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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/missy0201/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: OFF
482 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I pick the item apart and give as much feedback as I can about potential problems that may need to be addressed.
I'm good at...
Most grammar and punctuation issues.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Supernatural, Suspense, Thriller, Dark, Ghost, Non-sense, Comedy, or anything relating to these.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica, Fanfiction, War, Military, Spiritual, Religious, Nonfiction, Arts, or anything relating to these.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Novels
I will not review...
I'll not review any item that has not be edited to the writer's best ability, or that I find impossible to read and review because of an abundance of grammar and punctuation mistakes that I feel the author could have corrected during editing.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Release  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey Pat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I thought that I would stop by with another review for you. This is a beautifully written poem. I'm not any good at judging poetry, but I do know that I really liked this one. Your descriptions and flow made it easy to read and understand. I think that it fits this picture perfectly. I'm so glad that you wrote it and shared it with us, and that I found it.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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127
127
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Duke,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I chose this to review because it was about a small town. I live in a small town. After this I'm so jealous. we finally got more red lights but we don't have anything open after nine or 10 o'clock. I really enjoyed how you wrote this. I liked the flow and descriptions. I loved that you described Exxon as the patron Saint of graveyard attendants. Just one thing about that part. I thought you need to add shift in between graveyard and attendants. It kind of sounds like he works in a grave yard. I liked it whether you add it or not. It was very entertaining.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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128
128
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey A.T.B,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


When I picked this out to read and review, I was hoping for something that would make me laugh. This did it. When I started it, It sounded like you knew exactly how to write the descriptions of the patent's ailments. The terminology was great. I enjoyed all of the humor relating to every problem. The ending was perfect. It caught me completely by surprise. I really liked that you added hoof and mouth disease. That always makes me laugh every time I hear it.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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129
129
Review of Of Salem, Then  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey SWPoet,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This poem caught my attention because it was about Salem. I'm fascinated by what went on there and like reading about. It always amazes me that people could honestly do things like that. I'm sorry to say that I had never looked at any other events or actions that are similar. You point out several thing that have happened that are on the same type of level. You show how throughout history, so many races and people have been punished for their differences. It really opened my eyes to that.




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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130
130
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Nicki,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story. I just couldn't help be be pulled into it. Your descriptions and conversations were very well written. It flowed at just the right pace and kept me on my toes. Just when I thought they were going to get him any time, you would draw me somewhere else. the suspense was just right. I kind of hated for it to end, but I couldn't see where you could add anything else to it. I enjoyed the characters, especially Nolan. I don't know why, but As soon as he spoke, I could hear his voice. It could be because I'm use to the language. I know kudzu can be aggravating, but I never thought it could be that dangerous. I'll never be able to look at it the same again.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

clothes like he’d jumped, fully dressed (clothes, as if he had jumped fully..)
He tightened his tie knot (He tightened the knot in his tie,)
as the vine lengthening and grew. (vine lengthened and grew(or) vine grew in length)
flailing arms to neighboring vines (arms in neighboring)
deep as the house was tall. (as high as the house)
tightened, squeezing. (what or how were they squeezing?
smashed apart, their roots (leaving their roots (or) and their roots)


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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131
131
Review of Dark Spaces  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Pat,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a touching poem. It took me to a place I didn't really want to go back to, and have tried to forget. I believe that's what makes a poem truly great. I'm not really a judge of poetry although I wrote a lot of it before I found my way to stories. Poems just too emotional and real for me. The message was clear and easily understood, and I enjoyed reading it.


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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132
132
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Brockers,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This was a good first chapter. It was easy for me to follow and understand. For the most part, it flowed well and the events seemed in order. you seemed to know the subject matter, and made it sound real.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*


