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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Color Blind  
Review by C Moore
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"This review is part of the Black Case Raid."


This story is very close to home. It is accurate in the emotions felt by some one in that situation and the reactions of those around them. The one thing that is missing is that doubt in herself that this is right. Even though she knew the moment she meet him it was right, those subconscious messages she has heard all of her life would come up somewhere, even if just momentary. Then again maybe that's why they haven't told their families yet.

Over all I give it 4.5 stars. With best wishes, I hope my suggestions have helped.
----------Connie-----------

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2
2
Review by C Moore
Rated: E | (3.5)
"This review is part of the Black Case Raid."


A good Madlib. Most of the blanks fit. However here are my suggestions to improve it.
The pronoun blank cannot be used if there is an 'a' right before it.
The -ing adjective should be -ing verb.
The mineral blank doesn't seem to belong. Why am I looking down at it.
There is also a missing comma in the sentence.
Why is it a Yellow Wood instead of a green one?

Over all I give it 3.5 stars. I hope my suggestions have helped. If you chose to edit this item I would be more than happy to review it again.
With best wishes, I encourage you to keep writing.
----------Connie-----------

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3
3
Review of Candy Shop Mayhem  
Review by C Moore
Rated: E | (4.0)
"This review is part of the Black Case Raid."


This is a very good MadLib. I enjoyed the story. The only thing I wished was different, was that it was not as specific. It would have made the story more unpredictable and probably a little more "mad." Mood, Shape, male name would have done just fine. The whole idea of a MadLib is to be a little silly. You have to find a balance. Overall I give it 4 star.

Good Job. I encourage you to keep writing.
----------Connie-----------

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4
4
Review of April Fools!  
Review by C Moore
Rated: E | (3.5)
"This review is part of the Black Case Raid."

A good MadLib that need some touch ups. the answers to blanks 1,10 , 12, don't show in the story. I didn't get what the April Fools was. Also there were too many proper nouns and pronouns. They were too interchangeable. I could put almost any in the blank and the story is still the same. However you do have some adjective, verbs, nouns that can be used the blanks that would change the story, making it far more funny. One tip for writing good MadLibs is to write the story first then chose your which word to use for the blanks.

I encourage you to give it another try and to keep writing. If you decide to rework this I would be glad to review it again.
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Connie

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5
5
Review by C Moore
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very good story of family courage through tragic situation, similar to events of my own family. However there were a few sentences that I found awkward.

         The other left this life with fifty years yet promised, tossed aside because a governmental agency determined the proper dose of a prescription pain medication; when it killed those who were allergic, was within allowable limits. My son was an allowable limit and would have been thirty-one years old had he been otherwise.
This paragraph was not quite clear to me. I had to read it a few times. I think it means that your son was taking the correct dose but somehow it still was deadly

All in all this is very good. I have just lost the sixth family member to cancer. I was thinking about trying to write something about them. I hope that when I do I do my family justice as your have done yours.


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Connie

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6
6
Review of It All Comes Back  
Review by C Moore
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Plot -- A very good plot with a nice little twist.
         Rating: 4.5

Characters -- Jason is well fleshed out for the most part but I am not sure it quite display him as teen.
         Rating: 5

Dialogue -- The wording is technically correct, but are they showing the right emotions of Jason and Candice the way a teen would say it. I would say mostly it does.
         Rating: 4


Wording -- until the whole valley. I think you could remove line but then the sun.... The wording doesn't quite pull me completely in. The line "Jason’s image asks, voice mocking panic, hands going to his face" doesn't to me seem to be strong enough or quite right. I left me wondering which Jason was talking. Which one was the real Jason
         Rating: 4

Grammar --Check all of your verb tenses to see if they all agree. Add line between paragraphs. It makes it easier to read.
         Rating: 4.5

My Overall Opinion --Great plot. Enjoyed reading it. With just a few minor changes this could be a 5 star story. Keep up the good work. *Thumbsup*
          I give it 4 stars.

PS Like you I am a newbie. Take
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from "Invalid Itemto help you learn you way around and a all the little codes around here. It has helped me.


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Connie


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7
7
Review of Thoughts at 5am  
Review by C Moore
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is Very Good Poem

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Emotion I like this poem. I have had many night similar where all sorts of thoughts ran though my mind.
         Rating: 5

TempoI could quite figure out the rhythm, but poetry is not my strong point and maybe that's the way it's suppose to be.
         Rating: 4

Wording and Grammar Check the title spelling. Also 4 lines end with the word me. You might want to try rearranging some of the sentences. If you have the question marks I think you should leave off the ... because that thought is finish grammar-wise.
         Rating: 4.5

My Overall OpinionA Very Good poem that everyone could relate to *Thumbsup*. We have all had nights like that.
          I give it 4.5 stars.



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Connie


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8
8
Review by C Moore
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love the beginning of this story
Plot -- A woman find out disastrous news and terrific new all in one day. While there where no super twist this was a good smooth plot
         Rating: 5

Characters -- *Balloon2*What worked -- You character showed some emotions but mainly sadness. Let her show all of her emotions and not just tears. Remember she has every emotion running though her happiness, joy, sadness, angry, love etc. Your story provides you with a whole range you could dive into.*Balloon6*What didn't -- Since this is a backwards story let Catherine be Catherine thought and not the woman. Use her name, build her voice and her emotions.
         Rating: 4.5

Dialogue -- There is very little dialogue in the story. While I don't think it hurts this story at all here are a few pointer. The line “Peter, are you home? seem a little unemotional remember why she came home. If you decide to add more dialogue try to give each character their own voice. Not everyone speak English 'goodly' or proper. Think about how she would say things.
         Rating: 4.5

Scene --I can almost see where setting is taking place. I was happy a few more descriptions of Rosie's and the mall would be nice though. The very setting at the mall opens up possibilities. See Tempo
         Rating: 4.5

Tempo -- The tempo to the story flows very smoothly. The one thing I would suggest is take more time with Catherine as she walk though the mall alone. Hey she has a lot to think about. Maybe a store window display catches her eye or something else she sees or doesn't see. You have a lot you can play around with. Enjoy
         Rating: 4.5

Wording and Grammar-- This is a good story but a few sentences and words just didn't work for me or had minor grammatical errors.. Here are a couple.
drops mail on table as well. (leave out the as well)
wiping away tears managed (that managed)

She paces back and forth in the .... (Missing comma, but rephrasing it would be better and change she to Catherine might change your viewpoint.)
All those before then change it to present, 1 hour ago, etc or a short decription of the scene ie "At the Mall" or "The Test". That would also help this sentence The crying woman, not yet having shed any tears,

         Rating: 3.5

My Overall Opinion -- This is a very good story I would recommend for reading.
          I give it 4 stars.


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Connie


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