*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Get it for
Apple iOS.
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki
Review Requests: ON
1,258 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Golden Soul  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem speaks clearly about a person who you believe in the end will prevail golden soul.

I like and have enjoyed the read. Truly, you have described a beautiful person.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.

Edit:
He walks amongst the shadows
Though his soul belongs in light

(He walks amongst the shadows
though, his soul belongs in light.)


Edit:
Quiet smiles throughout the day
Overcome by thoughts at night

(He is quiet and he smiles throughout the day
and overcomes problems by thoughts at night.)

Edit:
Be strong, he cries to himself
His hand gripping the glass

(Being strong, he cries to himself.
His hand grips the glass.)

Or,

(Being strong, he cries to himself.
His hands grip the glasses.)

Comments:
These lines are not so clear to me, though, I find the lines are not expressive.

Edit:
Darkness attempts to engulf him
His mind lost in his past

(Darkness attempts to engulf him
when his mind is lost in his past.)

Comments:
These lines are not so expressive, though, I think.


Edit:
Beautiful, his soul
Crying for the light

(Beautiful is his soul
cries for the light.)

Comments:
These two lines are not so expressive, thought.

Edit:
Soon he shall overcome
Those invasive thoughts at night

(Soon, he shall overcome
those invasive thoughts at night.)

Edit:
Rising from the ashes
Like a Phoenix reborn

(He will rise from the ashes
like a Phoenix reborn.)

Edit:
He will stand tall and fearless
His spirit no longer torn

(He will stand tall and fearless
and his spirit will no longer tear.)

Edit:
Growing from this journey
Though the darkness took its toll

(Growing from this journey
the darkness took its toll.)

Comments:
Though these lines are not expressive, the point is not clear to me.

Edit:
In the end, he will prevail
That precious golden soul

(In the end, he will prevail
that precious golden soul.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1258/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Indeed, this is a nice article; advice for making a good living is appreciable for a moral, ethical, and healthy living. I like and have enjoyed the read.


But, I do not like the style of presentation of the article as I do not like the last advice for I think it is somewhat dubious and I think it is not an advice so appreciable for it is not clear to me in right perspective of the advice you wish to prescribe.


Title of the article is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of an article maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Edit:
Stuff I want to tell the whole world
(Stuff I Want to Tell the Whole World)


Edit:
Stay true to yourself. ...
Do what you love--not what you're told to love. ...
Create an environment that's right for you. ...
Choose your friends wisely. ...
Develop positive habits. ...
Create certainty and leave room for uncertainty. ...
Be vulnerable.

(Stay true to yourself.)
(Do what you love, not what you are told to love.)
(Create an environment that is right for you.)
(Choose your friends wisely.)
(Develop positive habits.)
(Create certainty and leave room for uncertainty.)
(Be vulnerable.)


Please check, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions as edits in the brackets as above and comments, you are free to accept or reject any.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this article with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1257/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a fantastic poem, indeed on an uncommon subject; I have enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
when pure innocence of a child is later shattered
(When pure innocence of a child is later shattered?)

Or,
(When is pure innocence of a child later shattered?)


Edit:
Pure and untouched
my mind was innocent
free of fear and anger
filled with joy and happiness

(Pure and untouched
my mind was innocent.
Free of fear and anger
but, filled with joy and happiness.)

Or,

(Free of fear and anger
but, mind was filled with joy and happiness.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.


Edit:
Strong and steady
my heart was innocent
free of hurt and betrayal
filled with love and honesty

(Strong and steady
my heart was innocent.
Free of hurt and betrayal
but, filled with love and honesty.)

Or,

(Free of hurt and betrayal
but, my heart was filled with love and honesty.)

Comments:
These lines are clearer or more expressive.


Edit:
Carefree and happy
my soul was innocent
free of thieves and murderers
filled with light and laughter

(Carefree and happy
my soul was innocent.
Free of thieves and murderers
but, filled with light and laughter.)

Or,

(Free of thieves and murderers
but, my soul was filled with light and laughter.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.


Edit:
Torn and raped
my mind became unworthy
lost its joy and happiness
filled with fear and anger

(Torn and raped
my mind became unworthy.
Lost its joy and happiness
but, filled with fear and anger.)

Or,
(Lost my mind joy and happiness
for it was filled with fear and anger.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Edit:
Weak and unstable
my heart became unworthy
lost its love and honesty
filled with hurt and betrayal

(Weak and unstable
my heart became unworthy.
Lost its love and honesty
but, filled with hurt and betrayal.)

Or,

(Lost its love and honesty
for my heart was filled with hurt and betrayal.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Edit:
Stolen and murdered
my soul became unworthy
lost its light and laughter
only a black void to fill its spot

(Stolen and murdered
my soul became unworthy.
Lost its light and laughter
but, there was only a black void to fill its spot.)