Two of Campbell’s aides stood with their backs to the wall and their hands neatly clasped in front of them, wearing dark suits and white shirts. (Two of Campbell's aids, wearing dark suits and white shirts, stood....them.)
‘She tells me that at half twelve this morning outside his home in Burgess Hill a five man gang opened fire on Ethan Brook’s car, killing all three occupants, Ethan, his driver and an unidentified girl. (cut into a couple of sentences.)
Ethan was hit five times (Was he hit, or his car?)
nothing to chance, according (chance. According)
according to the police a total (According to the police, a total)
were used and the five men (used, and)
near Brighton, was a famous (Brighton, had become a)
turned right or towards (right, or)
this one closed speedily. (quickly?)
written his first draught (draft?)
by giving back the money to Sussex by donating it (Sussex, along with donating) night at half five (at half past five)
join a gym or jog or swim (gym, jog, or swim.)
There was a few sentences that could be divided into two or more, and check your punctuation.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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133
133
Review of Voices in My Head  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey Vivian,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this story. I liked the conflict of good and evil and it's effects on the sub-conscious. It shows the good and bad in everyone and the reader comes away with a good message. It was very realistic and believable. It was written well, flowed nicely,and easy to grasp the story line. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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134
134
Review of Suicide Lament  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey LeBuert,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I thought that you did a good job with this poem. It felt real and honest. I could relate on many levels to the subject matter. I've thought about it so many times myself. It all seemed to flow and stay on topic, and easy to understand. Good job.



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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135
135
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Bonnie,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I thought that this was a good little read. I was glad that they were trying to put the pieces back together, even though I know it must have been hard. I was so happy for them in the end when they finally found him.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*



toddler son (not sure about this. maybe small?)
another city, another (city, in yet another)
Chicago, this time (Chicago. This time)
proud she was (proud that she)
Jay, the perpetual (Jay, and the(along with the)perpetual)
Brad continually (Brad was)
providence he had (that he had)
take this job move (make this move)
it was time, acceptance (time for acceptance.)
He did not know; she didn't talk to him any more about Jay. (He didn't know. She didn't talk to him about Jay any more.)
“The realtor never explained this was baby boomer central,” The realtor...."baby boomer")
her have fun (her having fun)
door he turned (door and turned)
to comfort his wife. (to comfort her.)



Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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136
136
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey Kathleen,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this little children's story about Halloween. It was cute and a little humorous. You did well writing from a child's prospective. It flowed nicely and would make a good book.


If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

I thought that some words might be too hard for children to understand depending on the age you want to reach.
As she rushed out (and ran out)
visions of tootsie-rolls (thoughts of)
She licked her lips in anticipation. (lips at the thought)
she spotted him (she saw him)
leering at her (looking)
friends who had (friends that had)
with flickering eye (with one glowing)
and yellowed, (yellow)
she read on his eerie face. (on his scary face)
Melissa exclaimed silently, (thought to herself)
fidgeting on the sidewalk (while she stood...sidewalk.)
as sneering Spike followed (sneering spike following)
last year, with loud protests (last year.
with loud protests that she was a big girl of five, and demanding that Mommy wait on the sidewalk (She told her that ....and said that Mommy...)
chatting excitedly in her first-grade (talking in her)
were offering caramel apples (were giving out)
Melissa sighed heavily (Melissa sighed.)
She glared at Spike, (she looked at Spike with her meanest face)
while muttering in her head (and saying)
Suddenly, a thought came to her. (then she got an idea)
She would wait. Wait patiently until the (she would wait for the wind to blow...)
knock on the door, quickly holler (door, holler)
As she was standing there, biting her lower lip, waiting for a gust of wind, Mommy (She was....wind, when)
"Well, perhaps just this one door ("Well, just this one(Okay, but just this one)door)
Gripping her caramel apple Holding)
For just a moment, it seemed as if Spike winked at her, (just a second, it looked like Spike(she thought that Spike)winked..)




Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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137
137
Review of I Am  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey ,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


I enjoyed reading this. I think this poem says a lot about you. Have faith and you will reach your goals. Don't worry, you will find your path.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

None


Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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138
138
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey Natbutterflyblue,

This is a review from a member of Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


You have done a good job with this first chapter. You caught my attention and kept it through the whole piece. It moved along at a good pace. let me just add a thank you for using a bigger size for your text. It made it easier to read.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

