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Hello Jack G. !!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your words!
Keep in mind, I am not a professional, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your writing! Any suggestion I make is done with love and a desire to simply help you become the best writer you can be.
GRAMMAR:
I didn't notice too many glaring grammatical errors, which is awesome. Something I did see was missing or even misplaced comma's so I suggest just checking that out. The dreaded comma... I swear they're the worst. So desparetly needed in writing but annoying as all hell.
SPELLING:
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes, you were on point with that. Great job.
EXCEPTTTTT ---> you did write 'estern' instead of 'eastern'
WORD CHOICE:
You had an excellent word choice, avoiding boring, dull language. Very descriptive as well.
CHARACTERS:
The characters were believable.
APPEARANCE:
The spacing within your story added power to it. If you would have done without it, it would have ruined it, taking away a lot of the impact. Of course, it would have been the same story but the spacing truly helps it.
POSITIVES:
What I liked most: the raw emotion displayed and the well portrayed story of grief
My Favorite Part: The ending sentence is truly powerful. He will, indeed, be okay even if it doesn't feel like it while grieving a loved one.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM:
What I liked least: I cannot find a single thing my love.
My Suggestions: It's your writing, do as you wish but I wonder if you would agree... possibly switching this sentence around from 'Then there were the answers No...' to -- 'Then came the dreaded answers. No, no, no.'
I don't know why I like it better that way but I do.
EMOTIONS:
It made me feel: sad and emotional but hopeful for him at the very end
It reminded me of: my mother who died from Ovarian Cancer. It's the hardest thing in the world to have to watch a loved one die so terribly. My mother truly suffered. and the chemotherapy only made it worse.. the radiation destroyed her. It's such a despressing topic but you really wrote it beautifully touching on the emotions perfectly.
CREATIVITY:
It was extremely creative.
HELD MY ATTENTION?:
You held my attention from the first sentence until the very end. It truly grabbed me, sucked me in and made me think of my mother. I was genuinely intrerested in it throughout the whole story. I'd love to read more of your work in the future. You're a great writer. Keep up the amazing work.
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