Or,

(Lost its light and laughter
my soul had only a black void to fill its spot.)

Comments:
These lines are more expressive.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes to help readers to understand your work better.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in November, 2002 and I am proud that my review is the seventeenth of your poem written and sent today in about seventeen years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1256/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Interesting, really the beginning of this fiction has a good catch and the middle is well spread and expressed and the ending is fantastic.


I have enjoyed the read; the flow of thoughts is free and spontaneous, and the dramatic end and the revelation of the mystery, and the plot development in sequences to reveal the truth and get enjoyment in the read.


But, I could not enjoy fully for in the following lines I could not remember or visualize or identify the speakers and listeners:

"Little Brother, that's a bull in a china shop."

"Oh, you heard it too."


And I could not enjoy the following line:
"We'll go into the attic and I'll prove it."


Comments:
A writer knows his or her subject, he gets pleasure and enjoyment in the read, but I could not enjoy reading the aforesaid lines. So, I think these lines are not clear to me. Moreover, assumption is a time consuming process and being a reader I do not like to re-read each line to continue getting enjoyment from or in the read. As you have not explained or mentioned the status of the characters.

A writer is expected to help readers understand the sentences and enjoy the read, you know time is precious, and a reader may not be interested to invest time in assumption or presumption, I think writing is expected to be free and simple, easy to understand and follow.

I understand but, the following line does not make an expressive sentence:
"Animal control to get the squirrels out of our attic."


Comments:
The speaker is not properly addressed and the sentence itself is not expressed correctly. And it is not a correct or complete sentence grammatically.


The matter is easy, sentence is easy, expression is easy and everything is easy to the writer and being a reader I do not find it is easy and well expressed.


You would appreciate, time is limited and precious, a reader invests time in the read only if he or she finds interest or gets enjoyment in the read; you know a writing on public read and review does not limit to only writer’s own or self-joy, self-entertainment or self-enjoyment but a writer is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment or entertainment at the same time.


For example, in the following lines, I think, it is not easy to identify the characters or speakers and it is not easy to continue keeping interest in the read, because you have not introduced the characters or speakers or listeners:
"No!" She jerked her arm from his grasp. "I'm not going into the attic. If you want to go up there you can."


Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable.


Please check, I have humbly and honestly offered some comments within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments.


I feel good in writing this review of your fiction which was created in June, 2016 and I am proud that my review is the fifth one of your fiction written and sent today in about four years after creation of your fiction.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fantastic fiction with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1255/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of The Necklace  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, this is a good fiction you have done and it is interesting, as the taletelling is good enough about a necklace, marriage and decision for a marriage.


I appreciate your keen endeavour in production of this fiction so nicely, for I find there is good flow of thoughts, and I think, after a little editing, you can make it a wonderful, meaningful, interesting and fantastic fiction.


But, I could not enjoy reading the work in full. Sometime, I had to stop or pause for getting into the meaning, while you have written everything nicely, but you have dramatized the work without clearly mentioning the narrator or character or characters or speakers.


I could not understand the speakers in the following sentences:
“Boys!”
“Girls!” he laughed, “I doubt that I’ll be marrying Kate someday.”
“Then why are you going out with her?”
“She’s cute! I plan on going out with lots of girls before I get married!”


Comments:
Who is the speaker speaking “Boys!”
And who is the speaker speaking this sentence: “Girls!” he laughed, “I doubt that I’ll be marrying Kate someday.”


I think it is not good that readers should assume and revise or re-read the sentences because, time is precious, and readers may not have enjoyment in the read.


Besides, I cannot identify the speaker hereunder:
“Then why are you going out with her?”


You know a reader like me has no time to assume or presume over anything, even if he or she understands the matter. I think it is not good that a reader may be forced to read anything. And a writer does not like to force readers to get enjoyment in using time for assumption for appreciation of the sentences.


Again, it is not so easy to understand the speaker and relate the subject or matter keeping in memory everything read, for example, in the following sentence:

“She’s cute! I plan on going out with lots of girls before I get married!”


Further, I did not feel it right to assume or presume about the speaker of the following line, for time is precious:
“Thank you for that. I’ll remind you of this conversation when you’re sixteen.”


Comments:
It is good that a writer writes in his or her own style, he writes correctly and he knows the subject well and he gets the enjoyment. But, I think a writing on public read and review is a public matter and a writer is not expected to think of only his own or self-joy, self-pleasure, self-enjoyment, self-pride, self-interest, self-profit or self-ego about the writing, at the same time he is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment or entertainment, for it is common sense, a writer does not write only for self-enjoyment for he understands what he writes, the point is the writing is expected to be enjoyed, understood by readers.

