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482 Public Reviews Given
532 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I pick the item apart and give as much feedback as I can about potential problems that may need to be addressed.
I'm good at...
Most grammar and punctuation issues.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Supernatural, Suspense, Thriller, Dark, Ghost, Non-sense, Comedy, or anything relating to these.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Fanfiction, War, Military, Spiritual, Religious, Nonfiction, Arts, or anything relating to these.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Novels
I will not review...
I'll not review any item that has not be edited to the writer's best ability, or that I find impossible to read and review because of an abundance of grammar and punctuation mistakes that I feel the author could have corrected during editing.
Public Reviews
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51
51
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Freelanceink ,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

The story: This appears to be a scene in which Peter has challenged Darby to a duel over a young lady's honor. *Smile*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

Your verb tense isn't consistent throughout the scene which causes some confusion. Since most of it seems to be written in past tense, I would recommend changing the present tense verbs to match.

Examples:
Darby stepped forward, the early morning mist wafting about him. (Darby stepped forward, the early morning mist wafted about him.)
The gray tendrils suddenly slide sideways (The gray tendrils suddenly slid sideways)

I found myself confused as to who was speaking during their conversation, and exactly what they were saying. I think it would help if the thoughts were in italics so the reader would be able to distinguish between what is spoken and what is just internal dialogue.

So bright, so young, so beautiful—so…honest. (I didn't really see how this fit into the scene.)

That’s your father’s pride talking. (Is this a thought? Whose father is this?)

flickered green-silver, green-silver. (this is a repeat that could be changed to: flickered from green-silver, to silver-green. One of these could also be taken out.)

His slate eyes looked startled. (Why? Did something surprise him? Did Darby shoot him? Did he shoot Darby?)

Thoughts/feelings: This is a nice little scene, and I like the overall feel of it. I do feel that it is lacking some important information to help close the gaps in the readers mind. I was left wondering if they both were in love with the same girl, or if she was Peter's sister. You used some good descriptions that I enjoyed reading. I believe that with a few tweaks here and there, this can be an even better story. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell


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52
52
Review of Ruby's Interview  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Soloscript ,

I'm reviewing your story because it is an entry in the "Invalid Item" 

The story: *Smile*
You did use all 25 of the required elements in the scenario.

I felt that you only used a couple of the senses to their full potential. I believe that some work needs to be done to increase the sense of taste, and smell.

Passengers oozed through the doors, filling each compartment.
Nice imagery in this sentence.

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

she could take remove her jacket, (she could remove her jacket)

There was quite a few adjectives scattered throughout the piece that I felt could be replaced with more descriptive words to enhance the scene.

This is a link that I've found very helpful when dealing with these problem adjectives. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

http://www.writersdigest.com/writing-articles/by-w...

Thoughts/feelings: I felt that you did a good job with the conversations and internal dialogue. The scenario was creative and entertaining. I enjoyed reading it, and good luck in the contest. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*



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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell


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53
53
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello BScholl ,

I'm reviewing this because your entry in the "Invalid Item" 

The scene: I feel that you used at least twenty-three elements. I'm questioning the twenty-fifth because it seems like the man is in the room with her and I'm understanding the scenario to mean that she is in the room by herself. I also questioning the twenty-second one since it's not clear if this was one of the same men from before since there was nothing to indicate that she recognized him as being one.

I could see that you did seem to use some form of all five senses in your scene. *Smile*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

I felt that in places you could use a little more showing, and less telling.

You only have one place that I noticed where you use taste, and I thought it could use a little more description of how the cert tasted.

The pleasant peppermint swirled on her tongue. (The cool mint coated her mouth and tongue.)


Thoughts/feelings: This a very creative scene that I enjoyed reading. I liked that you added her breaking the heel off off her shoe, causing her to fall. It was a unique idea to have aliens interviewing people just so they could harvest them to eat. Thank you for sharing your work with us, and good luck in the contest.