Running as fast as her feet would carry her she dashed (carry her, she)
corners of her eyes, he had just (her eyes. He )
come from the Lady Amaranths apartments, a close friend of the queens. (apartments,who was a)
awakened feelings in Faith she had (feelings in her that)
Faith she had never before felt. (she had never felt before.)
With perfect clarity she saw what must be done, an eerie calm settled over her and she walked forward, the knife poised in her small delicate hand (must be done. An eerie calm settled over her. She began to walk forward, the...)
She drove the blade forward, standing on the tips of her toes, and jerked the dagger across his throat feeling the flesh give way. (standing on the tips of her toes, she drove the blade forward, Jerking the dagger across his throat, feeling the flesh give way.)
She couldn't know how many mercenaries were lurking about, but one thing she did know, she must get Airianna out of there alive and that meant now. (She couldn't(didn't) know....one thing she did know, she had to get..., and that meant now.)
Taking Airianna by the hand she led them (led her)
Faith shook her head, she must not think of that now, not when Airiannas life was in her hands. (Faith shook her head. She must not think of that now. Not when...)
people, dead or dying (people who lay dead or dying.)
unlock the trapdoor, cautiously (trapdoor. Cautiously)
'Quick in here' came a ("Quick, in here.", came a Bowing to the princess quickly, he climbed (Is he bowing quickly to the princess or climbing quickly?)

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*



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139
139
Review of the shadow master  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey Morgan,

This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. *Delight*


This is an interesting story. I wondered why Peaches wanted the boy. It kept me reading. I think it's a good idea for a story. The first two sentences led well into the story.

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

1. Spelling errors, punctuation
2. He pulled a small knife from inside one of his many concealed pockets. He made his way towards a house. He knocked sharply on the door.(This could be combined into one sentance to do away with all of the 'he'. It is over used in this part)
3. “So glad you could come”the man inside said. He was a small man and rather overweight, quite a contrast to the other man who was tall and muscular. “Come in peach”. (Maybe start with him opening the door, his description, peaches description, and put his dialog together in one place.)
4. Use Peaches' name instead of a description in the next sentence.
5. It was obvious that he was the man with the authority as he sat before he was offered a seat and poured himself a whiskey. (no need to tell us what is obvious. We can fill that in with his actions.)
6. The paragraphs could be broken down into easier to follow paragraphs.
7. most of this story seemed rushed and missing details that were needed.


Don't get discouraged when it comes to writing. It takes a lot of patience and time. I would suggest that if you have a writing program on your computer, that you write a rough draft there so that you can add or take away as you see fit. When you feel like you have gone as far as you can and need help, post it on here. This is how I do all of my writing. I use WDC for the feedback to help me fine tune it.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer.Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing.
*Reading*
140
140
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading this story. Her state of mind was clear. I felt that it became less about Becca's life and more about the bears. *Wink*

If you would indulge me, these are just some observations I have made. Feel free to use or dismiss as you see fit. *RollEyes*

I thought that you may have lost a little of your pace when you introduced the bears into the story.
Behind the tree and coming up fast were a little ball of black fur and huge mound with matching fur. Becca knew there were bears in the area and she was pleased at the opportunity to watch mama and baby bear play.
coming up fast was a little...
I felt that the descriptions of the bears could use more details. Maybe a comma after area and perhaps leave out (and she) along with (bear) in the last line.

In the next paragraph, you can do away with (bears) when reffering to them, maybe use always remember instead of remember forever.

The last sentence might sound better if it was made into two sentnces such as:
As they started toward the cabin, she turned and looked at her foot prints in the snow. Along side of then was a set of paw prints, and she knew....


Thank you for sharing this story. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer.Keep up the good work and best of luck with all of your writing. *Reading*
141
141
Review of What a Drag  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a great find. I enjoyed reading it. It had so much detail. I also liked that you trailed off leaving me to make up my own conclusions about what might happen next. My mind is spinning.

This is dark and might I add sadistic? I believe that you hit your mark with this and I can't think of a single thing that you could change. Let me just say "Bravo." Job well done.

I'm not a professional. just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and I wish you the best of luck with your writing.
*Reading*
142
142
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought that this was a very well written story. I found it easy to read and entertaining. Very unique. The conversations were well written.

I liked it when Irene wanted to have her fiance turned into a donkey. And I think that she made the right decision to become a cat and let Wilfort be her guardian.