Everything is right, but the examples given are not expressive, so I could not get pleasure in the read.


Comments:
In the following lines, I fail to relate the subject to the theme because I could not assume or find out the actual speakers and listeners:
“Yeah, but that was a dress not a person.”

“A dress you’ll wear a few times. Once you marry, you’re stuck with that person forever!”

Because, there are more than two speakers and listeners, and it is not easy to identify a speaker or listener in the above lines.

I find you have not maintained the voices properly and grammatically.

Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the fiction in essence.

I know my limitations, you are free to accept or reject any of the comments or advice I have humbly offered in terms of expressiveness of the work. I have avoided offering edits to bore you, so I have tried to offer my opinion, view and point of view about your expression.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1254/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of "THE ROBE"  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic poem, I like and enjoyed the read. The robe is praised.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
"THE ROBE"
(The Robe)

Comments:
There is no hard and fast rule that a title must or should not be written in all capital letters, and further there is no grammatical rule or restriction that a title of a work should not be written in all capital letters, a poet is free to write title of a poem all in capital letters, but I know practice is different; only title of an acrostic poem for need and essence title can be written all in capital letters, and this is not an acrostic poem, and there is no need of importance and relevance of each letter to be written in capital letter, for example, if this was an acrostic poem, this title may have been written as THE ROBE when each line of the poem should have begun with each letter – T, H, E, R, O, B, E and where each line had started with a capital letter.

Besides, there is no need of using double inverted comma to highlight a title of a poem, because this is not grammatically correct.

Edit:
I see a drape robe that's drape to the floor
I vision JESUS holding and taking me into
his arms around me draped in the robe.

(I see a drape robe that is drape to the floor.
I visualize Jesus is holding and taking me
In his arms around me draped in the robe.)


Edit and comments:
It's drape on JESUS shoulders all the way

down to his feet.

(Its drape on Jesus shoulders all the way

down to his feet.)


Comments:
Jesus is the name of our Lord and it is known to all, I think there is no need to write the name of our Lord all in capital letters to highlight, for by writing the name of our Lord all in capital letters we cannot give or endow nothing or we add nothing to the name additionally or extra.


Edit and comments:
I noticed I'm clothed with warmth the warmth

of his love carefully in the drape of his

loving GRACE and PEACE and his MERCY.

The PROTECTION for me in this earthly realm

each and everyday of my life.

(I noticed I am clothed with warmth the warmth
of his love carefully in the drape of his
loving Grace and Peace and his Mercy.
The protection for me in this earthly realm
is each and every day of my life.)


Comments:
There is no need of use of all capital letters for highlighting some important words as you think.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Do, Everything Is Possible! Write To Keep It Readable For Years! My R No.1253/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of To My Door .I.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a thought, visualization, intense feeling and interesting emotion! You have expressed your feeling in praise of your house door.


I like and have enjoyed the read. I liked much the monologue flavour of expression of your feelings about the door in appreciation of your feeling in action relation with the door.


I enjoyed the free flow of thoughts, taletelling, metaphoric colours, dramatic manifestation, the word imagery and the word visuals.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.


Edit:
How can I live without you?
For my hand clasps your knob with a caress
to tug you taut like a lifesaver,
and when I feel you behind me,
you welcome me,
you, an alchemist brewing
remedial potions for dark times,
keeping me private and secure,
and standing guard
while I change clothes and sorrows,
as I suffer my concussions from life.

(How I could live without you!
For my fingers clasp your knob with a caress
to tug you taut like a lifesaver
and when I feel you behind me
you welcome me.
You, an alchemist brewing
remedial potions for my dark times
keeping me private and secure
and standing guard
while I change clothes and sorrows
as I suffer my concussions from life.)


Edit:
How do you circumvent self-imposed limitations?
For you are neither ornate nor grand;
yet, polishing your uppercut,
you cover up for me when I smuggle
the poetry of my nakedness
inside small spiral notebooks,
but unlike hypocritical lovers,
you maintain your stance
without promises
or slippery adulation.

(How you could circumvent your self-imposed limitations!
For you are neither ornate nor grand
yet, polishing your uppercut.
You cover up for me when I smuggle
poetry of my nakedness
inside small spiral notebooks.
But, unlike hypocritical lovers
you maintain your stance
with no promises
or slippery adulation.)


Edit:
How do you find such generosity?
For, when I hold you open,
you offer traces of a dream,
in spite of my deficient life,
to encourage me to step
out of turbulent thoughts
and my keyboard’s jabber,
to face what it takes
to be me.

(How you would find such generosity!
For, when I hold you open
you offer traces of a dream
in spite of my deficient life
to encourage me to step
out of turbulent thoughts
and my keyboard’s jabber
to face what it takes
to be me of myself.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in September, 2005 and I am proud that my review is the eleventh one of your poem written and sent today in about fourteen years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1251/S 19102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Air Between  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Philosophical!


