|I love the beginning of this story
Plot -- A woman find out disastrous news and terrific new all in one day. While there where no super twist this was a good smooth plot
Characters -- What worked -- You character showed some emotions but mainly sadness. Let her show all of her emotions and not just tears. Remember she has every emotion running though her happiness, joy, sadness, angry, love etc. Your story provides you with a whole range you could dive into.What didn't -- Since this is a backwards story let Catherine be Catherine thought and not the woman. Use her name, build her voice and her emotions.
Dialogue -- There is very little dialogue in the story. While I don't think it hurts this story at all here are a few pointer. The line “Peter, are you home? seem a little unemotional remember why she came home. If you decide to add more dialogue try to give each character their own voice. Not everyone speak English 'goodly' or proper. Think about how she would say things.
Scene --I can almost see where setting is taking place. I was happy a few more descriptions of Rosie's and the mall would be nice though. The very setting at the mall opens up possibilities. See Tempo
Tempo -- The tempo to the story flows very smoothly. The one thing I would suggest is take more time with Catherine as she walk though the mall alone. Hey she has a lot to think about. Maybe a store window display catches her eye or something else she sees or doesn't see. You have a lot you can play around with. Enjoy
Wording and Grammar-- This is a good story but a few sentences and words just didn't work for me or had minor grammatical errors.. Here are a couple.
drops mail on table as well. (leave out the as well)
wiping away tears managed (that managed)
She paces back and forth in the .... (Missing comma, but rephrasing it would be better and change she to Catherine might change your viewpoint.)
All those before then change it to present, 1 hour ago, etc or a short decription of the scene ie "At the Mall" or "The Test". That would also help this sentence The crying woman, not yet having shed any tears,
My Overall Opinion -- This is a very good story I would recommend for reading.
I give it 4 stars.
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