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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/morningmoons
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Millie
Rated: E | (3.0)
Thank you so much for showing this to me! It was super adorable, and I loved it. I loved how the poem was sort of like a story too, and not really in poem form. It was very unique.
However, I do have a few critiques to make it even better. :D

Little Milly is a red headed freckled face girl of 9 years old.
Edit: Little Milly is a red headed freckled faced girl of 9 years old.
Who lives in a large city but she often visits her Grandpa
Edit: Who lives in a large city but often visits her Grandpa.
She has never ask him if she could should she ask him?
Edit: She has never asked him is she could, but should she ask?
Maybe Grandpa has never ask her because she is a girl.
Edit: Maybe Grandpa has never asked her because she is a girl.
She swims good much better than her friend Roy can.
Edit: She swims much better than her friend Roy can.
They catch, Crappie, Bluegill, and fish the color of Sunshine.
Edit: They usually catch Crappie, Bluegill, and fish the color of Sunshine.
Milly wants to ride in it she knows to wear a life preserver too.
Edit: Milly wants to ride in it, she knows to wear a life preserver too.
Grandpa usually goes fishing to a big lake down the road.
Edit: Grandpa usually goes fishing in a big lake down the road.
She ask Grandpa if she could go fishing the next time..
Edit: She asked Grandpa if she could go fishing the next time..
Of course Milly, but you'll have to wear a life preserver.
Edit: He answered, "Of course Milly, but you'll have to wear a life preserver."

I promise that if you fix these few things, your poem/story could be quite amazing.
Millie


2
2
Review of Lost Friendship  
Review by Millie
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem literally made me go "awwwww" out loud. I know how it feels to deal with best friend drama and how hard it is to see them go.
Your poem had really nice flow, but I think some of the punctuation could be fixed up a little.
Here are some lines, and what I would do to make them a bit better, punctuation-wise.
Sure I always wanted more
Edit: Sure, I always wanted more.
More than I ever could before,
Edit: More than I ever could before.
I moved on,
Edit: and moved on.
Of losing the friendship we once shared.
Edit: of losing the friendship we once shared.
And I act cold and indifferent,
Edit: And I act cold and indifferent.

Otherwise, a really touching and real poem that carries a lot of emotion within it.
Great Job!
Millie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
3
3
Review of My Wish  
Review by Millie
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This poem was very sweet. The type of thing any girl would want written about them.
I really liked the formatting in your poem and how each line was about the same length. It made it very readable.
I have a few suggestions, as to where I feel punctuation might help it read better.

I need your love to help me through my life.
Edited: I need your love to guide me through life.

You're like a big piece of chocolate so sweet.
Edited: You're like a big piece of chocolate, so sweet.

You also use the word "sweet" an awful lot. I would try to change the word choice up.

Overall, a really, dare I say it, "sweet" poem. ;)
Millie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
4
4
Review by Millie
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like your poetry, short and to the point. But it still speaks and lets emotion in, which is really important in poetry. Some of your poetry really flows well, and some of it doesn't. So if I were you I would read your poetry out loud to see if it flows right to you. Atleast thats what I do. I really love your style.
Millie. :)
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