I like this poem expressed in a philosophical term of appreciation about existence and survival in the spirit and stand of friendship and relation, as we out of anger often break relationships and later we regret after madly action distorting relations hoping for or in greed of instant profit in selfish greed of gains temporarily.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, clear, expressive, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem but metaphorically in essence.


Edit:
Face against the wall; dim lights rise.

For what it's worth, skies were not blackened
Yet still it lingers below the dirt;
In the air between.

أول الغضب جنون وآخره ندم
1

Up against the wall; faint sparks rise.

The end of this world was never further
Yet never closer inside the blaze;
In the air between.

لا شيء حقيقي كل شيء نسبي
2

What will remain in the air between,
But traces in the air and in the dark?

Nothing more, evermore,
Nothing, no, nevermore.
Nothing forevermore.


Edit:
(Face against the wall; dim lights rise.
For what it's worth the skies were not blackened
yet, still it lingers below the dirt
in the air between.)

أول الغضب جنون وآخره ندم



Edit:
(Up against the wall, faint sparks rise.
The end of this world was never further.
Yet, never it is closer inside the blaze
in the air between.)

لا شيء حقيقي كل شيء نسبي
2


Edit:
(What will remain in the air between
but, traces in the air and in the dark?)


Edit:
(Nothing more, evermore.
No, nothing and nevermore.
No, nothing and forevermore.)



Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions, and changed some words, and corrected some lines, and or sentences of the poem, grammatically, within my limited knowledge, in order to encourage you, in terms of better expression; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions or advice as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1250/F-18102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of I Think Of You  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent!

This is a great work of poem.
I like this poem with rhymes and enjoyed the emotional love taletelling - loving thoughts about someone you love, the free flow of loving thoughts, the word imagery, the word visuals, the rhythm of thoughts, the simple art and style of expression, and the clarity of thematic expression.

Title of the poem is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, the title relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence and in summation.

Edit:
I Think Of You
(I Think of You)

Edit:
I think of you
During each passing day
Clinging to my thoughts
Praying that you'll stay

I think of you
At night when in bed
So many emotions
All rushing through my head

I think of you
As I sit in the sun
Daydreaming of us
Together as one

I think of you
As I stare at the moon
Wishing everyday
That you'll be here with me soon

I think of you
Almost all of the time
The distance between us
Feels like a crime

Your warm embrace
Your loving touch
My heart is aching
I need you so much

I think of you
And your heart of pure gold
And I know that in time
Our story shall unfold


(I think of you
during each passing day
clinging to my thoughts
praying that you will stay.)


(I think of you
at night when in bed
so many emotions
rushing through my head.)


(I think of you
as I sit in the sun
daydreaming of us
together as one.)


(I think of you
as I stare at the moon
wishing every day
that you will be here with me soon.)


(I think of you
almost all of the time
the distance between us
feels like a crime.)


(Your warm embrace
your loving touch
my heart is aching
I need you so much.)


(I think of you
and your heart of pure gold
and I know that in time
our story shall unfold.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly and honestly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits given in the brackets as above for smoother, more expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used any Author’s Notes to help readers.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this wonderful poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1249/F-18102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Counting Stars  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, this is a fantastic poem about your forgotten dreams and about experiences of feeling the impacts of light and darkness in courses of living and about your connections in living and about your achievements and hopes, aspirations, wishes, aims and targets in living and experiences of living with failures and successes, and feelings and emotions in living a righteous state of living in appreciation, and about self-evaluation of performance achievements in living.


I liked most the following lines:
God’s precious gift not to be wasted
Dreams like mine must become real


I liked and enjoyed the read.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2014 and I am proud that my review is the fourth one of your poem written in about six years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1246/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of New Job  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

This is a nice flash fiction about a discussion about getting a new job with high pay about the newly discovered galaxies.

Title of the fiction is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a fiction maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the fiction.


Edit:
“Exactly! We tool around in these undiscovered places, we get to be the first ones to ever see em, and we get paid for it!” Alex said excitedly.

(“We tool around in these undiscovered places, we get to be the first ones to ever see them, and we get paid for it, really!” Alex said excitedly.)


Edit:
“Boring? No! This is one sweet gig!”
(“Boring? No, this is one sweet gig!”)

Edit:
“OK, so a couple months, yeah, but then our bank accounts will be bulging! We can party hardy!”

(“OK, so, a couple months, yeah, but then our bank accounts will be bulging! We can party golden!”)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the fiction grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your fiction.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in April, 2017 and I am proud that my review is the second one of your fiction written in about two years after creation of your fiction.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1244/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lesson about writer’s cache, an activity task for the learners of a course.

