hello! Okay, I do realize that English is not your first language, or it appears this way. You have the bones of a good story here, but it is disjointed and fragmented. You need sentence structure, and proper periods and punctuation. There are a few spelling errors, too. First love can be sudden, and mind-boggling, this is so true.
Hello! This piece of writing is whimsical, and vibrant. Yes, there are times we do wonder about the people we see on our periphery. Who are they? What do they do? Your descriptions are beautiful. I especially like your depiction of this mystery woman on a porch as a butterfly/gypsy who is content to sit amongst her flowers.
Hello! Yes, reading about the past exploits of others seems so magical because our lives differ so greatly. You hint at past life memories, too. I like this, It's intriguing.
Hello! These are wonderful suggestions to fan the flames of love! They are so creative, simple, and easily done. My only thought is that you write using short forms, or text talk. You do not spell out the true words such as 'you', or 'night'.
Hello! This is a tale with a unique twist. What are the odds that these two women would meet, and so randomly? Sometimes, strangers connect. For the pieces of dialogue, I would suggest you use double quotation marks. Perhaps you meant to write 'silhouetted' when describing the kites in the sky. "We started to depart on our way" is awkward because you are repeating yourself.
Hello! The imagery you have created in this poem is beautiful. With just two words 'roots encumbered' you evoke a long, gnarled history. I can picture rowers as "streaks of vibrant colours" on the water. Nice to compare physical prowess to writing and music. This is simple and clever.
Hello! I have an autistic cousin, so I can relate to this story. He too loses his thoughts and lacks concentration skills. Time gets away from him, too. You have a great storyline here. Your grammar needs some help, but it's nothing major. Your first sentence for example could be split into three separate sentences with some periods. You don't have to change the wording at all to do this. It should be "plenty of ideas." "Being impatient is a trait Duncan often shows." "He is supposed to be good at everything." The wording where you describe Duncan's pride is awkward, too. That entire sentence is a run-on one and could be separated into several sentences.
Hello. This is a beautifully composed piece of poetry. Your spelling is good. You describe the intensity of love. It is all-consuming, and devastating.I like the imagery of the line " black and hopeless as an ocean's night."
Hello. You have created some wonderful imagery here. Yes, some would say men are more reactive and physical, thus fists. Many women choose to fight and hurt with words. I would suggest separating your piece with periods into separate sentences.
Haha teehee! I loved this. You're ignoring and arguing with Death. This is so creative. You are jaded and world weary enough to find him only slightly annoying. I like that you rope Death into being of assistance if he insists on staying. So you're already spoken for, pre-claimed.
Ah, so dying comes in stages. Haha! We hear voices everyday. Our inner self, our conscience, is always on high alert and chattering away. I laughed at the bargaining; I'll just quit smoking and give the cigarettes away. That is so true and human. Okay, okay, give me another chance. Huh, Death is a reformed smoker. Smoking made him appear to be alive. That's irony there.
This is fantastic! I like how you included destinations, highlights, and our usernames in this parody. Even the rhyming is well planned. One small note about that ; the German 'tag' is pronounced as "talk". You captured the fun and sense of camaraderie we shared.
This is so poignant, beautiful, and bittersweet. Marriage begins with such promise, yet it can wither and die. You have a way with words; you paint a moving portrait from the viewpoint of a wedding ring. If only more of these rings could find their voices.
This is a poignant poem written by an unwilling witness. Alzheimer's is the ultimate cruel thief. How can a once fully-functioning and aware brain shut down so completely? It is indeed as you write, the "long good-bye".
Haha! I love that phrase 'techno-parasite'! Technology has its good and bad aspects. Certainly, some people become addicted, and ignore real interactions in real time with real people. It is an aid, not the be all and end all. Nothing replaces physical touch, facial nuances and expressions, or actual contact/confrontation. This poem has a great flow and I like the rhyme scheme that is carried over two stanzas.
Hello! You certainly write passionately about an undeniably terrible tragedy. What were the catalysts? They could have been greed, revenge, hatred, and/or a difference of religious ideologies. It was powerful and profound. Your images are unforgettable.
Hello! This is a different topic/theme. There are a few suggestions I'd make. I'd use 'an' before 'ineffable'. Where you write about flying for miles, "Had many a miles still to fly", perhaps rewrite it as "had many a mile to fly", or "had many miles to fly". Promise doesn't need to be plural in the line "keeping every promises to sustain". I think you described the randomness of dreams well; thoughts can fly, hide, wander.
Hello! First let me say that I'm sorry for your loss; it hurts to outlive a loved one. I like your imagery. Death can be a crime; it's a permanent sentence. I like this line:"Time is trying to be kind". Grieving is a process that takes time. Sometimes, the passage of time distances/eases the pain.
Hello! This piece of writing reads like the introduction to a longer story. You describe the all-consuming need to write at the cost of sleep, and even human interaction. Distractions are annoying and they interfere with productivity. There are some quotation marks missing in spots, but this could be due to missed keys/typos. Oops another typo: "noone' should be "no one". The word 'finishing" is misspelled or mis-typed.
Hello! I was intrigued by your intro because I have two daughters as well. I've just learned a new word with this review. Interesting as Crystal is a girl's name. I like the points you make in relation to your daughters. Every child is unique and beautiful! I would suggest that you use these points to create a poem. My only criticism: use an apostrophe to show possession. It's "a father's love", and "something that's".
Hello! This is a different topic for a love poem. It certainly has the tone of a lament. Is this tongue-in-cheek? Oh, There is a typo.: I believe the correct word is 'were' instead of 'where' in this line:"where her moist crevasses".
Hello! I like the concept of your poem. If only we could 'check out' and send our brains on a vacation or a reprieve. Our brains certainly are complex, aren't they? It would also be beyond fantastic if we could communicate/visit/be with a loved one who is as you write 'far away'.
Hello! Bravo for entering a contest. I agree, WDC is a great forum! This is a heartfelt piece of poetry that displays your personality. Finding inspiration, a topic, a theme, a mood, and the right words takes determination and perspiration. I like your rhyming. My only suggestion: try using a comma instead of a period after your first line.
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