Awww, this was adorable. I love the story from the puppy's view. I hope they weren't too mad about the tree. It was their own fault after all! So cute. Thanks for sharing this sweet story.
Short, definitely weird, definitely amusing. I like the strangeness and originality. The only downside is there are A LOT of grammar errors. I have shown the necessary changes in red below. Keep on writing!
Noticing that it looked thicker than milk, she put it on her finger and licked it. It tasted just like ice cream! Suprised, but interested, she took an ice cream cone, put it under her nipple, pinched it and lactated ice cream.
A guy and his girlfriend are in an odd situation.The guy got decapitated and his body went missing. Meanwhile, his girlfriend also got decapitated but her head went missing. Fortunately, both of them managed to live, but they have also been combined.
This is a very powerful poem. Well-written, it invokes feelings of fear and anger. You paint the picture of a white supremacist lunatic perfectly. It reminds us of how far our country still needs to go before it can truly be free. The plea at the end is heartfelt and I can tell you wrote this while feeling extremely emotional. Well done.
This is an interesting tale. I like the old-fashioned feel, the language is very poetic. I feel as if it is unfinished and would love to know more about what happens to her. It feels like justice so far as she really was awfully rude and condescending. I only found a few errors:
This was well-written and amusing. It was definitely realistic and the dialogue felt very natural. I think we all can relate to starting a project, getting distracted, and then ending up doing something completely different. I love how the wife at the end just went off to the laundromat as if she'd expected it to end this way to begin with. Short, but sweet. Only a couple of minor errors found:
“I’ll have it done in no time.” Off he went to the basement.
He needed to fix this, and probably vacuum the shop area a bit too. But first, he needed a new post and some better plastic.
This was a really fun little story. I really enjoyed reading it. I love how the animals are so much smarter than the humans. This really was a delight to read and I didn't notice any obvious errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation. A job well done.
This is beautifully written, so heartfelt. I felt his sadness and his hope. I have so much empathy and truly root for him to be able to make his grandfather proud. Such a wonderful story. I noticed no obvious errors in grammar, punctuation or spelling.
Well, this is interesting. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be an intro to a sci-fi piece or if it's actually being presented as fact? If it's supposed to be about our origins, it's definitely an interesting theory. In that case, though, Nefilim should be spelled Nephilim, I believe. Unless that's an alternate spelling I'm unaware of. Either way, this is well-written and provocative.
Telling a whole story in under 300 words isn't easy and you did a great job with this. It had a great twist and a fun, though dark, ending. (My favorite kind) I only found one minor spelling error:
I’d say, a million, a million-two.” (
I do think you should give it a title, though. That's the only complaint I really have.
This is interesting...it held my attention from start to "finish" but definitely did not actually feel finished. This was great as a teaser to a longer story...a great beginning. I would love to see where it goes. I think this shows serious promise and I noticed no glaring errors of any kind. I hope you will continue to add to this!
This is a good, informative article, though it does have a lot of spelling and grammar errors that could be cleaned up to make it easier to read. I think with a little editing it could be excellent. Homelessness is a huge issue and it's important for people to understand that many people become homeless through no fault of their own and, as you mentioned, the pandemic will only make things worse. It's good you are calling attention to their plight.
This is a good short zombie tale. I really liked it from the infected's perspective. The descriptions were good and I really felt like I was inside her head. I didn't notice any major errors in spelling, punctuation or grammar except at the very end. The last line should say supposed, not suppose.
Great job!
What a sad little story. I really like it. I felt like their dialogue was realistic, it flowed pretty smoothly. I didn't notice any obvious errors in punctuation, spelling, or grammar. I am partial to nuclear holocaust stories and this is definitely going to always be considered one of my favorites. Great job!
This was wonderful. I really enjoyed this little piece. The descriptiveness was excellent and the humor was spot on. You really made me feel all the anxiety as if I was about to go out walking in the dark of night. You have a way with words and the flow was fantastic. I didn't notice any obvious errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. Excellent job.