I have enjoyed the read of the fiction on lesson about writer’s cache, and about a family discussion and interaction between couple about their state of family living affairs.

Title of the lesson activity is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a lesson activity maybe in addition, clear, compact and complete.

Edit:
She stands in the middle of our living room, arms at her sides, a suitcase at her feet. I can’t think of a thing to say.

(She stands in the middle of our living room, laying arms at her sides and keeping a suitcase at her feet. I cannot think of a thing to say her.)

Edit:
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it’s come to this.” Her eyes look down at her hands. She twists the scarf repeatedly as though it were a Rubik cube puzzle needing an answer.

(“For what worth it is, I am sorry it has come to this.” Her eyes look down at her hands. She twists the scarf repeatedly as if it were a Rubik cube puzzle needing an answer.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your lesson. You have not used Author’s Notes.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in December, 2008 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your lesson written in about twelve years after creation of the lesson.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this lesson with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1243/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Longing.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like your poem; I have enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, and the word visuals.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Longing.
(Longing)

Edit:
I long for the sweet and tender softness of your lips.
The smoothness of your skin under my hand.
Your breath warm against the side of my neck.
The stormy and dark beauty of your eyes as they pierce my soul.
The way your words destroy the walls around my heart.

I long to be released from this cage.
Held captive by my choices.
A prisoner in my head because I was too weak to fight.
Too scared to make the attempt.

I long for a heaven I will never enter.


(I long for sweet and tender softness of your lips.
I long for smoothness of your skin under my hand.
I long for your breath warm against the side of my neck.
I long for stormy and dark beauty of your eyes as they pierce my soul.
I long for the way your words destroy the walls around my heart.

I long for to be released from this cage.
I wish to be held captive by my choices.
I wish to be a prisoner in my head because I am too weak to fight.
I wish not to be too scared to make the attempt.

I long for heaven I will never enter in.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1242/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I have read a nice poem and enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.

You have dreamt many dreams about playing different games and seen in the dreams how you have played like world popular players and won many games and shouted in the dreams and enjoyed how people or fans shouted at you at your wins and how much you felt proud of your achievements, all you have expressed clearly in the poem.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
I dream that he is me
(I Dream That He is Me)

Edit:
what child athletes think while playing, with a Women's World Cup shout out at the end.
(What children athletes think while playing with a Women's World Cup shout out at the end?)

Edit:
Sometimes I dream that the
whole world's eyes are on me.
I throw a baseball in the air.
Sometimes it goes a mile onto
Waveland Avenue or Big Mac Land,
Both our neighbor's back yard.
I see myself soaring through the air,
just like Mike.
Or shooting two for IU
stopping to turn on the
Assembly Hall lights in our garage.
On a clear, crisp autumn day,
I grab the football and start to run
making my way through a pack of invisible linemen.
I am Peyton, Emmitt, Unit,
Elway, Shaq or Maddux,
Or even someone really neat,
I am that big kid down the street.
Sometimes I see that spotted ball,
I dream that I am streaking down the
field, guiding the ball with my feet,
I aim for a net of picket fence,
I run, I kick and it goes through.
Sometimes I dream
That she is me.


(Sometimes I dream
whole world's eyes are on me.
I throw a baseball in the air and
sometimes, it goes a mile onto
Waveland Avenue or Big Mac Land
both are our neighbor's back yards.)


(I see myself soaring through the air
just like Mike, or shooting at two for IU
stopping to turn on the
Assembly Hall lights in our garage.)


(On a clear, crisp autumn day
I grab the football and start to run
making my way through a pack of invisible linemen.)


(I am Peyton, Emmitt, Unit,
Elway, Shaq or Maddux, or even
someone really neat,
I am that big kid down the street.)


(Sometimes, I see that spotted ball.
I dream that I am streaking down the
field, guiding the ball with my feet.)


(I aim for a net of picket fence.
I run, I kick and it goes through.
Sometimes, I dream
that she is me.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words, and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem. You have not used Author’s Notes.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1241/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good article on this site or writing community www.writing.com. I like it. I have enjoyed the read.

Title of the article is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of an article maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the article.

Edit:
My feelings at first glance
(My Feelings at First Glance)

Edit:
After seeing somethings about this literary platform, I understand very easily that TheStoryMistress is the soul of this community. I convey my regards and respect to her . I also want to convey my good wishes to the entire team rather family.

(After seeing something about this literary writing platform, I understand very easily that TheStoryMistress is the soul of this community. I convey my regards and respect to her. I also want to convey my good wishes to the entire team, rather the writing family.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the article grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your article.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this article with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1240/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of The Letter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good flash fiction. I like it much for it is so simple, clear and straightforward in taletelling – writing a handwritten letter to your friend Barbara, and I enjoyed the read, and the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the fiction is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the fiction.

Edit:
Cleaning, I came across an old letter from a lifelong friend. It suddenly occurred to me I hadn’t heard from her in a while. I knew they were getting organized to move, she was probably really busy. Then and there, I decided I’d surprise her with a handwritten letter!

I haven’t written a letter by hand in eons! She always does, still being more comfortable with paper and pen than computer. Getting an actual letter might be just the treat she needs during a hectic time like moving.

Well, the first thing I needed was a pen. All my notes go directly on my phone. Who needs a pen? I actually found three that had dried up before I found one that worked. Now paper. Too tacky to use printer paper... right? That search was even harder than the pen. But a stroke of luck, an old pad, down in the bottom of a closet.

Pen in hand, coffee nearby. “Dear Barbara,” I start. “How are you? I am fine.” A joke between us, because we actually started letters like that when we were children just learning to print. (Our mothers were friends.)

I began with newsy stuff, questions about how the project was going, if they knew when they were moving. You know, an actual, old fashioned, letter.

Sipping my coffee, I decided to re-read what I wrote. Well, I tried... I couldn’t read my own handwriting, even though I knew what it said! I used to have lovely handwriting. Well, readable anyway.

So, Barbara ended up getting another email. Probably just as well, I had no idea if I could find an envelope, let alone a stamp? For better or for worse, I now know, I’m totally done with handwritten letters! (That actually made me smile...)


(While cleaning my room, I came across an old letter from a lifelong friend. It suddenly occurred to me that I had not heard from her in a while. I knew they were getting organized to move, I thought she was probably really busy. Then and there, I decided I would surprise her with a handwritten letter!)


(I have not written a letter by hand in eons. She always does, still she is more comfortable with paper and pen than computer. Getting an actual letter might be just the treat she needs during a hectic time like her moving.)


(Well, the first thing I needed was a pen. All my notes go directly on my mobile phone. Who needs a pen? I actually found three that had dried up before I found one that worked for writing. Now paper. It was too tacky to use printer paper, right? That search was even harder than the pen. But, a stroke of luck, an old pad, down in the bottom of a closet, I found or discovered.)


(Pen in hand, I had my coffee nearby. “Dear Barbara,” I start. “How are you? I am fine.” It was a joke between us, because we actually started writing letters like that when we were children, when we were just learning to print. (Our mothers were friends.) )


(I began with newsy stuff, questions about how the project was going, if they knew when they were moving. You know, an actual, old fashioned, letter, I started writing.)


(Sipping my coffee, I decided to re-read what I wrote. Well, I tried. But, I could not read my own handwriting, even though I knew what it said. I used to have lovely handwriting. Well, it was readable anyway.)


(So, Barbara ended up getting another email. Probably just as well, I had no idea if I could find an envelope, let alone a stamp. For better or for worse, I now know, I am totally done with handwritten letters. (That actually made me smile.) )


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the fiction grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your fiction.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1239/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of my friend  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Truly nice, this is a simple poem of love and care; I have enjoyed the read, and the free flow of thoughts, the word imagery and the word visuals and peoples’ love and care to your husband’s aunt.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, clear, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in essence.

Edit:
my friend
(My Friend)

Edit:
this is a poem about my husbands aunt which I dearly loved.
(This is a poem about my husband’s aunt whom I dearly loved.)

Edit:
She was all alone and up in age,
She loved her church it was all the rage.
She suffered badly she was deeply depressed.
A widow without child she needed to rest.
She stopped going to church, fore she was in pain
The only people who helped had something to gain.
But one Christian woman showed she was a friend.
She waited on her until the end.
The tears she shed where upon them who turned in those final days.

(She was all alone and up in age.
She loved her church, it was all the rage.
She suffered badly and she was deeply depressed.
A widow without child, she needed to rest.
She stopped going to church, fore she was in pain.
People who only helped had something to gain.
But, one Christian woman showed she was a friend.
She waited on her until her end.
Tears she shed were upon them who turned in her final days.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in October, 2014 and I am proud that my review is the eighth one of your poem written in about five years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1238/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Spaces  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do appreciate your endeavour in composing this poem, I like the theme you wanted to convey, but I find, I could not reach your thoughts clearly, fully or completely, and I could not enjoy the read, but I liked the word visuals, rhythms of thoughts, as if I find some grave or vital part of the concept is missing.


I like the philosophical view that you have tried to inject in your work and the expression has been subtle and I think as a whole the poem has gone over my head and I fail to catch the inner essence of the theme of the poem in term of enjoyment in the read.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, clear, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem in a subjective order.


Edit and comments:
It's raining.
There's solace in the sound.
My mind's afire,
but the rain is soothing.

You lie,
I sit.

You there,
I here.

Separate,
alone,
apart,
having touched
but never clasped!

I would have given ALL
to protect you-
to keep you safe.

But such things as these
are not,
nor have they ever been,
in the spaces where
life actually occurs!

(It's raining.
There's solace in the sound.
My mind is afire
but the rain is soothing.

You lie
and I sit.

You are there
and I am here.

Separate,
alone,
apart
having touched
but, never clasped.

I would have given my all
to protect you
to keep you safe.

But, such things as these
are not, nor
have they ever been
in the spaces where
life actually occurs.)


Comments:
Inexpressive is there in the poem, as it is evident, narration is confusing and incomplete, particularly in the following phrases ‘Separate, alone, apart having touched but, never clasped.’

And the last stanza is completely confusing, your point is not clear, I think, something is missing.

I appreciate your endeavour, you have really done a good poem but, it is inexpressive, so I could not get full enjoyment in the read.

It is always good to share a poem on public read and review, and I think you have achieved your own or self-joy, self-enjoyment from your work but what about readers’ enjoyment from the read, maybe it is my inability to understand you within my limited level of intelligence or knowledge.

I think a writer is known by the readers and become popular at the enjoyment or entertainment readers get from read of the work.

It is true that the poem has a philosophical viewpoint about living and I could not enjoy it fully within my limited knowledge of philosophy put into practice of writing a poem.

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in October, 2007 and I am proud that my review is the fifth one of your poem I have written in about twelve years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1236/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Power Stems  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is good to learn once more that flowers have glory and power of their own as Nature provides and gifts the offer; you travel enough, visit places and have experienced and felt the truth, the power and glory flowers gift through their beauty of Nature.


I liked and enjoyed the read, the rhymes, the word imagery and word visuals, and good use of the required words for the contest.


But, the theme is not quite clear, and the point of view, and I think you need to write at least a word to help readers to understand and get into the theme fully, rightly, clearly and completely.


Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit and comments:
Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest;
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride,
Switzerland, Germany, Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep,
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high,
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and a warmth to retain.


(Venlo, Holland, the site of Floriade:
look at the beauty that nature has made.
Every ten years blooms a flowering fest
we now admire what nature does best.
On down the river past castles we ride
Switzerland, Germany, and Dutch countryside.
Look at the colors so vivid and deep
rousing in spring from a long winter sleep.
Far from the Alps with a glacier on high
tulips and lilies recapture the eye.
Neither strong storm nor a shipwreck on Rhine,
shall ever uproot the glory we find.
So, international, flowers remain
joy to the heart and warmth to retain.)


Comments:
The theme is not clear and I find there is inexpressiveness in the lines of the poem; I have just tried to make it expressive. I think, you need to flesh and add some words to make the poem wholly or fully understood for appreciation.


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.


It is always good to add a word in Author’s Notes to help readers to understand and appreciate a work.


A writer is expected to think of readers’ enjoyment from the read. I think it is not wise to write something and place on public read and review only for writer’s own or self-pleasure, self-joy, self-pride or self-enjoyment.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2012 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your poem in about eight years after creation of your poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1235/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Same Old Henry  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A nice refreshing story it is, indeed, I liked.

It is easy to relate the taletelling to anyone’s life.

Friends meet unexpectedly after about a decade, they share their memories. There is no commendable or noticeable change in your friend Henry. Though, they refreshed their memories and shared a lot of facts reluctantly and happily. That nature or habit does not change in man for years.

I liked and enjoyed the read, the beginning and the end.

Title of the short story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a short story maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the short story.


Edit:
"What's it been, Henry? Ten years? Twelve? You haven't changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.

("What has it been, Henry? Ten, twelve years, right? You have not changed a bit," said Trevor, glancing at his childhood friend in the rearview mirror.)


Edit:
As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here's good."

(As they approached 38th, Henry tapped on the plexiglass and motioned for toward another left. When a railway overpass appeared through the windshield, he said, "Here it is good.")


Edit:
Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, then the interior fell dark.

(Sparks from the cab's radio provided fitful light for a few more seconds, and then the interior fell dark.)


Edit:
"Yeah - you haven't changed a bit."
("My God, you haven't changed a bit.")


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words of the short story grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your short story.


I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in February, 2010 and I am proud that my review is the third one of your short story written in about a decade after creation of your short story.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fantastic short story with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1234/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Afterglow  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love’s glow in appreciation! Afterglow in praise!

A dedicated, selfless and unconditional lover finds love’s glow every moment of living in love, and gets as well enjoys the incessant spread and influence of glow.

Lover brings light like dawn to your dark world and finds illumination all moments thereafter and makes your life glowing.

Even today lover has left but in the twilight love’s glow lives on in your heart and you enjoy glow of love moments thereafter.

