This is part of your Electric Package package from "Invalid Item" . Enjoy!
FIRST IMPRESSION: I felt that this was a spiritual fantasy story.
THOUGHTS: Great work with this one. It read really smoothly, and had a terrific ending. I didn't feel confused at all about any part of it. You're talent for casually adding in tidbits of explanation made this a captivating read.
FAVORITE PART: I thought you wrote a good opening. The hint about a package will have your readers wondering what will come next. The story seemed to flow smoothly after the hook, with the light introduction of the characters.
I really liked the way you added small details into your story to smooth out any bumps, like here: "Mary settled down before them, relieved that they didn't pay her any attention."
I think that by the time your readers finished the second scene, they would start to realize that Mary is an angel, indeed. First, she detained the old lady so her daughter could find her, and then it seemed that Mary made a call to help a couple's dying daughter.
By the middle of the story, your readers will have no doubt that both of the characters are angels. Then, by the end, your readers will be thinking...Yes, I was right!
I was happy to see that you confirmed that the two were angels at the end, because it cleaned up any loose edges nicely. Great job! You're smooth-flowing story had a profession feel.
SUGGESTIONS: Here you wrote, “So did boss call you yesterday?” - By the end of the story, I realized that the boss was God, but at this point in the story, I wondered why you weren't writing, the boss. I think that if Boss is being used as a proper name, then it might be capitalized. ...Or, just write, the boss.
** Image ID #1729351 Unavailable **