You capture your subject well. The rhyming scheme is well done and appropriate too.
My thoughts
I'm neither a poet nor godly! But I think that if there is one this is an indication of what He would be thinking! Your words are suitably harsh for this, we are slowly destroying ourselves and our world. A thoughtful piece, good luck in the contest.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This was very vivid, you have a good rhyme and the flow is great.
My thoughts
I was a little wary about this, I studied the first world war and the poets a lot not too long ago and get quite defensive of it. I needn't have worried, you capture it well, the privations of the men, the attitude of those 'back home' and the futility of it. The end is great, it offers hope.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This is an endearing tale of family, how they are the most important part of our lives.
Suggestions.
Just a few wee typos,
Ofcourse, he loves Should be Of course, he loves
Till date, I have not perhaps To date, I have not
Over all impressions.
On the whole a good wee tale, you capture the way youngsters are natural philosophers and how by a simple smile can win over anyone. I like that you give the definition at the end, very thoughtful and it allows the reader to understand, as with most words it probably has a deeper meaning than the translation can portray. A good job all round!
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
You capture the youthful crushes well in this, how fickle we can be at that age. I liked that it was done in the first person too, it immediately makes you identify with her, which in a short piece like this his vital.
Suggestions.
Just a wee one.
other out towards me. should be toward
You may also want to add a line breaks after new speakers, though that is just aesthetics.
Over all impressions.
On the whole a good tale of the way we girls can be fickle with our affections at a young age, though I doubt boys are much different! You have a good style here and it follows a logical course. A good job all round.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
You have a good premise here, not unique but very few things are these days, I think you got into your characters head well.
Suggestions
A few wee bits, along with those that you are aware of, (I.E spacing ).
his victim facing south along perhaps some comma's here his victim, facing south, along
an exceeded the time to proceed I think you meant and exceeded the time to proceed
I also noticed that you didn't have spaces between comma's, I feel there should be.
Overall Impressions
On the whole an interesting story, it is well written despite the little bits above and you portray Paul's growing insanity well. A good job.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
This was very well written, it had a lot of humour in it, from the sounds of it you need one to keep your sanity!
My thoughts
I must confess there are times I'm glad I'm single and carefree, reading this reminds me why. I know what you mean though, it may be chaos and hard work but it is worth it in the long run. Children tend to bring a lot of joy into the lives of their parents, perhaps to offset the chaos. A great little insight into family life.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I found this to be very informative, you tackle a lot of tough issues well, you have a positive outlook on life and love.
My thoughts
I think this is well written and set out, I personally would have put 'is she stable' a little higher up on the list of things to look for and perhaps if you changed the she / woman aspect to they/ person it may appeal to a wider audience as more people could identify with it. That's the beauty of love, it cares little for gender. I liked the parts about finding happiness in yourself first, not only for the reasons you mention but for the much simpler one of who wants to be around a miserable person. I know the saying is misery loves company, but not on a permanent basis! A good group of essays, all relevant to each other, like partners! Best of wishes, LW.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This is a gentle tale, again the imagery is good and doesn't slow the the story down.
Suggestions
A few wee bits, it looks worse than it is! As always these are my opinion and feel free to ignore any and all.
thinking silently to myself perhaps thinking to myself silently is implied with the thinking.
like she used to do to gentle I'm not to keen on the repeat here, perhaps like she used to, gently showing
walk slowly over. perhaps walk over, slowly.
eyes as i bring the a wee typo I you have another few later on, just after the assistant speaks to her.
No sooner than I being to inhale I feel myself being shot back. I found this sentence a little off, perhaps As soon as I begin to inhale I feel myself being pulled back.
says sofly in a singsong another wee typo softly
Christmas confidance had eased confidence
Overall Impressions
On the whole this is not too bad though for some reason I wasn't as keen on this one. I think you're trying to get too much into such a short story and your sentences seem a little muddled at times. Perhaps if you started it in the perfume section you would have more room. I like the subject of the story, it is a hard one to do justice to and you do well with it. It is hard letting go of someone, especially when the rest of the world tells you not to be alone. I think you hit on this, with a little work this could be really great so don't give up on it. I'd be happy to come back and do this again if you want. It is an emotional tale told with feeling, a good job.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
You use a lot of imagery in this, it paints a vivid picture of the surroundings.