Well-written and darkly humorous. I felt that the advice wasn't exactly terrible, though, most likely, you wouldn't survive. I like the mostly optimistic, yet realistic tone. Nice job. I didn't notice any glaring errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
This is very powerful for such a short piece. I really felt for her and her emotions felt so real and so raw. I just love this. The ending was so realistic and it was the perfect ending. Fantastic job. I didn't notice any errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
A short, but amusing little tale. Fun to read. No major errors noticed. I actually had to Google "pickle off" as I hadn't heard that phrase before. Normally, it would be used to describe dropping a bomb, but I guess it could mean to shoot a gun as well. It's a bit obscure, but not necessarily bad. This story made me smile and giggle. Well done.
Such a fun little story. I felt it was well-written and quite amusing. I do enjoy these kinds of stories a lot. I even wrote one with the same title myself. Poor guy. He was doing so well until the radio did him in. Thanks for the laughs. I didn't notice any obvious errors.
So, to start out with the positives: I really love your way with words. The descriptions are beautiful and poetic and I just love the story of a dog playing at the dog park from the dog's point of view. Very nice! There were a lot of spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors, unfortunately, so I've listed them with some suggestions below if you decide you'd like to edit this story to submit for publication at some point.
The brilliance of Gods' (If you mean just one god you would use God's. If you mean more than 1, you generally wouldn't capitalize so it'd be gods')
gold painted leaves splashed throughout the scene before me; and tingling with excitement as if electricity was passing through me, I embraced all the input my senses were takinginjecting into my whole being. (Just a suggestion for better wording)
reminded me of my daysthe place where I was born
I reveled in my favorite memories and the early days of my young life briefly because, the vast expanse of my playground was calling me
following the scent up the tree, I touched the moss and felt the fuzziness of it. It clung to the tree as a baby clings to its' mother.
peek-a-boo
inviting me to explore further:. My favorite places
be alive and be able to roam
soldiers keeping watch
Fall, my favorite time of year, when the air is crisp, clean, and cool; full of the smell of the earth making preparations for winter; and occasionally creating gusts of wind, flowing through trees andcausing a rustling and scurrying of leaves as they flutter past me; andwhich I take in like a sponge drinking water.
The animals were actively storing their winter supplies as if their lives depended on it, and their storehouses must be bursting at the seams with an abundance for winter. My life was full of wonder like Disneyland and I felt like a kid in a candy store.
"Freddie!....Freddie,..common!" (You could use c'mon or come on )
I had to race like a greyhound toward home. It was time to leave the dog park and say goodbye to my friends.
(The last paragraph is confusing. The entire story seemed to take place at the dog park. You're saying it's time to go home, but then saying it's time to go to the dog park. My changes are just a suggestion.)
I really did enjoy the piece and hope you will continue to write on!
I'm no poetry expert, but I know what I like and this was very well done. I felt like I could really visualize the scene in my mind and it was very peaceful and relaxing. I really like the line "It's in the contrasts that we discover worth." That really spoke to me today. I didn't see any errors in spelling. Nicely done.
This is very well-written. Powerful and emotional. I had tears in my eyes at the end. I do feel as if the ending was a little rushed. The build-up of suspense was excellent and then it just felt like it wrapped up a little too suddenly. It can be hard with short stories, of course, so this isn't necessarily bad, just my own personal feeling. Maybe I just wanted to get to know him better. He's a wonderful character who deserves a novel-length story, I think. So, very very well done.
This is a good little story. It's short but sweet and a fun read. I didn't notice any major errors in grammar, punctuation or spelling. I would love to see a longer story about the teleporter. This feels like it would be great as part of a novel. Very nicely done. Keep on writing!
This is very well-written. I like how it starts out sounding like typical roommates and then you slowly come to the realization that it's about someone with multiple personality disorder. You handled it perfectly, with honesty. I felt for each character, even teared up a little Great job!
This is a very nice little poem. However, in the final line "begin" should be "begun".
It's hard to really review such a short poem, but I do honestly like it. You followed the rules for an Acrostic and made it interesting, painting a vivid picture.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mspenguin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.52 seconds at 6:25pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "