*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mworden
Review Requests: OFF
196 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
Review of In New York  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello! *Smile* Thanks for writing such a wonderful story. I could feel your own confusion and despair as I was reading this, although I'm sure pretty much anyone could because it's a subject that is close to everyone in one way or another.

I really like your effective use of dialog snippets mixed in with personal narration. It really helps to convey the sense of grogginess and confusion you are trying to relay.

The only suggestion I have is to fix your spelling error in the first paragraph. The sun would peek from behind the buildings in the morning, though it would peak in the afternoon in the sky. *Smile*

Good luck with your Writer's Cramp entry! It was very well written!
2
2
Review of Wishing Well  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a bit like one of those old proverbs, and indeed teaches the meaning behind, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."

I like the twists and turns this takes and really think you've done a good job telling the story from beginning to end. You've done a great job with characters and making them come across as intended. I'm completely sympathetic with Corby and really want him to end up with Droleen because of the way that Gretta treats him. The dialogue is well done and I like the rhymes that were a part of this.

The only thing I might recommend is removing the quotation marks around the individual verses, and perhaps leaving them at the beginning and end.

"Muddy earth and cloudy sky.
Horse hair makes the clean shoe glow
We heat your worms in our pot.
Open our mouths so our tooth will show."

It is, of course, mostly personal preference but is also less distracting to read that way.

Thanks for sharing this and have a wonderful day! :)

Melissa
3
3
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Rj :)

This is an adorably written article, with a bit of humor and tongue-in-cheek advice about being who you are, regardless of the looks others give you. I love your internal dialogue inserted into the dialogue of the article. It would be easier to differentiate if you italicized them, though. ({i}text{/i} = text.) Also, your paragraph spacing is a little distracting. I would look at double spacing, instead.

(even if it’s my mom’s you-look-like-tsunami-just-washed-over-you criticisms) <~~ loved this!

life!Here’s a question for you <~~ life! Here's a question for you

Warning: Ignore the shrugging shoulders, rolling eyeballs & scrutinizing looks. <~~ I love this, and would love to see a couple more sentences added on about not allowing others' judgments to mold your individuality, or something along those lines, since that appears to be the statement you're making throughout the rest of the article.

Thanks for sharing this. :) I really enjoyed reading it.

Melissa
4
4
Rated: E | (2.5)
This seems to be a great start to a short story. I like your opening paragraph and all of the description you put in it. You've painted a great mental picture to the scene and even to the cowboy. I would love to see you improve upon some of the dialogue. It seems awkward in some places, although it might make more sense as the story develops.

Make sure to watch your punctuation and spacing. You've indented quite a few lines and some of them do not match the others. This is more aesthetic than anything.

Please let me know if you add more to this. I would love to continue reading the story. :)
5
5
Rated: E | (4.0)
How interesting that 30 % of the voted Writing.Com, along with myself, is an INF-type personality! I also happen to be an INFJ, although I don't necessarily think that I am a judgemental person.

I found this poll to be very interesting and I like that you offer a link to a version of the test. All in all, worth the time I spent working on the answer! *Smile*
6
6
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This poll is such a touchy topic. On one hand, I don't feel like there are enough jobs to go around right now for unskilled labor. On the other hand, a lot of the illegal immigrants are taking jobs that nobody else would take, otherwise, because they just want to work.

I also feel like Mexico shares some of the responsibility in this problem because of the condition the country is in. They don't regulate labor as strictly as the U.S., so low-wage jobs don't give workers the chance to better their situation, which leaves Mexican citizens feeling like the only way they're going to be able to support their families is by working in the U.S., where even a minimum wage job is better than anything they could find here.

I think that your poll options are a little off. Yes, some upper-class citizens might hire illegal immigrants to do their gardening or be their maid, but there are a lot of farmers and corperations who also benefit by employing them for less than they would have to pay US citizens - under the table.

There was a company in Michigan that got caught in the act of this in 2007! I'm sure there are plenty of others who haven't been caught, yet!
7
7
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow! I love the take that you had on the prompt! You did quite well with making it suspensful and interesting! Good job!

The only thing I spotted is that there's a line break in the middle of the second sentence of the second paragraph. Also, in the title, I would capitalize most of the first letters in each of the words.

Really impressive! Thank you for sharing!
Melissa is fashionably late!
8
8
Review of I AM  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jinx !

You are receiving this review because you requested it at "Invalid Item!

*Star* Strengths *Star*

The format of this poem really caught my eye! I really liked the entire thing, especially how certain words are isolated to make the emotions conveyed even more successfully.

*Note* Suggestions *Note*

I almost have no suggestions, but the only one I notice is a matter of personal style and doesn't really reflect on my rating:

Your poem seems to be written almost as a single sentence, so I would omit capitalization in most of it. Other people may say differently, but I think it would help to further convey feelings of isolation.

