I liked this, I've heard of this coffee before, though I couldn't recall the name, so thanks for that i know what one to avoid! I loved the willfull nature of the man, ordering the second pot and the way he treats coffee with the respect it deserves! I felt that I was in the coffee shop with them so much I put the perculator on. It made me recall that old adage about thinking while you're eating, or in this case drinking! An excellent job, keep it up!
Brilliant. You don't reaize how much you use little bits til you can't, this didn't need them, it was clear from the words not only who was speaking but the tone they would be using. A good plan to! It's well set out and very flowing, you can identify with both characters. I hope it wins/won, keep it up!
A great story, from someone who is constantly putting things in a 'safe place' then promptly forgeting where that safe place is, I can identify with him. you captured the frantic search that ensues when you suddenly need the said item very well. If I were to suggest anything it'd be to break the text up a little with indentation or extra spaces between paragraphs but that might detract from the frantic nature that you create. This was a very amusing, realistic tale, thank you and keep it up!
This is very emotive. I know that a lot of the young soldier's ran through shell shock more than fear and that comes across in this a little. It was a dark time in our history and shouldn't be forgotten. I would perhaps add a but in the first verse when saying he was caught, but that's only my opinion. All in all this is a good poem about a hard subject, keep it up!
As an insomniac I can fully relate to this; I was once asked by a nurse what sort I had, the 'couldn't nod off' or 'kept waking up', I hadn't relized there were options! I like the rhythm and rhyme of this for the most part, though I found the line 'trying to justify not being a quack' a little awkward even as I understood the sentiment. I would perhaps have gone with something like 'who'd have thought sleep required a knack' but I'd have not come up with the rest! I hope this isn't too cheeky of me, as no offence is meant. I enjoyed this, keep it up!
I'm not keen on the subject matter, I do not agree with the death penalty. I knew that when I decided to read this though! This is a good poem, however, in a hard style as well. I'm not sure but is the penultimate line supposed to be eight words? if so you could add 'many' before the thousands, I'd also suggest a comma after life, but I tend to over use them. Overall I liked the style of this, I wish you the best in the contest, keep it up!
I like this, the way you have short lines helps build the excitement of the anticipated win. Anyone who's ever bought a lottery ticket can relate to it, most of us have already spent at least half the jackpot as we buy the ticket! I already have my resignation speech ready! It has a good rhyme all the way through. I personaly may have put a comma between caviar and champagne, but I tend to either use too many or too few. Good work, keep it up!
This is really good; you make me wish i had a hold button and the option to do this myself. I seem to get those that tell me I've 'won' a phone, I explain politely I don't want another as due to an accidental drowning and miraculous recovery several months later I have two mobile (cell) phones and a land line and I rarely use any of them. They start to argue with me, I will think on this next time they call and just put the reciever down on the table and get myself a coffee, I doubt they'd last the 90 minutes! Thank you for a very good read. keep it up!
this was well written, as an unrepenting smoker( though I don't do it around other's)I can feel for the man giving up. I've known a few like that who come out with us lepers just to watch us smoke and have one last puff or two. You capture the addictive nature of it with the shortened lines as he watches her which adds a sense of tension to it. You seem to have mixed feelings on the subject yourself! You describe the whole process of lighting the cigerette lovingly, almost eroticly, but go on to describe it for what it is; a tar filled object. This adds to the overall feel of this poem. well done and keep it up
This is well written, funny and acurate. I'm not sure why you pick only on the indian system though; it is a pretty wide spread phenomenon! My persoal favourite the motorists who can't recall how to use their indicators a few weeks after passing their driving test and so never use them again. I get to run a gauntlet twice a day because of them! I look forward to more of your work and welcome to Wdc!
Wow; this was good. It was descriptive, amusing and in the comparison at the end, acurate! It's well spaced and easy to read. The only thing I wasn't sure on was the chewing with her stubby hands. That aside this was a delight to read. I wish you well in your future work and will try and check out your port at some point for a raid.
I liked this; It was amusing and stylish. It can be hard writing childrens stories that are not patronizing but you have succeded in making it enjoyable to all ages. I was not sure about the 'big high mountains' but it does go with the rest of the story. Of the two endings I personaly prefered the second; I have a brother and I doubt we've agreed on anything over the years! I wish you well in your future writitng.
What a delightful piece. I found myself walking up those stairs. I like the lack of punctuation, it prevents you from getting bogged down on technicalities and lets you focus on the words. As someone who has in their time been annoyed by noisey neighbours, it is good to get another way of looking at it. In a world that seems to grow more isolating the smaller it gets this is a nice touch. I wish you well in your writing and look forward to dropping in again soon.
This is a good imaginative tale. You have solid characters and give a good description of their realm. I like the way you kept prince Nemo real by having him take the deal and Lida's reaction was very good too. I did however find that your tenses waivered a little which is easy to do; trust me! I'd have gone with the rumour was and the scorceress was for example. And I hate to point it out but I think the philosopher's stone has been done; why not try a philosophical school of thought for it instead (e.g. Existentialism? but this is just window dressing and on the whole I found this a good read, quite phiosophica in it's own right, keep it up!
A good way of saying that true knowledge comes from within. I like the setting; as one who loves the old myths it is nice to have familiar names and characters.
it is smooth and easy to read. I wish you the best in your future writing.
This is a good account of life in a home town. I too have met women and men like those discribed in the part about your brother and brother in law. I'm ashamed to say I too have run and let someone else cover my retreat! If I had anything negative about it it would be that some of the sentences are a little long but I may just be being picky! I look forward to reading more.
I liked this. It has a philosophical feel to it; the consequences of the wishes reminded me of the old adage about being careful what you wish for. I feel this could have been longer if you had wanted it to be though it ended well. I like that you didn't know if there was a catch to his daughter being returned. One little thing I saw, a typo, in the beginning you have and offer instead of an offer. Don't mean to be picky. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I liked the rhythm of this. I don't read as much poetry as I used to and this serves as a reminder that there is a lot of good ones out there. You make Halloween seem both fun and scary at the same time which is not that easy. I wish you luck in the contest.
I see this is a prologue, I hope you continue with it as I thoroughly enjoyed this. I liked the 'leader's' sense of humour it reminded me of some of my characters, i did find the fight seen a little short, but that is most likely just me. I thought it set up a good introduction for the main body by letting readers know why the half elf has it in for this leader and gives you a way to explain why your character is the way he is which in fantasy where things are rarely as simple as good v evil is a good thing. I wish you luck on this project and look forward to reading more. feel free to look at my work, i would value any comments you had, for good or ill!
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