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Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

What is good writing?
It is whatever you want it to be.
You are the dreamer and everyone is a genius in their dreams.
Critics, who focus on spelling or syntax are unimaginative.
It's the story the matters. I like to question authority and sacred cows.
And please do not measure your stories by a publishers interest.
It is a spirit journey. Let the spirit guide you.

Review of The Peddler  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

I loved your limerick.

Here's a different poem~

"There is nothing but water in the holy pools.
I know, I have been swimming in them.
All the gods sculpted of wood or ivory can't say a word.
I know, I have been crying out to them.
The Sacred Books of the East are nothing but words.
I looked through their covers one day sideways.
What Kabir talks of is only what he has lived through.
If you have not lived through something, it is not true."

A poem by Kabir, written in the fifteenth century .
He was the son of Moslem weavers, but his poems
were influenced by Sufi poets and Hindu ideals.

You can read his poems in The Kabir Book by Robert Bly; Beacon Press.

I enjoyed your funny poem about a misfit Irishman ..
in merry old England.

Review of Letter to God  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)

God is a big word. There are so many interpretations.
If someone kicks you down a flight of stairs; do you
assume they love you?
I think Christians mix their beliefs with reason.
Just because you can believe it, doesn't mean its true.
You need facts. Fact : 2000 years ago people were fanatical about
their faith and would fight wars and die for God.
Is that your prayer?

I like your style and introspection on "emptiness."
But, wanting something to be true is just wishful thinking.

Very well written ,

Review of Untitled  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Is this rap?

"i hope its not a prank.
yeah im floating to the top.
now theres no time to sank."

Sank should be sink, past imperative.
And your not capitalizing "i" or using apostrophes
for "I'm or there's".
This is a rap style?

The rhyme between prank and sank is forced and incorrect grammar.
But, this is a rap style. The overall message is strong and compelling.
It's all about respect for the individual and standing up to the plate.

I enjoyed the fresh perspective.

As for a tittle, I'd just say : RESPECT.

Keep on writing and keep a dream journal.

for entry "Sci-fi Gaining
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

This sounds, like The Man in the Iron Mask;
only with a homoerotic twist.
I like the use of surrogate lovers in the royal court.
It was also practiced by Abraham. When his wife could not conceive,
he took a slave to bed ..

Sneak a peek at my port~ The Year 2081(1923542).
It has a similar doomsday erotic theme.
It follows the Genesis story of Lot and his daughters.
Necessity , can be the mother of incest.

I'd like to see where you go with this.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.0)

Well, this motto is pleasant ,
but why not give some personal encounters?
It would add more intensity to the piece.
For instance, I was struck by a car, while riding my bike.
The driver shouted out the window,
"Don't you know how to ride a bike?"
I thought that was rude and kicked out his passenger mirror.
I felt empowered by this and rode away with a smile.

Something personal always picks up the pace.

Review of HER PATH  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

I found this lovely poem on a random review.
Normally, I'd click on THINGS TO D0&READ
and scroll down to review request, but that's not
allowed anymore.
No. Now we must ask a single member at a time,
who may or may not have the portfolio review request option on,
for a review.
This makes reviews less likely, if your not in a group campfire.

Any who, the prose are perfect
and I like the refrain ~ "Her path was white satin and roses."

Which reminds me of the CANTICLE OF CANTICLES ~
(Chapter 5: 4-5)
"I have put off my garments, how shall I put it on?
I have washed my feet, how shall I defile them?

My beloved puts his hand through the key hole,
and my bowels were moved at his touch.

I arose open to my beloved : my hands dropped with myrrh
and my fingers were full of the choicest myrrh."

(Chapter 8 : 8)

"We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts :
what shall we do for our sister in the day
when she shall be spoken for?"

(Chapter 8 : 1)

"O that thou wert as my brother,
that sucked the breasts of my mother,
when I should find thee without,
I would kiss thee yea,
I should not despised.
I would lead thee, an bring thee into my
mother's house, who would instruct me :
I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine
of the juice of my pomegranate."

