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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/muzzy43/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/1
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1
1
Review of love is a bath  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hmm, "Now I understand my body I don't want it anymore,
wrap myself in cellophane and start chopping, angry that
my legs bend inwards and my hair is flat." you wrote Charlie.
Are you angry about your gender?
The process is vague. I'd like more clarity.
When I was a lad of 9 or ten I'd slide about the tub.
I like to slide over the tile floor too.

The poem is seemingly innocent, until the chopping impulse.
Keep writing!

Bob County
2
2
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I'm reminded that of the detachment from our ego for others
is a hiccup in the cerebral mapping of our mind.
I asked my brother why he volunteered to go fight the Vietcong.
"To stop international communism and secure our treaty with Vietnam."
he was reciting from a recruitment brochure.
But, I knew that was bull. He was flunking out of college and
R.O.T.C. gave him a chance at a career.
The mind is looking for a higher power a superego.
I think that's what's happening to Joan and her friends.
They are asking, "Is that all there is?"

No matter where you go, there you are...

Vertago
3
3
Review of Somebody  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
If Bernie Sanders is correct we have 8 to 10 years left
until a global ecosystem collapse.
We are seeing more widespread fires and drought.
As the climate becomes warmer and storms more destructive,
there will be food shortages and less drinkable water.

I tell my friends not to have kids.
I also advise them to get out of California.
It would be better to move to the colder northern regions.
Remember there are groups to join in the green movement.

Never give up.

Bob County

4
4
Review of Ironic Monarch  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your heartfelt sonet is moving.
Deuteronomy 24:16 states,
"The children shall not be punished
for the father's sins."
Why would a just God condemn innocent
children to drown in a flood or be
slaughtered by the tyrant Herod the Great?
Why were Adam's children condemned to death?
Why would a peaceful Jesus state,
"Obey me or die."?
The Son of God should not be a terrorist.

You could publish your poem in a Christian magazine.
There are hundreds of them.
It is clear you are a just man and fair.
Muslims believe Jesus was a great prophet just like
Mohamed. Should nonChristians go to Hell?

What is the name of your cat?

Bob County

5
5
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.0)
The meter of the poem changes at the end;
"he had gone." seemed grammatically incorrect
and forced rhyme.
It ends with two verses rather than continuing
with five.
Nevertheless, it is a fun limerick.
I like Robin Hood.
He was a progressive socialist.

Keep Writing!

Bob County
6
6
Review of Bully  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lord of the flies in basement bondage.
I had a kid stick his dog on me.
It was a little Jack Russell.
I thought he was cute and gave him a dog biscuit.
Our dog was a mix of retriever and lab.
So, I always had a dog biscuit in my pocket.

I like the tempo and you had problems with your margin.
It was a good read and could be sold to a lifestyle magazine.

Keep writing.

Bob County
7
7
Review of The Ants: a Fable  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I would imagine Trump attempting a regime change with the kitchen ants.
The newly armed pro-Trump ants would fight off the old kitchen ants.
With a new ant kingdom in place, a cleaner and more friendly ant relationship would flourish.
But, the goal should be to eliminate the ant infestation.
So, following the Trump art of the deal, the loyal ants would be relocated to the wastebasket.

I like your clever use of symbolic ant thinking.

Bob
8
8
Review of seven, actually  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"Your homework assignment is to follow a stranger and take notes on them."
A journalist professor said.
I raised my hand and queried, "Isn't that stauking?"
The professor answered, "That's what journalists do."
Your writing is extremely vivid and reminds of a Russian
poem "We prayed for water and the floods came."
There are many references to cutting yourself.
I hope you're not doing that.. Be happy and healthy.

Bob
9
9
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
And Jesus said, "Obey or I will kill you." (Luke 19:7)
I like this post. I've wondered if Jesus was a revolutionary.
Have you heard of socialist theology?
It's called Liberation Theology in Central America.
What did Jesus do for the homeless and poor?

Good topic.

