|This poem was really beautiful. I love the use of rhyme, which is really fluent, and I also love overarching theme of seaside and sealife.
- I do slightly dislike your structure. Not hate, and it didn't detract from the flow of the poem, however I felt that it made the poem's appearance on the page slightly odd. On the one hand, your stanza structure is fairly strict and traditional, on the other hand you have used ~ simples and your final stanza is irregular (in that, if your first and last were both three, then that would create a chiastic structure, however the fact that two stanzas at the end are three lines makes it feel imbalanced).
I'm not sure I've explained that very well, feel free to ask me more questions about that
- the line "just like when I saw you then" felt a lot of nothing. There are a lot of substance words you are using to make up the metre, but that don't actually add much to the story. Perhaps change "then" to "my friend"; it would still create a nice flow to the line but would communicate a deeper meaning rather than simply locality and time.
HOWEVER, I really love your use of language at its peak. Lines such as "satin ribbon...spool" create lovely alliteration and use somewhat obscure words that we might not see in our everyday. I also really love your use of punctuation, only using it for emphasis rather than grammar.
Overall, a pretty amazing poem! I love the narrative, well achieved for a poem, and overall any of the negatives are mostly easily adapted.
Keep Writing :)