King Solomon's Song of Songs
has a similar bridal tempo..

P.S. check out my poem The Two Shadows of Eternal light (1921353)

Review of Contest Ideas  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

My mom would say, "The colored people."
This applied to anyone, who was not European.
But, it seemed to me that Italians and Spanish people
were colored too. Then, my mom dropped the bomb on me.
She said Jesus was a colored man.

He always looked Swedish in the paintings.

Any who fun topic!

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+
So if a doctor calls you crazy, you must be crazy or the doc is a quack.
It sounds like your struggling with gender roles.
It's simple, women get pregnant. That's the starting point for family values.
How do we protect our families?
Well, you get a group of people to agree on social behavior.
And in some cultures, Taiwan, transexualism is part of their religion.
There is no scorn of effemine men in Taiwan.
Christian and Islamic and Jewish traditions condemn cross gender behavior.
Sometimes these moral tenants can sanction the murder of homosexuals.

But, if your friends and family told you it was wrong to interracial date would you
obey their prejudice?

Not an easy question George, but I like the way you wrote it.
I hope you are being true to yourself.
After all it is your life.

Keep writing,

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well, this was an informative piece.
I'd like to read more about the characters: how they began their
storytelling at Writing.com .
I think a good story should challenge the reader and give them
a new perspective.
In this virtual world of words is Legerdemain a suitor to
The Story Mistress?

Fun read.

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

"When sun had gone to bed," did you mean to drop a (the)?
A lot of guys fantasize about cave men, but most cavemen didn't
live past twenty. An impacted tooth could kill them.
As for the role of women, they were property.
Most cavemen bullied their women and their prowess was measured
by the number of women they captured.
I think your tome to Ug is fascinating.
I like that he hunts dino-meat.
Some cavemen were cannibals . They ate their women...
probably skewered.

Interesting rant.

Keep writing!

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very true and insightful.

The Pilgrims were searching for religious freedom.
They had been asked to leave Holland and France,
because of their intolerance of other religions.
The Native Americans were made aware of this intolerance after
the first thanksgiving.
Most Native Americans do not celebrate Thanksgiving.

Good story telling!

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Calling doctor Frued! Okay, demi-Gods are fun.
It was Nietzche who said, "God is above the law."
I think of a movie, where the bad guy is the hero.
Maybe, Zipper Head?

Check out my Vertago~1712884
I don't think there's a moral there.
I sense you want the reader to like you.
Your destroyer of worlds is also sending his helpless
victims to Heaven. So, happy ending?

I'm lovin it!

Review of The Neighbour  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

" Every life has meaning even those who suffer greatly in obscurity."
Elenore Roosevelt.

"I know, I have been crying out to them.
The Sacred Books are nothing but words.
If you have not lived through something,
it is not true." Kabir, 15th century poet and
author of The Book of Kabir.


Review of Love is shit.  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

"Propaganda diseminated my women..."
Minor typos in this rant.
So, what are you looking for? Honest women like your mother
do exist. .. But, do you think you should marry your mother?
Look outside the box. The global community is screwed.
Humans have saturated the world with toxic waist.
How much oil is there? How much fresh water?
What happens if some nut job fires off a nuke?
I hope you find someone to love and get a vesectomy.
Did you know the number one cause of mental illness in the
third world is syphilis?
How many more famines or plagues can we survive?

Find a synagogue or church and hook up with a good girl!

Very thought provoking read.

Muzzy ... maybe you need a Hindu girl?
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

This is a very insightful piece.
You develop Edward's pathological distrust of women into
a diseased climax with his lover.
However harsh his feelings are for his father's infidelity;
Edward's contempt for his mother's apathy drives his violent
sexuality. The bitterness is believable.

Very well done.

Review of Mr. Prendergast  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

I'm looking forward to Frosty the Snowman .. I like magic.
"I tells you" is a vernacular choice I suppose? I like the psych twist
to this hairy tale. Is the narrator a split personality?
Like most human endeavors, it is phenomenal.
Where does the dream become a real nightmare?

