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156 Public Reviews Given
156 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by michaelk2
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Nice story. It had a creepy campfire ghost story feel the whole way through. Having Harlan play the role of skeptic kept the story tied together and allowed Corky to tell the entire story through dialogue.
I found myself curious as the story went on and was quite surprised with the twist of the accident.
I was waiting for the twist of Harlan getting the pictures on the camera developed and have there be a picture of Gibby.
I was also waiting for Corky to start showing up on the videos next to Gibby.
Just my imagination at work.
Good story. It kept me intrigued.
2
2
Review by michaelk2
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a definite improvement over the first one. Your skills of description set this one apart. The tension you built in the booth alone was worth a second read.
There were some things that could tighten up the story by being trimmed down.
Any hope of surviving this ordeal was banished from his thoughts like Christ casting out demons into a herd of swine. “If that thing doesn't kill me,” Bill thought, “my heart will.”
You already said his heart was galloping. Saying that is enough for us to get that he could have a heart attack. Him saying it makes it repetitive.
You also have the stage set for possible murder, I don't think the casting out the swine metaphor did much either. It came out of left field and was a bit jarring.
I like that we never saw a clear image of 'it'. That leaves things open to the imagination which is always scarier than having every detail described.
He closed his eyes and meant to pray but could not remember a single verse or snatch of hymn.
I liked that. You know someone is really terrified when their mind starts to shut down.
This version ratcheted the tension scale up significantly.
I think it was a wise choice to leave bill alive and contemplating the horror of his situation.
Overall, this version exceeded the original significantly.
I could see the three years of writing experience had paid off.
3
3
Review of The tollbooth  
Review by michaelk2
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I can see this is one of your older works. (By looking at the copyright as well)
This story is good and has flashes of the greatness that will be your later writing.
Once again, you set an excellent atmosphere. That second paragraph was pure poetry, especially comparing the nearly invisible end of the bridge to a skeleton. Very nice foreshadowing there.
After that is where I started to not be as enthralled with the story. I'm not sure why you had the car in the story at all. The way you described the smacking sounds, you could've just had him hearing those sounds outside and curious to investigate yet hesitant and frightened at the same time. I think that would've created more tension for me.
The whole 'happy birthday' thought really pulled me out of the creepiness and horror of the story.
Overall it was a good story. It was creepy and had flashes of greatness. It shows me how far you've come to your later works.
4
4
Review of The Umbrella  
Review by michaelk2
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Excellent story! I still have chills. Your setup was great with the description of the weather and Pete's annoyance at being sent a different way.
I also liked how the phone calls were creepy, but Pete never swore vengeance. The 'am coming to you' gave me chills even though Pete didn't seem to be saying I'm coming for you.
I'm really torn on the last paragraph. I see where it ties everything together and shows how much it effected Tom for the rest of his life. But I almost want to say that the story would have been tighter and creepier if the story would've ended the paragraph before with saying Tom knows Pete's coming and integrate the phone call into it. Maybe saying how he can never again answer the phone without knowing Pete's coming.
Just my opinion and a minor thought on a great story.
5
5
Review of A Girl in Town  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Overview/Setting: A small town gets a new mysterious family.

Characters: Regina shows herself to be confident and capable of withstanding the peer pressure/bullying of Delphine.
Delphine is shown as a spoiled brat who is used to getting whatever she wants, but is taken down a few pegs by her own stubbornness.

Descriptions: The descriptions were very reminiscent of an afterschool special. Not a great amount of depth, but just enough for the reader to get the point.

Emotions: At first I felt sorry for Regina, but as the story went on, I actually began to feel sorry for Delphine.

Likes: You did a great job with that first paragraph of setting up the tension through suspicion.

Dislikes: In the end, I didn't see the point for the whole story. If she moved into town just to disrupt Delphine's life, what was the point? A year of her life gone just to mess with the popular girl.
Other than the initial description, the Smith family is not mentioned other than Regina. In fact, we never know how many people are in her family.

Problems/Fixes: Using contractions in a story, and especially in dialogue, makes it flow more smoothly. It just sounds more natural.
Some of your dialogue is very wordy and could be cut down to make it flow better.
All caps in writing equates to screaming. You did a lot of screaming that I didn't think was warranted.
I liked the mystery of the ending, but with no motivation given, I found it hard to buy into.

Overall: A missed opportunity to use some well done tension.
6
6
Review of Seastead  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overview/Setting: A floating city in the middle of the ocean that deals with life on a day to day basis.