Bob County
10
10
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well, I wouldn't call a prostitute a whore.
We have massage therapists up here-ya.
Gertrude said, "The real you hungers
and the thirst for Christ's light."
Is Gertrude deliberately speaking grammatically
incorrect?
What you hunger is the thirst for Christ
is more succinct.
And Joan's husband is a waiter at her mother's
restaurant. Okay, and he's serving beers to
Joan's clients, who call her a whore....
But, Seto is jealous of his brother Mokuba,
because Joan gave Mokuba a kiss..
And Seto is paying for Joan's affections.
Wasn't Marry Magdoline actually Jesus' wife?

There are a lot of fun twists.
Will there be a happy ending?

I like horseshoes and darts.
I had a nightmare a girlfriend was throwing
darts at my pogo stick.
I had stuck my pogo through the center of the dartboard.
I think Joan might do a Monica Lewinsky on Seto and his brother.
They are so rude to her.

Keep writing!

Bob County
11
11
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hmm? I like this observation.
America Vesbuti named the American contents.
It's all about colonization.
The United States was an East Coast Nation,
then they expanded.
Mexico used to include California.
But, that changed with the Mexican war.

Fun topic!

Bob County
12
12
Review of Supinity  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This reads like sexual magic.
The belief that sex connects us to the supernatural
is in all religions.
The Virgin Mary had intercourse with the Holy Spirit.
Is the Hebrew God sexual?
Witchcraft revolves around orgies of sexual magic.
The winter solace is a pagan orgy holiday.

Fun topic!

Bob County
13
13
Review of For Dad  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
My dad put on the back of his cemetary stone
"Now I have time."
We are mortal and must accept this.
My mother was not afraid of dying.
"I've done what I wanted to do," she said.
I wish you peace and happiness.
This is a beautiful tribute to your dad.
14
14
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Cockman ship is ridiculous.
Joan has a brother fetish with her husband's brother
and Seto's brother.. Seto is her client.
He pays Joan to violently sexually assault her.
Seto and Maku are brothers and they enjoy paying
Joan to rip her clothes off and take her to
Duel Monster Game conventions.
Now, these two sadistic brothers want to meet Joan's
mother. Maku wants to rape Joans mother..
Seto is in love with Joan and wants to make her his
personal prostitute with her own office at his business.
What is polyisoprene?

This maze of sadomasochism gave me images of Caligula.
A fun flick. I also thought about the PBS series I Claudius.
When the wealthy play they usually are naughty and that reminded
me Eyes Wide Shut with the sex cult scene.
Inside us is the mindless savage that is withstrained by what
social convention, which religion? People can believe anything.
There are laws and consequences that rule our lives.
I would like to know why Joan allows Seto to meet her mother.
She has good reason to fear for her mother's safety.

Just my two cents for the ferryman.

Muzzy43

Thanks for the positive review of Explicit, Explicit II:
#1561070 and #1633184..

(*)(*) It's fun to pretend.
V
15
15
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This reminds me of the holodeck on Next Generation.
Any event can be recreated in our memories.
But, are we a dream?
Do we live in a hologram made by a higher intelligence?

You say Anita's "jaws" froze.
Does Anita have multiple jaws?
Maybe this is a typo or not?
Jimi is imagining his world.

Keep writing!

Muzzy43
16
16
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)
Jessica lacks character traits?
Jess needs more positive and negative personality traits?
Maybe I can provide some life experience..
I knew a girl named Peggy. She was withdrawn.
Peggy was in her 30's, but very petite.
She had to show her driver's license to buy beer.
Peggy had a recurring nightmare that insects would crawl inside of her.
She especially feared that a spider or centipede would lay eggs in her ears.
So she put earplugs in at night.
She also wore tight panties in bed to ward off centipedes and spiders.
Maybe you can incorporate this phobia in Jessica?
Peggy liked me to call her Pickles.
She never used a public pool, but enjoyed swimming in ponds and seaside beaches.

Keep writing!
And don't get bogged down in outlines.
Just write what's in your heart.

Muzzy43
17
17
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nothing cannot exist, therefore we exist.
The monster in your story is fear...
A friend of mine died in a snorkeling accident.
She was stung by a poisonous snail.
The snail is very small and has a barb at the tip of its shell.
It is more venomous than any snake. ...
But, who has nightmares about snails?

