it very much! Great ideas! *Smile*


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Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  [ASR]
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
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100
100
Review by Maryann
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a poem about thoroughbred race horses at their homes.

THOUGHTS: Hello again! It was really a nice surprise for you to visit my portfolio. I thought I'd repay the visit!

Gosh, you have so very many nice poems and items, that it was a difficult choice to pick one to review. I'm glad that I picked this one.

I have people in my neighborhood who ride their pretty horses daily, but I certainly don't see any race horses around here!

My husband and I watched the Kentucky Derby on TV. It was so awesome to see beautiful horses like California Chrome strut their stuff! LOL

FAVORITE PART: I enjoyed every bit of your nice poem. I could imagine being there, watching the colts graze near their mothers.

I thought your poem flowed so smoothly, and I didn't think it felt forced in any way.

The title was great, and I especially liked how you began the poem with the wondrous imagery of the country side and it's meadows.

You succeeded in expressing the beauty of these wonderful horses in each stanza. Nice work in putting this one together. *Smile*

SUGGESTIONS: Just wondering...Do you ever use pictures in your items? ...Or cover images? While your fine talented writing paints the pictures in our minds, the pretty photos could enhance to make them ever the more special. *Bigsmile*

** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


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