This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy.
You have done a good job with this first chapter. You caught my attention and kept it through the whole piece. It moved along at a good pace. let me just add a thank you for using a bigger size for your text. It made it easier to read.
If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit.
Running as fast as her feet would carry her she dashed (carry her, she)
corners of her eyes, he had just (her eyes. He )
come from the Lady Amaranths apartments, a close friend of the queens. (apartments,who was a)
awakened feelings in Faith she had (feelings in her that)
Faith she had never before felt. (she had never felt before.)
With perfect clarity she saw what must be done, an eerie calm settled over her and she walked forward, the knife poised in her small delicate hand (must be done. An eerie calm settled over her. She began to walk forward, the...)
She drove the blade forward, standing on the tips of her toes, and jerked the dagger across his throat feeling the flesh give way. (standing on the tips of her toes, she drove the blade forward, Jerking the dagger across his throat, feeling the flesh give way.)
She couldn't know how many mercenaries were lurking about, but one thing she did know, she must get Airianna out of there alive and that meant now. (She couldn't(didn't) know....one thing she did know, she had to get..., and that meant now.)
Taking Airianna by the hand she led them (led her)
Faith shook her head, she must not think of that now, not when Airiannas life was in her hands. (Faith shook her head. She must not think of that now. Not when...)
people, dead or dying (people who lay dead or dying.)
unlock the trapdoor, cautiously (trapdoor. Cautiously)
'Quick in here' came a ("Quick, in here.", came a Bowing to the princess quickly, he climbed (Is he bowing quickly to the princess or climbing quickly?)
Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing.
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