*Exclaim* Overall Impression *Exclaim*

Effectively conveying what you want! Enjoyable read!

Thank you for sharing this!
Have a wonderful day! Write on!
Melissa is fashionably late!
9
9
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello pattonamd !

You are receiving this review because you requested it at "Invalid Item!

*Star* Strengths *Star*

I loved your rhyme scheme and how this flowed from one stanza to the next. It felt sort of whimsical in reflection of a dream and I really enjoyed that. *Smile*

*Note* Suggestions *Note*

Additional punctuation would help this to flow much, much better, within stanzas. There are several lines where you repeat the last word from the previous line as the first word. Instead of letting it run from the previous line to repeat that word, try adding a hyphen:

For landing was easy
as never before,
but take-off meant memories-
memories I'd soar.


I'd also advise using commas where it seems most natural. If you read this aloud, you'll know where the natural pauses should occur. When I read stanzas that have no punctuation except at the very last line, I always read it as though there's no pauses.

*Exclaim* Overall Impression *Exclaim*

Very uplifting and inspirational! Well done!

Thank you for sharing this!
Have a wonderful day! Write on!
Melissa is fashionably late!
10
10
Review of How did he feel?  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ~Shana Determined to Be~ !

You are receiving this review because you requested it at "Invalid Item!

*Star* Strengths *Star*

This gives a lot of food for thought as the lyrics/poem progress.

*Note* Suggestions *Note*

Is this meant to be lyrics or a poem? My review is affected by this kind of information. Right now you have this listed as a Static Item > Other. I would consider editing your item to change it to either a poem or lyrics.

*Exclaim* Overall Impression *Exclaim*

Interesting things to think about in relation to this item!

Thank you for sharing this!
Have a wonderful day! Write on!
Melissa is fashionably late!
11
11
Review of What We Know...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello *RaiN* !

I like the darkness that this poem conveys. It flows quite well, and seems to be fairly technically sound.

There were only a few things that threw me off about it. The first being that it was a fairly predictable poem. I had a feeling how it was going to end before the ending came, down to the last line.

Also, instead of ".." at the end, you should use, "..." or an elipses.

Well written, and an interesting read! Thanks for sharing!
12
12
Review of Game of Thrones  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Geja! *Smile*

This is an interesting raffle/auction combination. I never thought about combining the two! What an efficient way to raise Gift Points!

Is the image header an original or was it made by another artist? I would love to know who drew it and also who designed it! *Smile*

A variety of items are available for bidding! I love that you can get anything from a merit badge for a friend to in-depth reviews.

The divider image is very pretty!

Good luck with your auction and ticket sales! *Smile*
13
13
Review of Hell Found Me  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Jem ,

You are receiving this review because you requested it in "Invalid Item.

*Star* Strengths *Star*

You have a very interesting concept here. I definitely got the feeling of insanity as I was reading through this. The narrator's voice was rambling and a little crazy, and I felt that it set the tone of the story well.

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

Your paragraphs are a little too long. This story should be more than seven paragraphs long, even if you added nothing else to it. There are several spots in paragraphs where the subject changes, even though a new paragraph isn't started.

A few tips to remember:

Dialogue should be in its own paragraph, even if it's inner dialogue.

As a general rule, paragraphs are usually only 3 - 5 sentences long.

When you change the subject or a new set of actions, you should start a new paragraph.

It'll help your story flow better and will make it easier to read.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

An interesting story with a great conveyence of its tone. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
14
14
Review of How good are you?  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello!

I found this quiz to be quite entertaining! The questions were well-thought, although some of the answers didn't have an appropriate choice for what I would do/have done. I was able to choose the next closest, though.

The results seem to be well thought out with a reasonable explanation for said results.

Find this quiz and many others featured in this week's Contest & Activities newsletter! *Smile*
15
15
Review of Let's be Fruity!  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello spidey !

What an awesome quiz! I found the questions to be pretty standard, with witty answers. Though some of the choices I would actually make weren't included, I found the results to be fairly accurate in the way I would describe myself.

*Star* Bottom line: *Star*

If a Writing.Com member is feeling a little fruity, and isn't sure which fruit they should identify themselves as, this quiz would sort that out for them. *Delight*

Find this quiz and many others featured in the next Contest & Activities newsletter!
16
16
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

You are receiving this review because you requested it in "Invalid Item! *Smile*

What I liked:

*Star* I thought it did well to pull the reader into the story and I was immediately curious about how the subject got where he was, who he was, and what he was.

*Star* For the most part, your dialogue is realistic and does well to tell the story in a believable manner.

Things to work on:

*Note1* I would revise the adverb usage. They do little to show the story, but rather tell me what's going on. I noticed that you use them most often around the dialogue. You could show how soft the main character is taking by having Kheri lean in to listen, or something like that.