Characters: Smiley is an everyman character with aspirations for a certain girl.

Descriptions: I liked how easily you showed the reader Smiley's life. You seamlessly blended in his desire for Aayeh, his loathing of Roland and Big Boss, the circumstances of how they all came to be there to begin with.
The description of the world seemed post-apocalyptic, especially with the mention of refugees.

Emotions: I could feel Smiley's yearning for Aayeh, even though her mother seemed to disapprove.

Likes: The insight into Smiley's world, even his feelings. This almost plays out like a diary entry.
Good depth of story, when Roland tells him he should go to the mainland and join the army. This doesn't stand out as exceptional until we read the rest and see that the armies are in a constant state of war.

Dislikes: The ending was unexpected because I was expecting more. This seemed more like the first chapter of a much bigger story.

Problems/Fixes: Not much. A quote here, an extra space there. A good read through and you should see them.

Overall: A good story that had me interested, which stopped too soon to be a complete story. It would be excellent as the first chapter of a book.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overview/Setting: A funeral for a well thought of woman attended by the man responsible for her death.

Characters: Kate's husband shows his emotions well through internal thoughts.

Descriptions: You set the scene well, describing just enough for the reader to get a feeling of the place. The husband's emotions are where your descriptions really shone.

Emotions: I felt bad for the husband at the thought of not only losing his wife, but being the cause of losing her.
After I read the ending, I was angry at him and felt that he deserved the physical and mental punishment he got.

Likes: The thought of her husband coming to the funeral is gut-wrenching. I couldn't imagine the turmoil of knowing that you've caused misery for everyone else and yourself.

Dislikes: Of course the fact that the wife had to die for the husband to realize he was too drunk to drive.

Problems/Fixes: None that I noticed.

Overall: A well crafted short story about a senseless, tragic loss of a loved one.

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8
8
Review of Death Race  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Overview/Setting: A futuristic earth where disease, war, and poverty have been eliminated and the death race is the ultimate event.

Characters: Quell (his first name is never mentioned) was well done as a man on a mission with destiny. His weaknesses are shown, and he is described as less than perfect, but at the same time it seems that the outcome is never in doubt.

Descriptions: The details of humanity rising to the status of near immortality are given quick and general. While they do their job of giving the reader the backstory, they take a back seat to the descriptions of every nuance of the training and the race.

Emotions: It was difficult to get emotionally attached to a character that was destined to die. I found Quell's studious nature at the race to be endearing, and still held out hope that he might end the race without crashing.


Likes: The intriguing concept of immortal beings craving a violent death.
The fact that being forgotten was considered the greatest insult.
The descriptions of the people turning into brutal animals on race day.

Dislikes: Quell's actual race and death were so short that it surprised me. The entire story was building up to that moment and then, when it came, it was over in just a few lines.

Problems/Fixes: Disparity. Ninety-eight percent of this story was spent building up the race and two percent spent actually describing Quell's race. In my opinion, Quell's race should be longer and more defined.
There were also places where lines repeat themselves. A good read through and you should find them.

Overall: An interesting story of a future time when all of humanity watches a race to the death.

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9
9
Review of Zombie Story  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Overview/Setting: A story about the world after a zombie plague has struck.

Characters: The narrator is a somewhat clueless person who has somehow survived in a zombie infested world.
Gutty, the narrator's conscience, is quite arrogant and brash. He is also the brains of the operation, literally.

Descriptions: Functional when it came to the massive story of how the plague started. The chase scene was better described and gave a real sense of tension.

Emotions: I could feel the narrator's desperation through the chase scene, especially when the gas pedal locked up.

Likes: The best friends/worst enemies feel of the narrator and 'Gutty'.
'Gutty's' sarcastic dialogue and horrid treatment of the narrator.
The corny insanity of the car suddenly coming to life.
The interesting premise of the animals being mutated by the zombie plague.
The intriguing idea of terrorists hold the world hostage by giving America the zombie plague.

Dislikes: This was a story about zombies that didn't have any up-close zombie attacks.
Not sure why he stopped to smell the roses to begin with. Had he kept going, there would've been no deer.

Problems/Fixes: The way in which 'Gutty' was presented was a bit clunky. I would do it as dialogue lines, each character getting their own line instead of shoving them all together.
There are spots where 'Gutty's' dialogue is in italics and spots where it isn't. A good read through and you should find them.
Same thing for missing quotes.

Overall: A descent even innovative take on the zombie plague that felt more like a chapter of a larger story than a stand alone.