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*



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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell


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54
54
Review of Chloe's Cabinet  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: This is a tale of a young woman who has returned to her childhood home. The story centers around the bedroom that she hasn't been entered in seven years. It remained just as she had left it, and brought back the memories of her life there. Her main memory seemed to be of an old cabinet which she and her father had found at an estate auction. They had gone looking for one because she needed more room for her things as she got older. After the cabinet was put into her room, she started having nightmares, and strange noises woke her up at night. Even now as an adult, it still had the same effect on her. Before she went to sleep, she places a prototype of a personal protection system that they had been developing at a leading robotics company, on her nightstand. she woke up later to the sound of an electrical discharge and the smell of smoke. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: N/A *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

appreciate all that her parents had done (appreciate all her parents done.)
Chloe Howard had left this room (Chloe Howard left this room)
The house has been built (The house had been (was) built)
early 1940's and closets (early 1940's when closets)
expansion had made her beg (expansion made her beg)
day they had gone looking for (day they went looking for)
themselves at looked like (themselves standing in front of, looked like)
he said looking at the creepy (he said staring at the creepy)
she had felt that only a teenage (she had felt, the kind that only a teenage)
to glow in dim light. (to glow in the dim light)
attraction was but they ended (attraction was, but they ended)
creaking slowly open woke (creaking open woke)
They had searched the cabinet (they searched the cabinet)
he father had suggested but (her father had suggested, but)
"Well hon, I'm ("Well, hon, I'm)
I'm off to bed and (I'm off to bed, and)
nightly ritual that they had shared. (nightly ritual they had shared.)
Pushing back, (pulling back,)
Chloe worked (She worked)
that she had been working (that she'd been working)
She set it up on the nightstand (she set it on the nightstand)
overactive imagination but she (overactive imagination, but she)
looked to the cabinet. (looked at the cabinet.)


Thoughts/feelings: You did a good job of telling this childhood fear and carrying it into Chloe's future. Knowing that they had bought it at a spooky old house gave it an extra bit of an eerie feeling. It had my mind guessing as to what might be living in it. I thought that it was great that you ended it with both her and her dad finally getting to see what she had only feared. The only thing I couldn't understand was after all of those years of nightmares and fears, why did she seem so calm once she saw the monster? I would have been terrified knowing that something like that had been lurking around for all of those years. Overall, good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*



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#1797525 by Not Available.


"Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway" 

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55
55
Review of Nuclear Dupe  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello vbrandon ,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: This is a story that isn't quite what it seems. In the beginning you are led to believe that this is just an encounter between two guys, Ron and Jack, and a girl, Sirilak. She is working on a computer in the break room of their work place. It seems apparent that these two guys are enjoying the view, and trying to make conversation with her to pass the time until her father comes to pick her up. At the end of the story we learn that everything that has happened wasn't real. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: I noted these with the rest of my observations and suggestions. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

Sirilak had high silver boots and a fat silver pen she loved to tap. (Sirilak wore (thigh-high, knee-high) silver boots and held a fat silver pen that she loved to tap.)
If either men had bothered to look, (If either man bothered to look,)
her white skirt had silver sparkles and her white underwear was embroidered with silver rabbits. (they'd have noticed that silver sparkles were scattered along her white skirt, and the same color rabbits decorated her panties.)
They bothered, and were bothered more (This doesn't make sense to me. You lead me to believe that they didn't bother to look, now they have been looking the whole time?)
Ron actually pushed out his (Ron pushed out his)
it was freezing and he was (the freezing temperature, and he started to become)
It also had the only wired (It also housed the only)
Jack meant 'interview' him. (Even thought Jack said interview, Ron knew from his tone that he meant something else.)
The girl looked around at the mention of her name. She had been studiously designing something. (She'd been studying the design in front of her, but turned around at the mention of her name.)
"Silver rabbits," Ron thought. "Tricks are for kids." (You should surround the thoughts with apostrophes or use italics to show that this is his thoughts, and it wasn't said.)
visitors' pass just until (visitors' pass until)
A rose hint spread (A rosy blush spread, A rose hue spread, A hint of rose spread)
who had broken a vase (who broke a vase)
Ron, determined not to abuse his superhuman vision, stared through the panel of glass on the break room door. Through the slit over Sirilak's exposed shoulder, Chung's Beetle passed the bay windows across the hall. (Ron stared through the panel of glass in the break room door through the slit over Sirilak's shoulder. As he watched, Chung's Beetle passed the bay windows across the hall.)
ready to leave." Ron said (ready to leave," Ron said.)
with that one." Ron (with that one," Ron)
"Crazy trouble." Jack ("Crazy trouble," Jack)
I must get her home, now. (I must get her home now.)
made a right the way Chung (made a right, the way Chung)
along the tile, to the base (along the tile to the base)
table, up the leg and to a silver square taped underneath, (table and up the leg to a silver square taped underneath.)
numbers and a familiar name stamped across its surface. (He saw numbers and a familiar name stamped across its surface.)
Knocks, pings, growing to a roar (Knocks and pings growing to a roar.)
Light switched red; lit the hallway in a mix of sun and exit signs; (The light in the hallway turned red in a mix of sun and exit signs)
his shoulders tensed; "Trouble," his back said. (his shoulders tensed, and his back stiffened in warning.)
became honeycombed, blinding light (became honeycombed with light)