I really enjoyed reading this and the action passages are pretty good.

Thanks for sharing this!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
17
17
Review of One Word  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello cherry,

You are receiving this review because you requested it in "Invalid Item.

*Star* Strengths *Star*

The idea behind this story is a great idea, because it may help rape victims tell their story before it is too late.

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

Mostly, I felt that the father's reaction was a little harsh. I grew up with one of the most strict fathers who had anger management issues, and I couldn't even picture him reacting in the way you've described the father reacting, in this case.

Otherwise, I found this to be technically sound.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

A very interesting way to plot a story!

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
18
18
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikari,

*Flower1**Flower2**Flower3* Welcome to Writing.Com!!! *Flower3**Flower2**Flower1*

*Star* Strengths *Star*

You use a very tongue-in-cheek writing style that makes this piece fun and interesting.

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

and getting yelled up - Do you mean and getting yelled at?

Until then though, bothering to stay up for the Daily Show up - no need for the second usage of the word up.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

I enjoyed reading this little bit of humor. It's not a long piece, but long enough to have given me a good chuckle! *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
19
19
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very pretty, Leger! *Smile* I especially like the ones with the feathers.

You've used some great fonts and your colors aren't distracting from the pictures, but still add to it all the same.

I'll keep these in mind when sending out my Valentine's cNotes this February!
20
20
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Christieavon,

Thank you for posting this item to be reviewed in "Invalid Item!

*Star* Strengths *Star*

You've got a great start, with believable dialogue and an intriguing best-friend-who-was-always-in-love-with-her sort of way.

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

There were a few technical flaws throughout this story:

"Mopeing." I pulled Misspelling of the word Moping.

"I know, but he's not good enough for you. He never was. This requires end quotations.

His warm laughter filled my ears. Just get your ass over here." Quotation needed before the word Just.

Also, there were a lot of adverbs that littered this. Words like tightly and deeply. Instead of saying I grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly to my chest, try I grabbed a pillow and hugged it to my chest, flattening it under the tight grasp of my arms. This gives the reader much more description to work with, and shows just how tight the subject was hugging it.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

You have a great start, and an intruiging story line! I can't wait to read more. If you continue this, please let me know and I will come back and adjust and review accordingly!

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
21
21
Review of Sensual Insanity  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Elisa,

*Star* Strengths *Star*

I liked the rhythm of this a lot. It flowed well, and definitely makes a great song!

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

What kind of tune should this be to? Is it a slow beat, or a faster riff? I heard it as something reminiscent of Hole (heavier and harder).

Technically, I only found one thing:

reality.I shouldn't have to care about your worries. There should be at least one space between the period following reality and the word I.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

I would love to hear this put to music!

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
22
22
Review of Long Odds  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Okami,

Thank you for posting this item to be reviewed in "Invalid Item!

*Star* Strengths *Star*

*Laugh* This was hilarious and very witty! I enjoyed reading this from beginning to end!

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

I didn't find anything technical or even anything as far as style that didn't fit with the story.

*Thumbsup* Great job!!! *Thumbsup*

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

I'm going to use this as an editor's pick in this week's Comedy Newsletter, I was so impressed by it!

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
23
23
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Nancy,

*Star* Strengths *Star*

I loved the repetition of this. It made it flow very well and read like a song!

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

The last stanza doesn't feel as put together as the first three. With a rhyme scheme of abcb, you didn't quite accomplish that with this stanza. Goodnight and goodbye are similar sounding words, but not exactly rhymes. My suggestion, since you're saying goodnight, then finding pillows, would be Now it's time to turn out the light! or something similar.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

This is a poem I would read to my son. *Smile* I think he would enjoy it, as he enjoys anything with a good rhythm.

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
24
24
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Rainbowapple,

I thought I'd return the review favor! *Smile*

*Star* Strengths *Star*

You state yourself intelligently and in a way that makes me understand what you've gone through in your life.

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

I only found one major technical flaw:

to prevent some of tham from being Misspelling of the word them.

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

You're a very strong person who has had to overcome some adversity in your life. You explained what your disability is quite well, in a way that I would be able to understand. I thought this was a very intelligently stated look into you! *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
25
25
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello BPark,

*Star* Strengths *Star*

I like how you've made this flow from one line to the next with vivid descriptions and imagery.

October took over the moment; October took over the night,
*Star**Star**Star* Loved this line!

*Exclaim* Suggestions *Exclaim*

*Note1* There are several places where the repetition feels awkward:

L4: Repetition of the word of
L8-L10: You use the word eyes in each line, and at the end of lines 9 and 10.

The last line feels like either a word or a piece of punctuation is missing. Should it be worded, I left the boy with?

*Reading* Overall Impression *Reading*

This was a lovely read. I enjoyed the tale you told!

Thank you for sharing this!
Mel
82 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mworden