Wonderful short story. I really enjoyed this and didn't notice any obvious errors. I felt so bad for her at the end. But, it was also kind of uplifting that he loved her so much.
Very well said. I definitely agree that people can believe what they want as long as they don't try to force that belief on others. So much hypocrisy these days is really sickening. Sometimes I hope there is some kind of hell for the worst of the worst excuses for humans!
I love this little story. I can't help but wonder if he finds more people. Does he end up being half immune in the end? Would love to see this story expanded!
I actually feel bad for the poor creature. Crazy right? I have really enjoyed this story so far and I hope more chapters will be coming soon. I can't wait to see what happens next. As usual, I found no obvious errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar.
OOoh, what an exciting twist! Still loving this story. Still not finding any obvious errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling. I'm really liking the characters, they feel so real and the dialogue is natural and realistic. I can't wait to get to the next chapter,
Is Rebecca alive? Trapped in the basement with the creature and astrally projecting? I am so excited to find out more. This story is really well-written and fascinating. I haven't found any obvious spelling, grammar or punctuation errors still. The characters are likable and realistic.
Wow...such an odd and interesting tale. I'm completely enthralled and can't wait to find out what happens next. Great writing and, again, no noticeable errors.
Excellent beginning. You pulled me in and kept me interested from the start. I look forward to the next chapter and I didn't notice any obvious errors.
Wonderful story. I love the ending. I was expecting them to fuse together like "The Fly" so this ending was a surprise. Very well-written and no obvious errors.
This is a really good and interesting story. Short, but sweet. I've never really liked happy endings, so this was right up my alley. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is that there are A LOT of punctuation errors. I'm kind of nit-picky about punctuation, spelling and grammar.
If you want my help fixing the punctuation, please let me know and I'll be more than happy to help.
Wonderful little story. Fantastic twist. Very well-written.
Only one little nit-pick:
After being teased for years, both at school, home and work for her weight, (both is used for describing 2 things and you've listed 3. I'd just take it out and say: After being teased for years at school, home and work for her weight... )
This was a good little read, I would love to see it expanded. I think it's a great premise for a comedy/spy type movie. I like how you leave the ending open as I think there is so much potential to turn this into a novel or even a series. I only found a few minor errors:
Helen looked at me stubbornly. (This sentence seems out of place. Did it get missed during some editing?)
Finally, the car stopped moving and slowly Helen and I got out of the car. (a lot of repetition of the word "car" in this paragraph. I suggest cutting off at "I got out.")
Never mind the that Lilith was juggling a cookie jar and a gun at the same time.
Wonderful little story! I read it a few times and am still unsure if the cleaners are huge and see us as rats or if they're cleaning up after us and actually killing smaller creatures. But the bits of metal I think is bullets...so, still not 100% sure but it doesn't matter as it's a fun and interesting story and highly enjoyable to read.
Only mistake I noticed was "teaming" which should be spelled "teeming"
Terrifying. Was a little confused how a rattler was able to bite through his thick jacket. Also, maybe an explanation why the rattler was so aggressive as they usually avoid people? Still a great story though. Gave me the creeps.
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