I am reviewing your "Lillian" in the "Rockin' PDG Gift Station" as a student in the "PDG Newbie Rockin' Review Academy. These are just my observations about your work, and you should take what you find useful and disregard the rest.
Summary: What a great story. How you can take lawyers and make them human amazes me. And to boot, give them humor and personality. I followed along with this story anticipating the ending and somewhat surprised although pleasantly at how it ended. You injected wit and humor what otherwise would have been a serious subject, wrongful termination. Throw in a bit of a love story and you've hit your mark. I truly fell in love with the main character, Thom and the secondary character,his friend, Blake. Both had unique and strange personalities that made me want to get to know them better. Your description of the female lawyer as a Howitzer in high heals...just floored me. You have a great skill for injecting comedy into stories to make them light, laughable and enjoyable to read.
What I Liked: Your dialog. Witty, funny and real. I could see the bar and the two friends sitting back with drinks in hand and just shooting the breeze.
Setting: Wonderful descriptive setting. Every step of the way through this story I could see the characters, I walked with them through the offices and the bar and could envision the humorous way they perceived their surroundings.
Character: Strong and believable characters. Colorful and somewhat odd...uniquely out of the norm.
Punct/Spelling/Grammar:No apparent structural errors.
Flow:Quick, fast paced and funny through out. No awkward pauses or transitions.
Suggestions: Just one. In the dialog between Thom, Beth and Lillian some areas appeared a little rushed and at times confusing as to who was talking with who. I had to re-read this area several times to keep straight what was going on..who was talking, who was asking questions and distinguish a phone conversation in the mix. Perhaps a little clarity here would make the story a little clearer.
Overall: Funny, witty and entertaining. Loved the story, the dialog and the characters. I found myself laughing at the reality of the conversation between Blake and Thom and felt that I was sitting with them at the bar witness to their bawdy humor. Realistically they could be friends of mine...
Your descriptive characterization is wonderful. Each character was given personality that the reader could relate to and envision. This is a great story and I enjoyed reading it. Can't wait to read more of your wonderful work.
Write on and write happily.
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