Suggestions.
Just a few, as always these are only my suggestions, feel free to ignore at will!
on the sand that perhaps on sand that
inexplicable it is how I can find myself again a few too many words, try inexplicable how I can find myself
me, I’m still living one. I think that the comma and use of italics separates this enough that you don't really need the extra line break.
Over all impressions.
On the whole a good little piece, I think it could use a few more comma's but I tend to sprinkle them a little too liberally at time so this could well be a personal quirk. I like the way you end it, I don't want to give to much away about that though, I will say it was well done and unexpected. In fact that could be said for the entire story, I liked it a lot with it's gentle tone and relaxing subject I feel quite at rest! A good job all round.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
This was very humourous, it brought back a few childhood memories.
My thoughts
This was a fun read, I remember that troll well, I had a thing against bridges for a few years after that, or was that because a bridge led to school? Tough choice! I like that your dad sounds as practical as mine! I too was politely informed that it was dead! What do they know. I wished I'd thought of setting him lose somewhere else, this was well written and I couldn't see any typo's so thanks for an entertaining read before work. (No bridges on the way, though I think it'd be fitting if there were!)
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This was very descriptive, you produce an almost photographic effect.
My thoughts
This was a good read, though I must confess I was a little confused by the ending, did he live there and commute ( a very long way!) or was he daydreaming and interrupted by the phone bringing him back to reality. Don't take that the wrong way, I liked it because of that, it allows me to make up my own mind! You pull people into your story with ease and I couldn't see any spelling errors, so a good job on this, a pleasant little read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I found this very informative, it is clearly set out and makes many valid points.
My thoughts
I read this because despite doing everything that is recommended, I still barely get any views let alone reviews. I thought that perhaps I was so bad no one had the heart to tell me, I keep forgetting I am but one of a few hundred thousand! I'm not sure I agree with the part about the spelling though. I always try and take language differences into account, I'm from England. I spell the way I was dragged up to spell and nothing is going to change that, yet I appreciate that a majority of writers here are from America and take that into consideration. I agree with you on the rating, I won't drop someone half a star for a wee typo or comma missing. I enjoyed reading this, it helped me put things into perspective and shows I'm not alone when it comes to modern text abbreviations! Thanks for an inspiring piece.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the honesty in this, you write with a lot of passion, your anger comes across well.
Suggestions.
Just a wee bit, feel free to ignore it.
with a job my own car and perhaps now, with a job, my own car and
Over all impressions.
On the whole a good read, well written. Sometimes it is good to write those things that make you angry down, you balanced this with the positives, those friends that looked out for you. I know it's a cliche, but it is also true, you cannot choose your parents. I lucked out, but I know a lot that didn't. Perhaps she was doing what she thought best? Not that it is much of an excuse, nor comfort. I'm glad to see that you have come back from this, perhaps a little stronger than before. A powerful wee piece.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
This was very funny, great imagery which isn't so easy with just dialogue!
My thoughts
I thought this was great, I like how you have them bickering away like an old married couple. There's a lot to be said for being a dragon though, I don't know many other ways of persuading a friend to accept such a gift, let alone risk drinking it! A great little read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I think this is good, I like the choice of words, they give it a harshness that befits the subject. It shows that it is not just those that are killed outright are as much a victim as those that are and the affect this has on those responsible, no matter how remotely. A good piece.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked how well this was set out, it made it easy to follow and understand.
My thoughts
I found this whilst setting up my first in and out, I was doing fine until I got to section 5. This helped to explain it all in simple and easy terms with examples so I could see the results. I must confess I chose the easy option of classic style but you give enough details that should I feel adventurous at a later stage I feel I could attempt a custom one. A great job.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the later stages of this, when you stopped trying to force a rhyme.
