Fantastic story! Your descriptions really set the stage and drew me in.
Being a horror writer myself, I had a suspicion that it was going to be the husband as soon as she texted him.
You still had an excellent setup, balancing between talking about the victims and getting home to her family.
Your final paragraph was the perfect ending.
I found no problems or grammar issues.
This was an exceptionally well crafted short story.
Truly exceptional! I was hooked from the first moment. I had suspicions when you described the first victim and Laura.
Your descriptions really helped me envision the scene and your characters were well described and compelling. Even the monster of a husband, you managed to generate compassion for him.
The most compelling character was of course, Laura. She is the cause of this horror, she is the victim of circumstance through illness, she is the temptress to lure her victims to their gruesome deaths, she is the instrument of their demise as well, and yet you still manage to make us pity her.
Excellent. I could find nothing wrong with this story.
I liked your story. It was solid and I would recommend it for younger audiences, up to YA. It didn't really have the depth that an older audience would need to appreciate it.
Your characters were well done and believable. I found myself angry at the bullies and somewhat vindicated when they met their demise.
The pet door was an obvious plot point. As soon as he mentioned it I knew it would come into play later in the story. My problem with it is, why would the mother allow him to build it if she knew a monster was around? I would think she would want everything locked up tight.
A few other small problems I noticed:
You specifically mentioned the name of the town three times in the first five sentences. It was a little overwhelming.
You misspelled the word 'corpse'.
You mentioned the physician and the guard worrying about the blood, but you never came out and said 'because we don't want people to panic'.
Other than that, I think you have a well crafted YA story here.
Your dialogue was done very well. It came across clean and easy to follow.
Well done.
That is quite an interesting viewpoint. I had never really thought about it that way. What would we as writers do if we never had to handle any adversity? Eventually it would show up in our writing.
I tend to have the opposite problem. Most times my muse won't shut up.
I enjoyed your poem quite a lot. 'find myself prostrate on the cold hard surface of writers block' is a simply brilliant line.
This poem speaks of the pain that most writers share at one point in their life, and it does it in an entertaining and thought provoking way.
Very well done. :)
Excellent! I got chills when the jester said, "How could you, that was my wife."
Your descriptions in this story set the mood perfectly. The solitude and loneliness of the toymaker was palpable. This gave the tension and dark, cold feeling that opened the possibility of the rest of the tale.
I did have a feeling of where you were going when he threw the logs on the fire and suddenly he heard screaming.
This had the feel of an old time 'Twilight Zone' episode.
Most excellent!
I like the overall feel of your poem. It has an epic poem from the dark ages feel to it. The descriptions bring across the emotions of it. The problem I have is that it seems like every line conflicts with the previous one. It's almost like each line is its own poem.
I'm not saying it's bad. I understand it was just something you jotted down while you were bored. I think it's great that you are willing to throw it out there like that.
The biggest things that gave me pause were him standing there 'pale and lifeless' and then his sword was 'tall and brave'.
Then the rest of the poem has him just giving up.
The last two lines were powerful and would've been more powerful if the rest had been a little more clear.
I think this poem has great potential if given some attention. Like I said, I understand this was a quick write, but it could be more.
Well done.
I liked your story. It was engaging and full of tension, not to mention very imaginative.
There are a few things that could be improved.
In the first paragraph, you said, "My life wouldn't be on the line." Then in the next sentence you said, "I would still have all my toes and fingers and my life wouldn't be on the line." I think you could eliminate the first sentence altogether.
I really liked the next two paragraphs of background. It moved the story along and gave some insight into the state of life at that time in history.
The rest of the story has several punctuation mistakes which I could point out, but I think with a good thorough read through and you will find them.
Even with the punctuation I was still very engaged with the rest of the story. I was especially impressed with the twist ending. A wonderful horror story.
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