These are just some suggestions that I thought about:

Wilfort turned the knob on his glasses to the reading setting. To his relief, it also turned Irene's rather immodest appearance into a rather indistinct blur. He opened a desk drawer and took out several sheets of paper. He looked over them over, saying, "This is a permission form for the transformation."

He looked over them over, saying, ( I think this is just a typo that is easily fixed)

I would have liked to know more about his magic books that he kept secured in the cabinet. Could there be a little more explaining how they related to his magic? I just didn't know why they were brought up later with Irene and dropped. I thought that mentioning them at the first was fine since it was leading us into the story. you might could do away with the other references That's for you to decide.


Over all a great read. Thank you for taking the time to write, and share it. I'm not a professional. Just a reader and writer. Keep up the good work and good luck with all of your writing.
*Reading*
143
143
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story was very well written. It was easy to follow, and understand. It kept me guessing about what was going to happen next and I wanted to know why they all hated the father so much. As I read it, It didn't seem strange at all that their sister came back alive. I liked all of the detail that you put into it. I think I found a couple of spelling mistakes but that was all.

Keep up the great work, and best of luck with all of your writing.
144
144
Review of I MISS YOU MOM  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm so sorry for your loss.

This poem really touched me. I too lost my mom in 2004 and I know how hard that it is. This poem made me think of her. I have written a poem about my mom passing also. I like it when I dream about her. I feel like she is with me and everything is all right.

Thank you for writing this poem and sharing it with the world.
145
145
Review of DEAR DIARY  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This story was a nice surprise. I really liked it. I cauldn't believe he found the diary for the wife he murdered. I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of that. Poetic justice.


Again the sound, it is coming from the attic
I thought that maybe in this sentince you could possibly go with it's.
I was kind of lost about how he got to bed and betweenhim sitting on the bed and opening the attic door. Did he climb the ladder and see the cobwebs and shadows?

Over all it was a very good read. I'm not a professional. Just a reader and writer. These are just some suggestions that I had. Keep up the good work.

146
146
Review of First Paragraph  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the way you started. The first sentance is really good. This might could actually become two paragraphs if you can get more details like looking at something, someone or outside, what he saw and maybe he had a thought about something, he may be fidigeting or he shifted.

What about a period after 72 degrees?
I'm not sure if you need "it was no secret that"
The hallways are now entirely indoors now to protect the youth from the winter cold,.....period after sickness.
In the summer months, People were known to faint from the heat.
Maybe removing were in the last part.
Should the weres in the last part maybe be are?

These are only suggestions. I'm just a writer and reader, not a professional. I hope that maybe something here might help you. I know how hard it is to start, but give it time. It took me over ten years to get my first story the way I wanted. Most of it is writing and letting it rest and going back over it. I found that my writing style changed over time. You will get it where you want it. Just have patience. Keep up the good work and good luck with your writing.
147
147
Review of Conjuring Fiction  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really enjoyed reading this story. I like how you started with the tale of the men and the shadows. The ancient was a nice touch. Leaves no question of how the shadows knew how to get to the men. The discriptions of those things was very believable. The conversations between him and Kathryn were good, and I loved the ending. I like those surprise endings.

Just one thing on this line: “Of course I do. Why do always ask? You know my sweet tooth is legendary.” I'm wondering if you forgot to add "you" to Why do always ask?

I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories. Your style on thise piece seems to remind me of my own writing. I like to end with a twist. Please feel free to check out some of my stories and give me some feedback. Keep up the great writing and I look forward to reading more.



148
148
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story was so full of detail, I could almost picture it in my mind. I thought the confusion he felt was real and the hallucinations were wild. Great imagination. It seemed to flow really well.

I was wondering, when he first met Nancy, whose appartment did she drag him into and how did he get on the couch? Sometimes I thought she may have been a hallucination the whole time. When he heard the figures talking to him, was it because of the fact that when he had stopped drinking, he had become a psychopath, and started killing people? When I got to the end these were the conclusions I made from it. At times it did seem a little long and drawn out to me, so I sometimes lost track of the story.

Over all I truely liked the idea of the story and the amount of detail that you used. Please note that I'm not a professional, just a reader. keep up the good work, and I wish you the best of luck in your writing.
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