Reading your work felt like zen.
Keep writing!

Muzzy43
18
18
Review of Dear Me  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm picturing Stewart Smally looking at his reflection in the mirror.
"I'm good enough and gosh darn it! I like myself."
I also remember a Christian prostitute Trina.
Trina believed Jesus and Marry Mandoline had "Hooked up."
I thought that was a nifty idea for a Jesus flick.
I think William Defold played Jesus that way...
Anywho, it's a fun muse.
Sometimes I wonder if Fundamentalist Christians are masochists.
If its all preordained why bother ?

I've got a number of books I'd like to publish.
The Art of Psyco Therapy #2165561 is a fun read.
Maybe, you could be my schizophrenic publisher?

Happy September bipolar day!

Muzzy43

(*)(*)
=V=
19
19
Review of Summer Sounds  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)
And while this bliss unfolds a hurricane approaches.
Soon the skies will darken and the wind will roar.
And every living creature will tremble and cower.
It is time to enter the storm cellar with can goods.

I like this muse of yours..
It is a peaceful bucolic escape.
But, do not be fooled by mother nature.
She is always dangerous.

Bob
20
20
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)
That's a cute limerick...
I voted for Bernie Sanders.
But, the Super Delegates thought Hillery was a winner.
I will vote for whoever the Democratic nominee is.
This is the worst and most dangerous President ever.
I hope he doesn't start WWIII.

Shalom

Muzzy
21
21
Review of Make Your Mark  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like to buy lottery tickets.
Sometimes I win a free bet or $20 dollars.
We should be optimistic about hitting the jackpot.
I guess my objection to your proposition is style.
You need to space out this article .. It's too congested.
SO FAR POPULATION CONTROL HAS FAILED.
We are running out of drinkable water.
But, I'm positive most people are nice and I will the jackpot.

Shalom

Muzzy
22
22
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.0)
Mark Twain was said, "When I am told, Heaven is sitting in a green field playing a harp,
I imagine it is Hell."
Of course, if the brain is dead, why should we care?
And why is there a Heaven for anyone, if we are all created with God's curse of Original Sin?
Did God preordain our fall from grace just to erase it with Jesus' crucifixion?
What is the lesson learned? Does God forgive all sin by His crucified Son?
Duetrionomi 24:16 states, "The children shall not be punished for their father's sin."
Was Adolf Hitler absolved of his sins through Jesus' crucifixion?
Hitler was a baptized Catholic. .. Did he repent?

Your poem raises many questions.

Muzzy
23
23
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my, all this trouble over a tickle.
I'm reminded of Peggy when I read about Joan.
Peggy was a department manager in K-Mart.
She had an affair with the store manager Stewart.
Stewart's wife had ovarian cancer.
Nobody who wanted to stay employed said anything about this tryst.
But, gossip flowed outside the store to corporate.
Stewart left K-Mart for Marshals and Peggy disappeared.
His wife succumbed to cancer and we all attended the funeral with Peggy.
We learned Peggy had been living with Stewart and they planned to marry.

I like your flare for names.
I prefer to keep the characters down to a minimum.
Mokuba reaction to Seto's passionate kiss on Joan's lips is priceless.
This is alien behavior for Seto.
Sex can trigger odd feelings that are not affectionate.
I generally feel confused when I climax as if I had lost my keys.

You're a pro at storytelling.

Bob
24
24
Review of A Lovely Lie  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.0)
"The children shall not be punished for their father's sin."
Dt.24:16.
But that contradicts Original Sin.
We are all born with Adam's sin the Apostle Paul proclaims.
If there were only two parents in the Genisis of the human race,
where did Cain's wife come from?
Cain found his wife in the land of Nod where he was banished by God
for murdering his brother Able.
Did God create a wife for a murderer?
Did Cain have sex with his mother Eve in the land of Nod?
The Book of Jubilee provides an answer.. Eve had daughters.

Question everything!

Bob
25
25
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (2.5)
I gave a Mcdonald's job application to a dwarf begging at the Kittery, Maine traffic circle.
He was holding a cardboard sign, "Will work for money."
He said, "I make more money begging."
Is that capitalism?

Muzzy
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