My thoughts
This was well written and the pace went well with the subject, though you did try and keep a rhyming scheme going you seem to abandon it, which worked better. I'd suggest splitting the final line as it was a little off the pace you set up. That is just my opinion though and as always feel free to ignore it, I'm the first to admit I'm no poet. A good read.
On the whole I found this to be well written with a good flow, I did find the last two lines of the second verse a little awkward though, I wasn't sure on the rhyme, though that could be down to my accent, and 'you're in my very firm grasp' was a little off. perhaps 'you are in my firm grasp' though as I say I wasn't keen on this rhyme and I'm not a poet so take or leave this advice as you see fit. I did like this, a reminder of what true friendship is about.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the description in this, it's very vivid, painting a picture for the reader.
Suggestions
Just a few bits, it looks worse than it is, but I do it this way to make it easier to find them.
and being the visiting place this was a little awkward, try a place visited by
Charles 1st and should be Charles I (or Charles the first)
daylight boasted its part this was a little confusing, try daylight played its part
footsteps and the I wasn't sure about this, perhaps hooves
grey. So he I'm not to keen on starting a sentence with so, it feels a bit awkward to me, try grey. Thus he
So, as his and again here, you don't really need it.
Overall Impressions
On the whole this is a good snapshot of a historic building, how they can become just part of the background because of their familiarity. Sometimes it takes a fresh pair of eyes to see how marvellous these old buildings are. I think that the way you have the man come back as an artist shows that in a way, a true artist tends to look at things differently, like we writers do! A good piece that captures its subject well.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
This is a good story from a different point of view. you manage to bring the characters to life.
Suggestions.
Just a wee bit. leave.” “ I do not should this be leave. I do not ?
Over all impressions.
On the whole I liked the feel of this, I've not read this one of poe's so I can't judge you on that but you do manage to capture his style quite well here. the imagery was handled well, it wasn't the main focus but it was compete enough to allow me to picture the city and rooms being spoken about in the narrative.
This is a nice, frank, look at what it is like to grow up. You did a good job.
Suggestions
Just a few wee things, it looks more than it is.
nowhere to go, it felt perhaps nowhere to go; it felt
at a American Should be at an American
THis was a chance should be This
Overall Impressions
On the whole this is a good essay, if it's any consolation it happens to us all sooner or later! You're right about the need we feel for freedom, I like that you understand it for what it is, that you know your family will always be there for you. A good read.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
Again this has a good sense of humour throughout and you tend to capture the Normans a little easier than the Vikings!
Suggestions
A few wee ones
business on passers heads should be business on passersby heads
kick up the should be kick him up the
marbles into harolds a wee typo or two! marbles into Harold's
was relativly pleased was relatively pleased
You may want to check you've capitalized all the names, I could see one or two others here.
Overall Impressions
On the whole this is good, a light hearted look at history, sort of! The spacing is good and it does flow well which shows you have a good style.
A pleasant little read.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
This was excellent, I usually spot a twist quite early but not this time.
My thoughts
I liked Merry, she was a great character, I've known many like her over the years. I never thought of it from their point of view before, but I imagine it would indeed be like this, I don't want to say too much in case I give something away. A great job.
form the school curriculem should be from the school curriculum
disregard for foot hygeine Should be Hygiene
that in Egland a wee typo that in England
Overall Impressions
On the whole though I appreciate that this is done tongue in cheek I really think you should try and get some things on the Vikings accurate, as far as I could tell you had their homeland right and very little else! They were not responsible for the dark ages, that was Christianity. They were one of the most hygienic of the peoples at that time, bathing regularly and using combs. I felt the rating on this a little low, perhaps you should go with an ASR rating. That said the humour did come through and I have always had a soft spot for the Vikings so perhaps that influenced me here. You have done a good job with this, and I see from the description that there are others in this 'series' so I may look at some of them. Don't take this as a personal attack, it's not meant as one, I just feel that even humour benefits from accuracy.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
For Sommerlund and the Kai!
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