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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mousethyme
Review Requests: ON
69 Public Reviews Given
83 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual. More my opinion than, say, most reviewers.
I'm good at...
Finding grammar and punctuation errors.
Favorite Genres
horror, fantasy, YA.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
What a beautiful story.

I remember stuff like that for different holidays. Me and my friends used to run through the neighborhood with scissors asking at each house with flowers if we could cut some to give to our Mothers for their day. At the end of the block was a huge lilac bush that we knew we didn't have to ask for, so our Mothers got mostly lilacs. We would go down and take bunches when we were in trouble to say that we were sorry.....

Thank you for some beautiful memories......
2
2
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
It is a beautiful page with tons of information. I would like to know how much xp my dragons have accumulated so far. Just a suggestion.
3
3
Review of The Cave 2  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
This one is turning out even better than the first! I love it!!!!
4
4
Review of WDC Dragon Vale  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Some of it is a bit confusing but if you hang in there long enough you will eventually get it. There is just a lot of stuff to take in.

I am honored to be a part of it and applaud Gervic for taking on such a massive undertaking.

I can't wait for my dragons to hatch!!!
5
5
Review of My introduction  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Where are you from? You seem to write with an accent which is very uncommon. It makes you an interesting read.

I look forward to reading some of your experiences.
6
6
Review of Crash  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's a little bit choppy on the rhythm.

I find myself wondering about things, like if Johnny has a job and is his drinking affecting that as well. I see a hard boiled detective or a private eye. I also wonder how old Colby is and a few things about Susan.

You caught my interest but this needs to be more than a short story....

Just my opinions. Blessed Be.
7
7
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This campfire is so much fun. I'm glad you started it for us.

How do you really review a campfire? It is more than one author with different styles of writing amongst them.

Still they are fun to participate in.
8
8
Review of Shift  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"up the legs of her pants and shirt" may sound better as up the legs of her pants to her shirt

"all he could find was a blanket smelling stale from cigarette smoke and body odor"

Those are the only suggestions I have. It's a good piece of flash fiction that could easily be expanded to a longer piece....

You caught my attention and left me wanting to know more....Bravo.
9
9
Review of The Cave-Part 1  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This campfire is so much fun. I can't wait to see what adventures we have next.

Campfires are meant to be fun and not worry about so much grammar and such.

I look forward to more shenanigans.
10
10
Review of Make a Superhero  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting concept. I used to play D&D and the one from DC Comics, Heroes, I think. I also had my own RPG called Mansions.

Anyways, this is well thought out and creatively put together.

Bravo, my friend.

My review sig
11
11
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I feel like it is a typo in the title. If not, then it is a wonderful bit of attraction.

I love this piece. I am a fan of the dark and things that go bump.

Very,very nice.
12
12
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Powerful love poem.

I especially like your use of the word "devour" at the end.....I had someone like this in my life but sadly she has passed on.....

A very strong sentiment.

My review sig
13
13
Review of The Weather King  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
Such a great poem

You don't start thinking until more than half way through it that it could be about the groundhog. Then you have to go back and read it again....

Very nice.
14
14
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
and their friendship grows by the day......

so cute. I'm glad I could help.
15
15
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was......interesting, to say the least. I don't think I'll ever hear of white albino naked lab mice the same again, nor will I stop wondering about the attraction of rubbing them on one's head.

It is a very cute story.
16
16
Review of Star  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (3.5)
7th line - change "was seen" to "would seem"... just a suggestion.

Thank you for writing such an inspired piece! I see no spelling or grammar mistakes.

It may benefit from some WritingML making it easier to read. Maybe some color or something to make the lines pop. Again, just a suggestion.

very nice work!
17
17
Review of The Quills Group  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and Congratulations!!!!
Kit Picked you as the benefactor of " Mouse Colony 50/30/20 Raffle"   by Mousethyme ....

You have been generously donated 61,500 gps!!!!!!

Your group here has no spelling or grammatical errors.

A very nice representation of a very fine group!
18
18
Review of Counter Attack  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I would cut down the description to "My revenge won't bring me answers. Just questions." The "four years have passed" just sets the reader up for a long flashback and a lot of readers do not like them.

I would enlarge the font size and break down some of the larger paragraphs.

Break up the sentences. They are much too long.

I like the idea. There's a story to be told here. There's just a lot of telling rather than showing.

Bravo at the first draft attempt.

My review sig

19
19
Review of Silent Night  
Review by Mousethyme
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I don't know that "squeak" is the right word or sound. Crunch, maybe. I just can't see (or hear) snow squeaking....unless maybe it was slushy.

I get the feeling Tim is a ghost when he "drifted forward". When you describe Luke as "ravaged by age and infirmity" I start to think that Tim is there to guide Luke to be with him on the other side.... It makes me feel his ache all the more when he has to leave.....


A very nice piece....bravo.
20
20
Review of Shadows Potpourri  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
You? stay out of trouble? are you kidding? I come hunt you down wheN i want to start some!!!!

I always thought 6 ft trees were too big anyhow. Better to go with a smaller tree, just not a tabletop tree on TV tray like my brother has. Maybe a 3ft tree?

We are getting the warnings of a harsh winter as well. I still need a good pair of boots before the snow hits. Terry and David always stock up on stuff so I don't have to worry about the pantry.

Hey it isn't me or my friends in that closet!!!!

Enjoy your fall cleaning!!!!

21
21
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (3.5)
The automatic review response system is a wonderful idea and a great concept.

There are no spelling mistakes or grammatical errors that I can detect.

I think that requiring 250 character responses may be a little much. Still we can do it if we try and ramble.

Great Job.
22
22
Review of Writing Blog  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I've been reading up on monsters and demons and yes, there are a lot of them.

This entry was interesting to read. It is clear and concise with no grammar or punctuation errors.

I will have to read more of your blog some time.....

Great job.
23
23
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think there should be an extra credit round of writing an outline of the story.

Just a thought.

The description is clear and concise. There are no grammar, punctuation or spelling errors. It is easy to understand the instructions.

Great Job!!!
24
24
Review of Pen Pals Group  
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | (5.0)
suggestion to invite tracker She's a good friend of mine and we exchange emails all the time.....
25
25
Review by Mousethyme
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Nice work. very clear and concise.

Could put a little bit more in about sending c-notes. I know I love getting encouraging ones.

No punctuation or grammar errors detected.

A very good explanation. Kudos.
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