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Hello THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! !!
Thank you for sharing your dialogue with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind, I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help you become the best writer you can be.
GRAMMAR:
I didn't notice too many glaring grammatical errors, which is awesome. I'll quickly point out one or two things that popped out to me:
--> "Okay, okay, I'm coming There. Now, what's up?" ---> I'm coming There. <--- That part particularly could use some editing
--> What are these mournful lyrics about, on New Year's Eve? --> I don't believe it needs a comma
--> FB statuses --> Facebook
--> I've come there and heard you a gazillion times." --> I've gone to see you, I've been there to hear you perform, I've watched you perform, I don't know..the sentence just sounds off.
--> "Yeah. But now they say, I got to pay, by the hour or the day, if I want to play ..." --> Yeah, but now they say I got to pay by the hour or the day if I want to play.
SPELLING:
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, you were on point with that. Great job.
WORD CHOICE:
You had an excellent word choice, avoiding boring, dull language. It was definitely written well and either you have a great vocabulary automatically or you use a thesaurus, either was it's working out well for you.
CHARACTERS:
The characters were believable... although it would have been nice to know at least their names. You can find ways to describe someone even in dialogue in ways such as... 'stop swinging your red hair around the food!' or 'Hey, Jessica' et cetera
APPEARANCE:
it was spaced well with the beginning lyrics as a nice touch centered
POSITIVES:
What I liked most: the ending!
My Favorite Part: how he rhymes everything!!!
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:
What I liked least: there was no description within the dialogue of the characters
EMOTIONS:
It made me feel: I was laughing and smiling throughout
CREATIVITY:
It was extremely creative and original.
HELD MY ATTENTION?:
You held my attention from the first sentence until the very end. It was a fast-paced, easy read.
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