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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mspenguin
Review Requests: ON
345 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is very well-written. Powerful and emotional. I had tears in my eyes at the end. I do feel as if the ending was a little rushed. The build-up of suspense was excellent and then it just felt like it wrapped up a little too suddenly. It can be hard with short stories, of course, so this isn't necessarily bad, just my own personal feeling. Maybe I just wanted to get to know him better. He's a wonderful character who deserves a novel-length story, I think. So, very very well done.
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a good little story. It's short but sweet and a fun read. I didn't notice any major errors in grammar, punctuation or spelling. I would love to see a longer story about the teleporter. This feels like it would be great as part of a novel. Very nicely done. Keep on writing!
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well written, provocative piece. I agree that men are the most violent of the animals considering we kill for no good reason. The whole atom bombing of Japan is definitely something we will always wonder if it was the best option. Obviously, the Japanese were committing terrible war crimes themselves and needed to be stopped, but then is it 2 wrongs trying to make a right? Definitely not an easy question to answer.
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Review of She was a Beauty!  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
This is pretty erotic. The descriptions get a little odd in spots though, especially:

With her legs over my shoulders and with me pumping away in a very wet, yet tight, clitoris, (you can't penetrate the clitoris, it's not the hole, it's a small protrusion. It also wouldn't be referred to as tight, so this was a tad confusing)

A few other spots could use some re-wording, but overall it was a good story.
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Review of The Killer House  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is good. The descriptions are very vivid and it draws the reader in. I feel mostly that it's too short. I'd love to see more about this house, more details about the nightmares. This reads like a really good first draft and has a lot of potential.

Could use some minor editing, but nothing major. No serious errors.
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Review of The Mirror  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is very well-written. I like how it starts out sounding like typical roommates and then you slowly come to the realization that it's about someone with multiple personality disorder. You handled it perfectly, with honesty. I felt for each character, even teared up a little Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a wonderful little poem by your grandfather. I really like it. He had quite the way with words. I did see some typos:



She’s cute and blonde here lines are trim

Her green eyes invite her

She must have stepped out of a dream.


Thank you for sharing this poem!
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8
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is really getting exciting. Is it a serial killer? An angry ex-lover? The new boyfriend? Random or a mistaken identity thing? So many possibilities! This chapter really pulled me in and held me. I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. I noticed no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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9
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Excellent start. The dialogue is realistic and the plot moves along at a steady pace. I feel that your style of writing is perfect for a procedural. Very much to the point. Good descriptions without being over the top. Suspense is building up at the right pace as well. I look forward to the next chapter.
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A nice poem. Follows the rules, fits the picture and paints a vivid picture on its own as well.

One question: In the description at top it calls it an Intalian Sonnet, but in the info at the end it says "Italian" so I assume the first one was a typo you might want to fix.

Well done!
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very nice little poem. However, in the final line "begin" should be "begun".

It's hard to really review such a short poem, but I do honestly like it. You followed the rules for an Acrostic and made it interesting, painting a vivid picture.

12
12
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (2.0)
I agree with what you're saying, but having all the sentences run together made this really hard to read.

There are also a lot of spelling errors and missing punctuation.

I would recommend breaking this up into sentences and fixing the errors as it is a great message!
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a sweet little story. I really like the characters. Their dialogue was very realistic and felt natural. I love how she reacted with love and maturity rather than jealousy. This was a truly beautiful love story and I don't even usually LIKE love stories. Very well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think you hit the nail on the head with the "not jumping back into another relationship" line. But, saying that abuse victims shouldn't label their abusers as monsters is unfair at best. Narcissistic abusers ARE monsters. It doesn't matter how nice you are to them, how hard you try to make the relationship work or if you do everything right. They are truly evil. Victim blaming and shaming is NEVER the right answer.

It is important that the victim receive therapy, though, definitely. Why do some of us continuously attract abusive control freaks? How to get out of that cycle is definitely worthy of being addressed.

Keep in mind, abusers blame their victims and the victims tend to believe them. Reinforcing that will do serious harm to the survivor. Holding the abuser accountable is definitely important for healing!

Overall, though, this was good!
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I'm not sure why you have this set to be seen in the Read & Review area? There's really nothing here to review. I am guessing you posted it by mistake? I did take a look at the group info, but, again, there was really nothing there to review either.
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Review of Bessie  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really got into this. It sucked me right in and held my attention. I felt it had the right amount of suspense and emotion. The ending was the most frightening part, naturally. Very well written.

I would suggest actually picking genres instead of just "Other". I think it would draw in more readers. It's an excellent story that deserves to be read! I'd probably pick the genres "death", "ghost" and "paranormal".

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Review of Breaking Yoke  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Fun and amusing. I enjoyed reading this. I didn't notice any mistakes in the poem itself, but I'm unsure about the title. Is there a pun there that I'm not understanding or did you misspell yolk?
Poor Humpty. We finally have learned why they couldn't put him back together.
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18
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An interesting and well-written story. I enjoyed this a lot. I felt that it was realistic and believable. The dialogue felt natural. I didn't notice any obvious errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
I especially enjoyed the ending. Very nicely done!
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Review of The Confession  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Short, but well-written and interesting. A strange, yet fascinating, little tale. I really enjoyed this story. I did find a few errors and I showed the fixes in red below:


"Yes, Sir! I killed Ms. Marple, the hooker, on my birthday. I've murdered one person

"Yes, Father, in fact, every one of my victims shared my birthday, which was the only thing we had in common."

"Why a mass murderer would want to give closure to the families of his victims?"

I'm not your ordinary mass murderer.

know if your loved one is dead or alive. You see, my little sister, Amy, was kidnapped and murdered on her fifth birthday.
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Review of The Air Marshal  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Fantastic story! The suspense was perfectly executed, the characters felt realistic and I was so happy when Gabe survived. Very exciting little story. I didn't notice any errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation. Perfectly written. Great job.
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Review of Memory Glass  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am updating the review...this is excellent. All mistakes were fixed and it reads very smoothly. Still a great story. The only reason I didn't go with 5 stars is that I really do feel like it could be longer. It works as a short story, but in all honesty...I want more.
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Review of The Lie  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, what a sad little tale. This is a well-written story with believable characters and dialogue. I could really feel the pain, sadness, and desperation as I read it. I didn't notice any obvious errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Excellent job.
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Review of Feedback  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a really fun little read. Short, but sweet. I didn't find any obvious errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor guy. You made him very believable and likable. The ending was delightfully tragic. Very well done.
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Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (5.0)
In my apartment, it would definitely be one or more of the cats, lol. This was a fun little poem. I enjoyed it and related to it.
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Review of Journey To Hell  
Review by Grandma Penguin
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a good read. Well-written, with no obvious errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar.

I am glad that you were able to make an arranged marriage work for you and that your extended family ended up being a positive experience as I've read some horror stories about these kinds of situations.

Thank you for sharing your story.
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