Thoughts/feelings: I enjoyed the subject of the story and the characters. I always like an unpredictable ending, which you gave me. I did find it a bit hard to understand what was actually going on for the first couple of reads though. The flow felt a little off, and I hope that some of my suggestions may help to smooth it out a little for you. I was confused at the end for the most part because it felt like it just dropped without warning. I really didn't understand how the fifth and sixth sentence in the last paragraph fit in. Maybe if you ended it there and moved the last sentence down to another paragraph and added him waking up to see a teacher standing over him or something, it may make it a little clearer that it was a dream. I thought that there were several possible ways that you could make this into a longer story if you ever feel the need to. Overall, good story, and thanks for allowing me to review it. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*



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#1797525 by Not Available.


"Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway" 

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56
56
Review of Shadow Detective  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello WhoMe,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: I liked how you used a common fear to base this story on. I know that at times I worry that someone might break into my house while I'm asleep. The realness of the situation is very scary. I believe that you did a good job of cycling the ending around and turning everything that she went through into what may be a premonition of things to come. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: I didn't notice any problems in this area. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

the train roaring (This threw me off a little because I couldn't figure out if there was a train near her house, or if it is describing her heartbeat.)

Thoughts/feelings: I love horror, but it seems to take quite a bit to freak me out. This story did though. In my opinion, the best horror comes from the real world. Things that really happen or can happen always gives me chills. You held a good pace that kept drawing me more and more into her fear. I found myself jumping just a tad at small noises that I heard while I was reading it. I wasn't completely comfortable with the flow. It felt a little stiff, but it didn't seem to take much away from the story. I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for the thrill that it brought me, and I wouldn't be surprised if I have a little trouble going to sleep. Good job! *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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57
57
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello super sleuth,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The telling of this introduction from this girl's point of view is refreshing. It doesn't make it sound the same as other stories about vampires. The background into the family was just enough to make me want to know what had happened. I liked the resourcefulness of the vampires to find a way to blend in with the people around them. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: You have some misplaced commas. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

confined in the coffin. (confined. In the coffin is just repeating what you have already told.)
padding on the walls of my coffin all of my (padding on the walls, all of)
daylight paused a threat (posed a threat)


Thoughts/feelings: This introduction had a different feel than any that I have read. You provide the reader with a glimpse into this clan of vampires by describing hardships that they face on a daily basis. It almost makes me want to feel sorry for them. You seem to have gone ahead and solved some of the key elements and questions that might arise throughout the rest of the story. I did feel that there was just a little too much detail in a few small places. It didn't take from the flow much, but it was a little bit of a distraction. You have done a good job with this part of your story. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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58
58
Review of Chat Part One  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello rebelkitten,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*
Posted in the "Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway" 

What I liked: you did a good job of leading the story with her waking up with a hangover. You left some mysteries as to why she was there, what he wanted with her, how she got there, and will she get away. This has plenty of room for additions to the story. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: Nothing major that I found. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

drink last night?" She (she-shouldn't be capitalized)
would rid herself (rid itself)
"Who are you?" She screamed. (she screamed-she shouldn't be capitalized)
but it was not use. (no use)
but her limps felt heavy (her limbs)
There was a desk beside the bed she was on with a laptop on it. (Beside the bed was a desk with a laptop on it.)
surged with in her (within her)
what he or she's intentions (his or her intentions)
"Who are you and why am I here?" She asked.( she asked: she shouldn't be capitalized, and it needs to be moved up beside her question.)
First, i have (I have)

Thoughts/feelings: You did a good job writing this Part. I did feel like it could use a little more detail in some places and a little less telling of some things. One example that I would like to point out is where she figures out that she is tied to the bed, you don't need to add that she was tied to the headboard and foot board. When someone is tied to a bed, our minds automatically add that into the vision that is forming in our minds. I enjoyed reading this part, and I look forward to reading more of it. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway  (E)
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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell

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59
59
Review of Human  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Kiya,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The story itself was very good. The fact that he was as close to human as any robot could get was a nice touch. It gave him a big advantage over everyone and other robots even though Veronica didn't seem to notice. I was happy to see that her attitude toward Scott changed from mistrust and anger to caring or perhaps love. The descriptions of what she saw through his memory chip were a great addition. I liked how through that part of the story, she learned that he was much more than what she thought he was, and how much he loved her. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: No errors that I noticed *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: None *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings: I enjoyed reading this story because it seemed to bring out the good and bad in people. You did a good job of writing it, and I couldn't find any way to improve it. The flow and conversations were good. I felt sad for her when she found out that he was just a robot, and I could understand her anger and pain at feeling that she had been tricked and lied to. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell

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60
60
Review of Trick or Tweet  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Tom,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The story idea was very unique and realistic. I liked the different ways that you used technology to control our lives and the dangers that could actually happen in our society. The things that you came up with were amazing and frightening. I'm sure that as technology gets better, all of it could become possible. It has a good message that we should be careful about our dependency on it. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: None that I noticed. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: None *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings: It was a very entertaining and thought provoking story. You did a good job of telling it from John's point of view. I was swept into his and Carolyn's lives. It's a believable story that is well written. I try to stay away from long pieces, but I'm glad that I decided to read this one. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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61
61
Review of Precious Moments  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Quilin,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story. I liked the way you wrote it. The style was different than I'm used to, but it seemed to fit the piece. It is so simple yet feels a little complex at the same time. I thought that you did a good job fitting it into the word limit and still giving it enough to keep my interest. I don't see how that it could be improved by adding anything else to it. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

stream not too far off. (not far off, (or) somewhere close by)

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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62
62
Review of Birthday Surprise  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hello Amay,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: I thought that your choice to use a cowboy as a main character was a good idea. They sometimes have a reputation as being a little slow, so I thought that it was nice to see one outsmart a magician. The addition of the dog worked into the story allowing for the whole story to come together. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: None that I noticed *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: No suggestions or observations. *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings: This story had some very unique qualities in it. I don't think that I could have ever thought of putting a magician and cowboy together to rob someone. The story had a good flow to it and good characters. I got a little lost at the end though. I couldn't figure out from the first reading why he put the dog in the box, or how he seemed to snap so fast. I got the impression at the end that Mr. Vanderbilt may have been the boss since they returned to the party, but I couldn't figure out why he would have someone rob him. I did think that it is a good story, and I enjoyed reading it. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

FORUM
Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway  (E)
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#1768032 by Tiggy-Cheers for House Martell

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63
63
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hello brom,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The basis of the story was different from anything I've ever read, and it is truly unique. I enjoyed the journey from beginning to end, and I was glad that it had a happy ending. I am glad that they finally gained some common sense and didn't have to go tho war to defend their land and people. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: You should check over your punctuation, spelling, and grammar. I found several of both. I have listed quite a few here, but I found several more, *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: *RollEyes*

Long ago of there existed (Long ago there existed)
evil lived (evil, and lived)
remained there. So (remained there, so)
person would something (would do something)
wealth and he planned (wealth, so he)
Meanwhile, in idiotsville (in Idiotsville)
held to his throat.” (held it to his throat.)
amass such great (such a great)
I and he were (he and I)
get in?”he said (space between in?" and he)
magic can defeat can defeat magic (magic can defeat magic)
release the woman.” ,the wizard (the woman," the)
As the wizard followed after Darvy. But (The wizard..Darvy, but)
put stone in his hand and whispered. (put a stone....Whispered,)
human and all humans (human, and all)
understand all that that he said (all that he)
Well I suppose (well, I)
take this with me.”, she (with me," she)
bushes.” he (bushes," he)
could think anything (could think of anything)
not even breathing.” Princes (breathing," Princess)
better get moving.” she (moving," she)
Then she more of the strange (then more)
for his abuse that (for the abuse)
his death.” The Princes (death," the princess)
said as she reached him before the guards could intercept him and put a sword to Darvy’s throat. (she said, reaching him and putting a sword to his throat before the guards could intercept her.)
didn’t know what was quite happening (know quite what was happening)
searching himself for words (searching for words)
for several sentences (for several minutes)
I and sense it (I can sense)
you can sense it? (you can too.)
Not only will this but (Not only that, but we will soon)
happen to kingdom full (to a kingdom)
“You’re right, I can sense it. But (right. I..it, but)
what way rest would (what ways the rest)
“What’s’ a “something ("What's a something)
have ben as small foolish (have been)
forward to tell an intelligent (to say an)
like I’m suddenly (like I've suddenly)
window and where his (window where his)
moment that No longer (that no longer)
overcame any contra wise sentiment (contra wise ?)

Thoughts/feelings: This is a unique story about an unbelievable land of people. The storyline was good, but I thought that it could use a little tweaking and detail. I think that with a little editing it can be an even better story. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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64
64
Review of It's Too Late  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*



Hello Jim,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The interaction between Kevin and Dave was unlike most of the interrogations that I have either read elsewhere, or seen on television and movies. It was a nice change of pace for Dave to show such concern for Kevin's mental state, and taking the time to talk to him as a friend. The whole idea of the world being destroyed by a black hole is interesting, and the ending was good. I guess the old Professor knew what he was talking about. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: None that I noticed. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: No observations or suggestions. *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings: This is a truly interesting and enjoyable story about the end of the earth. Everything flowed well, and the conversations were good. It kept my interest, and left me wanting to read more. You did a good job of giving the details in a simple way that were easy to understand, yet believable. The ending could have went either way, but you did choose the best one to end the story with. It actually left me wanting to read more. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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65
65
Review of Next Time Around  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Joe,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked: The truth and feeling behind this poem felt real. I could get a sense of an inner struggle about your past, and your desire to change the things that have gone wrong. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation: Since you have used some punctuation in a few lines, it seemed to hurt the flow when you didn't use it all throughout. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions: No observations or suggestions. *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings: I enjoyed reading this poem. We all wish that we could go back and change things in our life, and you touched that part of me. The words you rhymed fit together well, but some lines seemed a little shorter than others which seemed to affect some of the flow. Despite these feelings, you did a good job writing this poem, and I felt what you were trying to say. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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66
66
Review of The Dead Letter  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Liam,

This is a review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  *Reading*

What I liked:I liked the little details that you added such as the age and appearance of the letter. I can only imagine how Mary Stewart must have felt when she saw that it was from her deceased son. It was a nice idea to add the details of his drive, especially the traffic. It was refreshing to know that through all of that he didn't fall into the road rage frame of mind like so many people do. *Smile*

Grammar/Punctuation:I didn't see any mistakes with the grammar or punctuation. *Quill*

Observations/suggestions:No observations or suggestions. *RollEyes*

Thoughts/feelings:You did a great job of writing this story. It had a relaxed and laid back feeling that I enjoyed. For the length, you seemed to create a nice detailed look into Malcolm's personality. Good job. *Reading*

This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing. *ThumbsUp*

Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. *Delight*

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67
67
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey DRSmith,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


