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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mookychick
Review Requests: OFF
8 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm not harsh on stories, I like the meaning behind one instead of the actual context. I am a bit harsher on poetry. I will tell you what you did wrong.
I'm good at...
Poetry and short stories
Favorite Genres
Emotional, love, and heartbreak
Least Favorite Genres
Fanfiction and anything sexual
Favorite Item Types
Poetry
I will not review...
Anything too sexual, it makes me uncomfortable
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Web of fears  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really liked what this poem symbolizes, but there is some minor errors.
First, "I know I'm going to get caught Up in this tangle of webs you have created I just want to be free, be liberated" it loses rhythm in these lines. Was this on purpose? If it was, I would break the text here so the reader knows.
Second,"Is your no good for my soul" it needs to be 'you're' her not 'your'.
That's all really, great piece!
Ashley
2
2
Review of Pet Menagerie  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed your poem! I really liked how you (actually) rhymed. That's a unique thing to see in poetry these days. My only negative suggestion is maybe for a newer poem try on a deeper topic. Even if you like writing about animals, maybe give them feelings.
For grammar and punctuation " a twin-engine prop--that's how she'd fly" was really hard to understand. If you rewrite it please keep in mind who you want your audience to be. It may help that line flow better.
Ashley
3
3
Review of Old Photos  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really liked your poem. There is such deep and meaning thought behind it. Even though there is so much thought put into this poem it is still easy for the reader to relate, and that is the key thing to make a good poem.
I also really liked your word choice. You used more ordinary words then what a normal poet would of used.
The only big problem with this is that it doesn't flow easy. The line, "like empty glasses,I thirst for the song of the doorbell, off key." is confusing for the reader to understand. In that area I would mainly check your punctuation and focus how you want the rhythm of the poem to sound. Also,"Mind orbits around ancient loves" instead of making love plural I would make it in singular form. Unless you are talking about more then one person (then please specify).
Besides that the rest of the poem has a really unique flow to it. I can't wait to read more from you, and if you need any help with rhythm (in poetry) I'm always here.
Ashley
4
4
Review of Charcoal  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (3.5)
I really liked this! When you read this it paints a picture in your mind. About black dust and abstract lines. You had a really good sense of word choice with this poem.
I only had a few problems:
When you say, "realism a smear, hear and there" Did you mean to use the other 'here' and not 'hear'? I feel like the only way you could get away with using 'hear' was if you were writing a poem about a particular sound.
Also, you used 'loud' twice as a descriptive word. That makes it sound a bit repetitive. Unless the entire poem was based on repetitiveness, please don't repeat.
Thank you for sharing this with us! It was a really good piece. If you have any other problems with your writing I'm always here.
5
5
Review of Part of Me  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am currently going through an experience like this. Your poem made me relive this week; it spoke to me.
The best poetry can only do this. It made my cry salty tears. You’re an amazing poet! You’re probably going to be as famous as Robert Frost.
Thank you for sharing this
6
6
Review of The Eulogy of Us  
Review by A. Woods
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! I loved it! The only thing bad is that the first line is hard to read/ understand at first. Besides that this poem is something I can relate to, something deep. So far it’s my favorite. Thank you
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