I like the poem tells about the spirit, power and energy you enjoy love’s glow and afterglow when lover leaves.

I enjoyed the read, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals and the word imagery.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, clear, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Now, you've left me
and even in the twilight,
the glow of you lives on
in my heart.

(Now, you have left me,
and even in the twilight, the
glow of you lives on
in my heart.)

I have humbly offered some suggestions; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in May, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the twenty-first of your poem written in about a decade after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1232/T-17102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent poem about wishing happy birthday to someone and making fun in conversation with the person in monologue.


I liked and enjoyed the read, the rhymes and the word imagery.


Title of the poem is good enough, descriptive, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, correct, appropriate, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1230/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
It is nice to know you are happy keeping your heart under lock and key, saved from the world outside and you know your heart is protected from a fall as it is hidden in shadows.

I liked the poem and enjoyed the read, the word visuals and the word imagery as well the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, correct, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
in shadows it is hidden
(In shadows the heart is hidden.)


Edit:
No air, no sun,
in shadows
it is hidden.

(No air, no sun,
in shadows
the heart is hidden.)

Edit:
No kisses, no hugs,
no "I love you's"
color its soul at all.

(No kisses, no hugs,
no ‘I love yous’
color its soul at all.)


Edit:
Precautions carefully taken
to protect it
from a fall.

(Precautions have carefully been taken
to protect my heart
from a fall.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in March, 2004 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem written in about sixteen years after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1229/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem about remembering of her lasting imperfect impressions as you remember her upon your rose coloured glasses that has a scratch, I liked the taletelling of remembering of her relation in term of her impressions while finding your impression on mirror.

I enjoyed reading the word visuals and the word imagery and the free flow of thoughts.

Title of the poem is significant, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the poem about someone’s impressions.


Edit:
like a chip on the edge of your glasses
(Like a chip on the edge of your glasses)


Edit:
Of all the lasting impressions
life has left upon the mirror of my soul,
I only think of you with a shudder
and a scratch upon my rose colored glasses.

(Of all the lasting impressions
life has left upon the mirror of my soul, but
I only think of you with a shudder and
a scratch upon my rose colored glasses.)


Edit:
Life has left upon the mirror of my soul
images and memories, smiles and tears.
Small fingerprints, laughter and maybe a few fears.
In hindsight, more sun than rain.

(Life has left upon the mirror of my soul the
images and memories, smiles and tears
small fingerprints, laughter and fears
in hindsight, more sun than rain.)


Edit:
I only think of you with a shudder,
the kind of ghost-on-grave walking
they used to attribute a shiver to,
in days of yore and superstition.

(I only think of you with a shudder the
kind of ghost-on-grave walking they
used to attribute a shiver to, in
days of yore and superstition.)


Edit:
A scratch upon my rose colored glasses,
mostly easy to look through.
I shan't polish you away,
but remember you as imperfection.

(A scratch upon my rose colored glasses
mostly easy to look through.
I shall not polish you away
but, remember you as imperfection.)

Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the poem grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the comments and suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your poem.

I feel good in writing this review of your poem which was created in January, 2009 and I am proud that my review is the first one of your poem written in about a decade after creation of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1227/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You were going to Budapest by train; you thought she was sitting beside you, you felt her presence and felt her long black hair on your shoulder, you were watching outside through window and you looked into her big brown eyes and you thought of living with her and she stared back into your eyes and thought how could you live her life.


This is a good monologue about living a life with her; you continued thinking of her in the train.
I liked the monologue and enjoyed the read.


Title of the story is significant, and appropriate, if not catchy; I expect a title of a poem maybe in addition, complete, attention-drawing, captivating, tricky, and or unforgettable. Though, it relates to the theme and the thematic appreciation of the story.


Edit:
On the Train I imagine you
(On the Train I Imagine You)


Edit:
The seat cracked; nobody beside me.
(The seat cracked; there was nobody beside me.)


Edit:
I look into your big brown eyes and see the what ifs.
(I look into your big brown eyes and see what ifs.)


Edit:
You could live like that but it’s not your life.
(You could live like that but it was not your life.)


Edit:
You stare back into my eyes; not our life.
(You stare back into my eyes, not our lives.)


Edit:
And the train’s horn cries out like a battle cry; Final stop, Budapest is next…
(And the train’s horn cries out like a battle cry; the final stop comes, Budapest is next.)


Please check, I think it is necessary to help you, I have humbly offered some suggestions and changed some words and corrected some lines and sentences of the story grammatically; you are free to accept or reject any of the suggestions as edits in the brackets as above for smoother, expressive and more pleasant read of your story.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing! Write Anything That May Be Readable For Years! My R No.1226/W-16102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by NightMaryann



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
867 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 35 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/myguruvalmiki