I have found myself bored at times, and have invented a few new versions of nursery rhymes myself, just not so clean. I never would have thought to try and rhyme them like this. This was a hilarious remake of of these classics with very modern revisions. It seems like you have touched on every problem that has slowly crept up on the world while we wasn't watching. I hate to think how much worse it would be if people threw away the classic nursery rhymes and started reading these to their children. I can't decide which part that I liked best out of all of them. They all were definitely creative. Good job.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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68
68
Review of A Writer's Soul  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey firegoddess,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this poem. I felt that I could relate to it on many levels. I especially liked this part:

No one knows the true me
They might not like what they see
Showing the same fake smile
Not having cried in a while

I feel this way each day. I have very often pretended to be someone that I'm not just to please other people, and this has caused me a lot of pain. You did a great job of expressing your feelings and capturing mine. Thank you for writing this.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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69
69
Review of Sadness  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Heterodox,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


I thought that this was an interesting story. A crazy person works pretty good in a story I think. I was surprised that she had just imagined killing her sister and wanting to kill herself. I didn't think that it flowed as well as it could have because of some punctuation problems. There were several places that a comma could be used to help the reader to process the story better. This was a good idea for a story and you used some good ideas.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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70
70
Review of Red Phone  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Luis,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" .
Posted on "Newbie Help & Support Writer's Hideaway"  *Delight*


This is a good story. I liked reading it. It kept me interested and wanting to see Who was talking to Dan. The plot was very good and easy to follow. It was a fresh look at selling your soul to the devil. Your Idea for devil to talk to him through the television set and show him parts of his life was great. you did a good job with the ending also.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

All of the spaces between the lines make it hard to read. I was having a hard time keeping my place.
You don't have to indent the first line of the paragraphs unless you just want to, but it doesn't work well when the characters speak.
I noticed that every line begins with a capital letter even if it doesn't start a sentence, this throws off the flow because the each time I thought it was a new sentence.
It would read better if you wrote it across the whole page and left one line between each paragraph. It would make it much easier to read.
You need to look over your punctuation. Especially when it comes to the quotes.
There were a couple of typos, but I think you may find them when you go back over it, and where you wrote throw up, I think that vomit would be better.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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71
71
Review of Fiery Red Hair  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Daizy,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story. I liked the style that you used to write it, it seemed almost like a poem. I liked the glimpses into her memories of the most important events in her life. You did a good job of writing it, and I couldn't find anything to comment on as far as improvements. The ending left me thinking that if not for her selfless act, her daughter's would have more than likely followed the same path as hers. Good job.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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72
72
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Rodly,

This is a review from a member of"Showering Acts of Joy Group" . *Delight*


This article had so much information and detail. You seemed to know what you were talking about. I can tell that it took quite some time to come up with this idea, and to write it all out. You make it sound so simple. I could have almost believed it, but who is going to be around for eons just waiting for all of these changes to take place. It was very creative and entertaining. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

finished your duties (finished with your duties)
may have to ten (may have to happen)
we'll will no longer (we will)
so we won't go into at this (go into that)
be the stellar wind (by the stellar)
have also notice that (noticed)
I may have missed some other little mistakes along the way.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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73
73
Review of Nashville  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Joe,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


Since I am also from Tennessee this caught my attention. I thought that you did a good job writing it, and I can see that you love your city. This felt so honest and real to me. I try not to review poetry, since I feel that it is the writer's personal feelings. That being said, I felt that the last line (That's Nashville) took away from the flow of the poem. This is my opinion and I'm in no way suggesting that you to change your version. That is your personal choice.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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74
74
Review of "Crystal Tear"  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey shnyzz,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a lovely poem. it's so full of painful emotion. You did a good job writing it. The rhyme seem to flow easily, and the point and feelings were clear. Good job.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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75
75
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey drboris,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This Christmas story would do wonders for a few kids that I know. There is nothing like a scare to get them moving in the right direction. You did a good job writing this story. I liked the part about the warning about Dale's naughty actions. I liked the way you ended the story. It was a surprise. If that really were to happen, I don't think Santa would have to worry about visiting very many houses the next year. Good job.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

final caught item caught his (final item caught)

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*


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