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10
10
Review of Stripped Vanity  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Overview: A breathless tale of fear, abuse, and determination.

Characters: The naked runner was the only major character. Even the villain was a smell, a grab, a hit. This was pure adrenaline. The naked runner was fueled by fear and determination.

Descriptions: Your descriptions were well done. The feel of the storm, the anxiety of the chase, the cold, the wet, all the environmental descriptions, you nailed.

Emotions: You drew me in and made me feel sorry for her, which in turn made me root for her and hope for her eventual escape.

Likes: I liked the use of the senses. Having a smell and taste signify the villain was brilliant and well executed. Her being cold and wet intensified the tension.
The pacing was spot on through most of the story, and really added to the feeling of being pursued.

Dislikes: There was barely a paragraph go by where you didn't mention the fact that she was naked. I understand this added to the tension, but only if you spread it out. By mentioning it over and over, it actually became tiresome.

Problems/Fixes: When she got away from him in the second paragraph, she said she walked briskly away. I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't be running full speed if she was in such a desperate state.

There were a few mispellings that you should catch on a read through.

Overall: A good, adrenaline fueled, YA, story with a decent moral.


This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Spotlight on YA Raid Review!
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Review of Crimson Tides  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Overview: This story was disturbing for different reasons. The comfort level Alex had with his own blood, the apathy for life that outweighed his depression, and the general sense of calm with which he describes his own demise.

Characters: Alex was well done. His disturbed nature cane through in the way he described himself, argued with himself, and eventually took his own life.
The narrator was a stock disembodied voice.

Descriptions: Alex's description of the blood and the way it flowed was vivid, haunting, and engrossing.
The narrator's description of the rest of the story gave enough details to understand the rest of the story.

Emotions: I felt sorry for Matthew more than Alex. Alex seemed as though he was plotting to end his life for a while, where Matthew did it because of being overwhelmed by grief.

Likes: The descriptions of the blood, Alex's unhinged conversation with himself.

Dislikes: The fact that Matthew died for essentially nothing. He could've lived and been grief-stricken. That he seemed to do it almost on a whim.

Problems/Fixes: I can't wrap my mind around how Matthew was considered a hero in the end. Especially saying that he was the idol of the town, fighting against injustice. That didn't make sense to me.

Overall: A good tragedy that like other tragedies didn't need to happen. Vivid and well described, but I didn't quite buy into the ending.

This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Spotlight on YA Raid Review!
12
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Review of A Bummer Day  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Overview:A nice story about the beginning of young love.

Characters: Both Gary and Mary (nicely done) are believable and likable. Mary with a more turbulent family history garners more sympathy. Gary comes off as a typical boy who is finding out about puberty and the effects it has on those around him.

Descriptions: Very well handled. Your descriptions were vivid and colorful. You used the senses to add another layer to this story as well.

Emotions: i found my self feeling sorry for Mary because of her family background. I found myself feeling sorry for Gary, but also happy for him in the end.

Likes: The down to earth, two young kids, innocent love story.

Dislikes: None.

Problems/Fixes: None that I saw.

Overall: Very well done YA story.


This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Spotlight on YA Raid Review!
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Review of Fifteenth Summer  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this story. It was a nicely done short of unrequited love. You did a great job of hooking me through your character. Your description of her and the romance she held in her mind made me root for her, wanting her to 'get the guy'.
When I first read the ending, I was a little disappointed, but when I re-read it I was more impressed that you didn't sell out and have Danny fall madly in love with her on the spot.
After that second read it put everything into perspective.
Well done YA story.


This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Spotlight on YA Raid Review!
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Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow, that was amazing! When I first read that this was a one syllable word story, I started watching right away. And then something happened, I got post in the story and found that I no longer cared about the syllable count.
What a powerful message this story has, 'What could've been'. So many have asked this before but you did it in a very believable, easy to read, and addictive style. All of that on top of the fact that you wrote it with the constraints of only one syllable words.
Even if you hadn't written this for a prompt, the way you wrote still lends itself well to a YA story.
I loved it and found nothing to complain about whatsoever.