You write like a pro.. .

Review of The First of Many  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Well. My brother was an Air Borne Ranger.
The last thing we wanted to hear at the Sunday dinner table
were war stories.
He told me about Tigers that would feed on the dead and wounded
after a battle. He'd have to shoot them in the head to kill them.
The tiger would keep charging at him otherwise.

Have you considered fixing your margins?
Some of the words are cut off on the right.

Very well written, but not my cup of tea.

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Mooooo! This started out as a half hearted lark
and then transgressed into a knitting chat.
Having, worked at Wal*Mart I can assure you
they have plans to build a store on the Moon.
There is a project on the way in Europe to build
a resort of the Moon. If the resort is built, there will be
a Wal*Mart in the lunar complex.

P.S. I like women with meat on their bones.

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I pray fervently for a winning lottery ticket,
but Jesus said do not worry about tomorrow.
Why wasn't God answering?
Maybe, you have the wrong number.
Try praying for things you can get.
And then, thank God for it.

Just my two cents.
I like free verse.

Review of What I Am  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Ah-so! The eternal conflict between light and darkness.
But, what is light? It is an illusion of photons and electrons.
There can be only true darkness where there is nothing;
not even an atom of an electron. So, Lucifer is light?
And God is the darkness of complete unity and end to conflict.
Nothing changes in Heaven.

I've been wondering what it means to believe in total peace.
I think that would be oblivion or is it Zen?

Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

The format is bland . May I suggest reading the Bible?
The format is in columns in Palms and flat paragraphs
in the Gospels with a brief outline before each chapter.
Most people don't have time to read a lot.
So, the print gets abbreviated and chopped into columns.

Leviticus 17;14 orders meat to be well done:

"You shall not eat of the blood any flesh
at all, because the life of the flesh is in
the blood, and whosoever eateth it, shall
be cut off."

Did you notice how I arranged the format to make more stylish?
Honest to God its easier to read.

Have researched spontaneous combustion?
It is an actual chemical reaction in the body.
It might spice up this pyro love story.

"Her eyes even in a still image frozen him as the
fire rose about him" you wrote.

If I was in a burning building I'd run like a bat out of Hell.
I guess that's where I lost faith in this blazing romance.

Just my two cents,

Review of An Acrostic Poem  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)

"Kabir will tell you the truth; this is what love is like:
suppose you had to cut your head off
and give it to someone else,
what difference would that make?"
Kabir was born in the 15th century and wrote 100 poems.

You have a similar style.

Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

You know I had a debate with a buddy about Saint Nick.
Personally, I think Santa is wasting his time.
No one needs his toys; when you can buy anything online.
But, my buddy insisted that Santa is a tradition, like snowmen.
So, I guess we should humor the old codger.

Funny twist to your lyric.
I never liked spam.

Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)

Ehm, Matt, there is nothing new about detention centers in the USA.
During World War II, Japanese Americans were arrested and placed in
detention centers indefinitely. These new NDAA laws are probably targeting
Arab Americans the same way.. Unfortunately, we are all caught up in a
clandestine war against terrorist, who have no regard for life.
It was reported that most of the hijackers of 9/11 were Saudi, but Iraq
was blamed for the Twin Trade Center's destruction.
It was also reported that the Saudi King praised the Saudi hijackers of 9/11
and has sent their families millions. Still, there is no uproar against Saudi Arabia's
involvement in 9/11. There has been no Senate review of President Bush's
unilateral declaration of War on Iraq.
Did you know the Canadian government will not allow George Bush into their country? The French government has said they wish to arrest him.
George Bush declared a war without the consent of Congress or the United nations.
That makes him an international criminal, according to the United Nation mandate.
But, you wont hear about this on 60 minutes or Fox News.
We are a nation of Corporations bent on global domination through war or
trade. That is the way of things.

Peace Out!

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