This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Spotlight on YA Raid Review!
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Review of Seven Sins : Envy  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
My first impression of this story was a typical, 'bullied girl gets revenge', but yours had a savage twist that threw it into the realm of horror.
As I thought about it more, I saw the depth in your story. One scene that stands out was when she was in the diner, looking at other people with the same judgmental eyes as her nemesis. That resonated later in the story.
Merideth's actions did provoke some anger in me. Well done with creating a nemesis that is easy to despise.
The ending twist was well done and gave just enough detail without going over the top. Perhaps it should've had a higher rating seeing the actions she had taken.
I also liked the quotes, but wonder if they could've been shorter. Reading a quite that's a paragraph long tends to take the potency out of it.
Overall, a good story.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
16
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Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another well told story. You have a way of making your reader connect with your character, that creates a bond. I know I wanted to see this story end well just so that Ben's torment would end.
Watching him develop a relationship with the beautiful Irene gave me hope that things may end well.
Watching him sacrifice that relationship became much more painful due to that connection.
The only problem I saw with this story was the tense. You switched between past and present a few times. I'm sure if you read back through, you'll catch it.
Excellent story. Very engrossing.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well written and very intriguing. The opening lines hooked me. As I read through, I found myself feeling sorry for Bartleby.
I was intrigued by the way he overcame his 'condition' to go about his life as normally as possible.
The language you used to tell this tale was excellent. It was very descriptive without being overbearing, and yet had a tone to it that reminded me of Aesop's Fables.
The ending twist/realization was awesome. It made me think, and that, to me, is the ultimate compliment a writer can be given.
Very well done.


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Review of Hypocrisy  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very good. Very funny. I see what you did there.
A brilliant twist combined with a little social commentary. This truly lives up to its title.
A well delivered point using mostly dialogue.
I had no clue where this story was headed, but it interested me enough to go along for the ride.
I saw no soag or errors that would detract from this wonderful, short story.
Simply excellent.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
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Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was an awesome story. At first I was expecting a horror tale of the large man having bodily fluids scared out of him. But just about the time I was convinced of that, you switched over to anti-horror type humor.
Your checklist of what not to do in a horror situation was amazing and had me in stitches.
Your humor early in the story was great too. The line about the mother-in-law's tuna casserole was great and helped set the tone for the ending.
You ended with a flair of humor that summed up the whole piece.
Well done. I really enjoyed it.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
20
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Review of Young at Heart  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an excellent twist ending. I wasn't sure where you were going with this story. It seemed like they were getting ready to go to a party or go visit friends.
Your characters worked wonderfully together, my only problem with them was the overly sweet way they talked to each other. The terms of endearment were wearing a little thin.
The other thing that was a little off-putting was the pacing. This entire piece was quite breathless in its pacing. I know it was limited to 500 words of dialogue, but maybe putting a space in between each line would open it up and make it more readable. I think it would feel less claustrophobic that way.
Your characters were very endearing. I wanted to see them succeed at whatever they did, until the end.
Very well written.


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21
21
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice. You got me with that ending. Usually I'm pretty good at seeing a twist coming but yours was well executed.
Great descriptions. Very believable. Great character too. Gary seemed a bit shallow as a lifeguard, but very faithful and attentive.
Your twist, along with the wordplay in your title are the real stars of this story.
I didn't know you could swim in corn.
Well done. Great use of all the key words.
22
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Review of Going Home  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A very good story. You wove your tale with ease that made me keep reading. I was curious to find out what happened and that curiosity slowly built into tension. Your characters were well done and engaging, as though speaking to a friendly neighbor.
I did have a slight problem with the ending. You didn't mention his name until the very end, so it wasn't really a revelation. If you had somehow worked into the beginning what his name was, it would've given the ending more impact.
The other issue that I have with the ending is there's no emotional reaction to it. The closest thing to emotion is the word 'finally'. If he's going to be overjoyed to be home then I would show a little more fear and apprehension that he isn't there yet.
Other than that, I liked the twist at the end.
Well done.
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Review of Hot and Cold  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well done. It wasn't a poignant, heartbreaking kind of poem. It was more like something I could see going on in normal life everyday, especially the part about using texts. I've always thought that it's difficult to pick up on the emotions of the person when they text.
Your descriptions were very believable and easy to visualize.
Great rhyme and rhythm. It flowed very smoothly.
Good job.
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Review of First Fight  
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I guess she should've just laughed it off.
The twist in this story is hysterical, mainly because she has only herself to blame.
Very well done dialogue that tells the story without coming right out and saying it.
Your descriptions worked well too. When she's playing with his buttons, it made her seem like she was calming down and listening, without you having to say it.
Very well done.
25
25
Review by michaelk2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well done. Wonderfully misleading. I fell right into your trap when I started reading this story.
Your descriptions set the scene very well and successfully led me down the wrong path.
Nice tension building.
Magnificent twist at the end.
I can easily see why this won the contest.
Well done. Especially for only one hundred words.
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